Hate Working Alone...

There is something in that male genetic code sometimes that requires we ask for help then we perhaps might get it. I know how you feel b/c sometimes I feel like my husband should notice what work needs to be done and do it, but I've learned that I need to ask for help.

Perhaps at dinner, you can list what chores are available and let them each pick what they want to help with first. You should not have to do it all with two other handy people in the same house.

We gotta speak up though!! GOOD LUCK...you are busy!

J.

You sound like me,a few years back....I bet I know how you think. I was doing it all to....Your Taking care of the kids all day...cleaning, doing laundry... ,picking up toys as the day goes on...Fixing dinner,feeding the kids,getting them their baths and to bed...Then just when you think you can take a breather!!!!! You turn around, and see (ALL THOSE DISHES!!! I use to think to myself...Oh good!!! and I was worried about what I was going to do with the little time I had to myself tonight! "I can do the dishes!" Talking about a (FRIGIN CINDERELLA!!!! My way of thinking,back then,was...."They aren't going to ask me if I want help? "Shouldn't they offer? Wouldn't that be the (RIGHT) THING TO DO, After I busted my butt all day!! I'm a bit stubborn,and I'd think to myself...Well, I'm not going to (BEG) for help. I'll just do it myself. BIG MISTAKE! I ran myself into the ground! It didn't take long,before I'd just had it! I had been taken advantage of, long enough and I wasn't going to take it any more! I sat down with my husband,and calmly said...I can't do all this myself any more. I won't do all of this myself any more. I want you to set aside some money each week,to have someone come in and help me...The tears began to flow, and I said...Nobody helps me...I have it all! He thought I'd lost it!! I was hoping, I wouldn't have to go as far as (bangin my head up against the wall!, to make a believer out of him. Well....Seeing me break down, was one thing, but when I told him how much it was for a housekeeper twice a month, he woke right up! Men, can be like little boys. If they can get away with playing rather than help out they will! Yes...He went to work for 8 hours...You've been working for eight also! Why should (your job) extend to 16 or 18 hours? He can come home and kick it... after eight.When is (your break? Your cousin,is old enough to know better to. It sounds like he or she has room and board there.Theres not a thing wrong with your cousin taking turns with the dinner dishes,or better yet fixing dinner a few nights a week...Giving you a break.You have alot of responsiblities...by yourself. You need to sit them both down, and tell them that you need their help.and if they can't bring themselves to do that, start throwing money in the kitty for a housekeeper who (WILL HELP YOU): ) THE BEST OF LUCK TO YOU R.

Hello R.,

I have some suggestions. One is to involve the other two adults in the house. Start a water fight, then after everyone has a good laugh and is relaxed, talk with them about how you feel. A home is a place that everyone works together to make it home. When people put their energy into it, it becomes a part of them. Your little ones will love to help you do dishes. Especially the 3 and 4 year olds. They love to "help" mommy at that age. So get them in there to help in the morning.
Go outside - the kids love to discover the world and show it to you!
Keep you sense of humor - it will get you through the worst of times and the best. God Bless you and I will pray for your family to change and help you!

Why do you have to get past it? You ARE doing it all alone. Tell you husband and cousin you would like some help. One of them could be cleaning the kitchen while you are getting the kids to bed or vice versa or switch off, etc..

I don't have my husbands help in the evenings (he comes home late) but have gotten on a routine that works for me. After dinner the kids play for about 20 minutes while I get the kitchen cleaned up and ready for the morning. During this time, they clean up any toys that are in the living room/family room then get themselves ready for their bath. While in the tub (they are 5 and almost 3) while checking in on them often, I usually get a load of laundry in or at least folded & put away, after bath they are in bed and I don't have much to do but relax. This took some time for me but I found being consistent was key and in the end, I was so much happier because I LOVE waking up to a clean kitchen! Wow, the things that excite us once we become Mom's. (-:

You can do this, you have two adults in your house that could easily be helping you out. Tell them what you want!
M.

You are not alone, I go through this all the time. I take care of my three girls,stay home, cook all day, clean, laundry, play,and by evening I feel exhausted. I actually started to go to the gym in the evening and work out. I bring my girls with me and they have child care there for me. The kids like it there, and I get an hour break to keep my sanitity.

Before I went back to work F/T, I had issues with my husband being a bit of a slob. I understand he really works his butt off and pulls long hours but still, it was a nightmare. I had my house nice and clean and when he came home he would toss his shoes off, walk into to the bedroom and changes out of his clothes placing his dirty clothes on the floor 2ft from the basket! As if there was some kind of invisible shield around the laundry basket. I told him it was very insulting to me and all I asked out of him was at least pick up after himself. Put his dishes in the dishwasher, throw away his trash and just put away the laundry I fold. You'd be amazed how much just that bit helps.

When I started working full time, (except now I quit, but still) I looked at him and told him he has 2 options, he either pitches in and helps me on his time off too or he can find a second job so I can stay home and keep the house pretty. He knew I wasn't bluffing!

My son now 7, get the same treatment, he picks up after himself. And if they are slacking off I go on strike and I'm the one sitting around playing video games! I think its only fair.

It's often the same for working moms too. I remember hearing the phrase "Second Shift" a long time ago referring to women coming home from work and still doing all of the house grunt work. In my case, my significant other was the stay at home (not by my choice, but he was unemployed) and I hated coming home to a dirty house after a long day at work and crazy commute.

One of the big problems too is that housework and being a housewife is so undervalued in society until no one does it and then everything goes haywire. I think that if a family can afford it at all, then money should be set aside for a temp maid to come for an hour or two every two weeks (of course, you can always keep the money and do the work yourself, but at least there is value being shown there).

R., I understand. I have been at the same spot too. It seems alot of people(not just men all the time) seem to think that if you stay at home then you can clean too because you don't have a "job" I would try to break the habit now if you can. Make sure that they both know how you feel and that you would like some help. If he[your husband] says anything about you not having time for him make sure he knows that you have to clean these things before you can. there are many ways to approach it but I have talked to many people and they say that if you start off a relationship or situation in that manner than a man seems to think that it is ok and doesnt need to change. well let him know that its broke,and dammit,it needs fixin. It is usually easier if you tell them nicely without sounding too mean but it depends on the person. good luck and I hope you can use some of the advice you have received.

Could you make a list that needs to be done from 6 PM - 8 AM? Sit down with your husband and divide the work.

We have several agreements. If I cook, he cleans-up the dishes. If he cooks, I clean-up the dishes. He loads laundry and moves it to the dryer. I fold the laundry and put it away.

I also don't freak out about a messy house any longer. One day it will be nice and neat, when the kids are in college.