Getting 3 Yr Old to Sleep

Hi E.,
It sounds like you all have been through quite a lot with a bit more to go. He needs you and the reassurance your presence provides, but it sounds like you need it as well. Would it be possible to lay down with him and go to sleep with him? I know there are a million things to do, but right now, maybe the best thing you can do is rest and let your little guy rest with you. It may not be feasible, but I sometimes go to sleep with my daughter, I usually wake up after about 30 minutes to an hour and then get my stuff done. Sometimes it even revives me to be able to finish things off.
Best of luck working through these times. Sincerely, J.

my daughter used to always cry and whine and fight with us about bedtime. kids really need a routine and you will probably have to let him cry some-its ok, it will help him in the long run. What i do with my daughter is at 7pm we start getting ready for bed. we change into our night close and brush out teeth then we watch a kids program for about 10min then we go to her room where we read 2 books. the first one i let her talk thru or play quietly or just sit on her bed. The 2nd story is the bedtime story, she is laying down on her bed quielty while i read. after i read sometimes i stay in her room a little, sometimes she will listen to her barney cd and sometimes i leave and she goes to sleep just depends on how tired she is. the 1st couple of nights of doing this will be seen with resistance but after maybe the 3rd day when she knew this was how it was going to be she stopped crying completely and bedtime is now an enjoyable bonding experience. Hope this helps.

E. - So sorry to hear about your situation. It sounds like your son is just anxious. It is a difficult time in your lives and I have taken notice in my 3 children that they process stress and anxiety so differently. I agree with allowing your son to sleep with you. It has helped my oldest when we have gone thru some difficult and stressful times. I have also tried letting them watch a video to fall asleep and just holding them. I know it is hard, but holding them to fall asleep also allowed me time to just pray as I hold one of my babies. Maybe your son could even cuddle up to daddy to fall asleep. I have also had my children sleep on the floor in my room. Hang in there. I know it is hard, but you will get thru this time. May the peace of God which surpasses all understanding surround you.

Hi E., Since you say Luke was sleeping well before all this happened, it sounds like he is feeling the fear and anxiety from the current situation. Since you and your husband were away from him, he is probably afraid you will leave him again. Also one thing I learned from my 3 children was that children are "extremely" sensitive to a parents anxiety. He is feeling your stress. Each night when you put him down you need to make sure you are "very" calm. Then, even though he is 3, remind him that his momma and daddy will be there when he wakes up. It's amazing how the more you relax the more your child will relax and get back to his normal routine. Good Luck, I'll be praying for you!!!

First, I hope your husband is in remission and has a long future ahead of him. That's scary.

This is a band-aid fix and not a permanent solution, but sometimes when something is scary what kids need is security first. Last summer I was seriously injured and hospitalized for two weeks. When I got out I was bedridden for three months, and since my home is not wheelchair accessible (and I couldn't care for my kids, then 4 and 20 months) we had to relocate to my parents' home. While my kids were being cared for by loving grandparents, my daughter still had terrible anxiety from the whole thing. After the first month or so she was able to lie in the bed with me to go to sleep, and that improved her anxiety a lot. Even now if she is upset and feeling anxious, I can always get her to go to sleep by lying with her in my bed, even if she knows I'm not staying after she's asleep.

As awful as this time is for you, it is even scarier for your son. If it's possible, you might find it a lot easier to allow him to sleep with you for a while. Another sure-fire way to knock out my daughter is to have her lie on the sofa and listen to an iPod (she has a kids' one, so the headphones fit). Just being able to SEE us helps her, and I'm still able to do whatever I do in the evenings. I figure there's time enough to reorganize her sleeping, and what's most important right now is that everyone SLEEP, and that your son feel secure.

Best of luck to you.

E., My heart goes out to you. I have a friend who went through this a few years back and our family was able, along with many others, to help out which blessed us. Her youngest was 3 at the time. You have received some very good advice that I agree with. You are dealing with a lot and I will encourage you that you will get through it all. Find some soothing music your son likes and even an old tape player and tapes from a thrift store will work. Headphones are not good to fall asleep with but a CD player or tape recorder by his bed is good. If you have a recorder, your voice or your husband’s singing or reading to him might work also. You can record it when you have more energy – during the day when he’s playing or when you have more energy to read or sing to him. He will have it forever. My kids still have old audio tapes they loved as kids with us all talking, laughing, singing. He is looking for comfort and you need your rest. Take it from me, a social worker, that no one will be damaged from either you going to sleep with him or putting him by your bed or in your bed. You also need to have some help and support during the day so you’re not so exhausted. Family members and friends often don’t how to help so you have to tell them what you need. It’s not good for anyone for you to be exhausted. Spending time with your son, doing something with your husband (you didn’t mention what he can do or how he spends his time), shopping, making calls, searching for things on the internet, making car repairs, cutting the lawn, getting an oil change, giving you a manicure, fixing meals for the freezer – all these things are things others can help with but you have to let them know how much it would mean. And if you’re like me thinking no one can do it as good as you can, get over it. I have. High standards be gone. The most important thing is your family relationships right now. I’ll be watching to see how you solve this. May God give you peace and blessings abundant.

E., I am sorry to hear of your husbands health problems. We will pray for him.
At our house, we have a day crib (not a full size one) next to the bed in our room. When my 3 year old daughter is having a bad night either being clingy or not feeling well. She sleeps in there. It is close enough to mommy but not actually in the bed with us. She does have her own regular bed in her own room for all the other days.
T. B.