Getting My 4Th Grader to Show More Respect

My youngest used to do this too (still does every now and then at 15.) Usually it was enough for me to pull her aside, get right in her face and very firmly say "you're being very rude and NOT funny, if you don't knock it off right now we are leaving."
She just needs to be called out on her behavior, that's all.
I think this kind of thing is tied to being nervous or anxious in group situations, so it's somewhat normal, but of course it's something you want to discourage. You could also try to redirect her when she starts getting like this, give her a chore or a task to do, something to distract her from her nerves.

A.

Sorry, if that EVER happened with my kids? I would have pulled them aside right then and there and corrected that attitude. To let it go on? You are condoning the behavior.

Or you can let her suffer the consequences of her actions. You can tell her straight up, if you continue your behavior, no other parent will want you to come over to their home and you will lose friends.

I would pull my child off the field or where ever we are and put the kibosh on that behavior REALLY fast...YOU are the parent.

I would also look at MY behavior. Is she mimicking me? I know that's the hard question. I doubt it...but she learned it somewhere....she's getting attention for it. Bad or good attention is STILL attention and she doesn't see the difference. Show other parents you are being a parent and NOT condoning the behavior...yes...that means making a scene...but she needs to hear LOUD AND CLEAR that behavior is NOT acceptable!!

I agree she's doing it for attention. She's getting it too, because there are apparently multiple "adult requests" to stop it.

Remove her from the situation, immediately and firmly, with no discussion or options. If you're at a game, grab her coat with one hand and her hand with your other hand, and take her to the car. If she's a big kid, then you and your husband each take one of her arms and escort her out. If she starts yelling, whichever one of you is able to lift her picks her up and carries her out - yes, just like a toddler having a tantrum. Take her home. Don't give in to nagging or begging in the car. Don't engage in a big debate. Just give her one or two sentences on respect and quote what she said. Then the silent treatment.

When you get home, don't give in. No electronics, no snacks, nothing that she finds fun, just time in her room. When she's done, give her a bunch of chores to do. Next sporting event, she doesn't get to go. Period. No argument. She cannot be respectful of others, she cannot listen to adults, she doesn't get to go out in public.

She goes to school, she goes to church (if you go), and that is it.

You won't make a scene if you take her out of there. You WILL make a scene if you get into an argument with her, debate her behavior, or allow it to continue while everyone reflects on what an ill-mannered child she is.

She gets to go back to fun things if/when she is mature enough to behave.

She's not embarrassing you when she acts out. All kids do that. The embarrassing thing is when it continues and is allowed to continue.

You are right that her friends' parents will not want her around. Neither will the other kids. But that's not the reason you need to get a grip on this. Your main concern should be that she is needy and an attention-grabber who is willing to disrupt other people's fun by misbehaving.

You need more than "some control" - you need complete control. Are kids going to act out or say something inappropriate now and then? Yes. But the continuation and the not responding is a problem. Nip in in the bud now before she is a teenager and it's even harder.

Don't let fear of "what others will think of me and my husband" become the reality - which is that they will think your daughter is running your house instead of you. People will respect your for your immediate response to her, not disrespect you for what she did to provoke it.

Leave.

Before you go to the event, along with your usual positive pep-talk, make it very clear that if she is rude or disrespectful to adults, you'll pack your stuff up and leave, and she'll spend the rest of the day in her room.

And then follow through. As soon as she does it, quietly pack up, and go get her and quietly say, "Let's go." Don't make a big scene, but do maintain a cool and collected demeanor. Do not give warnings or make threats. Do not allow for any negotiation and do not give in to "OKAY, OKAY! I'll be good!" Nope. Pack up and leave. No matter what. "It's too bad you chose to behave this way. We told you the consequences for being rude and disrespectful. Maybe next time you'll choose differently."

It won't take long before she understands that her outrageous and rude behavior will result in negative and immediate consequences, and she'll adjust her behavior. Also be sure that you are very apologetic and give disappointed looks to the coach and team. "I'm so sorry that DD decided to behave rudely and disrespectfully, and I hope her absence doesn't cause difficulty for the team. Hopefully next time she'll remember her manners and good sportsmanship."

Best of luck!

Why are you allowing your daughter to get away with this behavior? Because you don't want to cause a scene?? Your daughter is already causing a scene. Stop it.

When she starts her behavior, nip it in the bud. Call her on it right then and there. If she can't behave, she's not going to be able to attend events.