Help - How to Clean House with a 6 Month Old Who Hates Being Put Down?

Updated on October 12, 2010
T.K. asks from San Francisco, CA
53 answers

We relocated not long before I got pregnant so have no family or close friends for thousands of miles to help watch him. I was on bedrest for months before the birth so things started to pile up even then. Fast forward to 6 months later and our little guy just hates being put down in his crib or in a swing for more than 10 mins. During his naps I try to be quiet and not make much noise so as not to wake him and usually it's my only chance to eat while he sleeps (his naps are usually short, anyways). Our apt is so messy, chaotic and dirty that it's embarrassing. We can't even have ppl over. And truth be told, by the end of the day (or even 2pm), I'm utterly exhausted. By the time my husband gets home at 6pm or so, there's just nothing left of me to clean the apt.

How did other moms out there with no family nearby manage to do housework with a baby? Should I be putting him down for an hour here and there and just letting him cry? My husband says I've gotten the baby used to always being picked up/held when he frets. Hate living in a total mess - is this normal for the first year?

(I should add that I've tried wearing him and he has hated the ring sling, pouch sling, and the mei tei he only tolerates for 10 mins or so).

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Featured Answers

A.G.

answers from Pocatello on

I know said he doesn't to be worn but have you tried a back pack carrier? I had one and my baby loved it. I think she liked it cause it held her up high on my back. Like she could see over my head. So as I vacuumed, did dishes etc. she could see everything around her. I would even past her little crackers and snack to munch on while she was in it. I did always end up with crackers in my hair but it was worth it to get some work done right? But I know it's hard. Just remember he won't always be so clingy and it will get better.

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A.W.

answers from Kalamazoo on

Get a baby holder - front wrap or backpack. I used the backpack with my 2nd. I would vacuum with her in it, even cook!

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H.S.

answers from San Francisco on

We had a hiking backpack, and I resorted to putting my son in there. He was technically too small for it, so I would pack him in with towels/blankets around him, and hike him around with me while I did the cleaning. He was quiet and happy, and I got my cleaning done.

More Answers

S.J.

answers from St. Louis on

Have you tried other baby carriers? Baby bjorn, ergo, moby....try them on and see what works for you. I was lucky my kids all liked the swing for 20-30 minutes at a time! Even though your little guy only gives you 10 minutes, you can bust through quite a few things during that time! I am NOT a fan of letting a baby cry, but if you let him cry for just 5 minutes and now you have 15!

Have you tried other things - bouncy seat, exersaucer, - there are tons of items on the market.

Also, could you look into hiring someone to come in and clean, even if it is just once or twice a month? We broke down and hired someone (even though we really could use the money) because I am on bed rest now and we have two other kids (three if you count my hubby) and the house was out of control!

I promise you it won't last forever!

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C.W.

answers from Minneapolis on

This is tough, but normal.

Well, first thing is that when babies are this little, you can't "spoil" them by picking them up and holding them. You're building your little guy's trust in the world when you do pick him up.

My daughter, who is now 9, also wanted to be held a lot. I would use a baby sling and then later a front carrier to get my work done and hold her at the same time.

Maybe hire someone to do a one-time intensive cleaning--just to give yourself an easier place from which to start regular maintaining.

Maybe hubby could chip in a bit--on those areas that really bug you both.

Sometimes you just have to accept that this is a messy time of your life and let it go. It will be messy for a while, but it will get better, too. Babies change so much, and just because he wants to be held and doesn't nap well now doesn't mean that won't change even 2 months from now.

Hang in there.

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H.S.

answers from Honolulu on

Hi, I use a backpack carrier that is like an ergo called a Beco and it is an older version that looks more like an angel pack = love it! I twist the baby around from the front and then loosen the straps so much, but not the back/chest buckle and then just keep twisting it around my waist till the baby is back there and in the middle I put one of my arms back in and then all the way twsited around, put the other one in. It is the easiest thing. Both kids it helped, daughter loved holding a soft blanket back there a lot too.

So much is going to change and some of it is going to get worse with a toddler. It is hard for me to say this, but I really wish someone would have tried. I have the hardest time with routines and it turns out that it is the biggest need for my children compliance with almost everything. In a year your son will be expecting a day to be full of toys and playing, then you taking him fun places. In a way it is great, but then he starts liking the tv and you can get so much work done. And then at 2 1/2 you are spending more time trying to teach letters and skills and --this is what happened to my son--- he pouts to high heaven and dumps toys on the floor. Anything pre-schoolish I tried to do with him, he got upset. Then I had a colic daughter and had to throw him in pre-school, it was Montessori and it changed my life. He no longer goes and we do a whole pre-school routine at home with his 1 year old sister. He polished the entire kitchen counter and sink today (after he found my makeup lotion and made a mess) and he had a blast doing it. He also set the table, made his bed, got dressed, brushed his teeth, started a bath and took it. And poured tea (using glass) with a napkin on a playdate with another 3 year old I swap mom led baby-sitting with each week. He loves dusting, here is a huge website, but a page with kits I found: http://www.montessoriservices.com/store/index.php?main_pa...

Your little guy is 6 months, but keep teaching him. Talk to him, let him smell. Let him notice about half of what you are doing. It has completely rocked my world to have my 1 year old daughter throwing the clothes into the washer with glee! Freddy gets to measure and add the soap.

Other huge major help was to get rid of things. Not even, just get tons of rubbermaid containers and put all the junk you really don't need in boxes, in your storage area until you you want them out again. My husband had enough experience to finally start letting me be a minimalist even though it scared him and he protested at first. I clean with my kids all the time and it is important that they get the feeling that they did most of the work. Sometimes moving stuff makes it feel so overwhelming. We also have a "stuff" room. It is crazy great. It has most the toys, laundry center, everyone's clothes in it, office supplies, craft supplies. It use to be a porch and is 19x7 ft. It is amazing and I am so glad I have it... not like everyone can do that, but it means that all but one room in my house is a breeze to clean quickly.

I also got rid of all the cd cases and just use a tall old copy cd holder with a cover. I use that for all dvd's too. My friend uses a binder. The whole living room really got to me. The tv became a flat screen without a huge stereo system (I said I would never clean it and it never came :) ) The huge comfy sofas that hoarded ever crumb, showed every speck of banana - finally got donated! We have a queen futon that has no arms and it is awesome! No cracks :), messy hands? I send the pretty sheet I put over it to the washer! Vintage sheets really helped me! I use them for toddler potty training nights, but mostly for underlayment for anything! Playdough, picnics inside, tea inside, putting the baby on the kitchen floor and cooking with both kids (part way I get up and do some counter work, but Athena has always felt included when I plop on the floor with her and she *loves* kitchen utensils and loves the ones brother's size the best. The sheets sometimes go under the high chair some meals, totally a table cloth most days. It is great because they go to the washer or get shaken out outside because I have learned cleaning up after a toddler can be heartbreaking... it is like a trail.

You can let him cry some! You will know the cry that really matters! If you have to go get your carrier or do some random thing for just 5 minutes, it is okay to sing a little song, do a little dance about what you are doing and tell him he is going to be okay... use your gut on that one ;) .

I say a whole bunch of life changing everything is normal! When my son hit three I was wondering way more what is normal, lol!

So my biggest point is to check out Montessori and don't get caught up in the wooden natural thing unless you prefer it. The best thing that happened to this family was me learning how to get my kids to help me clean - they love water play and soap and bubbles. They love helping out...it feels so warm and cuddly when he tells me everyday he is my best friend. We go lots of places each week. It got so easy after I taught him how to help and so many moments in the day I can tell he is learning math and science too. He loves cooking with me as well. If I had begun at 1 like with my daughter I would probably have gotten a better gel within the first 6 month, but now with routine he is doing great! It is gold! I highly recommend changing your enviroment instead of giving him toys and putting him in his own world while you try to multi-task... ask him to help you a bit and give him the right size tools to do the job. Plenty of patience and room to learn is key.

So while you clean right now, try to give him a bowl of water to splash at his high chair table or even the floor. Try to do some cooking on the floor at your right while he is playing with utensils on your left. Eventually buy a stack of bowls (all the same size) and let him scatter and stack them at your feet in the kitchen.

Sing and dance. learn some songs. If you look up Pandora and Barenaked ladies song "Eraser" you will get a cool style of music to put on. Raffi is great too. The back carrier and I always stop in front of a mirror and do a little jig while running around the house. Oh and a stroller in the house or a rolling cart is magic for picking up stuff until you are ready to put the basket or stuff away or all in one place. Bring toys to laundry room/ maybe ungather a sheet of baby toys like I do and then I bawl it up real fast when finished.

Go easy on yourself for the next two months! Try to make big step changes for the next 4 years before he turns one (and if you don't have storage get creative and make a barrier for him to play in out of rubbermaid bins or a whole wall of it and cover that with something etc.)

The coolest thing about Montessori is that I have given away most of their toys now. They really need very few because they are either helping out, eating, sleeping, going out, playing outside, or playing with really big toys the most like a tent, or a swing, reading books, playing little instrements, doing art. Toys that my son dumped out, threw and continually played with while I tried in vain to get him to focus on me really burned me out by 2. I wish I had saved our money. I really only bought them to try to get him to play while I cleaned the house it turns out!

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K.C.

answers from Dallas on

I wish I knew. I feel your pain. My son is 3 months and the same. And he hates being worn, too, but maybe yours will tolerate it. (I've used 3 different kinds of slings/holders for him...nothing. he's so stubborn lol).

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A.B.

answers from Atlanta on

Let him cry - it's fine. Some people on this site will tell you that your baby needs to attach with you all the time, but I'm a parent who lives in the real world and I have raised three kids without any new-wave, dippy ideas about attachment and self esteem. My kids are bright, funny, loving, confidant, and deeply bonded to me. When they were little, I would sometimes let them CIO at bedtime or when I needed to clean house. It's totally OK.

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H.L.

answers from Dallas on

My 4 month old likes to sit up - even though he can't sit. So it is hard to find something that he will be happy in. The bouncy chair gets annoying after awhile as he can't hit up far enough. I must say he does like this - the "Fisher-Price Newborn Rock 'n Play Sleeper". The weight limit is 25 pounds so not sure if it will work for you. I put a couple of toys in there with him and he is pretty content. I think the angle is just right - he feels like he is sitting a bit more. Thought it might help you.

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L.B.

answers from San Francisco on

Ergo carrier worked for us. I wear him on my back and do everything. The ergo is the most comfortable carrier on market, it has great back supports and you can wear front or back

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W.H.

answers from Charlotte on

You are going through the EXACT same thing I went through. I moved from Texas to NC. I wore a Baby Bjorn and he tolerated that sometimes. I got him a walker and put him in that so he could be near me wherever I was...I had to lug that thing around everywhere but I think he liked being mobile and being near me. I would also sing to him while I was cleaning or cooking. He still gets frustrated with me even today when I leave the room (he is almost 1).

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S.S.

answers from New York on

You can put him in swing and put some music or sing while doing your stuff.
Instead of letting him cry out for and hour start doing your chores in 15 min interval.
You can cehck out this site soemone had mentioned in mamapedia only
http://www.flylady.net
It is really helping me a lot.
Good luck
Shipz

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M.L.

answers from Philadelphia on

You can try a Bjorn or similar carrier. My daughter loves the Bjorn, yet hates all other carriers, so it may just be a matter of finding the right one? I can totally relate because I was on bedrest 9 months and the house was a disaster by the time she was born! But remember this will pass and soon he will be playing on his own giving you more time. I have 5 children and the first year seems to pass like lightning -- don't worry so much about it for now and just pay attention to your lovely babe!! Try to do whatever you can to take care of yourself (including resting) and just wait for this phase to pass -- I know that is easier said than done, but try your best!

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R.B.

answers from New York on

Sorry no one actually read you whole question!! Because you said he hates to be worn!!!!!!!
You can actually get a lot done in 10 mins. Give your self little tasks and set a timer. Don't try to do it all at once or you will go crazy. Maybe one weekend your husband could take him for a while. If you have a neighbor with a teenager you could have them come over while you are home and clean while they play with your baby. My 4 month old hates to be put down but he will let me wear him too bad your guy won't. But I can't really clean while I am wearing him anyway.
Check out flylady.com there are loads of hints on how to do little things every day that make your house clean.
Also my son does like the exersaucer?
Try signing up for a moms group on meetup.com to make some other mom friends in your area and maybe you can do some sitting swaping.

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A.H.

answers from Washington DC on

I cleaned when she was sleeping, either afteroon naps or at night. During the day I tried to keep the mess at bay. Worked out fine for us. When I got up in the morning I had a clean apartment, nice thing to wake up to.

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K.P.

answers from New York on

We also live very far from my family, so I know how that feels!

Put him down for increasingly longer periods of time. If he can handle 10 minutes in the swing, then make a list of tasks that you can complete in ten minutes (windex the mirrors; wipe down the vanity, make the bed, laundry in the washer). Try not to get overwhelmed in thinking that you need to do it all at once. Put him down for 10 minutes and get one thing done. Play with him for 20 minutes and put him down again- get another thing done. Slowly he will realize that you will return and he will become more accustomed to entertaining himself. Talk to him while he's in there, but it's okay for him to fuss and cry. This is how babies start testing limits. It is also how they learn to soothe themselves!

Just an aside, my son LOVED the Fischer Price Rainforest Bouncer- it had animals, lights, music and things he could "swing". We got to a point where he could be in there for 15-20 minutes (in the same room with me) so that I could get things done- like shower and eat!

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S.E.

answers from Salinas on

My daughter was like this for the first 7 months (she almost 9 months). i got the Ergo, I already had the bjorn, swing, jumperoo....all the stuff. Each thing would work once in awhile. I spent so much money on the ergo and it is nice for walks, but not for cleaning. I can not imagine cleaning the toilet with her in an Ergo (i would hate for that water or cleaning product to get on her). if i really needed to clean since i was expecting company, i would put her in the jumperoo or someplace safe and she did cry. I breast feed and give her formula. It took her a long time to take the bottle over me, but now that she will hold a bottle I have gotten some freedom. I think you have made it through the hardest time (first 6 months). it will get easier. have you looked into joining a MOPS group in your area? It stand for Mothers of Preschoolers. it has been a great network of caring friends for me. I'm also a fan of the flylady on facebook. Each day she post a message to do something for 15 minutes and gives quick clean tips to follow. She has books too if you're not a facebook type of person.
:) S.

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H.B.

answers from San Francisco on

Ergo Carrier!!! get your little guy used to being worn & then let him know before you turn on the vacuum so it doesn't startle him (i do a quick countdown before i do anything loud like a blender or vacuum and it heads off freak-outs "i'm going to make a loud sound...1,2,3, go!) them just do it, the white noise and repetetive motion often lulls little ones to sleep! good luck...momming on your own is such hard work! :)

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F.O.

answers from Los Angeles on

I waited to clean up during the long nap stretched. I had to learn to live with mess and it no longer bothers me. In fact, I let her mess up and now that she's 10 months and sleeping looooooooooonger, I go to town cleaning when she goes down for the night.

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A.T.

answers from Stockton on

put him in an exersaucer within your line of sight - give him a sippy cup of water or Cheerios to entertain him and let him scream if you have to. Talk to him, "Mommy is washing the dishes, Mommy is vacuuming, etc." and eventually he'll get used to it. My DD was the same way at that age and still gets upset if I go out of her line of sight so I usually use the restroom to the sound of her wailing.(10 months old) She is baby#2 for me so I HAVE to force myself to let her cry so her poor big brother doesn't starve or run away!
A clean house is a health and safety must-have! Letting Boo-Boo holler so you can get rid of clutter and germs will benefit him much more than being held all the time.
My hubby tells the baby when she cries - "Good Girl! You're washing your eyes!" ( he's a total softy with both of his babies and I think it soothes him a little to try and make it funny)
Hang in there!
One more thing - put a white noise machine or a small fan on in baby's room for nap time to muffle the sounds of you working so you don't have to be so tense. it works!

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R.K.

answers from San Francisco on

use a baby carrier on your back. you can do everything with that.
good luck!

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C.M.

answers from San Francisco on

I know there are a lot of other answers, but I just wanted to say hang in there. I've been through the exact same situation twice now (lengthy bed-rest, and clingy children), and it is as irritating as can be, but once the kids get a bit older, you can regain control of the house. I have a lot of family and help, but I still haven't been able to get a handle on the housework, as you can imagine it really piled up when my now 2 year old was running things while I was on bed-rest the second time around. Once my son (my first child) turned 1 and was able to walk and communicate, things got a lot better. I'm looking forward to the same with my now 7 month old daughter. Just hang in there, it does get better.

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K.G.

answers from Sarasota on

Okay. First thing is first. If your apartment is as bad as you describe, then what you will need to do is get your husband to take over taking care of your baby for a weekend or two (take him on walks, to the park, etc.) and just dig in and get your apartment in order finally. If you breast feed, you might want to get a pump and teach your son to feed from a bottle for this purpose...get help from your local La Leche League for this, as it might take some help to get yourself used to pumping around your breastfeeding schedule and it will take your son a while to learn to drink from a bottle. If your son is already feeding from a bottle, then you already have this on your side.

You will need to sit down with your husband and explain to him that this is necessary for your sanity. It is SOOOO easy to get depressed when you are in this situation!

You also need to do a little self examination as to how you function...

Before you were in this situation, were you the kind of person who liked to get all your cleaning done all at once or were you the kind of person who could do a little at a time (bathroom one day, dusting another, etc.) over the week? If you are like me and can't stand having to wake up and do chores every day, but instead like to set aside a whole day to concentrate on doing these chores, then you need to figure out how to make that happen. I decided that house cleaning would happen every other week except the usual picking up so that we did not trip over things between cleanings! I talked to my husband and we came to an agreement that every other Saturday he would be in charge of our kids so that I could clean. I promised he could have Sundays to do as he pleased (take naps, lounge around, etc.). On the weekends that I did not clean, we promised each other to do at least one thing as a family so that we could all get out of the house and have fun.

If you are a person who can do a little at a time, then the suggestions of "wearing" your son may work, or once your apartment is in order, you may find that it is easier to find time each day (1/2 hour or so) to do the one or two cleaning tasks you have planned for the day.

Hope this helps!

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L.N.

answers from Bangor on

While I can't help you with your cleaning habits (I would save that for the women out there that have a better handle on it than me!) I will tell you one word in terms of a baby carrier that allows you to be balanced weight-wise and HANDS FREE entirely - with a baby who is usually super content to feel your warmth, motion and closeness. - ERGO.
http://www.ergobabycarrier.com/
This is the only one that has the dual functionality of being able to carry baby either in the front (never worked long for me) and the back - MUCH MUCH comfortable and helps even when the baby/toddler gets bigger. I swear by it.

As to the cleaning - I'm no pro on keeping the house clean myself for a few reasons
1) having moved many times in the past few years, each time I move there is this "settling in" period where I figure out how we are using the space and where things are going to "have a home" and live inside the house.
2) I need a better paper filing/organization/purge system that I can maintain easily in small chunks of time
3) I need to have an aesthetic inspiration for a space. If something is drear then it is much harder for me to be motivated to clean/keep it looking neat and tidy.
4) I also tend to get overwhelmed with the whole kid-tending/what to fix for dinner stuff and that occupies a lot of my mental space/stress and leaves me feeling to exhausted to clean too :(
5) I am a person who doesn't like to leave things 1/2 done. So I like/need to have the space and time to do it right and not be interrupted in the process.. .

All I can say is, it might be helpful to do some self reflection on what road blocks might exist for you.

Another thing that I read in an organization book somewhere, is to allow yourself to do what they call a "10 minute sweep" You pick one room, pick up whatever you can clean up/tidy up in that room in 10 minutes, put them where they belong. Pile things at the door if they belong in a different room and then at the end take them out and into the other room. Or, conversely, you can always make it a practice to pick up one item that doesn't belong in a room and return it when you are headed into the other room.

Hope any of that makes sense or helps you...

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R.M.

answers from San Francisco on

Start by putting your child down more often and let him cry a bit. It's so difficult for we moms to do this but if you don't start doing it now, you'll have a cling on with separation issues when it's time for preschool. Put some nice soothing music on for the baby and put him/her a baby seat with a chew ring or something the baby can put in their mouth. For you, put on some headphones so you don't have to listen to the crying the whole time you're cleaning...this is too stressful. I remember this stage well and it was not easy. I learned how to clean up very fast.

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W.H.

answers from Phoenix on

15 mins at a time. You can do a lot in 15 mins. Even if baby is crying for 12 of those 15 mins, as long as baby is safe, secure, needs met, can see you, you can still talk/interact with her while not HOLDING her.

If you have a paper pile to go through, put her on her tummy with toys on a blanket and sit in front of her and sort for 15 mins. Then reward her with a 15 mins cuddle/play time, etc Then another 15 mins maybe this time in the exersaucer if you have one, or on the blanket again with you nearby.

Clean one thing in the bathroom (not with strong noxious fumes though) while baby's in the tub. My son (maybe he's odd, I don't know) loved to try and grab the vacuum when i approached him when he was sitting & barely beginning to crawl. Actually caught it once and surprised himself (and me!) when he got pulled onto his tummy! It was such a fun game for us, and one I wouldn't have discovered had I not just sat him down and went ahead and vacuumed anyway!

We had a baby seat that I just set on my kitchen table while I prepared meals in front of him.

This is why there are so many baby devices out there, swings, bumbo seats, baby seats, exersaucer, walkers, play gyms, etc!!!!! There will continue to be many more because to babies, Mom's are still superior to all of these distractions. Meanwhile, enjoy being "everything" to baby, because pretty soon baby'll be walking and exploring and emptying out your cabinets and shredding your papers and pulling down stuff they can reach....

Again, 15 mins with baby, 15 mins doing something right by (ie, rock baby in between your legs while your hands are doing something sitting on the floor, or use your feet to rock the seat while your mouth is singing/talking to baby, and your eyes/hands on the task you're doing. Motherhood is the greatest juggling act you'll ever do. Save those naptimes for your showertimes, and your own naptimes!

And do let him get used to normal everyday noises. He'll sleep better and you'll get more done.

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J.P.

answers from San Francisco on

Do you have saucer? I used that with all three of mine. As for carriers when my youngest was little I used a bjorn and I got an Ergo carrier when she was about 9 months. Love the Ergo Carrier, they are a bit pricey but worth it. I got my used on Craigslist for 1/2 price.

S.G.

answers from Oklahoma City on

there is nothing wrong with cleaning the house and let the baby cry, just put the baby in a safe environment like a play pen/swing, what ever and let him throw a fit. if you keep picking that baby up every time he cries it'll get much worse later, and you'll never be able to leave his site without a headache. If you need to, play some music and turn it up to drown out his cry....i did this with my daughter, and THANK GOD she doesn't and never did have to have me every second like a lot of kids i c

however, your husband (if he doesn't) could probably help you clean your home when he gets home from work until things are in better condition, then just keep up with it as a team WITH your husband

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M.M.

answers from Chicago on

What about an exersaucer? I never used one but I know some moms swear by them and say it's the only way they can take a shower. 6 months is probably just about the right age to try one out -- your baby might love it. maybe try to get one used on craigslist? or try one out at the store or a friend's house before you buy?

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J.B.

answers from Reading on

I didn't like the sling, but I loved the carrier.
When my daugter was that young she never wanted to be put down either so I wore her in the carrier most of the time. I was able to cook, clean, workout (simple stuff like lunges), the carrier was a lifesaver!

Also I tried tummy time for 10 min. periods she would cry the entire time but eventually got used to it. You can get alot done in 10 minutes, do it a couple times a day along with a carrier and your apt. should be clean in no time :] Good Luck!

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R.K.

answers from Boston on

I wore my youngest but he has loved every carrier that I own. Loved his pouch sling, looooves the ergo and still does he will actually go get when its time to take the dogs for a walk.

I think you just need to get him used to a carrier you are only giving him 10 minutes you need to keep him in longer with the fussing and screaming and just clean the movement and noise will probably get him to go to sleep.

G.T.

answers from Modesto on

Put him down and clean house.

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M.L.

answers from San Francisco on

Hello.

I KNOW what you're going through. I was soo frustrated when I couldn't get anything done.

Since, I've been staying at home for the last couple of years ..I've learned to use a carrier or sling while I do some cleaning. Now, to find the right fit for you..you would have to go to the store and find one that fits well for YOU and baby. Good luck!

www.youravon.com/cleary

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M.H.

answers from Sacramento on

Have you tried wearing him in a out facing carrier? My daughter didn't like being carried where she couldn't see what was going on. Also what s out an excersaucer or something with activities for him? Alot of babies sleep for 14 hours a day at 6 months- which would include 2 two hour naps- maybe he's got himself in a short nap cycle and needs to be encouraged to sleep longer. Go to a bookstore on an outing and browse through some sleep books to get ideas for better napping. Most days that's when I get my cleaning done! If I were you though, I'd do whatever it takes to get your home squared away now- it won't get any easier when he's crawling- and you want to make sure it's safe for him. After you get your house clean- commit to taking a few minutes at the end of the day to tidy up for the next day. I wish you good luck!

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R.P.

answers from Sacramento on

There is nothing more important than holding your baby--I have a hard time understanding why some Mamas say to let him cry. It ripped my heart out when my babies cried and letting them cry to get something done or to 'teach' them something is not kind at that tender age...and all he's going to learn from it is that he's trying his hardest to express his needs and you're not listening. Some babies simply need to be held more--respect his needs. It won't last forever. My house got better when my son began to become more mobile, and then got much better when he became more independent around 18 months. In the grand scheme of life you can eventually recapture your clean home...you can never recapture your baby's precious first years--and it's hard to earn back trust that was broken.

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B.E.

answers from Bakersfield on

Parenting is a two parent job. When you are home alone, you must attend to your baby, because he is very important and you are the only one there. In the first year the baby is learning whether the world is a place that can be trusted to meet his needs. Putting him down, which results in him crying, makes him feel abandoned. It is not the best solution unless you have an emergency. He will not be a baby forever. I promise. Talk to your husband about his ability to help with the house during his off time. Also consider whether you can afford a housekeeper once a week--maybe more at the beginning until you can get the house caught up. Just know that your instincts are correct regarding the baby. And, when the baby is taking a nap, get a nap yourself. You do not need to work ferociously during all the time your baby is sleeping. It also might be good for dad to have a half hour with the baby when he gets home so that you can take a bubble bath. You need your rest and time for you during this time that your child is a baby.

I am a Licensed Educational Psychologist and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in young children.

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J.C.

answers from San Francisco on

I, too, have no family nearby and I am a neat freak so I have to have the house in some kind of order. I agree with the 10-minute pick-up tactics - you'd be surprised by how much you can get done in such a short amount of time, and get a good work-out, too! My daughter always wanted me to carry her as well and I'd often vacuum with her in one arm. (I don't suggest this method because it gets very tiring and is not efficient in the long run.) She really didn't like the bouncer, so I put her down on her activity mat or exersaucer and slowly extended the length of time she'd be in it. She eventually got used to it (she'd be in a better mood after I've fed her) and would be more at ease if I was in her line of vision. She'd cry hysterically once she lost sight of me, like when I'd be cleaning up behind her, so I'd rotate her so that I'd be in her line of vision again. Sometimes you just have to let them cry (it was the only way I could take my showers).

Another thing I noticed with naps is that she'd have a better nap if I took her out. She'd be more stimulated by her surroundings and she loves to people-watch. My son was the same way - more interested in people than toys. At 6 months, you can figure out what time of the day would be best to take her out and make it a routine. That may extend the duration of her naps. My kids couldn't sleep through "sharp" noises, so it helped to put a noisemaker in their rooms to muffle the sounds. I depend on their naps to get a break, so I hope your little guy learns to sleep a little longer for your own sanity!

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M.R.

answers from Dallas on

I persoanlly never found an answer to this one! My son was the same way. My inlaws that lived here wouldn't help and neither would my husband. Heck I could not even get anyone to let me bathe alone! I hope you find a way to get him to calm down.

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A.F.

answers from San Francisco on

Dear Kskiska,
My sister-in-law had a baby like that... It will pass, but for now it's had. I was lucky and my own children were not like that. I had a quilt that I put on the floor where I put them, so they could see me...
I would try to hire a high school student to take your son for a walk out of the house, while you clean. Maybe once or twice a week. This phase will end and and you will be able to keep your sanity... Good luck, A.

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B.R.

answers from Sacramento on

Your husband may be at least partially correct that you've trained your little guy to be picked up all the time. You might try putting him in a swing or seat and keep it near where you are working. Talk to him continually as you work. It doesn't have to make any sense, just as long as he's hearing your voice. You could even be giving him a "play-by-play" run-down on what you are doing. Stop now and then to actually do a bit of playing with him, then go back to your tasks.
Another idea is, since you obviously have some friends (you did mention inviting people over) could you do a babysitting trade with someone? You take their child a morning or afternoon to give them free time in exchange for them doing the same for you. If you do this for even a couple of hours at a time, it would give you some free time to get ahead of the game on your backload of housework. I also think that working just for only a couple of hours at a time is the best way for you to tackle the work. Select a certain area that you will clean one day, then work on another area another day until you get it all caught up.
A third option.. Can you relax more during the day, and just enjoy being with your baby, then after dinner have hubby entertain him for an hour or so while you do some of the housework?
You may even want to try a combination of these three ideas to accomplish your goal.

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R.S.

answers from Redding on

Another vote for the Ergo carrier and not letting your baby cry it out. The Ergo is so great- you can really have freedom of movement when you wear baby in it. Babies are supposed to be with mommies. It is natural that he wants to be with you and you with him. Do what you can, adjust to a little more mess than pre-baby, and know that this time will pass soon enough. It is really hard, and totally normal. Also totally normal for a husband to want to be a little tougher than mommy wants to be-- many couples struggle with that.

J.B.

answers from Houston on

Well I feel you!! I finally got a handle on it when I had one, took a while, but what I would do is put him in a bouncy seat with a favorite toy and have him very near me while I was cleaning, it worked great. Also, it really won't hurt him to cry for a few minutes. If you stay calm, talk to him, sing to him, he will get the idea that he is going to stay where you have put him. I used to do one room a day, and that way I didn't get overwhelmed. I would put him with me in his playpen a lot too, with several favorite toys and he like it. I would clean like 30 minutes and then get him and play with him and focus on him for 30min. I didn't do it every day, like I had a little schedule, I shopped one day, I went to the library one day, I cleaned one day, I had a free day etc....It worked great so give it a try and don't worry about a few tears he will be alright. NOW...if I could only figure out how to clean up with two!!!!! I am so much more tired....but that is another story;) Good luck, and really for most of us a messier house than we are comfortable with is just a part of life with young kids so don't be too h*** o* yourself!!!!

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A.C.

answers from Columbus on

Have you tried the mei tai in the different positions (facing you or facing out?) I'm not sure how you handle napping, but if he's almost at nap time, try putting him in the carrier and seeing if he'll nap in it. Have you tried the back carry with it? It's harder to do, but my little guy loved it. And part of it may be getting him accustomed to it--if you tried a couple of times and he fussed, keep trying, and try only taking him out when he's happy (so he has positive feelings about it)--sort of like training him to like it... then try gradually increasing the time he's in it, and always ending on a positive note.

Otherwise, I second the suggestion for the 10 minute cleaning sessions. This has literally saved my sanity......

You could try putting a blanket on the floor, with some toys on it, within reach, and cleaning in the area just around him. Or, leaving the room for 5-10 minutes to put dishes in the dishwasher, or put a load of laundry in, etc. I wouldn't feel comfortable letting a baby cry for an hour, but it won't hurt him to cry/fuss for 5 or 10 minutes occasionally, or even 15 or 30 minutes.

J.V.

answers from Detroit on

This might not be nice to you but put him down and let him cry. Nothing is wrong with that for a short period of time.

J.L.

answers from Los Angeles on

When my baby was that age I used the bumbo. She liked to be sitting, and this would keep her from falling over. I also learned while their in it, give them things they dont normally play with. Plastic spoons/ladles, plastic water bottle with popcorn kernals in it, collander, wipes container, etc.
My apartment was the same way when the baby was first born. It took a long time for me to be able to get in a good routine. Good Luck!

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D.S.

answers from San Francisco on

My Dear you have recieved many answers and may not need mine but as a mom, grandmother and mother in law I just needed to share what I have done raiseing our 5 children and many foster children and council I give to all my own children as they have children.
1.You are the parent Please don't ever loose sight of that becasue that 's when you loose the war of parent vs child and it only gets worse as they get older!
2. the housework will not run away or be stolen but your child is small only once- if someone comes to visit the house then let them clean it if seeing your family they will offer to help or just understand.
3. hire someone to come in an hold the baby to get things done , or have a lonely grandma - a woman that has grandchildren far away and would love the chance to come and help you since they can't for their own, hold the baby or do the wash or fold laundry while you talk-- my husband and I have done this for years.
4.The 1st year is totally for adjustments. There will be a change a minuet. But since you are the one in charge as the adult it is your job to teach and even as a baby that they are safe and can have you talk to them while you do other things. My grandson @ 8 weeks- hates being far from his mom she will put him in the swing and then have the radio, fan, or talk and sing to him while she does the simplest things.
Honey, you have the start of many adventures coming your way, do not think that this one is lost. Think of it as a theme park ride- lots of twists and turns and a scream at every turn and then it stops and all you want to do is get back on and go again. We have 5 children and several foster children that are all great people to be proud of and they learned to overcome a little mess.

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M.B.

answers from Sacramento on

I was in the same boat so I cleaned during one of his naps if he took two naps.
But as grew older he would only take one nap and by then I was exhausted so sometimes I cleaned during his nap. I was a little quiet but not too quiet so that he would get used to some noise.
Here's one thing I will tell you...........the order of your house is no longer as imortant or top priority.
What's more important is what you are doing:
1) playing/interacting w/your child
and
2) your rest.
No one on their death bed ever said....."You know I wish I would have cleaned more!"
So give yourself a break and only clean topically to make things look neat/tidy and to actually have some cleanliness (sp?).
Otherwise................there will be plenty of time to clean.
Save a few things to do when hubby is home and can hold/play with the baby, like laundry, putting dishes in dishwasher to run while you are in bed (if your dishwasher is quiet) etc.....
Don't knock yourself out, get some rest yourself and play with your baby. He/she will play alone soon enough. Put him down nearby for a few mins where he can see you fold clothes etc.

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M.B.

answers from San Francisco on

You can purchase one of those Graco Play Pens. They are big, and roomy, with netting that he can see through and they fold up easlily and you can take them out to the park, in the front yard, if you have work to do out there. Only use it when you are cleaning or outdoors and pack it with fun things for him to do. Even drop those huge balls in there on top of him and he will laugh. At least he can crawl around in there a little and you will have time to vacuum and wipe up pretty quickly. This will at least start his independence. smile.

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P.M.

answers from San Francisco on

In terms of wearing, my little guy liked the Moby wrap a lot. It keeps them very cozy. Could you afford to hire someone to do a super cleaning for 1-2 days and then use those 10 min swing or short naps to maintain? Is your husband willing/able to help out? Can you make really small goals (just this one pile, just that one corner) rather than feeling like you have to get it all done on one day? I think it's part of the adjustment to having kids, getting used to mess and clutter. Also, guests understand if the house is a bit of a mess when you have a baby. They know your priorities have changed. If the mess makes you crazy because you're home and looking at it all the time, try getting out to a park or cafe or someplace with your baby to get away. If your baby sits up on his own and can hold and chew toys, you can give him a chance to soothe/amuse himself, but if he's not that mobile yet, I can understand why it's hard not to pick him up when he frets. Don't beat yourself up about not cleaning-- you're a mom now and you have more important things to do, like take care of your baby and yourself!

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T.H.

answers from Sacramento on

He's playing you!! Put him down and let him scream. If you have to, get some really good earplugs and put them in. If you don't, it's only going to get worse. He might actually be happier and willing to be put down more if you get the place cleaned up but you are going to have to let him scream while you do it until he gets the message that YOU are in charge, NOT HIIM!!

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H.M.

answers from San Francisco on

Three Words -- ERGO Baby Carrier. My kids lived in it. They didn't like being put down either. They can ride in the front or back. They preferred the back, unless they were sick, then they wanted to be up front with mom. So comfortable for me too. Now that they are big I miss having them in it.

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C.G.

answers from New York on

http://www.ergobabycarrier.com/images/gallery/large/20.jpg
http://www.ergobabycarriers.com/babycarriers/category/car...

HI, I completely understand how you're freaking out about this. I must share with you the most wonderful baby carrier anywhere. I have tried the Baby Bjorn but wasn't meant for the back. The Maya Wrap, didn't feel secure, and again, wasn't for my back. But this one, the ERGO BABY CARRIER, was AMAZING! I used it 5 years ago. Super comfortable, easy, and my little precious would fall asleep while he rested against my back, and I cleaned and folded laundry a bit. I still have their business cards to share with people who need a good baby carrier. It is soft, comfortable, yet extremely secure. Think heavy cotton duck canvas, but soft, and padded and easily adjustable.

Also try the bouncy thing, he sits in it and bounces, there's a round tray all around him, he can rotate himself in it, but it does NOT have wheels (major danger). I played Nat King Cole as one of his favorites. Playing nice music might help, with melodic sounds, this helps create a peaceful and uplifting environment, might help relax you and your vibes will be less nervous, which your child easily absorbs and gets nervous too. Sorry I am rambling. Try the Ergo carrier (from Hawaii, watch for imitators). Babies love being held close...and this one is so comfortable for both of you. It's just amazing. And it's not even advertised.

I want to add, in my opinion it's not a good idea to put baby down for an hour and just let him cry for that long while you do other things...I know this is a parenting philosophy and we all have differences of opinions. I believe that the continued crying will stress the child, and also stress you! Your baby needs to be held and close. I would wear the baby. Don't feel this is weird or wrong.

Look at all the other cultures worldwide who wear their babies on their back while they work. Do you see the babies crying in those photographs? No. Do the moms look frazzled and stressed? No. They have a calm and strong gaze, and they can do what they need to do while the child feels loved and close.

A.F.

answers from Stationed Overseas on

First off you made one mistake being quiet. You never want to be quiet around a baby. You should always make noise so they are used to it. My son is the same age as yours and also hates being put down. Right now my house is just like yours. It's also from the fact my hubby and I just moved to South Korea. I am pregnant with our second and I am utterly tired just like you. I try to do things when my son is down for a nap and even then when he wakes up I change him and feed and put him down with toys and I continue cleaning. If he cries he cries, you know he's safe, you know he's been fed and you know he's been changed. You don't want to run to them every time they cry then they get dependent on that same thing with picking him up every time he cries. Babies learn quick.
When my son first came home and I was rested for the two weeks I had to because of my hemorrhaging I then started vacuuming with the tv up or radio while my son slept in his swing. At night my hubby and I would watch tv and he would be asleep in his crib next to us. Once he was three months he moved into his own room.
The best advise I can give you is just put him down even if cries, cuse once your done then you can play with him :) Good luck.

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