Grandparents Job

Well I love my grandson and I am absolutely here for him and his mother. BUT your husband should be Gibbs slapped up side the head. It's not our JOB. It's done out of love for people that should appreciate it and when we feel up to it.

4 moms found this helpful

Oh he is so wrong here, LOL. I just became a grandmother 3 months ago and while I love my sweet grandson dearly--it's not my JOB it's my CHOICE to watch him or not. I've had my children (still have 3 at home) and I will support my daughter & son-in-law any way I can but if they thought for a moment it was my JOB to watch their kids---we would have some words for sure.

4 moms found this helpful

Wow... No, it is not their job. It is a favor that they do for you. You need to explain that to your husband in as nice of way possible.

2 moms found this helpful

L.,
I personally think that eveyone is over re-acting to his comment. Only you know how he truly meant it. And I couldn't imagine that he meant it in a rude way. Simply, "isn't that what grandparents do? watch our kids so we can have some time?" Not "It's their job.". It's obvious that you do not take advantage of your parents and we all know they appreciate that. But you should ask. Maybe they would love to have them for the weekend! I know my parents would. Your kids are also old enough where it shouldn't be a problem for them to stay more than 1 night out. Think of it as a precurser to a possible vacation in your future!! My husband and I had already left our daughter for 6 days while we went on a vacation when she was 2. (although I can understand with two children that can be more tricky! we will find out soon enough with #2 on the way!)
I hope this helps... with everyone being so negative I thought I would put my two cents in. Just ask, and let them know they're allowed to say no if it's too much for them. (Then at least he can't say you didn't try ; )
Cheers
B. : )

2 moms found this helpful

I live in a community where family is VERY important! Everyone in our neighborhood and surrounding neighborhoods have families that help out and are "there" for each other. It's possible he comes from a family like that so he would naturally feel it's their "job"---think of Marie on Everybody Loves RAymond for example. My mom is that way. She will ask when she has the time or nothing to do. She will watch kids if I have an appointment or an event to attend with one kid when the other can come with us. However, my MIL is the type to hand them a card for every holiday, have us over to eat once a month or so on a Sunday and that's it. She doesn't come to any of their "special events", won't babysit (she's retired from work and active lifestyle with her friends---goes out a lot--and she comes first, not family). As my kids have grown they have a very close rlationship with one grandmother--you can probably guess which one LOL.

2 moms found this helpful

It is not their job. It is something many grandparents do, but it is not their job.

Suzi - "Gibbs slapped" - LOL!

1 mom found this helpful

Dear L.:
I'm sorry to tell your husband that he is WRONG! It is not the grandparent's job to take care of the grandkids! as a matter of fact in Florida the grandparents have no rights over their grandchildren! It is a courtesy and out of love that they do it. Their job was to raise their own children! which they did, and there "you" are, his beautiful and caring wife :)
That's all the grandparents are supposed to do, or how he says it "their JOB"! Where are his parents? maybe they can do it! :)
You don't want to overwhelm your parents, if you want to ask them, but it sure is NOT their JOB to take care of the kids. You are right! I wouldn't do it either.
Blessings

1 mom found this helpful

No it is not grandparent's job to babysit your kid. Grandparent are doing you guys a favor. Your husband is so wrong to think that its grandparent's job and not his. I'm sure grandparent would be upset if they know his son in law made that comment. I am very grateful that my M. help me watch my daughter when I needed but I always ask her if she's available and not think that its her job. I returned the favor by taking my M. out or simply just buying her a small gift to show how much I appreciated her.

1 mom found this helpful

Of course it is NOT their job. They have already raised their kids, and if they CHOOSE to do you a favor and watch your children for you, then that is their choice, not their responsibility.
I hear you, and understand that you are not taking advantage of them. My own MIL takes one or two of our kids once every few months, by her choice. I have a granddaughter as well, and she comes and stays occasionally. If my daughter needs us to have more than once, she can ask ans we are perfectly comfortable saying "No" if it isn't going to work for us.

It is never anyone else's job to take care of your children. But you already know that. ;)

1 mom found this helpful

I haven't read all of the responses, but the most recent one from Beckie K is well-written and logical. I also just want to mention (because I've had this conversation with my friends before about my own Mom who is a wonderful grandma, but not the kind that will take our son all the time - she's raised 2 kids already) that sometimes it's a cultural thing - the expectation that the grandparents will watch your kids whenever you need it. After speaking with some of my latina girlfriends, they have mentioned that it's very common in the latin community for that to be the role of the grandma. Does your husband, perhaps come from a similar cultural background where he spent a lot of time with his grandma watching him?

I also believe it can't hurt to ask, so long as they are completely assured that your feelings won't be hurt if they say no.

Best of luck!
S.

1 mom found this helpful

Yes! that was the wrong response. It sounds like you guys are VERY lucky to have parents that want and can take your children every once in a while for you to go out, but it is NOT their job. It is something they get to do and want to do but it is in no way what they have to do. Good for you for not wanting to just expect them to take the kids for you two days in a row, but it never hurts to ask. they'll say no if they don't want to or can't. Just ask them and let them know they can say no if they don't want to and it's no big deal. Let your husband know how lucky you two are for having them and that he should remember not to take advantage of that or it might go away. Good luck and have fun this weekend.

1 mom found this helpful

Hello, I am a grandma and I love having my grandkids overnight and have done more than two nights in a row. I don't feel as though it is my JOB, and I don't get the feeling that my kids think it is, but I don't mind doing it.
Good luck with your precious family.
K. K.

1 mom found this helpful

Your husband's response is totally inappropriate. It is wonderful that your parents are nearby and generously offer their assistance by taking care of their grandchildren. However it is not their responsibility to provide child care when you and hubby want an evening out.
Family emergencies occur , illness, etc. At those times we all need to pull together.
I hope that your parents never realize how ungrateful a person your husband is. By the way where are his parents?

1 mom found this helpful

LOL......wrong! Silly men!

I think I understand your situation. My mom has always watched my son for us--2 days per week, as I work PT. I am really hesitant to ask her to watch him just so we can go out. And she lives an hour away, to boot. She would, but I, too, feel she already does so much. As for my in-laws--forget it--only in a case of a real emergency would I even ask....they have made it clear that they are not babysitters.
I'm guessing you're upset b/c your husband just ASSUMES they can/will do it. I would be mad at his choice of words, and if that's his attitude, that would upset me too.

Wow. No, it's not their job. It's kind of them to watch the children. He should be grateful. Sounds like he needs to think a little bit on why he feels so entitled.

maybe it was the wrong comment, but my parents would love to have grand babies two nights in a row. Not just because they want to spend time with grandkids, but because they love to be of help to us. Only you know if you are imposing. Maybe you're overly cautious about this and maybe your husband knows they'd love it! Then again, maybe they would feel put out and your husband is using them. How are we to know? Only you can know these intricate dynamics.

Wow! Since when did your parents inpregnant you? I mean the person that impregnates and gets pregnant tradiotionally is the one that assumes the responsability to the child and is THEIR JOB not anyone elses.
That was a very stupid statement on his part-lol! Di he have a brain fart or something?
I have twin daughters and believe me not my parents have helped me raise those two kids and they didn't have to- it was their choice. My husband works retail so he is not always around to help out when I need him. Never would I expect my parents to do any of the stuff for me because it is their JOB. I feel guilty all the time to even ask! Their job was to raise my sister and I which they accomplished ...now its my turn to raise my two daughters in hopes they will one day do the same. My husbands parents though have made it very clear and have even said to my husband that their days of raising kids is over. They do help but only when its convenient for them and I don't ask if I need the help and they are my only option I have my husband to call and ask-not me. I would so print off all the responses here and give them to him so he can see what a selfish remark that was. I hope he truly didn't mean that......

NO its not their "job."
They are doing you/Him a favor.
They have lives too.
You should reimburse them.

My Mom lives with us. I NEVER "assume" she is the default babysitter. I ALWAYS ask her first, what her plans are. And IF she can watch my kids. I NEVER EVER assume, she will.
That is common courtesy and respect.
She is also old... and gets tired, and she has her own life and socials too. So you need to consider that.

Your Husband is being rude. He should thank them at the very least.

SHOW HIM this post and the responses.

And by the way, just because you both have plans at night, does not mean they 'have to' have the kids OVER night. You can make your plans around your kids.. .and pick them up after you have had your night outing. You are lucky, you don't have to pay a babysitter at night.

all the best,
Susan

Agree with everyone else, it is NOT their job!

Our parents only watched our kids when we were desperate! If we couldn't afford a baby sitter or one wasn't available, we had to think hard how bad we wanted to go.
My parents were still working and my mother in law was home, but traveled a lot. Plus she had 4 kids in 5 years and did her time!

Their job was to raise their own kids. : )

As much as they probably enjoy spending time with your kids, and you are lucky to have them around to do that, saying it is their job is not fair and your husband shouldn't take them for granted. I'm with you on this one. It is not their responsibility to do anything, they raised their kids! Good luck with this one, I hope your husband realizes that having them help with the kids is a privilege and not a right.

I completely agree with you, L.. Watching the kids is the parents job. If the grandparents are willing and able to take their grandchildren, then it is wonderful. Some grandparents are more willing than others. But, I really think we need to be mindful and respectful of our aging grandparents. We don't want them to feel overburdened. Just ask the grandparents if they can take the kids for an extra day. If they say, "no", then respect that. But, if they say, "yes", rejoice in the free babysitting!