So my dd is almost 3, and she has her end of year gymnastics show in 2 weeks. So we invited my husbands family to come and watch, seems like no big deal right? Well, my MIL broke a bone in her foot. Apparently she doesnt like walking on crutches, insurance wouldnt pay for a walker or wheelchair so now she has some rickety wheelchair she somehow got from someone else that she doesnt even come close to fitting into. I have seen this particular chair in use by her before and it was a total.disaster. So I asked my dh if I should buy his dad and sister tickets to the show since I figure his mom is not coming. She has refused to even come to our house saying she has to stay in bed, shes in pain, ect, so.I figured shes not.coming to the show.
My dh says theres no way dad and sister will go without her because she will throw a total fit. Now she is saying she is coming to the show, in said wheelchair. If she does actually come it will be a nightmare, she did tho before at my daughters birthday party, she expected people to move furniture for her, then move it again because she insisted on sitting next to my dd while she ate, it was ridiculous. Not to mention her friend that she brought was smoking next to my dd playpen and they were laughing about it. She wont just do like a normal person in this situation and just sit in the back.or by the door, or just use the darn crutches its not that far from the door to a chair. She will.make a huge scene. So my husband doesnt know what to do. We would really like.his family to come, especially his dad since he is dd favorite person of the moment. He asked me what to do, I said lets get tickets for his dad and sister, give it to them and say to MIL we didnt get you one since we knew you wouldnt come with your broke foot. He says no way that wont work, she will.have a crying fit. She has been calling everyday to complain to my dh about her foot... Its very dramatic. Any ideas at all on how to handle this?
The seating is inside the gym on wooden bleachers with folding chairs in front, they know this.as they came last year. They had the chairs up super close and the area where the kids were roped off so you could get pictures and everything was cramped. Due to her size she had a hard time.getting in there last year when she was not on the crutches/wheelchair. I will be with my dd and dh will.be taking care if our 4 month old so we wont be able to help her.
I agree, don't invite anyone from that family. Say they ran out of tickets except for immediate family
If money is no object buy three tickets. And tell her "oh i hope you will be comfortable, it's a long program adn i know how much pain you will be in, and well you know, the seating area is very far from the "stage" It really shows how much you love little cutie to endure being uncomfortable for so long just to watch her routine." really lay the (fake) sympahty on thick and see if that is enough to get her to stay home.
You could always video tape the show and then have a viewing party later at thier house.
Just buy her the ticket. You can't really buy the others and not hers, it is kinda mean, even though I get where you're coming from. Give them all three tickets and say that you went ahead and bought hers but it is totally okay if she doesn't feel up to coming. Mention that you wanted to go ahead and buy it so she had a seat, but she can play it by ear on the day-of to see if she's up to it. I would also give her the layout of the place and recommend that it might be a good time to use the crutches b/c you're not sure how wheelchair accessible the place is and there will be a lot of people.
Given that you know she's going to make a huge scene and make the day about herself and her pain when it should be about your daughter and her show, I would forgo asking the family and take videos of the event.
Your daughter is 3 and it sounds like she will be in a gymnastics show next year! So they can come next year!
The important thing is your daughter and her special performance and her day. Kids remember this kind of stuff! I remember every show I was ever in. You don't want to ruin it for your daughter.
It's always best to avoid the drama if possible! I would even go so far as to say that the show is "sold out" or you were only allowed so many tickets per family this year.
Good luck!
Can you just rent a decent wheelchair for the day for her to use? Also, advise them to come early so that you can ensure she gets an accessible seat.
At my son's high school play they left the end seats on a few rows open to accommodate wheelchairs - see if you child's school is doing the same thing.
Give them three tickets - it will be less hassle in the long run.
Enjoy the show - and take lots and lots of pictures!
Wow, I would just have to put myself out of the whole situation and let them work it out. You and husband will be busy and not able to attend to them as audience members at all. If you are buying tickets, get three, give them to them and don't think about it again, lol! Just go to the show as your little family and do what you need to do, and let them come or not come and do what they are going to do. You really can't control it, so just get the tickets and let things fall where they may. Then, pray next year will be better!
Ditto Leigh.
You're stuck. In order to be the kind of person you want - one that holds herself to a higher standard, you say nothing and help when asked. Otherwise, just hold your boundaries.
But she's one of "those". She's going to do everything she can to piss you off, without actually crossing the line. I know - I have one of those in my life currently.
It can really get under your skin, until you understand how terribly these people think of themselves. They are positive they are worthless and that we will reject them. So instead of working on themselves and their self-esteem....they lash out so that they "reject" us before they can be rejected.
Keep your chin up - it's only embarrassing to her - you're not her keeper. And keep healthy boundaries! :)
you can't cut her out. get her the stupid ticket and then let her kids deal with her. then you watch your little girl and enjoy the show!
my MIL insisted she wanted to come to my son's college graduation, which i thought was very nice since she had knee surgery this spring and is still (by choice) using wheelchairs and walkers. OMG, the drama. she is still telling the rest of the family that my dh and i 'made' her walk all the way across the campus (we dropped her off in front of the building, then david parked the car, and he picked her up at the back door after getting permission from security to do so. she just had to walk- with her walker- into the building and across the gym.)
let your dh and his siblings deal with her. there are no good answers, all you can do is be gracious and enjoy your daughter's big day.
khairete
S.
If neither you nor your husband will be able to help them, why not just buy all 3 tickets and let them figure all the rest out themselves? Then not worry about it anymore?
If you buy dad and sister their tickets and tell her "We knew you wouldn't come with your broken foot" -- you will never live it down. You will hear forever about how excluding and mean you were to her. And it would not be entirely wrong. It's clear you have a host of issues that go way beyond this one event and drama over her foot right now; she seems to suck up all the attention all the time, I feel sure. But to get the other tickets and say "We assume you are not coming" is the same as saying "We don't want you there." And from your post it's clear that you really don't want her there anyway. That's yours to feel, but to leave her out will only give her another reason to be dramatic with you. You may not see it that way but she will -- and you also risk alienating your "dd's favorite person of the moment," her husband. Just get three tickets, give them the tickets, tell them you are with your daughter and your husband is with the baby and you will meet them for hugs AFTER the show and won't be able to see them beforehand. And let sister and dad deal with her before and during the show. If she does not come and does not use the ticket -- say nothing except you're sorry she missed it, and don't ever carp about "We got you a ticket and you didn't come!" Leave it alone. You only feed into her drama if you don't invite her; if you invite her and she doesn't come, you will feed into her drama more if you raise it with her.
Focus on your daughter and ignore comments or complaints from MIL.
Here is what I would do, get her the tickets and hope that because she is in a public place she reigns herself in. Since you are dealing with your daughter and a new baby, I don't think anyone would blame you for being "way too busy" to deal with her.
Then I would let my husband handle it. If can't stand up to his mom and say, "Hey, there's no reason to act that way." Then he can deal with it. But that's just me.
Check out the venue in advance (if you aren't already familiar with it) and speak to the gymnastics teacher. Find out from her/him how easily or difficult wheelchair access is, WHERE the seating for wheelchairs is (some have spots left on the ends of aisles somewhere, or in the front even, like movie theaters sometimes do), or what arrangements you can make in advance to make a space for her wheelchair, if any.
Then do all you can (if there is anything you can do) to make it where she just gets wheeled in and to her place, and the brakes get put on the chair. Tell her in advance that the ONLY place she can use/park the chair is ____, for the safety, etc of the other spectators. If she doesn't like wherever that location is, there is nothing that can be done about it, you're just "warning her in advance, so that nothing upsets ___ (your daughter) on her big night". Because if the space isn't to her liking, any complaints will ruin the evening for ____ (daughter) and make her feel bad.
Or some such explanation that will give her fair warning to keep her b--ching and moaning to a low roar, or opt to stay home.
You could even tell her that you and hubby won't be available to help her or run interference for her with the wheelchair, b/c you will be tending to your daughter and videoing the performance etc... and if she'd like her own copy of the video, rather than dealing with the hassle and discomfort of the chair and bad seating, that you'd be Happy to bring her one.
Such a shame that "adults" cannot put themselves out of the spotlight for a child. :/
Ugh... I can somewhat relate, as I have family members that seem to carry drama wherever they go & I worry about what they are going to say or do to be embarrassing that particular day.
I would not invite anyone, if that's what it takes to keep this a positive event, where the focus is on your DD & not your MIL. She just sounds like a complainer & drama queen who will most certainly ruin the occasion.
I'm a little confused as to why you and your hubby are buying their tickets? I would have them buy their own and then if your FIL wants to buy her a ticket, then he can make all her arrangements for seating. I'm not seeing where any of this is you or your husband's responsibility. Your responsibility is to your daughter and making sure her big night is wonderful and memorable!!!
But from what you're saying, sounds like she shouldn't be there because she's already put herself first.
Simple....Don`t buy anyone a ticket. Let you and your husband enjoy-that`s it.
Don't get tickets for ANYONE. Your daughter will have a gymnastics show next year. Then everyone will enjoy themselves and there won't be a spectacle.
I promise you that the alternative will have on here writing another thread...
Enjoy the show!
Dawn
its not your decision. ask your daughter if she wants her grandpop there, if so then invite them all and leave it up to them to figure things out. If someone was moving chairs for someone in a wheelchair as an outsider I would never think it was annoying....I think since you know her its more embarassing but from an outsiders view they're not judging you or her at all.
Teach your daughter to love all people and not judge people based on size and handicap.
I agree with cheerful. Just get her the tickets and let your SIL and her husband deal with her. That way you made the offer and she can't make an issue out of you not inviting her. It will be up to her as to what to do. I have a difficult MIL and while it is hard for me to do myself - sometimes you have go with the path of least resistance. Let her make her own decision so that when she complains about it later - you can nicely say, "well, that is YOU wanted to do, I'm sorry it didn't work out the way you wanted it to."
J. S you are so right! I'm sorry you have such a pain in the butt MIL. get the tickets your husband needs to man up and deal with his mommy!
Give them the tickets and stay in your area. Let them deal with her and getting her seated. You could talk to the gym owner and find out how early they can come due to her situation and get her in her place before everyone else starts coming in. That way there will be very little incident for anyone to see.
That is what I would do. You are sending the message you know she cares about your child and that she is a part of the family. It is probably just as embarrassing for her to be the center of everyone's attention when she is not at her best too. I would try to make it as easy as possible for her to get in place then basically ignore her the rest of the evening since you will be super busy and so will hubby.
So its because she has an big ugly wheel chair and is somewhat dramatic. My brother has a huge electric wheel chair and by no means would he sit in back like a normal person. He likes to be right up front so he can see. Maybe your MIL loves her grandchild and does not want to miss out on seeing her. I bet her foot really is in pain because broken bones in the foot are the worse, and at her age really painful. I think you should get her tickets and let hubby wait on her. I wait on my mom when she is in my home. She is older and is a bit dramatic herself. I believe its because she does not get so much attention anymore. So it makes her feel awesome when we do. Their is always room for a wheelchair where ever you go. Make her feel welcome and loved. Your daughter will see how her grandmother is treated and know how much you all love her. It will show her how elders should be treated. She just sounds a little dramatic and thats not bad. Have fun and good luck.
