Foster Parenting - Vancouver,WA

We are former foster parents. We had three biological children (ages 8 months through 7 years) when we decided to be a temporary receiving foster home. We ended up adopting the first and only child placed with us after fostering for more than two year. We took custody when he was 4 months old, and adopted him a few weeks before his 3rd birthday. Our son has numerous special needs. The day we took custody of our son we ran into problems that we shouldn't have due to the social worker not completely doing her job. I was anxious to get the baby in my arms. In retrospect I should have dealt with "business" before even holding the baby. Make sure that before the social worker leaves you have.

1) The letter stating that you are the child's foster parent and can seek medical treatment and apply for WIC for them

2) You are provided a 48 hour supply of formula. Take NO EXCUSES for this one. You can't really anticipate which formula the child is on. Foster children get WIC, but it takes time to get an appointment, enroll the child, get the coupons, then get to the store.

3) If you need childcare (in Washington the state pays for daycare), have the social worker make arrangements before you take custody. You can always switch providers, but it really helps to have this in place from the start.

4) Be aware that if the child has special needs or is medically fragile, that you should be compensated at a higher rate. You should also keep track of mileage for medical appointments and submit for reimbursement. Many foster parents don't know this at first.

5) If the child has not met developmental milestones on time,they are eligible for early intervention services. Our child's therapists and family resource coordinator were our lifeline in those early months and years. Ask the pediatrician for a referral for a thorough assessment.

I think it is absolutely wonderful that you are opening your home and heart to take care of a child. Only the most generous of souls take this on. It is an enormously rewarding, and likely heartbreaking, experience. ALL children in foster care have "special needs"- be it physical, emotional, behavioral, or a combination of the above. Some trauma has occurred that placed them in the system to begin with.

GOOD FOR YOU! I have worked in the system, and it is so hard to find enough good loving homes for these damaged kids! It can be difficult, these kids have been to hell and back at the hands of those who are supposed to love and care for them. They may have many trust and emotional issues. You and your family must have huge and generous hearts. Bless you all.

Marda speaks from experience. The hardest part of foster parenting is emotional, not material. It's a brave and loving thing to take in a child who may well be physically and emotionally abused. It's not likely to be like raising your own baby and bonding/learning with him from scratch.

My greatest concern is for your son. You don't say how old he is. If he's still a toddler or younger, he could be in for some real distress as a new and needy child takes much of your attention, stresses you, distracts you from your son's needs, and perhaps interacts with your son in disruptive ways.

Please ask what to anticipate, in terms of emotional disruption in your family, from those with expertise. I didn't have a clue when I fostered a 13 yo girl for nearly a year when my daughter was just a bit younger. My ideals and my heart were severely tried, and my relationship with my daughter genuinely suffered until I realized, with deep regret and remorse, that I just couldn't continue with the foster care. You know that term "sadder but wiser?"

The good news is that our foster daughter contacted us years later and thanked us for the positive role we had played in her life. So all that pain was at least worth something.

My hopeful blessings to you and your family.