Getting Almost 3 Year Old to Go to Sleep in Her Own Bed!

Love Susan's suggestions...just adding this...

My son just turned 3 and we have a very similar routine to Susan's. The thing I've learned is that toddlers/kids/babies need triggers to know and understand change. For my son we use a calendar for big changes before they happen and I do my best to give him week notice. So, you could get her a character calendar that she likes and pick a date when you will change your routine to a 'big girl' routine and eliminate the rocking. Let her cross off the days until the change, and explain it to her daily. I agree that kids can learn from repitition and being talked to frankly, rather than tricked or made to cry. Also the bribe stuff only works for so long, and then you've got other stuff to worry about...like bigger bribes.

Instead of rocking her maybe find a new comfy spot where you read to her? My son and I read while he sits in his rocking chair that we used to be able to share and then he hops in bed and I rub his back while he falls asleep once we're done reading. This works for us and it's always the same every night. I think if you offer a different kind of comfort and explain it to her then it will be okay. It's just a matter of creating a transition period that avoids confusion and tears, and that works for everyone.

How about doing all the pre-bed "routines" IN her room. Only.
Not anywhere else.
Then, let her sleep, anywhere, but only if it is in her room.
(my daughter went through a phase where she'd sleep in her room, but wanted to sleep on the floor instead... atop all her blankets and stuffed animals). And we let her, We knew it was only a phase.
And, explain to her, that she is a big girl now... and can't fit on Mommy's lap etc. So... maybe get a nice comfy chair for her room where SHE can sit, while you read her a story or something. THEN, make the routine that she has to be in her bed or at least LYING down... while you keep her company in her room, sitting in the chair. Or, get her her own child sized rocking chair, where she can sit in and rock herself.

The thing is, she is used to the routine she has always been doing. So, now, it has to change... because her Mommy needs it. And yes, kids usually have a transition adjustment to make, with any "new" routine. So just keep trying... it will be repetitious, but that is the way they 'learn' a 'new' routine.

Try to do it, with NO "bribery." Otherwise, she will just get used to "having to have" a bribery, ANYTIME, you ask her to do something. Just use talking to her and logic, and communication, to 'teach' her. And then use repetition and consistency about it.

I know its not easy... but that is all she is used to now. So, she gets mad. That is the 3 year old mind.

Try to instill independence in her... have her walk to her room, for example, instead of being carried there or something. Have HER be a part of the routine... instead of an accessory. Have HER make a decision... or at least make it sound like it is her decision. Give her 2 choices: going in her room like a big girl and "helping" Mommy... or Mommy will leave. For example. And if she does not cooperate, then yes, LEAVE. Let her stew about it.. then go back and TALK about it. NOT "bribing" her about it. AND keep the lights turned OFF.

Try to make it like she is a PART of the "team".... call it "Team Sleep" or something. And have her have a role in it. Kids this age usually like to know they are "helping" Mommy.

For us, at bedtime, we do our routine: brush teeth, change into pajamas, my kids both walk to bed, we turn off the lights, and then we talk story and what not. But we keep EVERYTHING turned OFF and quiet. My son will sometimes get up and walk out of the room to "check things"... but that is "his" routine, we let him do it, and he DOES come back to the room and his bed in a few minutes. That is "his" thing. After he does that he is satisfied. Perhaps, let your daughter adopt a "routine" for herself... that is NOT being on your lap. She can tuck in her stuffed animals perhaps, instead. Just think of something. Something she does for herself... instead of to or on Mommy, for example.

I know, its not easy. But any change in routine for bed, will take time. Just keep to it, and be consistent.
Also try giving her a flashlight to keep in her bed. My daughter loved that, and still does.

All the best,
Susan

Hi T.,

I don't have any suggestions but I do want to let you know that you seem like a wonderful mommy. Your inquiry truly brought some giggles (especially the "fidgets and wiggles") and smiles to me. I wish you the best in getting your princess to sleep.

I have a 14-month old princess who I sing to as she goes to sleep and I have a sleep machine that plays the heartbeat sound. Of course, I'm probably doing a disservice (according to some other moms) to her because I lay with her until she falls asleep in the big bed then sometimes move her to her crib or I just stay there. But I just look at how much she smiles and laughs and it all seems pretty good to me.

All the best to you and your little princess,
M.

You know when my oldest was about that age we transitioned her to her own bed. She was used to sleeping w/ us and staying up late with us. We did the M&M's thing too. We would give her 3 M&M's in the morning if she stayed in bed. We used this tactic for potty training too. All I can suggest is to keep reminding her what a big girl she is and that she has those yummy candies to look forward to in the morning. I wish you much luck. Just remember that those who judge you have their own issues with their kids. :) Good luck and God bless.

Something I tried and did with both of my kids and it applies across the board for any activity is 5-3-1. IF we are at the park or they are playing I give them the 5 minute, 3 minute and 1 minute warnings before the end of the activity or also for going to bed. My 2 year old daughter is a cuddle bug and we do 5-3-1 "cuddy" time before bed. She sometimes starts to fuss when it is time to put her in bed but I remind her that we did 5-3-1 and it is time to go to bed. Because we do this consistently with everything she understands the expectations. Along the way during 5-3-1 I remind her it is almost time for bed. Kids have no concept of time so you set the 5-3-1 length as needed. Sometimes I give her an extra 1 at the end and she always giggles and cuddles close. I don't know if it will work the same for you but I did it with my son prior to my daughter and started with with my daughter at about 15 months. It really helped with my son when he would wake up crying during the night for whatever reason. I would ask him if he needed 5-3-1 and we would almost always say yes and go right back to bed when done. Start it with the end of play time, park time, and/or anything you can think of that involves the end of an activity. It has been a great "tool" in our house and gives our kids consistency. Hope this helps. PS I did the cry it out at a much younger age with my son and yes it worked but it was HARD, very hard! Also, our daughter has gone to sleep independently almost from birth but then at 20 months or so started screaming when we put her down with it lasting sometimes 15 minutes or so. I did the 5-3-1 thing described above and it stopped the screaming. Good luck!

Hi there,
Obviously, the rocking has to stop. You can reduce the rocking time and add on another short book. Keep doing that until the rocking is so short that it's just not worth doing anymore. When I trained my daughter, I read the same 3 books to her for about 2 weeks straight. After the 2 weeks, I read different books but kept the same last book. This way she knew what to expect when it came to the end of the book. Oh I also reminded her before I read that last book that she is going to sleep when it is done.
I know your daughter is way older so I don't know how well it would work for her. All I know is that you need to stop rocking her. Either cold turkey or slowly reducing that 10 minutes. Believe me, she'll get over it. At that age, I think cold turkey would be the best. Just read her more books...OR tell her a story of your own. Kids love that!
Good luck!

Hi, sorry so late, I don't always get the time to read email...

My son, now 3, has always gone to sleep with me lying next to him. Ugh! So recently I have told him, at bedtime or naptime, that it is bedtime, but if he doesn't feel tired (which is the usual...wound too tight, like his mom...) he can pick 1 or 2 toys and play quietly in his bed, and I STRESS to him that he does NOT have to go to sleep. That way, the pressure's off and he knocks right out. Sometimes he plays for an hour, if he truly wasn't tired, but that's fine too, for me.
Of course, they are all different, but I hope this helps you! Good luck!

We have had the smae problem with all of our kids. I started a "special place" with a sleeping bag they picked out at the store, and told them that they could only come to the "special place" when they were scared or had a bad dream. We postitioned the "special place" near one side of the bed or at the end of the bed on the floor. We took a small spray bottle and sprayed and prayed all the bad dream germs away before they went to bed. Let them also pick out a doll or special stuffed animal for their bed too. Let us know how this worked out.

I feel you! My son is just over 2 1/2 and we are seriously struggling at bedtime. My situation is similar to yours, and yes, he has us wrapped around his finger. It's hard to say no to that adorable little face. I have even gone so far to buy a sleep training clock (mytotclock.com) but so far, no luck. He has transitioned to a toddler bed, so tht is part of our issue. Anyway, although I k now it hard, I have adopted a "Very firm" Mommy voice that I haven't used on him before. I don't want to be a monster, but my word goes and yes, this is working. We have had so many nights with two hour bed times, I had to put my foot down. It's hard but he is learning to respect that when I say no more, that is it. When he tells me to stay in his room until he has fallen asleep, I just say firmly, No, I have read you stories and sang you songs, and now I am going. You're a big boy. Say good night and I will see you in the morning. He gives me a tearful good night, but after about five days, he has accepted it. A minor victory but I wanted to add my two cents and what has worked for me. I'm not saying he doesn't get in our bed at 2 am, but that's a different problem!!

Yay, Susan H! I'm going to try this one myself...

Hi T., I rocked mine to sleep too. The CIO, In don't know who invented that. What you need to realize sweetie at age 3 crying and putting up a fight about bed time is defiance, rewarding her for good behavior, is a positive thing, not bribery, whom among us doesn't like to be rewarded for a job well done.My kids are grown now, but at 3 our bed time routine went like this, after going potty, and brushing teeth, we did story time, then prayer time, then we tucked them in turned their fish aquaireum light on hugs kisses I love yous, and see you in the mornimg, they knew bed time was bed time, never put up a fuss, our daughter would want me to check on her, after we tucked her in I would always ask her how many times do you want me to check on you she would tell me 2 or 3, and I always checked in on my kids when ever I would go to the bathroom, I would sometimes leave something for her on her night stand so you would know i checked on her. Rewarding her with a sticker or something for having a success bed time is inscentive, that's good, by the same token there needs to be a form of discipline for the un acceptible behavior, she's a big girl and to old to cry at bed time, so when she acts like a big girl shes rewarded. And some you have to stop the reward and she needs to comply cause that's the right thing to, you don't want a 5 year old needing a reward to obey at bed time. Juliebbb