Hard Times at Small Town High

We have moved may times. I have gone through a whole 3 year duty station without a real female friend.
I am very good at fake it till you make it. I am pleasant and nice. I went to play dates and go church. I joined the PTA. OUt of the blue there will be a gal who is in the same boat and one day you will go up to her and introduce yourself and hit it off just right. Or you will think one of these catty women is too much to bear and they or you have a Pampered Chef party and become friends.
Small towns can be very cliquish. You'll find your niche. Just keep smiling and doing the pageant wave.

All communities have cliques. Its a fact of life.

As for your son inviting a friend over, have your son make up an invitation of sorts, and place it in their mailbox. My son's friends do this:. 'C please come over to play. Have your mom call at ####'.

For an ice-breaker, have an Easter Egg hunt on Saturday. Invite the whole class.

What about setting up a drop-off daycare of sorts? Volunteer to watch the kids so that that mom's can run errands. Then as they get to know you, and become more comfortable with you, things will happen.

Good luck.
M.

I feel for you! why don't you invite the kids in his class, make invitations and send them in asking them to come over to play on a Friday after school?
Or do a pizza party and invite them, or for snack after school? Maybe do a day of arts and crafts, and have them color eggs? You just have to do it, not thinking about what the other mothers are going to say or do. Just invite them and ask them to call you. Give the invites to the teacher and don't tell your son, surprise him if you can when they show up.
Try finding a church that will meet your needs not only spiritually but also socially. Even if you have to drive to it a little longer than the usual. Think this is for your kids, they deserve the best you can give them.
Try opening a mom's group, what do you have to lose?
And aside from all I've said, pray. God knows your heart and your desires, He will meet your needs. :)
Be open to meet others from surrounding towns as well. You may not meet with them on a weekly basis if they live a little too far, but you sure can try to make it once a month, going to the movies, or the library, a park, lake or beach weather permitting; etc.
Blessings to you and your family

You are not alone!!! I moved to my town from a town I grew up in! I cried when we moved....I hated here....I wanted to move home so bad. I was so lonely , I had no friends at all. I was pregnant and went through nine months without a friend. It took me five years to finally make friends that aslo wanted to be my friend. I joined boy scouts and other volunteer groups. I met two women that have become my best friends ever. It will happen for you too. Just get out and join stuff. I bet there is another mom who is just dying for girl talk and friendship. Your son is 6, so he is at the age of all the sports. Soccer, baseball, hockey, football, scouts......the list goes on! find out when and where and go. Have a get to know you party for your son and moms. My girls friends have coffee parties with morning snacks....you can do that. Don't just try things once. I am now a happy mom with friends and you will be also!!

Maybe have a gathering of kids just as a group play date. Invite 2 or 3 boys over at a time. The other moms may feel more comfortable with more kids that just their one at a "new persons" home.. Let the boys just play and play.. maybe for 3 hours, 4 if you include a meal.

You could also start a moms book club. maybe go to the neighborhood library and see if they will let you start it there.

The other thing one of the moms did a t our school was to start a "New Parents" group for our elementary. She was new and noticed it was kind of hard to get started in a new school unless your child was in kindergarten..

It was a great group that met once a month. They made up information folders included all sorts of info about the school, homework, PTA committees, School volunteer info, the culture and traditions of the school. They took parents on tours of the school.

They also introduced them to established parents even gave them a ""buddy Parent" that they could call for advice or suggestions. They held the meetings in the school library and also a t a neighborhood bakery. They allowed the parent s to bring their younger children.. This was such a success they started a new parents for kindergarten parents that met the summer before school on the school playground to share ideas about how to prepare their kids for starting school in the fall.

Speak with the PTO president or the principal about maybe buddying up with another parent to maybe a 4th grade student or parent who has many children go through this school. Co chairing this committee would make the work less involved.

I am one of four authors of a book entitled Four Ordinary Women. In our book, we addressed this topic --- how women today are often isolated and don't spend the time nurturing their friendships, or finding new friendships as they pass through different stages of our lives. For example, when you are newly married, you have couple friends, and then when you begin to have children in school, most of your friendships will be parents of the kids in your kids class. We also live in a culture where there are many working moms --- and they drive in the driveway at night and raise the garage door and close it behind us --- all done electronically!!! So there aren't those conversations in the yard, at the mailbox, etc. I would encourage you to find a group of women, like I did. We met at a local library in a meeting room, and from there wrote and gathered twice a month. The end result was a published book!

P. D.

Wow, you could be me, although mine is opposite. Come move near me!! :) I moved here from a smaller, but more urban city. I have had a lot of trouble making friends. Everyone has families or playgroups or local "friends" that are so hard to break into. People will be nice, but it never gets beyond the superficial, how are you doing, and they never invite you to be included with their "real" friends. Most are stay at home moms, and I work, so whenever I suggest anything, they always propose a time they know that I can't do, and everyone else jumps in, and they have a playdate while I work. No one is willing to meet in the evenings or weekends. A lot of these moms, I introduced to each other too, which makes it that much harder ego wise. So, 5.5 years after moving here, I still really don't have any friends here. My neighborhood kids are older, or the residents are older, and my church is across town, and hasn't been any more inviting.

The only thing that has worked for me is a playdate with one girl from my son's daycare. The mom is nice and we take them to the park, or once in a while to each other's house, but it seems to be more for the kids and our relationship is still superficial. I feel like everyone already has all the friends they need and no one wants to make the effort for another one.

Sorry, I really don't have help, just empathy. I will check back for better suggestions than my own. :)

I felt the same way, we have lived in our town for about 11 years and it was only about 5 years ago that I really made some good friends. It takes a long time. I did develop casual friendships and aquantances (sp) at first by hosting kids parties that included their siblings and parents. For example before christmas I sent invitations for a gingerbread house making party, I had wine and appetizers for the adults and kids food and no one felt uncomfortable because they could busy themselves helping the kids make the gingerbread house, I found that was a nice ice breaker and although some of my guest are still just aquantances (sp) it is nice because when I go to school events etc... they are now people I know and I feel comfortable talking with them. Another type of party that I had was an end of the school year party, it was make your own ice cream sunday, keep it short, simple vanilla ice cream and lots of different toppings, invite all the families you would like to get to know. Eventually people will start to reciprocate and you will start to make friends. (just make sure you keep the parties very casual and not showoffish) As your kids get older, they will start to make more meaningful friendships and you will start to get to know their friends parents better and maby become good friends with one of them. I have known my best friend for 8 years before we actually bonded and became friends. I am still not in the clique in this town and still feel uncomfortable at times, we all feel that way. Oh another way that I met other mothers was through girlscouts, the troops are usually small and alot of the mothers get involved in the activities which can be a nice way to develope some common interest with the other mothers. Good Luck

S.,
I am so sorry for you having to go through this. I can totally relate. I live in a town of under 5,000 people and WOW!! Anyway, it is hard to get into a circle of friends. My husband and I live in a foriegn country now and still can't seem to make friends. But I cannot even drive here. But we live on a compound and only one American and 2 British people. So it is very hard to make friends. Especially since most of them are Muslim. The westerners are christian, but not too serious. But we have connections and friends that we do not see them often but they are strong in the same beliefs.
Hang in there and look at the church or find a new one that would have younger people at it. Where exactly are you? Are you near or around Kansas City, MO? There is an awesome church near I-29 and North Oak Trafficway. Near where a Venture used to be. Not sure what is there now. I think there was a CiCi's pizza place. Anyway, the name of the church is Harmony Vineyard. The pastors name is John Brown and he is really one neat guy. Okay, well, I wish I lived closer, because I would be happy to be your friend. I am not maybe as young as you. However we are trying to adopt a litte girl and I help take care of my grandson who is now 7 weeks old +. So I stay kind of busy right now. But would have time for a new friend. We come back to KCMO in the summer for almost 2 months. We are usually in Branson for 6 weeks or so.
Well, bless you and I hope the best for you.
K.~ write anytime~ ____@____.com