Help 4 Year Old with Assertiveness?

Well we've all been in this type situation. I used to be with my son when he had this type thing happen and I'd say "yes we can play with that toy" in a nice voice helping him assert himself, I'd guide him. I figure he was only 3 or 4 and needed my years of experience, sometimes it's best to show then to explain and when you have someone with you and you do it with them it becomes easier. Just a thought and my own experience. I do work at a prek and I help kids that's a quite becomes assertive as well with this practice it's helps on not be alone when doing it at that age, it's worked for some of the kids...some I've notice don't become assertive until they are older 5-6 etc.

I would Tell your daughter what to say in certain situations and then play act with her, you tell her she cant play with a toy and have her tell you in a nice audible voice Yes I can play with that toy!" Practice this a lot not once or twice. Also practice having her say NO to this child.. This will not be the only bossy child she encounters in life and it is a good place to practice her skills!

The other girl is being bossy because she can, and your daughter lets her do it because she's older/bigger/whatever. Your daughter will learn to do it herself. However, if you intervene for her every time it happens, you will be teaching her that Mom fights her battles and she isn't capable of fighting them on her own. She'll figure it out, don't worry. Kids just do things in their own times. =)

I actually went to a workshop awhile back about self-esteem. I had this same concern. You need to model the behavior until she learns it for herself. So, take her by the hand and say what needs to be said to the other child so that your daughter can use those words/terms. Then later, discuss it with her.

Check out www.parentingplaygroups.com
Although it is based in VA, you can ask this question to get feedback from the owner (Dr in early childhood.)