My friendship with *Lisa* has been pretty good for about 12 years. She was my maid-of-honor. Now she is cheating on her husband with his best friend. Then she tells me she wants half of what he has earned. He makes a lot, but she sits on her can all day and drinks with friends all night. She stands to walk away with close to 300,000, she thinks. I guess I am so angry, granted the husband didn't want children and that kind of killed the marriage and of course he drinks too much as well. But I am furious! I just got off the phone with her and she said it will take her two years to get "on her feet" I felt like saying "honey if you want out, go wait on tables!"
But what to do long term? Can you believe she'll get half of her husbands money when she cheated on him and has done nothing to financially contribute to the marriage? Thank God they have no kids, although she is thinking of having kids with the new boyfriend. Good Grief - I wish them great fertility problems and I think the friendship between she and I, is over!!
Any advice??
I am backing off with comunications with my friend. ( I certainly knew none of this was going on, I didn't even know she wasn't happy with her husband) I love her and remember some good times but can't trust her at all. The wife of the "boyfriend" she is cheating with on her husband with caught them together (kissing) and the cat is out of the bag. The wife of the boyfriend (confusing I know) was one of her best friends. In other words, both couples hung out all the time. Both cheated on spouses are devestated. And all I feel is that if she cheated on her husband and her friend, what would she do to me? So I look at my calm happy life. I wish everyone health and healing and I hope everyone moves on. In the meantime, I value my friends who are honorable, even more.
While I think "lifetime friends" are a sweet thought, I think there are times that friends are friends for a season. It hurts, but you have wonderful memories of her. I cannot be close friends with women who are not good role models for my kids. She would simply be an acquaintance of mine from now on.
I understand where you are coming from but I think you are taking your friends behavior too personal.. Step back and let do what she thinks she must do No one know what really happens on a marriage
Try not to focus on her and focus on yourself. Or if you are good friends, tell her the truth about how you feel. Thats what friends do. I think she might not completely grasp the divorce yet and what the effects are going to be for herself. If you dont want to open the bottle of worms and fight with her by being honest about how you feel (her being a spoiled drama queen), then just sit back, watch her self destruct and be the good friend that will pick up the pieces later. However, from your tone it doesnt sound like you really consider her that good of a friend and you kinda sound a little bitter towards her/jealous. Wishing fertility problems on a friend that is confiding in you? Maybe she will be happier with this other guy, arent you supposed to be supportive as a friend? And if not, then maybe you are better off not being friends at all. I know I would rather have no friend, than a enemy. Maybe you are friends with both (husband and wife), I dont know the situation. If thats the case, then just stay out of it for your own sanity, or offer support to both while keeping distance.
If the man has a good lawyer, she probably will not get what she is hoping for. And, I'm sure in the long run her cheating lifestyle will not bring her happiness. It does sound like you need to stick to friends that have more in common with you. Good luck.
Best to "mind your own business". It's tough, but it's best.
Be careful. Stay in your place. If you supported her cheating on her husband, you were not being a freind. There is an old saying, You are judged by the company you keep.
Dear S.,
Divorce is Hell. No one likes it. When I got divorced, it devestated my friends and family. It's terribly sad and it is scary too. My friends kind of freaked out because if I was getting divorced, what about them? It seemed to have shaken all the marriages up a bit as everyone started reflecting upon their own relationships.
I suggest you drop thinking about and talking about her divorce! You never know what goes on behind closed doors. If your friend is as you say she is, it should be easy to drop her as a friend. Who needs such people in our lives? But, if there is a possibility that something else is happening that you are unaware of, then you should rethink your position.
I am divorced and I can tell you from experience that there are two sides to every story. My ex would say I took him to the cleaners and that simply is not true. Others would say he got off easy and that simply is not true. The truth lies somewhere in between and only My ex and I really know.
Finally, if you can't listen to your friend without judgement and criticism, then just tell her you can't listen to her if she's going to talk about the divorce or her affair. That's fair. You don't need any cheap drama in your life. You probably have enough going on in your life as a working parent!
Good luck, remain as grateful for your family as you obviously are, and take care of yourself!
S.
