Happy, Healthy 4M Girl but Very Demanding and fussy-Need Help

Hi T., My Youngest is 21 years, I two was a stay at home mom,the differnece is I didnt have a business to run-If your girl has been cleared of any medical checks, I suggest that make sure she is breathing clear with no allergies blocking her.That would keep her waking if she is having a difficult time breathing easily-Also, with all your activities, if you are overly anxious and stressed she to will feel it and will respond with:all the signs she is showing...crying, sleeping less maybe eating changes-Our children feel our pain & stress as well as our happiness.Raising my children was my passion,now that there grown I have been somewhat lost finding something as wonderful as being a full time mom-All the best.Ann Rogers

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Hi T.,
I truly believe that us mommies need to be calm and happy in order for us to be good mommies. I think if you are truly overwhelmed to put her in a safe place like her crib and take a 10 minute time out. After you have collected your sanity, go in and try to help her out. My son loves his pacifier, so instead of feeding all of the time, try that. Also, maybe give her a soothing bath to help her to calm down. Bouncy seats, swings, different toys and colorful rattles, and soothing music do wonders. Also, check her fingers for hairs cutting off circulation in her fingers. Babies can't die from crying, but I wouldn't leave her alone for longer than 10 minutes crying. That is just me though. Good luck! You can do this, and it won't last forever!!!

I'm a little surprised that no one has mentioned what looks to be post partum depression in you. Just based on what you said about crying all the time, easily aggitated, worrying about losing a bond, etc. I suggest going to your doctor and figuring out for yourself it you need help during this time. It isn't a sign of weakness or "craziness".
As far as the baby goes, she's still pretty new at only 4 months old. I would check the reflux as the other moms suggested. Be sure to burp her really well. It could be trapped gas that causes pressure when you lay her down. Put a wedge under her mattress so she has an incline to sleep on. Swaddle if she'll let you. They still like that feeling of being held and snuggled. I don't suggest the cry it out method for an infant that young. Schedules don't really work, but routines are very helpful. Look up the difference and try to implement those that work for your family.
Good luck! I really hope you seek help for you as well.

I she getting teath? mine did at 4 months, and that is why she wants to nurse more...

Dear T.: I can appreciate your frustration and concern for the amount of crying. Is it possible your daughter is sensitive or hypersensitive to EMF (electromagnetic frequencies)? Do you have a baby monitor and other electronics in her room?

I've read many compelling stories like yours and a common denominator was increasing wireless technology in the home. Cordless phones all have an antenna to reach the base station, cells range is clearly further to a cell tower. All these release EMF / EMR that affects every one of us, some more than others.

Her cries are her only way to communicate and you have to be the magician to figure out why. It comes with the territory. Hang tight, with this group you will get responses and our prayers for you will prevail.

Blessings, patience and persistence...C. P

Hi, my daughter did the same exact thing and I started her on cereal and it helped and I also bought Hylands teething tablets and they worked miracles!! They are natural and my pediatrician said they were fine and if she has stomach pains/gas they do help with that as well. I just asked the pharmacist and he handed them to me. My daughter is now 4 and she still is very demanding compared to how my son was. I cant wait for pre k this fall and hopefully this will help her!! Best of luck!! S.

after being sure she is ok, put her to bed and egnor her. you can get a baby walky talky and hear what is going on in her room. Everytime you give in you enpower her to fuss more answer her slowly when she fusses. Teach her to wait.

Personally, I think 4 months old is still an infant, and should not be left to cry it out. Some other moms will disagree....and I guess it is harder when you have another one to look after, plus a job. But clearly there is something wrong with her. Did you take her to a Dr.? When did it start? After she had her shots?
At the end of the day, no matter what other people suggest, You need to trust yourself, your baby and what you feel is ok & not ok. Period. The end.

Hi, I have a 3 year old daughter and a 4 month old son. I feel for you because my older one was a much more intense baby than my son now is. She behaved very much like your daughter. I think I'm lucky because I had the harder baby first. I think when you're used to an easy baby, having a more spirited baby becomes a challenge. My daughter was a decent sleeper until 4 months old and then her sleep went bonkers. She'd wake up 20-30 minutes after being put down for the night. She went through a phase where she would wake up the second her hair brushed the mattress as I was laying her down. It was super frustrating. She was a frequent nurser and rarely went 3 hours until maybe...hmmm...9 months? Here are my thoughts on it...

1. You aren't doing anything to make her this way. It's just her personality. Some babies are just more intense. My son might fuss a few minutes before all out crying; my daughter went from 0 to 60 in 5 seconds!

2. I think she's way too young to cry it out. I can't endorse any crying it out personally. I believe that being a parent is a 24 hour a day job. I don't stop responding to my kids just because 8 pm rolled around. I let mine fuss, but if it escalates to crying, I get them as soon as I can. With intense personalities, it's better to go to them sooner rather than later. I found that the longer it took to get to my daughter, the worse she cried and the harder she was to settle. I know the feeling of resentment and wondering if you're creating a demanding monster. But truly, responding to her needs at night has the opposite effect. She becomes more secure because she knows you'll always be there for her. My "demanding" 4 month old is a very talkative outgoing 3 year old who's rarely shy with strangers. I didn't "spoil" her.

3. A lot of babies have sleep disturbances at 4 months. It's normal. Their sleep cycles become more like adults at this age and the transition is hard for some babies. Even my easy son who was doing 12 hour stretches last month is waking at night and it takes a few tries to get him down for the night now. Here's a link on waking 4 month olds:
http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/4mo-sleep.html

Babies can have physical growth spurts at 3 and 4 months. So maybe some of the waking to nurse IS for hunger. Teething can start at 4 months and nursing often helps with the pain. Also, there are mental developments that take place in all babies around 19 weeks. Here's a great book that tells you when these mental developments occur:
http://www.amazon.com/Wonder-Weeks-Phases-Magical-Forward...

Anyway, I know as parents we just want to do the best we can with our kids. Once we think we've got a routine nailed down, babies are great for changing it up on us. I think feeling overwhelmed at this stage of the game with 2 young ones is normal. I get agitated too. Being a mom is hard and sometimes you just need a break. If your husband won't help you, do you have family or close friends that could watch the kids for a couple hours while you recharge? I know how hard it is. You may find it easier to deal everything when you're taking care of yourself too. Take care and as annoying as this phrase is, it's true; this too shall pass!

According to Pediatricians who believe in crying-it-out. Babies should not cry it out until they have reached 5 months of age. Crying for naps should be limited for 1 hour (before the nap takes place...ie laying them down to sleep and allowing them to cry. If they wake after 45-to 1 hr go to them immediately, if shorter than that, allow to cry up to 1 hr) and night time crying that is not a result of hunger should be unlimited. Hunger cries during the night happen at unpredictable times...not at the same time each night.
4 months of age is filled with sleep problems because it is when the infant like sleep changes to adult like sleep. Some babies handle it with no problem (my daughter) and some babies have a very hard time with it (my son). The lack of sleep causes behavioral issues during the day. I recommend buying the book "Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child".

At four months she is way too young to let her "cry it out". She is crying because she has a need and if you want her to have a deep rooted sense that you will take care of her and her needs, you need to respond. Some babies like your son set a schedule and keep to it. More often than not babies change their schedules as their needs change. They may fluctuate on their feeding schedules according to growth spurts, same with their sleeping schedules. Some babies are fussy, some are not. She is not able to tell you in any way other than crying when she is hungry, has gas or stomache pain, is too cold, is too hot, is uncomfortable in some way, is scared, needs to be touched, etc...and every child is different. At four months she is not old enough to be manipulative, she has a real need. I know it's hard, but hang in there, keep meeting her needs, and before you know it time will pass and all of this will be behind you.

I never did or will believe in "crying it out". She's a baby, after all. I don't think she is "strong willed"; but in pain. Have you taken her to the pediatrician? Also, where are you located so I can perhaps recommend an Holistic practitioner.
If still nursing, make note of your diet.
Your stress with your husband is also a factor...
Know that all this will pass, so please take a deep breath (often) and choose to calmly get through this phase.
Blessings to you and your family

demmanding???
she's an INFANT.
she is not doing this with any actual THOUGHT process, she is doing her JOB, being a BABY.
Please mama, HOLD that BABY.
WEAR that baby! you CANNOT SPOIL a BABY.
so look at www.thebabywearer.com/forum
and find a babywearing group near you for some real-life support! As recreation director, you can even hold local babywearing meetings and classes and really get into it!!!

I say NO sleep training; she's a BABY.
does she have reflux? there is SILENT reflux, too...this is with no spit-up, it's a double-burn- acid goes up & is swallowed back down...she is most likely nursing all the time to soothe the burn!
sounds like REFLUX. Get to a pediatric Gastroenterologist, do not 'bother' with a pediatrician...just get a referral....

My daughter is now 5 months old and at 4 months she did the same exact thing. I chalked it up to a growth spurt. That is all the symptoms and it's very common at 4 months. I just kept sticking to the schedule and after about a week she was kind of back to normal, not perfect but after about 2 weeks she was pretty much fully back on her schedule. Maybe try and google "growth spurt" and she if that follows your symptoms.

Sounds to me like she was getting into a good sleep routine at about three months, and them something disrupted her routine and now waking to feed has become a habit for her. I know a lot of moms out there will disagree with me, but I am going to give you the advice of my pediatrician. He is great and has helped me with loads of issues with my boys, everything from nutrition to sleeping, to potty training and then some.

At four months old, almost all babies (barring any health or weight issues) no longer "need" to eat during the night. Most do so out of habit and comfort, which is fine, unless it is causing a problem for you. Also, there is nothing wrong with nursing/soothing a baby to sleep, IF that baby can then put herself back to sleep during night wakings without more nursing/soothing.

I would ask your pediatrician for advice. If he/she has nothing to offer you to help your baby sleep though the night, then you may need to do some research on your own on sleep training methods. Our ped. recommended a modified version of the Ferber method and it worked wonders for my son. It did nothing to hinder the bond between us, and he is a happy, healthy, great sleeper nowadays.

I won't go into to too much detail, but basically, it boils down to having a consistent bedtime routine, and putting her to bed awake. Checking on her at set intervals until she is asleep and repeating the process each time she wakes at night. You should not just close the door and leave her to cry for hours on end...there is more of a "method" to it. With my son, I cut the night feedings cold turkey at six months, but you can reduce them one by one if that is easier for you.

You can google "sleep training" or "Ferber Method" for more details, or ask your pediatrician.

It sounds like your daughter is classified as being a 'high-needs baby' as per Dr Sears (http://www.askdrsears.com/).

[In my professional opinion, Baby wise is harmful to nursing babies and mothers. The concepts sound good, but end up starving the nursing bond physically and emotionally.]

My daughter was 'high-needs' at the beginning, but with the practices of attachment parenting - breastfeeding, baby wearing, etc found here: http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/T130300.asp - she became a wonderfully grounded young child.

Also, find a La Leche League group in your area and call the leader(s). They are wonderful ladies who have been trained and heard it all! http://www.lllflorida.com/groups/index.html

And for some laughs about parenting/mothering/breastfeeding/attachemnt parenting/etc check out http://www.thecowgoddess.com/
or
http://www.mama-is.com/

Many blessings and thoughts your way! Just remember, you are working on the cornerstone/foundation of your child, and the work you put in now will last a lifetime!

I would recommend the book Baby Wise. It will have great tips for you that you can customize for your family. I have had 2 "high maintenance" babies and 2 easy. I know how hard it can be, but I'd like to give you a little picture into the future if I may. You're in the midst of "they're little and demanding and will this ever end?" stage. Let me assure you IT WILL! My "high maintenance" babies are 13 and 8 now---I blinked and they are 13 and 8! :>) After reading how many other responsibilites you have outside your children, one recommendation I would give is to cut out some of the "extras" for now. I'm sure you immediate reaction is "Impossible!" but I would urge you to FIND A WAY! Your focus needs to be on those babies right now. When you have a baby that takes a little more attention (or a lot) you need to adjust your life to that baby, not the other way around. I promise you won't regret it! Some babies just need more attention than others. It's ok, that's how God made them. I'm NOT suggesting that your world revolve around jumping for every little wimper either! Schedules are good for babies and it's healthy for ALL children to learn that the world doesn't revolve around them all the time. But trying to be "superwoman" and "have it all" will lead you directly to a nervous breakdown and at the least shortchanging you family. You can't give your very best to SO many things! Take time out to give your best to those precious blessings that will be gone before you know it! You only get ONE chance to parent! Make the most of EVERY moment you can and ENJOY this brief moment in time!