Getting My 7 Month Old Son to Sleep at Night

My experience is that children sometimes need to be taught how to sooth themselves. Maybe a blanket, binky, special toy. Giving a bath, reading a book, having a regular routine is essential to sucessful bedtime.
Additionally, there are some kids that are just not the temperment to be easy. Only you know that. If that be the case, do the best you can. Most behaviors only last 6 mos. So hang in there. Usually every 6 mos there is a new development change.
Some kids like being patted, some like being rubbed, I found this to be true in my experience in child care. Music helped my difficult temperment daughter. I also would lay her down and gently, but firmly place my hand on her chest and say, "time to go to sleep". I would help her learn to not wiggle or play with her hands. After 21 days, a new habit was formed and she would lay down by herself and sooth herself and sleep.
Hope this helps you!
D.

This is such a tough stage to go through. We went through the entire thing to with my son who is now 2 years old. We used the "babywise" method - which incorporates the cry it out method (at least as much as you can stand). However, your son has had 7 months to learn how HE likes things (i.e. sleeping with mommy - hey who wouldn't want that!) so it is going to take a little time to train him to go to sleep on his own. How are his naps during the day?

As far as the choking and gagging, I totally understand. My son would get into such a rage when we would put him down at night. When he got really upset I would go in and calm him down(rock, etc) and then lay him right back down in his crib. He hated that, but after several nights he started getting the picture.

We started this whole process when he was 4-5 months old and it only took a month or so until he was sleeping consistently through the night and going to sleep on his own. I'm so glad we "won the battle" then because now my kiddo is a great sleeper and goes to bed every night happily.

The older they are, the harder the habit is to break. So, hang in there and be consistent...and maybe check out "Babywise" by Gary Ezzo. He is a Christian and they have many, many years of sleep training experience!

Best Wishes
J.

Dear J.,
Sounds like you're having a rough time. While I don't have all the information, I do know that babies do not typically sleep through the night at that age; it does happen for some babies, and for most others it does not.

From what you have written it sounds like your son is still freaked out from cry it out; perhaps he's merely asking for reassurance and comfort. As simple as it sounds, you are the answer to your question. Your son wants you. During the day, spend some extra time with him when you can (reading books or just wearing him in a sling or pack). Also, I imagine if you held off on changing the sleep arrangements for a couple weeks that you could then ease him into your new plan. As for toys, well as nice as it might be to have your child attach himself to a neat toy... you're really what he's looking for. Sometimes people have put a shirt or something that smells like them in bed with a child. Maybe it's cliche to say this, but your relationship with your son is a real blessing.

If you're into reading, check these out: Elizabeth Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solution, The Baby Whisperer or The Happiest Baby on the Block.

What I"m wondering about, just as importantly, is how you're doing? Is there added stress in your life? Are you able to get a few moments for yourself regularly? Even the smallest, thing for yourself could go a long way. I find when I've about lost it, that even going to the grocery store by myself or getting a shower or reading a book... it really helps me have more patience for my son.

Good Luck to you and your son. Remember to love one another.

Best wishes,
H.

J.,

We can certainly sympathize with your sleep struggles. Hang in there. Before our son was born (he's almost seven months too) we read a book called the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. Her premise is that the cry it out method isn't a very loving approach to take with our dearest children. She suggests many strategies you might find helpful. Try your local library. Good luck!

Hi! What's wrong with keeping him with you at night? I realize there are many reasons that can make cosleeping become an undesirable choice for parents at any given time. My rules of thumb in parenting are gradual change and each step in that change should be determined by considering both the needs of the baby those of the parents, not only one side.

At the same time, it seems as if you are doing just that considering both sides. YOu have a reason why you want to change but you don't want your baby to suffer through crying it out. I say listen to your instincts. We were given instincts for a reason. If you are concerned about it Dr. William Sears, has a wealth of information on the topic of cosleeping. Google "Dr. William Sears" and look in his A to Z window for cosleeping. He also has a book called Nightime Parenting.

Contrary to popular belief, cosleeping does not lead to increased dependency later in life. I know many people who coslept with parents and/or siblings as children who are very stable, independent adults or teenagers.

Best of luck!

Hi J., I guess you have to decide what's most important to you...getting him to sleep by himself right now or everyone just getting sleep. I have 6 children, the youngest is 7 months. We did co-sleeping with all our kids when they were little and although Iv'e gotten some negative comments for doing so, It is what works for us. We have a king size bed, I nurse him once in the middle of the night but hardly anyone wakes up, we all get sleep. My theory is that for 9 months in the womb, your baby is so close to you, it's only natural for an infant to crave that closeness once they enter this world. All our children transitioned into their own bed (next to ours) at around 1 1/2 and then their own room at age 2 with no trouble at all. Of coarse when my husband and I want to be alone, they go into their porta-crib in another room. I don't consider any of my kids clingy or insecure at all, just the opposite because they got all the assurance they needed when they were little.
Good luck, I'm sure whatever you decide will be what's best for you & your baby.

DONT USE LAVENDER ON BOYS!!!!!!!!
it can cause hormone changes and enlarged breasts (although they said it will return to normal after stopping the product)
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,249341,00.html

With both my children I ended up padding their bed (my daughter also sleeps in a playpen). Just a thin foam pad, or crib quilt really helped. Those things are so hard! Although they will tell you any padding is unsafe, I dont see how they expect them to be comfortable sleeping on something that is as hard as the floor. at 7 months he is old enough to roll over or move around. Also, I dont know if you are doing this, but putting the bed next to yours for a while until he gets used to the bed and then moving it to his own room would be better then changing location and bed at the same time. I had to sit and hold my sons hand too, until he quite sleeping altogether and we had to do a version of the cry it out method. (go in every 5-15 min and calm him down and then leave again) I gained a bunch of weight from stress eating while he cried! A favorite lovey might help too. This is a hard time. It will pass! No mom can tell you what works because every child is so different! Just take a deep breath and ponder on your son and what you think might work and then try it. Remember to try the same thing for a week or so before giving it up because thats how long they might take to accept something different. My children were both binki babies so that helped! In fact my son ended up needing to hold a binki AND suck on one! LOL. Been where you are! Good Luck, Jen

I wonder if you could "convince" your little guy that he is sleeping with Mom and Dad if you let him wear or go to bed with a t-shirt or other safe garment that smells like you. I did this (I seem to recall) with one of my anxious little ones and I think it did the trick.

Lavendar works well at putting kids to sleep. Just buy the pillow mist. All I do is spray it on the pillow an in 5 minutes my girls are sound asleep. I have a 4 year old and a 5 year old. My 4 year old dosn't like to go to sleep in her own bed she perfers mine. When I put the pillow mist on her pillow she goes right to sleep.

I went through a similar thing when my son was about that age. What finally seemed to work was to go through a very specific bedtime routine so that his body got the cue that it was time for sleep. What worked for me was to give him a bath every night to wind down, then rock him to sleep (and I have the same CD playing each night). I'm probably going to add a book in there pretty soon. It should also always be the same time each night, although it has taken some time to find out what time works for him. The rule of thumb for a change in routine to work, according to my sister who has eight children, is a week. So try it out for a week and hopefully at the end of the week, he will start to settle down and get to sleep more easily. If you expect it to take that long, then it won't get so frustrating during the transition time.

By the way, after implementing the specific routine, it now takes my son 5-10 minutes to get to sleep. If he is too squirmy or not settling down, I put him in his crib and may give him one more chance to be rocked. Also, if his bed is uncomfortable, it might not work until you get something comfortable. Why would your son relax in something he hates when he knows that if he cries enough, he'll get to be close to you and in a nice bed?

Good luck and I sincerely hope it works out quickly! There's nothing worse than lack of sleep with no hope of a break as you look forward to battling with him all night.

I had a hard time hearing my daughter cry, for the longest time. It was hard to get her to sleep at night too. I read in one of the motherhood books or magazines (can't remember which) about a technique that helped me and my daughter get through bedtime. Start a routine for bedtime. Ours is 1. Bath, 2.Bottle or Breastfeed, 3.Book, 4. Binky Blanky BED. She doesn't take milk anymore, but the routine is still the same. She's 15 months now. Also, remember that if you can hear your baby, you know he's okey. He may not think so, but if he's in a safe place, and you can hear him, he's breathing, he's okey! You might not be. The second part of the technique is to let him cry. First, give it five min. before you even go in there. Settle him down, if you have to but only for a minute. This will teach him that you are not abandoning him. next wait ten min. before you go in. Again, only spend a min. or so making sure he knows you care, but it's bedtime. Then try waiting fifteen min. before you go in again. You might not even have to. After awhile, I always waited ten min. the first time, because she was usually asleep by then because she had gotten used to the routine. She knows when it's bedtime now, and she doesn't make a peep. I found that checking the clock instead of the baby, helped me stay calm. It just broke my heart when I had to listen to my baby cry. But that is natural. Babies are supposed to scream and cry like there's an emergency, that is what gets a response from mom or dad. You have to try and stay calm, so you choose the right response. I know it's hard. You can do it, just have faith!

Let him sleep with you. Do a little research on this yourself, but I assure you that's what's best for your child. It's scary for an infant to be left alone and can actually be painful for them to be away from physical contact. Try putting him in his own bed at around 1 year old or later. :)

I went through this too with two girls 13 months apart. What worked for both of them was the Good Night Sleep Tight Sleep Lady book... I'm surprised no one else has recommended it. This is a gentler variation on the cry it out method in that you stay next to the crib with your baby to reassure them you are there. You can say shush,shush or some other small noise, but don't take him out of the crib. As they settle down and then fall asleep, you can leave the room. Over 3 days or up to two weeks, you slowly move your position farther away from the crib and eventually you are in the door way. If/when the baby wakes during the night, you immediately go back in -- again reassuring him that you are near. This teaches them you are there but they are also able to learn to sleep. Both of my girls had huge improvements in only 2 nights and they are very different girls. Their one similarity was not sleeping and then pitching a royal fit - gagging, choking, etc. when I left them alone. I did this with my oldest at 18 months and my youngest at 9 months. Good luck!! (You can get the book at the library.)

Hi J.....

I read your mail this morning as I was making pancakes and thought - oh god that was me 2 years ago with our daughter Autumn who is now almost 3 years. I didnt sleep with her - but we kept her in a bassent/co sleeper next to our bed until she was about 6 months old - then - I wanted to get her to her crib. I wanted to do this because I didnt want to have a family bed - I was going back to work, needed my sleep and wanted time back with my hubby - plus I didnt want to have a 3 year old in my bed kicking me later.

It was a mess for about a week until I realized something that has stuck with me. What I realized was it was one of the first opportunites I had to teach my child how to do something. She didnt know how to do it herself and had to learn and her Daddy and me were the ones that had to teach her how to sleep. It seems like something that should come so natural - just close your eyes and fall asleep - but its not - so many adults have problems sleeping too.

There are so many books and resources out there that describe different techniques from letting your child wail until he pukes to having a family bed. You have to chose the one that fits you and your son and stick with it. Consisteny is the key. Your Consistency - becuase your son will be everything but consistent. :) When your consistent your baby knows what to expect and finds security in that - he knows that everything will be the same (eyes closed or open) and knows what will happen next.

We liked 'The No Cry Sleep Method." because like you - I couldnt stand to hear her cry. It wont be overnight - so be paitent - it can take 3-4 weeks - but he will learn if you teach him how to sleep and are consistent and he will learn it for life. My daughter has had no problems sleeping (unless she is sick) since she before a year old and this book and our consistency is the key.

We have a bedtime routine, that starts with supper, play, bath, PJs, Book and a song. Its been mostly the same for a mind numbing 2 years. Sometimes it makes me crazy - but it helps her - so....

She also has a lovely (a little pink bunny blanket) that she latched on to. In the begining it was one of my nursing bras or Tshirts - but thank god she chose something later that I could actually leave the house with. But it smelled like me and when she was sleeping alone for the first time - she would hold that thing with a death grip.

We also slowly moved her out of our room - we inched her bassentt across the floor - out the door and into her own room over about a week - so she could get used to the different sounds and sights - instead of one big shock. Then slowly into her crib.

Anyway - hope that the sleep fairy visits your house soon. Remember that most parents go through this - sleeping like a baby - ha whoever thought that saying up needs help. :)

L. :)

At a year is really the best time to start transitioning your baby to there own bed and room until then it really is to scary. I have 7 and all have at one time or another coslept with me, some longer then others, but I was never able to move them before a year. It was always slow, starting with naps during the day, and even then they would wake up, but if your serious and stick to your guns, that gets better, then like the mom a few before me said start moving the crip or play yard further out the door so that slowly the sounds of your husband and your self start to fade and they can become used to the new night sounds, be patient your instincts will tell you more then any one book can, besides I have always found that there is a little bit of info in each book that tends to work, and this site is a better place to look at a lot of different points of view and find one that will work for your family. Be patient, it's hard and will take some time thats the most important thing to remember, time is all kids have and the like to use it to thier advantage :).

Hey i had that problem with my daughter at that age but i started useing johnson amd johnson bed time bath and lotion on her and it calms them and sooths tem right to sleep and we also started putting her to bed at 8:00 at night and then giving her a bottle at about 10:00 at night and she started sleeping all night. so try those thing and let me known how that works