Going Back to Work F/T = HELP!

you sound like an amazing momma for caring so much. I have not been in your boat yet :) but I wanted to provide another angle: would your job let you work 2 days from home? or work part of the time each day from home?????? this way you can work at nite when the kids go to sleep? or...is there room to negotiate to work 3 days???if your boss likes you so much and knows how much your family means to you maybe he would be a little flexible to help you find a "win-win" situation for all...

It sounds like whatever you choose, will be the right decision for you and your kids.

My suggestion would be to work five days but shorter days so you can be home when your children get home from school. Five days a week sounds like a lot but there are huge benefits to being home when the kids get home from school. Do you really need to be home during the day when they are not? The extra money you make might be able to pay for a cleaning service or something like that so you don't feel the chores hanging over your head.

My son is now in fifth grade and doesn't need me here when he gets home but I like the security of being here and I bet he does too. See if your employer will let you do this. It is almost the best of both worlds.

Can your mom watch your son at your house and do some of the chores? If I were in that position, I would certainly pay her a bit, but then your kids aren't in true childcare and stuff still gets done. If you really want to keep your weekends chore free, you'll find a way. With your youngest starting school in the fall anyway, it's only about 6 months that will change so much before a big change anyway. I think for me, it's be worth it. My plan it to go back to work when my youngest starts school anyway.

Would your work be willing to let you do 5 days a week for 6 hours instead of 4 days for 8? Then you could still be home when they get home from work every day. Or 2 days 8 hours (like you're doing), and then 2 days 6 hours? I'm guessing if you talk to your employer and tell them that you want to be there more need to find a schedule that fits with your family, they'll be willing to work wiht you a bit. Just come prepared with options and suggestions.

Sounds like your heart is at home with your kids. I would try to do everything I could to stay home. When you look back 20 years from now, you will not regret it. If you can stay on a tight budget until they are in school full time then you could look to go back to work. It's just a few more years, but very important years for them! And keep looking for another great part time job. It took me 6 months, but I found something similar to you. I work 2 days a week and love it. You never know what's out there.

Jilly had the best response but in the event your job won't work with you and you must continue to work there 4 days, here is my encouragement for you.

I was a single mom and I still do it this way. Monday through Thursday I do one or two aspects of housework. I have a deep freezer, so I try to buy my meats on a monthly basis, clean, season and portion them out. I do laundry at night, a load in the washer then that load goes to the dryer in the morning. I fold the clothes while dinner is cooking. Each day I clean one room and the kids help with everything or I do one major cleaning thing a day like vacuum on Tuesdays. Once you develope your routine, your weekends are free for fun and cooking with the kids.

I really hope this helps. You are fortunate to have family ready willing and able to care for your babies. Try to be encouraged as you make the tough decisions.

Hey Sheri!!
I completely feel your anxiety/nerves/depressing thoughts.... I have been there and had to make choices in my life as well.
There is no easy one way answer- I will tell you this- working outside the home has never been more welcoming for All of US!!! Yes, as hard as it is to hear ... when I was home with my baby (who is now 8) I felt overwhelmed, stressed, anxious... and felt that this should be easy- I get to be home with my kids.
But I started seeing the other side of things. My child would have to learn where all his toys/books/entertainment came from- someone has to work besides daddy..
I think it is pretty bold for your boss to approach you that way with this ultimatum- but he is right. There are lots of people today who DON'T even have jobs, and you do- quit complaining and make a choice for the FUTURE, not just for today.. Like you have described, this is your dream job.. but with all dream jobs, you have to WAKE UP.. It is going to be hard leaving them for the first few weeks, but soon you will see how much fun they have with Grandma and how much your mom can teach them too... Give it a chance, and wipe your tears.. whatever decision you will make will be YOUR best one- no one else can fit the shoes you wear...

Hi Sheri,

I'm a full time working mom, so I understand your feelings about not being with your kids as much. My opinion is that you have been SO blessed to be able to be with them as much as you have for these past years. I was only able to stay home with my son for 2 years.

In this economy, as you've mentioned, it's very difficult to find work tailor made to fit your life, like the job you have now. I would have to lean towards keeping the job and working the 2 extra days. At least it's still not full time :) You'll still have more time with the kids that most Mom's. And you'll find a new groove. It might take a little while to get all the chores and running around figured out, but you will.

Change is hard, but necessary. I think you and the little ones will be just fine!

luck to you!
W.

Ugh, I hate changes in routine so I hear ya! But you can do it- I am a working mom too, I get summers off (and winter break, spring break) so I have to bounce back and forth between working mom routine and SAHM mom routine.

I just want to ease your fears about the chores and errands, your weekends will NOT be crazy with chores and errands- but you may need husband to help you out now that you'll both be on even playing ground (working FT). Yes you will need to start squeezing a few things in on the evenings- a load of laundry say. And yes the big stuff like cleaning bathrooms and mopping floors will have to be done on theweekends (or your one day off). BUT you'll find your house much less messy during the week if no one is in it all day! Will grandma watch your son at her house? If so, your house will stay nice and neat all day (as long as you did the dinner dishes the night before). If grandma will watch your son at your house, I would expect she'd clean up after him and maybe even do a few extra things around the house for you too :)
It will be fine, your weekends will still be chock full of quality time, I promise.
Go for it- perfect timing, especially with your son going to elem school soon.

I just went back to work 6 weeks ago - my son was just 4.5 months old. It was soooo hard at first, and I had anxiety about it for weeks beforehand because of many of the same reasons you mentioned. After the first two weeks I felt much better and actually even somewhat liberated to be doing "work" and getting things done on my own time. I also felt that it gave my son a little push to learn independence and learn how to be satisfied by others.... it's so difficult to "let go," but once you do - you can step outside of your life "before" and see some benefits. Don't fret. Change is good! :)

I like Neerja's response to you!

Your children will react to the energy you're giving off. My advice would be to find the positive...be fortunate in this economy that you have a job and your family is in no danger of losing their home, etc. Good Luck!

You're lucky you got to spend so much time with your kids and work so close to home too. But by the fall both your kids will be in elementary school which means most of the day no one needs to be at home. Instead of working 4 days all day would your boss let you work 5 days 9 - 3 while the kids are in school so you can still pick them up? However, having Grandma watch the kids is great. It's only 2 days a week and they get quality time with her. Can your husband do some chores on the days he has the kids? I'm sure he can clean and do laundry, shop for food. I have been working full time since my son was 4 weeks old. I didn't have the option to stay home. However, my husband's job allows him to be home a lot of the time. When he wasn't home we did daycare and my son loved playing with the other kids. When my husband is home he does the cooking and cleaning and shopping during the week. He picks up my son and does the after school activities. We use a couple of different babysitters on days when we both have to work. They pick up my son, feed him, help with homework and take him to activities. When Grandma and Grandpa are visiting for 2 months, they do the babysitting and activities with my son - which he loves. Would I like to be the one picking my son up? Yes. But it's not an option for me so my husband does all the house work so I can come home and give my son full attention. We also have a cleaning lady come once a month to do the heavy cleaning.

I think you have a great situation right now. I wouldn't feel guilty about working more hours and the way the economy is, I wouldn't recommend giving up a good job that is so close to school and home. You can explain to your kids why they have a different schedule 2 days a week. They'll be fine.

Good luck!

I share your angst even though I'm in the opposite boat. With my first son (3 years) I got 1 WEEK maternity leave! My husband owns his own business and I run the office (yes he owns it, it was his before I married him!) The woman we hired to help out quit 3 days after my son was born. I was able to take him to work with me for 8 months and then my mom, M-I-L, and sister took care of him. With my second son (7 months) one of our main project managers quit a month before I had him! We got lucky and found a replacement that we were able to train before I left (I worked until the week before I had him). I got a whopping 5 weeks off (coming in on Fridays to do banking) and then the replacement moved to Florida for medical reasons. So here I am working full time. My boys go with their grammas and my sister alteranting the 5 days a week. I love being able to contribute to our family, but I cry more often then not because I miss my boys so much. Sometimes it effects my work because I miss them so much I have no motivation. We are working on finding someone qualified so I can at least have two days off a week. In the mean time I stay up late and do laundry and housework so I don't miss out on the few hours I have with them (my house is still a tornado, but at least it's a home fulll of love). I do alot of Trade Joes frozen dinners cause I'm not wasting an hour in front of the stove when I can be loving on my babies. I just try to be in the moment with them as much as possible and not let that be interupted! You will be fine, I promise you won't die, but it will be sucky until you establish a new routine. I wouldn't worry so much about your kids, They are resiliant and know that you will always do whats best for your family. Just give them all your love as it sounds like you do and everything will work out!

a lot of times the schools have an after school program. The school my son goes to does. useually its till like 5 or 6pm. They help them with homework and everything. It was really hard going back to work after having a child. If you need to you need to. It will take some time but you will get use to working again. If its something you can't do then don't. Always Always but your kids first is the way I see it. If your work can not understand that you have have to pick the kids up and stuff then its not the job for you. Its not fair to you for them to tell you that they need you more when you are "Part time" and saying that if you don't you lose your job thats not right. When I was working I told my job I can have up to 40 hours but I only can work the times my son is in school and 8 hours on the weekend so that way I had the night with my son. but thats just me. The night is really my son and mommy time. I make dinner, give him a bath, play a game with him, put him in bed and read a book to him and then he goes rigth to bed. if you do have to go back to work talk to your kids. Make sure you set a time aside for each one that is just you and them time.

*Change is the only CONSTANT in life*

Please know that "Children" are very good at adapting to new circumstances, you have to focus on yourself and manage your anxiety/sadness/depression etc, please give yourself some time to get used to the change. Seek advice from other mothers who you think are managing a good balance between their professional responsibilities and family needs.

Once you know for sure that you need/want to make this change - going from PT work schedule to FT work routine, make plans for your day activities to go with your new routine. Please try and look at the positives of the "New Situation" as well.

Taking help from a family member (Grandma) is a good idea, hiring PT housekeeper for household chores/cleaning/laundry might be helpful in freeing up quality time to spend with your family. Let your husband be a part of this process and share some of the responsibilities with him as well.

Your children are getting older and will enjoy their new experiences at school, please try your best to maintain peace, be centered and practice being a guilt free happy parent each day.

PS: I used to work full time in the corporate world, now I have my own home based business providing educational services/teaching Art. I love working and contributing towards the financial success of my family. I am home for our son and enjoy this balanced lifestyle. My husband helps by taking our son to his activities and I have a PT housekeeper to help me with chores, so I have quality time to spend with our son and make my business successful.

Hope this helps.

N.

I've, unfortunately, had work full time with both my kids. Here are a few tips...

-order your groceries online...vons.com is great. It's one less errand on the weekends. I can order anytime of day and pick my delivery window in the evenings when I get home. They are not allowed to take tips and the service is fantastic.

-Hire someone to clean your house. Again, one less thing to do when you are home and worth the money!

Those are my two biggest tips...also use your lunch hours for errands and know that at Christmas time, the internet is your best friend when it comes to shopping!

Good luck. It's not easy. I hate it, but you make the most of it...and your kids will be fine...

-M

Hi.
I know it is wonderful to be able to spend time with the kids after school. And I know it is hard to let go of that, but you need to do this so you can keep your job. I was just laid off, so if you don't want it, I am sure someone else will! :)

I am sorry but I do not have a personal experience with this. I have an inhome childcare so I am able to stay home with my kids(but I probably only make 10 % of what you make a week since I do not charge much) MY husband has not been able to find a job since september and he is a proffessional. We did have to make sacrifices(had to take our oldest out of preschool, got rid of cable/home phone, kids are not in any sports , we do not go out) Even though I do not work away from home, I was raised by parents who worked full time. We spent a lot of time at my grandparents house and loved every bit of it. I have (and always had)a very close relationship with my mom and did not feel like I missed out on anything. My mom worked, cleaned, cooked every night, came to school functions/sport events (as my sister got older we learned to pitch in) and we had fun on the weekends. You just learn to make it work. Best wishes in whatever you choose to do.

Well, this is a bummer. I must admit, you have had the best of both worlds up until now. Keep in mind, that you probably would not have such a dilemma if this ultimatum had been proposed to you 6 months from now when your son had started kindergarten, right? That would have been PERFECT timing. But, the world does not work that way. I LOVE the fact that grandma is open to caring for your son - what a great bonding experience for them! That is pretty special. And good old grandma might even throw in a load or two of laundry for you during the week, too. I think it is largely a mental shift for you, IF you decide to ramp up your work schedule.

You just have to wrap your head around it, I had to return to work 9 weeks after giving birth to my first daughter and it nearly killed me. What helped was the fact that my husband and I sat down and decided on a short range and long range plan. We decided what we would do with the money I'd earned and if I could eventually leave my job (which I did) and how we would change our lives (moving to a new place, changing our saving plan, etc). Having the plan helped me to feel empowered instead of painted into a corner. This "urgency" created by the company can be an opportunity for you if you treat it that way. The timing could be better, but it might work out great for you. Or, if you decide to quit, it might be great for someone else to have the opportunity to get a job in this economy! Good luck with your decision.

Dear Sheri -

I am in this same boat right now. I have been home for 13 years with my 4 children! A total blessing, but they are all in private school and it is very expensive.... The oldest is 13 and the youngest is 4. I just committed to a "part-time" job that will require my attention 4 days a week while my kids are in school, 8:30 - 2:30. Great hours - great pay - but the littlest one - what about him? Well this is my advice: Think BIG PICTURE - your youngest will be in school full-time within a year it sounds like - it is obvious that you are a wonderful mother who values her family life, as I do. I will tell you, though, that as a productive career person prior to having kids, it is exciting to be back! BUT - I negotiated successfully with my new employer the hours and days so that I COULD be home with the kids after school. Perhaps you should look into this arrangement, and negotiate EVERYTHING UP FRONT - ie: you want to leave by 3 pm every day....no weekends, no evenings, etc.....it sounds like a great arrangement - great job - if they want you badly enough, they should be able to work with you. ALSO: this is just initial apprehension - it's totally normal, and I think you will overcome it over time. Thank God for Grandmas!! That's how I am getting by for the next year, and it is a wonderful time for your kids too, to be close with their grandparents. Think of how many people DON'T have that option! So go take on the day, AND the job! :)

Will your employeer work with you at all?? Many will because they find that employees work better/harder when they have a good wrok/life balance. Can you take your lunch and subsequent breaks at the time your daughter gets out of school and then go back later? maybe take some work home with you?? Don't go in there with nothing. make a plan. Make a best case scenario and then find places that you may compromise. I did that when I returned to work after baby #2. I work on Mondays and Thursdays starting at 3pm until 9pm. And tuesday and wednesday at 930 until about 6. My kids do go to a sitter for about 6 hours each on tues/weds. But my husband gets off before I start on mon./thurs. so it works. In addition I work 1 friday a month alternating day and night. That is what I proposed and my employeer agreed right away. I let them know the benefits of me working later more focus, less distraction. I can do more in 6 hours at night than I can in 8 hours of day b/c of that. Get creative and see what you can come up with. Then SAVE SAVE SAVE the extra money and do soemthing fun with your family.

Sheri, this is a common question. Truly, the answer will come from inside of you. What are your priorities? Obviously your kids. So what can you do to make sure they stay at the top of your list?
Work of course, and PLAN for the kids. Right now your 2 days a week are keeping you "afloat" so obviously the 4 days will help you step out a head. But at what cost? Look at what is important and look at what you can do.
Hiring a house keeper yes, how about a "baby swap" with a neighbour? You take her kids for a couple of hours 1 day a week and she takes your for 1 day a week? That will give you your "me time". and NO it's not for house cleaning etc.

Sheri, life is easy with a plan. Systems are essential to any family. I have run a successful business of over 1200 associates from my home with 2 kids in tow for the last 4 years. It can be done with the right systems in place.

Step 1: Set your priorities. NO daily laundry is NOT a priority.
Step 2: Get your plan down on paper.
Step 3: Get your family on board.

It is that simple.
This is what I do. Help families be successful.

B. H
Family Success Coach

It's hard to do, but you find ways to make it work for your family. II had to go back to work full tme when my son was 6 months old. We've developed routines, etc. to make it work. I still feel sad sometimes and he just turned one. I also feel tremendously guilty sometimes. It's not easy, but they know you love them more than anything in the world. Maybe you can have family nights that are special or whatever. It's not the end of the world! It's just a new chapter where you will develop new ways to connect with your kids. They will be fine! In my opinion, it's harder on the parents than the kiddos.

How about hiring someone to do your cleaning and laundry. It should be less than what you are making and will free up some of your time.

Hi there,
I know JUST how you feel and I am compelled to write this reply and stress that it's ALL GOING TO BE OK!
I have a daughter who is not quite as old as your children, but I recently found myself in the same situation. Like you, I have a very good situation at work. I enjoy my job and the people I work with. Like you, I've been P/T since my daughter was born... business in my office has really increased and they asked me to increase my workload to 30 hours/wk. Like you, it was either take it or they would find someone else. My mother volunteered to watch her while I go to work (thank god- and again, like you!).
Faced with the decision of either having no income (which we really need for our 2 mortgage payments) or having Kasia go to my mom's 30 hrs/wk was the worst situation to be in- I know it is painful and you just want to be with your kids.
I have been back to work 30 hrs/wk now for a few months. Some good things have come out of this situation! The best thing is... Kasia is getting closer to Glamma and v/v. My mom takes her new places and does things with her that I do not do. She sees new people and has new interactions- which as you know is soo important. Yes, getting everything done that you used to is going to be more difficult. I also try to make dinner every night for the family. My husband and I decided that on the days I work we would make the "easy meals." And on Sat morning, he will take our daughter out until nap time so I can clean up the house and do whatever errands I need to do. The point is, we found a way to work it out. I would advise you to discuss the new schedule with your partner to determine how you can manage. My husband and I didn't do this at first and had a very hectic few weeks. Now, it is pretty much all worked out.
I do miss my daughter, but I think there are a lot of benefits for her as well. Not being with mama all the time is forcing her to be more independent- which is great! And on the days that I do spend with her, I try to plan special little treats for "just us girls." That way, she knows how much I value our time together.
One other thing... you have spent a great deal of time with your kids. Once they are in school full time, they will have to more independent. Maybe you can look at this as preparing for that transition.
Best of luck to your family. I know it will all work itself out.
~A.

Can you find someone to job share with? In this wide world, with the economy the way it is, there has got to be another mother out there who only wants to work part time in your field. Can you offer to find someone, if the employer doesn't have waiting applicants? Alternatively, come the fall, can you offer to work five days (and get the housekeeper and buy the ready meals!), in order to put in the hours they need, but still be home in the afternoons for your kids? I really hope you figure something out because it sure sounds like you are a wonderful, conscientious mom and your job is such a great fit for you. I wish you well.