Greiving Mom

D.,

I lost two girls...twins. They did not live that long, I didnt lose them to sids but other complications. The first few months I would visit them, I went every day, I cried every day. I then stopped myself from going all the time and went once a week. I did taper it off to once a month .....I still cried everyday. All I can say is that time helped me. It takes time to handle a loss of a child.Its been thirteen years and I now go once a year. My heart still breaks and I think as a mom there is no cure for that. But you learn to live with it. You go on and try to think of happy thoughts to get you through the days ahead. There is nothing wrong with how your feeling, its normal to have a hard time with this. All you need is time to deal with it and it will get better. I am so sorry for your loss. Sometime a grief counselor is tremendous help.

D.

D., my sister lost her first baby boy to SIDS. She has been a memer of SIDS of Illinois for a very long time. As a family, we have long been involved in this awesome organization.

You can go to SIDSIllinois.com or :

Support Services

The goal of SIDS of Illinois is to bring together volunteers and professionals to provide compassionate and meaningful support services to families and individuals who suffer the death of an infant. Through the coordination of referrals, Sudden Infant Death Services of Illinois and other agencies can establish support and foster the needs of grieving families.

A toll-free Number is available to all Illinois residents needing support. In Illinois, call 1-800-432-SIDS(7437) to speak with a bereavement support specialist.

24-Hours 7-Days a Week- National Bereavement Number:
1-800-221-7437 to speak to with a bereavement support specialist.

Family Packet/Bereavement Resources:
Upon receipt of a referral, the newly bereaved parent(s) is sent a packet of information complete with self addressed, stamped post card allowing the family to request additional information. We have resources for those directly affected by the baby’s death including single parents, teenage parents, fathers, grandparents, child care providers, and medical personnel. Upon request, new families will receive a copy of the highly acclaimed SIDS and Other Infant Death Survival Guide, and Surviving the Death of an Infant Video. Both resources provide a wealth of information to offer comfort to the grieving families. Families will only be contact by telephone upon specific request. Available in English and Spanish.

One-on-One Peer Support:
It is crucial that parents and families receive support. Many parents have a strong system but their families and friends put a time limit on their grief. These parents will seek peer support weeks or months after their baby has died. Other parents struggle with their pain alone and feel isolated. Another bereaved parent can provide insight to grieving parent that may go beyond the experience of well-intended relatives and friends who are unable to help or who do not understand. These peer parents have received specialized training from a certified bereavement facilitator. The role of peer parent is to provide support. They are not counselors nor do they give advice. Available in English and Spanish.
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Support Groups

Support Groups-
We weep together
We laugh together
We hope together

There is sometimes a misconception among bereaved families that participating in a group will only magnify the grief process. This is wrong! Grief is painful and it will not be ignored. You may try to eat through it, sleep through it, drink through it, work through it or drug through it. It will ooze throughout your life. Support groups offer a way to meet our grief head on with the support of others who are a similar situation. We are with others who understand that we have good moments and bad ones. There a people with us who know that we will feel worse at 4 months than we did at one month when the shock and numbness have worn off. There are people with us who have walked this path before us. There are people to cry with us and laugh with us and to remember that before our babies died – they lived.

Monthly support group meetings in a variety of locations around Illinois as well as flexible, as needed support groups. Relatives, friends and childcare providers are welcome to attend. Participants can share their concerns in a safe environment. If your area does not currently offer a group, contact the office, we will try to find a group from another organization that may help or send you a copy of our video – You Are Not Alone. This video was designed to be a “Support Group in a Box”.

General Groups
Online Groups
Frequently Asked Questions
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General Groups - SIDS & Other Infant Death Support Group

Hinsdale More Information
Group 1: SIDS Support Group
Date: 2nd Thursday of each month
Time: 7:00 - 8:30 p.m.
Meeting Place: Redeemer Lutheran Church (Lower Level)
First Street and Park Avenue
139 E. First Street
Hinsdale, IL
Facilitator: Pam Borchardt

Chicago – Englewood Neighborhood
Date: 3rd Monday of each month
Time: 5:00 p.m. – 6:30 p.m.
Meeting Place: Englewood West Library
63 rd & Wood
Chicago , IL
Contact Gail Patton at ###-###-#### or ###-###-####

Rockford Group
Rockford - Healing Hearts Support Group
Date: 3rd Monday of Each Month
Time: 7:00
Meeting Place: QMI Building
215 N. 4 th St .
Rockford, Il 61107
Contact: Haven Network - ###-###-####

Quad City Group
Quad Cities group meets as requested by appointment. For information call Betsy ###-###-####.

Springfield, IL Group
Date: Every Tuesday Evening
Time: 6:45 - 8:00 PM
Meeting Place: St. John's Hospital
The Chapel Annex at
800 Carpenter St
Springfield, IL
Facilitator: Dee Stern, Chaplain
For Questions, please contact: ###-###-####

St Louis, Mo Group
Date: 3rd Monday of Every Month
Meeting Place: SIDS Resources
143 Grand Ave.
St. Louis, Mo 63122
For more informaiton contact
Lori Behrens at ###-###-####

All These Groups can NOT accommodate childern
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Online Support Groups

Support Groups for General SIDS Discussion: www.groups.yahoo.com/group/sidsfamilies

For SIDS Granparents: www.groups.yahoo.com/group/sidsgrandparents

For SIDS Fathers:
www.groups.yahoo.com/group/sidsdads

For Expecting SIDS Mom & SIDS Moms with subsequent babies: www.groups.yahoo.com/group/babiesaftersids

For SIDS Moms Trying to Conceive: www.groups.yahoo.com/group/sidsmomstrying

For SIDS Siblings: www.groups.yahoo.com/group/sidssiblings

For SIDS Parents a Few Years Down the Road: www.groups.yahoo.com/group/sidsdtr

For SIDS Aunts:
www.groups.yahoo.com/group/sids-aunts
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Frequently Asked Questions
about Support Groups (FAQs)

What is a support group and how can it help me?
A support group is lead by a grief facilitator. Many times, this person is also a SIDS parent as well. They know the journey you are on and can help you with many of your grief questions. We believe that the death of a child and the sadness that we feel is very isolating. Even our closest friends and family do not seem to understand the grief that we feel. Sharing the pain with others who have had similar experiences helps to make us feel less isolated, less alone and sometimes even shows us that we can survive this event.

What if I don't want to talk about it?
In the group, you should never feel pressured to talk. You will be asked by the facilitator is you'd like to talk. You may chose to remain silent. You should feel comfortable to talk only when you are ready to talk. Many people go to several meetings and just listen before they are ready to share their experience with the group. There are no ground rules for these groups, only friendship, empathy and support. In fact, some of the most meaningful friendships blossom in support groups. The pain and isolation can become overwhelming if you try to get through it alone.

What if I don't like the support group?
It makes sense that you wouldn't like being in the company of so much pain. However awkward it may seem at first, try to attend at least three meetings before giving up. You may be surprised at how much the meetings help during your times of grief. If you are still uncomfortable after three meetings, talk to your facilitator. The facilitator can recommend other groups in the area as well as private counseling. We also have Peer parents available to talk with you on a one-to-one basis over the phone or on the internet.

Best wishes for strength.

C.

Hello D.,

I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter. How unbelievably devastating.

Here are some other resources for you. First Candle has a place on their web page dedicated to grieving families. You can get in touch with grief counselors and get connected with other parents who have also lost a child to SIDS.

Babycenter has "groups" (formerly known as their message boards) for parents who have lost a child to SIDS or stillbirth. These groups are generally very active and the other moms provide wonderful support for each other. I used to be a member of one of the stillbirth and infant loss groups because my sister gave birth to a stillborn baby girl two years ago. You might want to seek support there too.

http://www.firstcandle.org/
http://community.babycenter.com/groups/a115155/sidsinfant...

Once again, I am so sorry about your daughter.

Lucy

Oh my goodness, how very sad and difficult. It may help a little to get a journal to write down your thoughts and feelings to your little one. Buy something for yourself like a locket, a cement lamb or angel, a window cling or a tree in celebration of her life. Go to Compassionate Friends ( a support group for those who have lost a child). Give your self time. It's important to let the grief out. As someone wise once said, " We can't go around grief, under it or over it. We must go through it." Don't let anyone take your grief from you. Grief is the price we pay for love. But it is better to have "loved and lost than to never have loved at all." One last thing, remember you will always be this baby's mom for love never dies.

D.,

I am so sorry for your loss. I haven't lost a child, so I can't say I understand. I will say that I can only imagine the heartache. You are in my thoughts.

TinaC

There are no words for your devastating loss, I'm sorry can not even come close! I have not lost a child and can not imagine your pain. i can only offer my prayers to you and your family. please try some of the resources the other Moms have posted, you need help with the loss of your Daughter, I find a therapist to be extremely helpful. I saw a wonderful woman after the sudden death of my Mother, for grief for 2 years she was wonderful, compassionat and helped me deal with my grief, I'm actually going to start going to her again.
I guess i'm jusat trying to say , you need support right now and will for along time.
Your Daughter would want you to take care of yourself.
May God Bless you and your family
V.

I am very sorry for your loss. I have experienced two miscarriages, but I have not lost a child to SIDS. I thought I would offer you these support tools:

www.sidsfamilies.com
www.sidsillinois.org
www.sidsalliance.org
www.dailystrength.org
www.sids-network.org
www.sidsamerica.org
http://www.griefcounselor.org/grief-recovery-children-gri...

I'm sure on those sites you can meet and talk with other parents or find a local group meeting with those others who have suffered such a tragic loss. God Bless.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost a baby during my 6th month of pregnancy and found the support group SPALS to be a big help. It's geared toward mothers who are either thinking about preganancy or are pregnant after having experienced a loss. It may not be just right for you, but might be a good place to start. You could join and ask the members whether they can recommend a better website that is specific to a loss from SIDS. Here's the link to join. http://www.spals.com/home/join.html

I wish you peace and comfort. You are not alone in your journey.

Is there a support group around you? It can help to be around others who have lost children. You are doing the right thing by reaching out. What you are going through is so very painful.
If you find it is too hard to get up and do anything then try this.
Do one thing. Get up and get showered. If you make very small goals for yourself and accomplish that one goal then it is a good day. In a while you will be able to get more accomplished.
Talk to your daugher and let her know what you are doing to help yourself.
Let yourself cry.
Dont' try to "get over" it. I don't know if that will ever happen. What you do is find coping mechanisms to live.
My prayers are with you at this difficult time.

I have no experience with this, can't even imagine the loss. I just wanted to say how very sorry I am, no parent should have to endure this. Thank you for sharing, I don't think it's come up as a topic to the mom's here, I hope you get some thoughtful answers. My thoughts are with you.

I am very sorry for your loss. It's hard to understand why things like this happen. Please go to this website and request some support info --> http://www.sidsillinois.org/services.php

I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you can give yourself time to grieve and allow yourself to feel whatever feelings come. I have not lost a child to SIDS, but I do know that there are organizations for parents who have lost children. The organization that I know of that offers really wonderful support networks is Compassionate Friends. They have lots of resources and there are different sub-groups of parents who talk about the specific loss. I hope that you can find this group and find comfort from the people who have experienced similar grief. L.

I'm sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the pain that you feel right now. I have a cousin who lost a child to sids who is a sids avocate in Illinois. If you are interested I could give her your information or pass her information onto you. She does this for a living and knows what you are going through becuase she went through it herself. Please email me if you'd like someone to talk to ____@____.com

I am so very sorry, my heart aches for you. I agree with the others who said you should try to find other parents who have been through the same thing. Give yourself all the time you need to grieve -- you don't need to "get over it." And if you want to try to get pregnant again, you'll know when the time is right - trust yourself on that. May God send you comfort.