Gates vs Boundries

You have to remember that you are already going to be saying no and disciplining a lot. You have to pick your battles to keep from having to spend your whole day and every interacion disciplining. One more thought... A baby or toddler's JOB is to explore and learn their world and how it works. Home needs to be safe place where they are free to do this. Physically blocking off areas with doors and baby gates means they can explore the whole area without having to worry about remembering where the boundaries are yet.

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When our first child was born we were in a single level house so we did not use gates. We just closed the door to the laundry room and our bedroom if we didn't want her in those places. I did pack away any decorative items that I absolutely did not want destroyed.

With the second baby we are in a split level house so I have a gate at the top of the stairs. I also have a gate in the kitchen doorway. My baby is under one so using discipline would be futile and we just do not want her in the kitchen unsupervised (it isn't an open floor plan).

It isn't right or wrong to use gates. Either is just fine as it is a matter of personal preference and the ages and personalities of your child(ren).

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It depends how old your children are and how diligent you want to be! Are you going to be actively watching them ALL the time? We use gates.
I have one at top of stairs (there's a door at the bottom)
I have one from kitchen to family room (this keeps my 1 year old in kitchen with me)
I have one from playroom to kitchen (keeps one year old in playroom with me or in playroom while I open oven or empty dishwasher)
They work for us because I don't have the time/energy to be policing boundaries. I'd rather focus my energy elsewhere.
But, as most posts on here, it comes down to whatever works for YOU!

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I had gates to keep my dogs out of places, not my kids.
LBC

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I never used the gate with my son, UNLESS I had to shower lol. I would put it at the door of his room pop a DVD and let him play.

BUT other than that it was just the let it be deal. It allowed my son to explore and realize what was not allowed to be touched and what was.

He is 2yo now and if we go to the store he is not trying to touch everything, and if we are in someone's home he does not go wandering and getting into trouble. He knows what to play with and what not to.

I believe that if they are allowed to venture in their own surrounding and realize what mommy and daddy accept and don't, they keep that trait with them for the rest of their life. Lets hope I'm right :)

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Gates, definitely, because a toddler will push boundaries when you take a wee

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We didn't use gates.

Gates are to protect against accidents, or to block off areas that children are not allowed in (like blocking off a room/ stairs/ etc.) imho, not to get...ahh...lazy is the wrong word (blocking off everything they *might* get into rather than teach boundaries, but I think you get my drift. But the point is: that's what playpens are for: to keep them away from schtuff (if you have a child who will use one). I suppose a whole collection of gates could create a giant playpen, but how do kids learn if they're kept in a bubble all the time? No one I know does that (although I know of some case studies). Everyone I know with gates also teaches boundaries. There's no way to teach boundaries without disciplining when they're crossed. Ranging from "Ah-Ah! Hot! No!" to "We don't play with the lamp/ door/ guillotine/ etc. If you touch it again you will go on timeout. Okay. Timeout."

My suspicion is that the people in your life saying you're wrong not to use gates are either ridiculously anal, or there's some kind of miscommunication.

That said... when you live in someone else's house in addition to your *own* rules, one often has to follow other peoples/ respect their boundaries. For example; when staying with my mum children are not allowed to clean. My OWN version of parenting in my own house, my son would help clean up every mess he made. In HER house, he did not. I preferred for the habit to set young + cause/effect. She preferred for the mess to be cleaned up quickly and completely (and small children don't do that). So when we were staying with her in her home, we followed her rules in regards to her home/ life/ her own boundaries.

If your family wants certain areas gated off so that the children don't get into that area (for whatever reason) that's a boundary that they're laying down along with the solution they can live with.

Now I'm just guessing as to the originator of the gate v boundaries quandry. If I'm wrong, no biggie, blow the person off and parent as you please. But if it's the family you're living with (or family/friends you're visiting, etc.) wanting certain areas gated off, they're totally within their rights to do so.

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I think that with 3 kids under 3 you are not always going to be able to see if a kids is pushing boundaries or accidentally run and trips into the woodstove. I think you would be wise to gate that off. Even the most well trained and disciplined child has accidents or isn't always paying attention to what they are doing. A child could easily fall against the stove and burn themselves badly. The burn could be devastating with permanent scarring... Why risk it?

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You have 3 kids under 3? Is telling them or disciplining them about a stove and not using a fireplace gate worth the one time one of them will touch it and get third degree burns? You can't walk in fire expecting not to get burned.

They are really young... their mind is not developed to think about those kinds of things and anyone who pretends they do needs to be educated on children. Babe, nothing is worth your child getting hurt. Just put up a gate and be safe. From reading your other posts about CPS and all these other things, is something else going on with treatment towards them?

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Gates can help to establish boundaries when the kids are really young and you can't (or don't want to) follow them around every second of the day. However, I don't think they are a "must have". I personally have used them because I was not willing to risk injury ( to themselves or other things)...and, I didn't want to chase them all over the house all day long. And gates just define boundaries better in my own head. Then again, I grew up with fences around our yard. I do believe one can have the same end result though, wether gates are used or not.

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I fully agree with you - I have stairs and NEVER used gates on them. I just taught my little ones how to navigate them. We never had an issue. Lock up the dangerous things, but in general, teaching them how to deal with things I think is better than keeping them away.

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Accidents happen in just a few seconds.. That is why they are called accidents.

You have 3 very young children so that triples the chance of an accident.

I agree with you that I do not like gates, locks etc.. but I have seen some really active groups of kids, get into all sorts of interesting situations extremely quickly and very quietly..

How do you keep an eye on all 3 kids while going to the potty? Taking a shower? Cooking? Gathering items to leave the house? Moving your laundry from the washing machine to the dryer? Walking from room to room? These all only take a few seconds, but again that is all that it takes..

IF CPS is concerned about this, it really does not matter what YOUR parenting style is, it matters what they consider BASIC care and safety. Just do it.. It is less stress for you in the long run.

As I have said before. I would do whatever was necessary to keep my children with me and not removed from me.

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gates are not a necessity, they are a luxury. the only gate i used was going into the kitchen. my son learned "no" early on, so electronics, nic nacs, etc, were pretty safe. oh that, and i kept an eye on him. you're doing fine.

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Depends on the kid, depends on how dire the safety issues in your home are. As long as you don't have a kid like my little hellion, put the hazardous materials out of reach and you should be fine. Come to think of it even gates could not contain my little one after 16 mos. She also figured out the squeeze and turn knobs pretty early. I personally had to raise mine through vigilance and a lot of prayers and screams in between.

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I never had to use gates with my little ones. I think you are doing fine. The woodstove probably should have some sort of safety device tho, just in case.

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I think it depends on your child. I have my house set up the same way as you. I don't have locks on anything (will lock up chemicals when she can learn to open doors). My daughter doesn't go anywhere or get into anything she is not suppose to. She never tried to test her boundaries. My friend on the other hand, her son, tests his boundaries all the time. If you think your kids will respect the boundaries, than do it that way, if you think you will have trouble with them getting into things they are not suppose to, than maybe gates are your best option.

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It is what I do...

People are probably getting up at arms over the word you use. You are not really disciplining, you are training.

I just realized that you are the CPS mom... Do whatever CPS says... if this is your inlaws then they are your kids... and if this is the lady that called CPS on you then disregard it.

Also do you have doctor? Did you tell the doctor all the crazy that you were living with? If you can say yes to both you can tell the CPS and the crazy lady that if they actually do find you unfit that the Doctor needs to lose his license because doctors are under legal obligation to report and since crazy lady reported on the same info the doctor had... well, he should have reported and didn't. This can actually get a doctor on your side of the case as he would like to remain being a doctor...

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I would gate around the wood stove because even if a child respects boundaries they could have a serious accident and get hurt. Any trip and fall or accidental contact could cause serious burns.
Otherwise, I think you have a good idea. I think that it will help your child self regulate if he/she has to learn early on that some things are not for touching.

Our first born was gated out of everything and he REALLY suffers from lack of impulse control. He has little or no self control and it is a constant struggle. We didn't use many gates with our second and he is MUCH better at leaving things be when he is supposed to. THAT SAID, I can only guess that lack of gates for the second contributed to his over all self control. It could be just that they have different personality.

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I used gates because something can happen in the blink of an eye.
They can get into things you never thought they could and they do it in a heartbeat. They can pull things over on themselves, and find the tiniest stuff. Gates are especially useful when things like doors and cabinet locks no longer work.
And what do you do when you have to go to the bathroom? do you give baby free regain of the house?
Unless you have everything strapped to the walls or glued down you should prob get baby gates.

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I don't use gates. I don't even have locks for the cupboards. lol. But it's pretty easy to keep an eye on her, since there are usually at least 3 people in the house helping to keep an eye on her... But even when I'm alone in the house with her, she pretty much stays in the 'zones' she knows she's allowed. Ex... she stays in the living room, and a strip of the kitchen that goes to the back door. (she likes to look outside.) She doesn't explore the rest of the kitchen... when she DOES get the urge, she will start 'yelling' and wait for me to join her before she starts exploring. Sometimes she tests the boundaries, and during those times there is a lot of getting up to chase her down. I often will shut all the doors in the hallway, and let her go to town through there. (I just sit at the end of the hall and read a book.) Mainly, it's just keeping a closer eye on the baby. When I go to the bathroom, I just take her in with me. Simple enough. The only baby-proofing that I actually did (besides moving everything dangerous out of reach) is to put outlet blocks on all the plugs. Baby gates make life easier, I'm sure though. (our reason for not using them was that we just didn't have the extra money to spend on them. lol)

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Nothing wrong with that!

I think it depends on the child and their "activeness/curiosity" levels. I personally never used any of those modern safety things. I get so irritated when I'm in someones house and try to open a cupboard to have it be a child safety lock, they're so forgien to me they're like Anti A.-locks lol. I think they are great to use if you need them, but also kind of a (and I don't mean this in a bad way even though it sound a little like it) a lazy way of parenting. With our 1st we removed and put up ALL toxic dangerous things from areas so that even if our son got into the cupboards or under the sink there would be nothing harmful. There is nothing more fun to a toddler than playing with pots and pans! I also think that if you allow them to be able to explore them a little it kills the curiosity in the long run, vs. putting locks on everything and when you finally take them off you STILL have to deal with the issue. I feel if you teach them early you are always better off then just putting up physical boundaries such as locks, they just know they cant get into those cupboards not "WHY they shouldnt". My husband is an electrician and we have never had to put in the electrical outlet covers. My thing is, you can childproof your home all you want, but the world is not child proof and if my kids go to someone elses home and sees a bottle of windex, I want them to know immediately its not a "toy" etc. If you go the non safetylock route you just have to accept that you are going to be REALLY BUSY running after them saying "no" or whatever for a few months but after that its smooth sailing, which you already know. Now that we live in a 2 level house I think we may put gates up on the stairs, but it needs to be something my 4 year old can easily get in and out of because I don't want to take away his freedom of being able to go play in his room/playroom or downstairs or just use them minimally for times when we are a little more preoccupied. In the end you still have to teach them to go up and down safely so I feel the gates just make it such a longer process. From the minute our son "found" stairs we worked on teaching him the proper way to go up and down and we NEVER once had a problem. Good luck to you!

I have several flights of stairs and have not used gates with either of my children. I use cabinet locks.