Help Get My Toddler to Talk!

Have you tried sign language? We had the same problem with our 2.5 yo, but the moment we introduced signs he really started talking. We would show him a simple sign, like banana and speak it while doing it. It also helped because we would ask him when he signed "What does this (repeat sign) mean?" He loved being "grown up" and telling us what it means. He also loved the attention he got from others, when they admired his communication skills.

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I'm 54 years old and not only had three children of my own I also helped my mother raise the twins she had when I was 11 years old. I've been around a LOT of babies, toddlers and children over the years. Not all children are the same. They don't develop the same skills at the same ages. If you've taken your child to a doctor, been tested and have come back with a clean bill of health with no physical or psychological reason why she isn't talking better yet then don't sweat it. There are many, many factors involved with when a toddler begins to speak. My twin brothers made their own language that wasn't much more than gibberish and barely spoke 'regular' words at age four and a half. They almost didn't get to got to kindergarten because of their lack of good verbal skills BUT they were and still are perfectly normal human beings with an average intelligence level. When they felt the need to communicate with people other than each other they learned very quickly to speak well. Perhaps your daughter doesn't feel a need to communicate verbally using common words because she has other methods of communication.

Kids pick up on our energy. If it were me I wouldn't allow anyone to tell me that my child was behind or not normal and if they tried to I wouldn't listen to them or pay their words any attention at all. All humans are different in many ways and speech development is just one way we are different. If you begin being anxious now on her speech development it will only carry through to all other milestone areas of her life and she will grow up feeling that she isn't like other people, that she isn't normal, which of course typically equates to a person not feeling accepted by others. Being someone who grew up and finally overcame not feeling accepted by others I wouldn't recommend it to my worst enemy.

In my personal opinion the best thing you can do is to allow her to develop at her own pace and never but never feel any anxiety about how advanced or behind she is.

Good Luck,
C.

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Wait it out -- neither of my girls were early talkers but both bloomed a bit around 3yrs old. We were really worried about my oldest to the point of having her evaluated. She grunted, pointed, and said a handful of things, all of which got her point across to us anyway, so she didn't have the need to use words. We are avid book readers and DD could from atleast 2yrs old point out lots of things in books (animals, colors, trucks.....) so she very clearly knew what things were just didn't "say" them. Now at 5yrs old we can't keep her quiet.

Our youngest will be 3 in January and she has just started talking like crazy. It was like a light switch was turned on in the past month and she is now in competition with her sister for who can talk the fastest.

E.

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A.,

My two cents may be contrary to contemporary wisdom, but I say, let her be. Generally speaking, I think we can be way too high-strung these days about getting our kids to certain milestones by certains ages - they should all read in kindergarten, etc. All children are different.

Another reason I suggest just enjoying her and letting her develop at her own time is that I was quite a late talker, myself. My parents thought there might be something seriously wrong - and what did I do to shock them? Started speaking in full sentences. Note, I've never spent any time at the back of any class (okay, I can openly admit I utterly hated statitics) and, if you read through any of my replies on mamasource or most of my posts on my blog (http://www.tristansepinion.blogspot.com), you'll note that communicating at any length is not something with which I struggle. :-0

Finally, as I've started homeschooling, I'll offer up the observation that it can be easy to let something like this get under one's skin (especially if we know our child is bright, etc.) - but if we do, it's truly our problem, not the child's problem. My bet is, your daughter has her own timeline and, if you've checked with a doctor and know she's physically in good shape, I believe she'll develop as her own free will dictates, into a beautiful, happy, well-functioning human being. So - just enjoy your time with her now, while things are more quiet than not...!

Oh, and, just for kicks, go read a lovely book that had me struggling to a) not mis-prounounce the title in a room full of small children at the local public library and b) fighting back the tears such that my own child kept asking, "are you crying mom?" and I kept having to reply, "it's....it's...SUCH A GREAT BOOK, isn't it?!!!" - go read "Thank You Mr. Falker."

I wish you great joy.

Warm Regards,
T. Benz

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Don't worry about it. How does she do when she is playing by herself, does she speak for her toys and use words or is it still her own language? Does she get a chance to talk? Parents often times do all the talking or they only give their kids the option to say yes or no meaning they don't use open ended questions. It can be hard especially if you are in a hurry to move on to the next thing but they can't develop if we don't give them the room to. My mom knew a little girl that came to visit that never talked until she was almost 4 because everyone gave her what she wanted and she never had a need to ask for anything, when she did start talking it was in full sentences though.

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Some children will not talk until they have complete sentences ready to say.

I had one of those. Also he would only talk to me. Until he was four. Everyone thought he was quite stupid..except me. That lasted until the fourth grade when he took the standardized test and tested in the 99th percentile. Everyone thought he cheated. As he progressed in school he was in the gifted programs and 3rd in graduating class. Ha!

I think you should back off on asking her to talk. Read, read, read, and talk, talk, talk, and take her to interesting places.

I say this as a K-1 teacher, and a parent.

Give her time. If she isn't talking by 3 take her to the local school and have her tested by the speech teacher there--yes they will do that for preschoolers.

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Try not to compare your child to what the benchmarks are. I know it is hard and especially hard when there are other parents with children the same age in your life and all they do is compare and contrast. Your child may just be quiet (NOTHING wrong with that), she may be introverted, basically what I'm saying is that it may not be developmental, just personal preference. -T.

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My twins didn't really start talking till they were a little over two. I was a little worried also. I called the early child intervention program in my area and they tested them and said they needed some help. I also put them in daycare two times a week. I would say that has been the biggest help. Personally I feel that the more that different people talk to my boys the better. For some reason, I can spend all week trying to teach them a word and then my brother will come over and he spends 10min with them and they get it. Just keep trying but I would also get them tested.

Good luck.

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Just keep reading to her and try not to worry or put pressure on her. Often times, the more you push something, the more the child will resist. If you just let it go and let her develop at her own speed, she'll most likely stop feeling shy or whatever it is she is feeling.

Enjoy your little one! :)
J.

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Try teaching your child basic sign language. It worked for my little one. Once she saw she could talk with her hands, but it was faster to talk with her voice, well, now she is 12 and we cannot stop her.
Honestly sign language can be picked up easy, and takes away frustration.
B.
www.SouthSoundDoula.com

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OMG my son was the same way! He is almost 4 now but when he was about 1 1/2 - 2 he barely talked. So when I was doing something around the house I would just talk about what I was doing in detail. I wouldn't try to get him to say anything unless he wanted to try to say a word.
I also read him books, mostly the ones with the picture and word for it.
Now I can't get him to be quiet..lol. And his vocabulary is extensive for his age.
It was his doctors idea to have me ramble on about what I was doing. It seemed to work all to well... lol.
Good luck!
K.

Have you tried signing? Many babies do that instead for a while. She will probably just start saying full sentences when she does talk. She is taking it all in. No worries! Everyone is different.

You can do alot to encourage her, but you can't force anything. Some toys can encourage speech such as the fridge phonix by leap frog- it sings the alphabet song and tells the sound of each letter. Try to get her to repeat after you words you think she can say. Ask questions that require more than a yes or no answer.
If you think she is behind developmentally talk to your dr or county child development (birth to 3 program) to see what resources are available in your area.

Hi A.,
Have you tried sign language? We started Alyssa on some signs shortly after she turned 1. My sister-in-law is hard of hearing and reasurred me that signing will not delay her speaking - it is actually supposed to encourage verbal skills. Baby Einstein's 'My First Signs' is great for kids. I'm sure she'll talk whenever she is ready. Good luck!
~J.

Keep Reading those stories; and keep talking. Keep teaching and showing her what things are... but maybe don't drill or ask her all the time... Each child learns and develops these skills when they are ready! DO NOT be afraid. 2 is still young, and she can learn. I have two boys,(4 & 16 months), and my older one didn't really start talking a lot until he was 3-3 1/2. He is in a two language household, which slows things up, but my heart attitude was never... why can't he talk... they can sense the pressure, maybe not want to mess up and make you sad , or not want to make a mistake... and so then he/she slows down. Also, an encouragement, try not to compare with others her age. I remember I often would say... "Wow, I can't believe how much she/he talks"-- and then I'd make a sly comment. They pick up on every thing! Also, I have heard of some kids who just paid attention to everything; and had to have everything understood about their world before they feel comfortable speaking.

Nowadays, he is talking up a storm and I can't seem to get him to be quiet.

Just keep reading! Showing her things... and learn her ques and her little terms. Decode what she wants or needs...

In another area of my life; I had put a lot of pressures on myself, my husband, and then my family. I wanted things to be in order and to have certain attitudes or responses. These attitudes impacted the way I responded, drilled, and questioned. Once I realized that I had these expectations... and I realized that they were good to have; but unrealistic expectations of my husband... I saw a need to let it go... I was able to take the pressure off of myself and my family... it was so freeing. Now I try to have a more realistic attitude and flexibility... and life is the way that it is here. I work with each day... and hope that I am helping, assisting, loving, respecting, and teaching and training my boys... and obeying the Lord.
If not, it will be okay.

Take Care,
S.

you can try teaching her some sign language, and as you are signing, you can be talking to her also. Also, you can try this if she wants somthing, she needs to ask before it will be given to her that might encourage her to use her words, play groups are also good.

I'm sure others have suggested this (don't have time to read the responses), but if you haven't talked to your pediatrician yet, you should. The school districts all have free screenings. I'd have her screened and then you can find out if she needs speech therapy or not. It's great that you are addressing this now! It is much easier to handle and the implications are less if it is taken care of early.

Good luck!

A.,

You can just relax. She will be fine. To me, 2 years old is too early to expect our kids to be talking, even though some of them are. My son will be 3 in 2 weeks and he has come on like a ball of fire in the past 9 months. He wasn't doing much at 2 either, and his dr had has go to speech therapy. He didn't like it; I didn't like it; so we stopped after about 5 weeks. What I started doing was talking to him all the time, about whatever we happened to be doing at the time, just so he could hear me. I knew he understood everything I was telling him because he would do the things I asked. So I would relax, just talk, talk, and talk some more to her. Even if you're just describing what you're doing. She'll be fine. We had decided to give my son until 3 and if he still wasn't talking, then we would be worried, but that didn't happen. So let her learn in her own way and be ready for when she won't stop. I still love hearing my son talk, even though I'm sure my husband is looking for an off button about now :o)

Hang in there.

R. (mom of 1 little fantastic light of my life)

Others said that kids learn at their own rate and they aren't all the same.

Well, there is a place called the Doman Institute that works with brain-injured kids (not suggesting that your child is brain-injured) and has a great success record to teach brain-injured children gain in all areas to where their IQ is greater than the average child. Pretty miraculous. They also have a series of books about teaching babies to read or do math. They suggest in their books, that you shouldn't put kids in a testing atmosphere. That most kids don't like to perform under pressure. If your child is shying away, then she feels uncomfortable in the situation. Be patient and watch everything else she does. Is she interacting and playing in ways that most 2 year olds play? Are all other developmental milestones being met?

My SIL talks about her friends boy who didn't say anything until he was 4. And then he talked in complete sentences. He said he didn't really have anything to say, so he didn't. He had been through all kinds of tests to see why he wasn't talking. Everything was fine.

If you want more on the Doman Institute or the books, go to www.gentlerevolution.com. Even if you don't try to teach your child in the ways they suggest, their insight in how kids learn is fascinating. I learned more that made sense to me from reading "How to Teach Your Baby Math" than I had in most of my education classes put together. I am a middle school teacher and when I had kids (16 months and 3.5 years)I was intrigued that you could teach your baby math. I haven't seriously worked their methods, but do find the book very interesting to read. The "How to Teach Your Baby to Read" is equally fascinating and overlaps in the area of how kids learn. Check your local library or bookstore for a copy. I found the "Math" one at Borders.

Good luck and remember, you know your daughter best. If you think there is a problem, like hearing or something, then go through some testing. If you think she just doesn't want to perform under pressure (shying away is somewhat suggestive of this) then let her alone and be patient. Read to her, talk to her about the stories in the books, name everything, and definitely start signing. Signing helps to develop the language synapse,paths from one set of information to another, when children learn more than one language or more than one way, this strengthen the brain synaps with more paths that lead to the same information.

D.

I don't think there's much you can do to get a child to talk. My son didn't say mama until just after his second birthday. Then he slowly picked up words all year until he had sentences. People kept telling me that I needed to force him to say words by withholding what he wanted, but that NEVER worked, it just made us both frustrated. I really feel that something clicks on in the brain when a child is ready to talk and it's useless to force something before that (sign language helped us a lot though). My son has always been a little behind in language and it will probably never be his strong point, but in every other way his totally normal (starting to read at 4). Good luck

Hi A.,

I agree with trying sign language. My 3rd child didn't talk much for a while around that age, until I started using sign language. All of a sudden he started talking more. I have a couple baby signing time dvd's that my kids like. I also have checked out dvd's from local libraries. Some that we like are the We Sign dvd's.

Relax. If she doesn't have any trouble hearing, she is probably just a late talker. My son said about 15 words at age one, then he started trying to walk, and his vocabulary went to essentially Mama and Dada. By age two he was saying a handful of words again, but still not as many as I thought he should be saying. Suddenly, about two months after his second birthday he decided that he wanted to talk, and he started repeating everything and talking almost in full sentences overnight. He is now 2 years and 4 months and he does talk in full sentences. Family who haven't seen him since his birthday are astounded. My 11 year old was the same way, except that he decided to start talking at 18 months - but it was literally all at once. My little brother didn't talk until he was 3, because he would point and grunt and I would get him whatever he wanted. Keep reading and encouraging her. Talk to her pediatrician and ensure that there is nothing wrong with her hearing; then enjoy the "silence" because there is no stopping it once it starts.

Music and books on tape!

It will drive you bonkers, but I use this with my kiddos - try fridge phonics, a mini computer (we have a Barney one that says all kinds of words and rewards with pictures and such), and that sort of thing. You can use Christmas as an excuse to pick up a few things that are fun and use words. Leapfrog is great. My son is autistic so words have been hard - at four he has the speaking level of about a 2 1/2 year old. Keeping toys like that has helped improve his vocab and I get to sit and play with them to help him learn how to enunciate.

Also try pretend play - puppets are awesome for this! You can even have her help you make some sock puppets at home with whatever is laying around. Old socks, buttons, and such. She's a girl so she will probably latch onto princess stuff so create some princess and prince puppets or puppets to go with her fave books.

I know they don't say let movies babysit your kids, but Baby Einstein is so awesome I let my kiddos watch that. Sign language, colorful scenes, and tons of new words. You can rent them at the library or if you want to buy them try Costco for great prices on sets. My daughter (also two) loves Hello Kitty movies and has picked up a lot from those as the dialog is simple and the pictures are colorful. THey perform it like theater so my kiddos try to act scenes out even. You might try that with her.

I hope something here helps a little!

C.

My son has delayed development. Which means he is behind in his speech. I took him to his doctor and she referred him to the early childhood education program. They did some testing an he qualified, they thought he had Atisium spectrum. With farther test he did not, he does have an higher IQ because we were reading and working with him on his speech. He needed a different environment to learn in.
So I would contact your local Early childhood education program today. She my be able to get in next school year.

Like just about everyone else said, try not to worry. I know,easier said than done.

Bev Y was right, tho, sign language is a HUGE blessing. It gives the kids a chance to communicate and build sentence-building skills w/o speaking if they don't want to, or can't. There's a basic baby-oriented set by Joseph Garcia called Sign With Your Baby, but my husband and I learned it and I still use it haltingly when I deal with a hearing impaired person. When our son started speaking, he asked us how to sign words beyond our knowledge, so we got a sign dictionary that shows you how to do the motions. It really got him interested in the second language and communicating more complicated ideas.

Secondly, READ READ READ! It's great fun for them, and once they find a book they like, you can start picking out the common words for them to read in the sentences. We started w/ the first Curious George book. After he learned it by heart, I started making him read the name Curious George whenever he saw it, and then I started with articles like "a" "the", pronouns "he/she", and "and" "but" "or." Now he's unstoppable.

It'll all come together. Have faith! :-)

just keep the repitition. she will eventually try it. one thing i have wanted to get but havent is called "my baby can read" there is a website for this. its videos flash cards and activities. its pricy which is why i havent yet but just watching these kids was awesome to me. every child develops at a different rate though. my daughter picked words up very quick and was singing songs by 2 but my son at 15 months only says a hand full of words and doesnt really care. just be patient yet persistant.

Praise and encouragement! A lot of times kids are of afraid of saying new words because they don't want to say it wrong and have you be upset or mad (and criticize them). My daughter is 28 months and usually when she says a new word, it might not sound right at first but if I can pick up what it is she is trying to saying I repeat it the correct way and tell her "good job" and that seems to encourage her to keep trying to say it without making her feel like she did it wrong. Don't worry though, it will all come together.

Where do you live??? -- Each school district provides service to children BIRTH to school age-- if there is a lag in development -- So ( as a retired teacher) - call your local elementary school--- and ask which birth to 3 program they work with. ( Right now, schools provide programs in the district for children 3 and up ---and the younger ones go to a birth to 3 program like Boyer Clinic in the Eastlake area )-- the school will tell you the program- you can call them and describe this -- and they'll likely make an appointment for an evaluation in case a bit of speech therapy NOW keeps her development from being an issue at school age --.

These services are high quality and free -- it's a little known service that could prevent SO much unhappiness in Kindergarden

Many blessings,
J.

Just make sure you're talking to her and around her all the time. Ask her what she thinks about this or that at the grocery store. Have conversations even though she's not speaking so much. Teach her sign language. Two great programs are signwithme.com and signingtime.com. Keep reading to her. Have you had her hearing tested?

My daughter had over 50 spoken words and over 50 signs at 15 months using these methods.

Hi A.,
If her hearing has been checked, and is ok, give it some time before you panic. She is probably absorbing a lot. My parents told me I had a 6 word vocabulary until my sister began talking; then I burst out in complete sentances. (They complained that thereafter I would never shut up.)
If you've ruled out any underlying causes, then she is probably just doing things at her own pace. Keep up the books and reading. Talk to her as though she understands every word. (She probably does.) Though she isn't showing it yet, she is learning your words, and to speak as well as you do, including grammar.
L.