God Parents

When we Baptized our children, we had to go to classes to learn why we were doing it and how to pick the Godparent. I will never forget the teacher telling us "think long and hard about who you want to be your childrens Godparents. If you pick a friend, will they always be your friend?, if you pick a neighbor, will they always be a neighbor? This person has the potential to play a great role in your childs spiritual life, choose wisely."
My childrens Godparents do not live near us, but, they have known ME since I was a baby, and they treat my children as their own. I take comfort, that if I die, they will know God by the hands of the people I think are as spiritually the same as my husband and myself, and that is the role of the Godparent.

i wouldn't say anything to them unless you want to completely lose their friendship. If it's not "official" then i wouldn't worry about it and maybe they don't really think they're "officially" the God Parents if there wasn't a ceremony for the baptism. (i hope that makes sense). Also, in reality the God Parents aren't there for the child that often anyway. just my thoughts...
good luck!

Hi C.,

We are God Parents and have been for three years. When we were first asked we had no idea what that was, where I come from we didn't have God Parents and they only thing I thought they did was took care of the kids if the parents died. Our friends came from a background of God Parents (They call them Nino's) ( Nina - GodMmther, Nino - Godfather) Knowing our understanding or lack there of, they took the time to help us understand. They invited us over to there house everyweek for dinner just to be there and get to know their daughter. My husband and I weren't planning on having any kids at the time so you can understand how different it was for us. We began to feel more and more comfortable with the idea. We now really are second parents to their two kids. We love them like our own dicipline them like our own and consider them very much apart of the family. My husband and I have been very moved by the experience and in turn have asked them to be the God Parents of our son. My advice to you is to consider why you asked them in the first place. Will they raise your child like you would? Do you have the same beliefe system? Are they the ones you totally trust your child with? There are reasions you chose them, they may be worth working with. May be they really don't know what your expectations are, especially if they don't have children, they may not know what to do. I'm so glad our friends didn't give up on us, their children have been such a delight in our lives and is part of the reasion we have a baby today. God Bless

wow! i've read alot of things here! one thing i wanted to help clear up, and i am only speaking for roman catholics, is that Godparents are not expected to raise a child if something happens to the birth parents. the only obligation the Godparents agree to is helping to raise the child in that faith. if you are looking for someone to raise your child should something happen to you, you need to name guardians and have a will.

alot of people i know chose family members as Godparents but i disagree. i think that Godmother/father should be a special privelege to someone outside your family who can't technically be an "aunt" or "uncle".

my Godmother is my mom's very best friend. she has spoiled me since the day i was born and she still does (i'm 41). on the other hand, my Godfather was only a young adult when he was chosen and i have no idea where he is now. (by the way, he is a blood relative)

the response from the woman who doesn't even know her Godparents' names makes me so sad.

sorry - i got off on a tangent and haven't helped you at all.
if they were not named Godparents by the church, then they really aren't. do THEY think they are?

i think a Godparent should see the child all the time and spoil the heck outta' them!

If they were never "officially" named your son's God Parents, then you probably don't need to make a big deal about letting them know you've changed your mind. You don't have to keep it a secret from them, but it would probably be better mentioned in a friendly manner, just as passing conversation.

In regards to a reason why, it would probably be best just to say something like you've noticed your son has formed a really loving bond with his Uncle Bob and Aunt Mary so you decided to ask them to take care of your son should anything happen to both you and your husband so that your son would be more comfortable and able to transition a little more easily.

You obviously need to get your intentions down in writing so that if anything were to happen to you and your husband, it would be "official" who your son would go to, but making a point to tell your friends that you changed your mind because they don't come over enough just sounds spiteful and would probably cause a rift in your friendship.

It sounds as if your issue is that you are upset with your friends for not seeing you as often as before. Here is the thing, if you ask someone who doesn't have children quite often they don't understand what being a Godparent is...and unfortuantely your friendship tends to change when you have kids and your friends don't because your children are now a HUGE part of your life that your friends can't really relate to. Godparents should want to see your child, however what a Godparent is from my understanding, is someone who will raise your child into your faith (whatever that may be) as they grow through the years - not someone expected to spoil your child or even physically raise your children if something should happen to you and your husband. It sounds like you never really had an official ceremony, so I wouldn't worry about telling them anything at all. It sounds like your relationship with them has changed and that is to be expected. I would just move on.

If you come out and tell them straight forward that you no longer want them to be his god parents, you are going to hurt their feelings, no way around it. Since you rarely see them I would avoid the conversation all together, and on the rare occasion that you do see them, just don't refer to them as his god parents. With a little time I think it will become a non issue. Of course I am non-confrontational by nature, but this is what I would do.

I just wanted to say, you have every right to choose who you want to be the God mother of your son. I just wanted to say a few things though. You are a working mother, who most likly puts your son into daycare. You and your husband come home from work, and do what? Prepare dinner, and spend family time together. You reflect about your day, and maybe play with your son. Now, what do you think your friends do? They have no children, but they also work as well...right? What do you think they do when they get home. Prepare dinner, they do have to eat, and also reflect on their day as well. It does take work to keep a marriage happy, so spending time with your husband, after a long day of work, is a good idea. Have you invited them over for dinner? Maybe knowing that you want to spend time with your family has kept them from intruding. Maybe they thought it would be rude of them during the week, since both families work. Now for the weekend....Are you their only friends? They might have family they spend time with, or have other obligations. Have you scheduled a time during the weekend to spend a day together...or just a lunch or dinner. Do you go to church? Do they? My best friend is my childrens God Parents. We live nearly next door to each other, but we don't commuicate everyday, nor focus our time on each others children. She and her husband are great parents, and I know she and her husband will be wonderful parents to my children. (We do see each other on occation, but we also schedule time to be with each other)
You know what kind of person they are, only you and your husband can make that decision. If you feel they are not good enough to be the God parents, then don't feel guilty, you are the parent of your son, those times are yours, and you have your mommy instint.

Good luck

T.

I see a couple of different things here. First of all, I don't quite understand the unofficial status. I am guessing you are members of a church that does not practice infant baptism? If you are, then just go ahead and get him baptised and name different people as his real(official) God Parents and make it clear to them how you feel about God Parents being in the child's life. A lot of denominations don't have a problem with having more than two God Parents, so you could just name others without necessarily taking away the unofficial title you have already given your friends. I think this would be the best route.

Now for my personal experience, we had my son baptised when he was about 3 months old and my DH felt strongly that he wanted his best friend to be the God Father. The problem is that his best friend lives in Michigan and has a young family himself so it was clear he would not be traveling to Texas very much. It would have made more sense to me to choose someone close by. My son is now 2 and hasn't had any contact with him at all. I at least thought he would make an effort to send a Jesus coloring book or something similar every so often, but he hasn't. Obviously, my DH's friend has a far better excuse than your friends, but it all comes down to the same thing - does it matter that the God parents are not around? I think the majority of people now sadly do not take being God parents as anything but a title with no responsibility attached.

Finally, if you are set on relieving them of the title you have a couple of things to consider? Do they attend church with you regularly? I am guessing not since you said they don't see him. So I think it is fine to invite them along to church with you mentioning that since they are the God parents, you think it is a good time for them to spend with him. If they say Yes and start coming, then your problem is solved. If they say No, it gives you a perfect excuse to politely suggest that it might be better to find someone else that may have a little more available time.

I wouldnt say anything to them.there is no reason to just telling them that they are his god parents wont officailly do anything.If you are worried about who gets the kids if something happens to you then you need to make a will.Otherwise your family and everyone else will agrue who should get them.In you will you can name who will get the child.Anyway i am not sure if this helps at all but I tried sorry.

Just to give you a perspective from the opposite side of this situation. We have friends who had their first child recently. We don't see them as often as we did before the kid was born. We don't have children, so under your theory, we shouldn't be that busy. But, we are...just not with kids. Maybe your friends haven't been around to hang out because they know you are busy and don't want to bother you. Or, no offense, but is it possible that they felt like they needed to distance themselves from you for a while. There could be any number of reasons, some related to you and some unrelated. New parents can, at times, be difficult to deal with when you don't have kids of your own and you don't understand what they are going through. Or, it could just be as simple as your tastes or interests have changed now that you have a baby and they just don't enjoy spending as much time with you as before. That isn't a reflection of how they feel about you.

I'd take the high road in this situation - invite them over for dinner and explain that you're starting to make plans for the baptism and you want to see if they are still interested in being God Parents. If they are, be very clear that you want God Parents to have an active role in your child's life (be specific about what you mean). Then, give them the opportunity to change their minds. They don't have to make the decision right then and there. Tell them to think it over and let you know in a week or two. Be very clear that whatever they decide is okay with you.

Another option - if you decide for sure that you don't want them as God Parents, then invite them to dinner and just be honest and explain that after giving the situation more thought, you've decided to ask someone else to be the GP. Explain that this is in no way a reflection of your friendship.

No matter what you decide to do, if I was the one you asked to be a GP and then changed your mind, I'd be more hurt if you didn't talk to me about it. As your friend, I would deserve that courtesy, at least.

Do you already have a different couple in mind to be you son's godparents? If not, you might want to try a little more fellowshipping with your friends. Invite them over for a BBQ, or on a weekend trip with your son, or an outing to the Zoo, or something. Maybe they have just not wanted to encroach on family time, or don't know how to 'deal' with babies, and once they see you making a greater effort to spend time with them they will make a greater effort to see you. (I don't know what you've tried already) But, I'm just grasping for straws here.

What are you expecting of them? Were the expectations communicated up front? My parents don't do near what I think they should but I can't relieve them of their grandparent status, I can only encourage them to spend time with my son. My parents choose some God parents for me when I was born and now I couldn't even tell you their names or where they live...I don't feel like my life has been any less because of it.