Free Babysitting Is Over! Is This the Best Way to Say It?

the question is in the title.

L., i would not point fingers or say that her kids complain about you being "boring", that is a good way to make her feel defensive. just leave it at, the kids aren't getting along and you think it'd be best to stop. the fewer details, excuses, reasons, the better. if you can, try to give her some notice, like, "x will be my last day, i hope you can work something out by then." good luck!

I agree with the poster below-- this is already too many details.

Stick with
"This is hard to say because I really like you and your husband. The children are not getting along well and it's become too difficult for me to babysit them while giving my own child the attention she needs. I can continue to drive your oldest child to class after school, and you can pick her up at our house like always, but that's all I can manage."

In my opinion I think you should leave out all the details out of politeness and because they are neighbors. Just tell them that you will no longer be able to babysit, give them a week or so to find another sitter, and then firmly just keep repeating "it's just not working out for me." If they keep pressing for a reason then you could say that they children aren't getting along and it's stressing everyone out, including her children, so this is better for everyone.

You can never lose by being polite and evasive.

I think the best way is to say "I am sorry but you are going to need to make other childcare arrangements by November 1st. If you want me to, I will continue to drive your oldest." If they ask, you can just say that it really isn't working out. If they still press, then elaborate that the kids aren't getting along and her children are not happy there.

Adansmama has great advice; just tell her the arrangement isn't working out for you, and give her a date by which she'll need to find other arrangements. A friendly and kind voice help the bad news go down. Excuses or reasons are not necessary, and will usually make a decision seem weaker rather than stronger.

So don't tell her her children are a problem; she's not there to make them observe your rules during the day. She can't make them be respectful from a distance. If she presses for more details, say no more than the kids aren't getting along well, and you don't need the stress. Period.

She may not like it, but you are not obligated to take care of her feelings.

(It sounds like you've been very generous with her, and I hope she'll be grateful for your free services up till now. But in my experience, you can't necessarily count on that. If she seems miffed or unfriendly, just hold in your heart that you did a good deed for someone, and that generosity was a gift to her, to her children, and to yourself. Respect yourself even if she tries to guilt you. A gift doesn't have to be acknowledged in order for it to have real value.)

Since she is a neighbor try to be nice yet firm about it. Give her a few days notice to make other arrangements if you can. Just say, "Hey, I am really sorry but I can not longer baby sit for you, but I can still take your oldest to class". No need to give further explanation. If she pushes you for a reason, simply tell her that the kids are not getting along and it is causing too much stress for your children.

I don't think that you have to be rude about it...two wrongs do not make a right. If you have already talked to them about it, then there isn't any need for an explanation. Simply tell them that you are no longer able to babysit and leave it at that.

OK...I am not sure what you are wanting here?? This really isn't a question at all

Well, I think this would certainly do the trick!

But maybe since they are your neighbors and you'll see them often, can you say Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry, but things are REALLY tight for us lately, I'm going to start officially babysitting to bring in some extra money, and here are my fees.....?

Not sure I'd say it either way. Probably something like this:

"I'm sorry but I can't continue to watch your children. Its too stressful and hectic to watch so many at one time."

Keep it simple, don't go into details, that answer is enough. If you start going off on their kids bad behavior it will just make the argument escalate, and if this the mom is not into reality as you implied, then she will probably start to trash your kids and make this drag on and on.

Kids are kids, and often being together so much makes them fight like brothers and sisters (i.e. brings out the worst in them).

Hope this is helpful. Always a difficult conversation to have, but I hope it goes well.

Best wishes!

.

I agree with what everyone else has suggested, but I would stop it all, no driving to class either. And if she is picking up her kids at your house, won't you still be babysitting? I'm confused about that, or am I just not reading it correctly?

I really would stop it all, it seems that she does not appreciate what you are doing for her and your time is valuable and better spent with your own children.

Okay, so first off when I was reading it, I thought the shoe was on the other foot and you received this email from your babysitter. And I was thinking...well, I'm not sure what she's complaining about. The email was to the point and completely justified. Then I realized that you were going to be the sender and I thought, Oh! Well, good!
So, I thought it sounded fine. You're completely right. She's taking you for granted and the only way to fix that is removing yourself from the situation. If she's anything like her kids, she may give you the cold shoulder or get indignant, but stand your ground. You don't have to deal with someone else's kids (for free, no less!) when you don't want to.
Good luck!

I think if these people are really potential friends, you should give it another shot. When their kids are at YOUR house, YOU set the rules. The other mom really can't do alot if she's not there. They might just be testing their limits with you. YOU should set the rules and enforce them...time outs, lost priveledges etc try to make it fun. The only thing I didn't care for here is what the other gal said...you are the only free babysitter. If that's the only reason they are friends with you, all you have to tell her is it is just too stressful and you are sorry you can't help her out anymore. This is a tough one since it sounds like they live next door. Be as graceful as possible. Good luck!

I would deffinately leave out the part about them complaining about being bored. That comes off as a little hostile and your neighbor will take offense.

Being that you are neighbors it's important for you to keep some peace so there aren't any future problems.

I think the first two sentences are great but the second half about you child feeling rejected sounds like an attack on your neighbor's kids. She may take that the wrong way and it may cause bad blood between the two of you. I would leave it at "it's too stressful for me to have to be a referee."

Make it clear that you may be willing to help ONLY if the kids are willing to listen to you and get along better. Otherwise...for the sake of keeping the peace between neighbors...you will need to get the kids out of your home.

I certainly do not envy you in this situaion! It's hard to be honest with people, especially about their kids. Expect her to be deffensive and upset. Hopefully things will work out. You daughter shouldn't have to be forced to play with someone she doesn't get along with in her OWN home.

Good Luck!