Frustrated 4 Year Old Boy

My 4 year old son does the same thing. I have begun to avoid it by showing him in other ways that everyone has to learn and is not always perfect, including myself. I play basketball, baseball and catch with them and don't always get it right the first time so they can see it takes practice. I always encourage them to try again and say practice makes perfect. If they are not encouraged when trying new things, even if they mess up for a while, they will feel as if they can never do anything right.

I have a bit of a perfectionist streak and have to watch what I say or how I react when things aren't done exactly how I want them to be.

Good luck! Have a GREAT day!

S.

I have a four-year-old girl who also gets frustrated easily. She's starting to calm down a bit more now, but there are still meltdowns. We always say "practice makes perfect," and she seems to find some comfort in that familiar phrase, and she will repeat it with us, but I will look to the responses you get to see if I can gather any advice from your question. Thanks for posting it. Good luck. I feel you.

He is four and this is such normal behavior for a little boy! Honest. Do not react, you can help teach him self control by simply saying things like "well that is too bad that toy is making you angry, if you think you are done with it, please go put it away"....don't coddle him or do it for him. I can ask my son "does throwing it down help anything?" or tell him he needs to walk off until he has calmed down.

I will help him after he has tried three times himself to put something together, he knows this and after the second time typically he does it himself and beams with pride. He is allowed to be frustrated, so validate that feeling for him, I say "I understand that makes you angry, when we feel that upset it usually doesn't work right so maybe take a break and try again later", breathing may not help him as he needs it to be okay with being frustrated, it is more about what to do with that frustration. Also reassuring him "you know you are so smart I trust you will figure it out soon enough, let me know when you want to try again" and leave it be. If he gets a reaction good or bad from you he will just be reassured that is the way to react.

I have dealt with this from legos, to bike riding to braiding hair for my daughter as she was determined to learn, she tried and tried and got so upset when she didn't do it right. I told her then it wasn't time for her to try and learn because it takes practice, then she did it two weeks later!! :)

Maybe you could take a proactive approach- like when he is about to try something new, remind him that he may not be able to do it the first time and if not, that's okay- he just needs to keep trying. It sounds like you're working well with him on the breathing and calming down after he gets worked up. That's been the only thing that's worked with my boys.

He needs to learn how to not give up. When he tries something and can't do it, IMMEDIATELY (before he can have his reaction) put in your reaction. ("Awwwww man!!" or "I wanna try, I wanna try, I wanna try, I wanna try.) Then you try and you can't do it either. (say "awwww man"...OR laugh and say what went wrong...but make it silly..like "hahaha...it bounced on my toes instead of the floor"..."watch watch - I wanna do it again"

etc.

the key is to show him how to react before he actually does react. Don't freak out about it or push or bribe or yell or beg....just make it be no big deal. If he won't do it...shrug. "OK. My turn!!" OR "OK. I'm gonna go sweep the floor then. Love you :)"
Completely ignore his bad attitude....and it'll go away.

being sure not to model this sort of behavior yourself, and proactively saying "oh well, let's try again", or "I'll try again" when you fail at something will help him see that it really is an easier way to live life. My husband points out that he's able to figure out a lot more things (and he is a verifiable genius at 99% on the IQ test) because he doesn't get upset about it.

Step back, shake out the hands, take a couple deep breaths, take a break if necessary, and come back to it.
That's what we do, my daughter is 3 now, and it works well. Just time and repetition.
Good job mommin'!