Forner Sahms Who Decided to Go Back to Work.... Please Come In!

I've been in child care for over 22 years and have met all different kinds of moms. Believe me, there are women who are better mothers because they work outside the home. They need the socialization and the feeling that they are contributing financially to the family income to provide more things for the children. They seem less stressed; than if they were home worrying about such things. Their time with their children is better quality when they have some time to focus on their other interests.

Now, I was never that kind of mother; which is the reason I worked at home. I'm a homebody and couldn't stand the thought of someone else helping raise my children. I couldn't stand being away from my children and had excellent skills at dealing with them....even during their teen years. Thus, I began my child care business so many years ago...just before my husband died. The Lord helped us manage over the years. Yes, we sacrificed...but we did well and I have two wonderful grown up daughters now with families of their own. One is a career mother and one is a stay at home mom.

So, you do what is best for you and your family in your situation and don't have regrets or feel any guilt about it. The Lord has a way of balancing things out for us. HE understands our needs and will open doors for us if we ask and follow HIS lead.

There will always be children needing care for one reason or another and my path has worked best for me. We all need to have respect for our differences and encourage each other.

Best regards...

http://www.missbrenda.com

I have a 4yo DD & I'm also 32. I stayed home with her for 4 months after she was born, then went back to work, then stayed home again for another 4 months when she was about 18mo old, and then went back to work and am currently working full-time outside the home!! I have an amazing husband who supported me through all of the transitions and, very fortunately, an amazing little girl who adjusted beautifully to the changes I had to make to adjust on my journey through motherhood.

When I stayed home when she was 18 months, it didn't take me too long to understand that I was a better mom when I worked. For my sanity, and her happiness, balance in the home, and for financial reasons it was clear to all involved that mom had to work. It wasn't ONE thing that was the deciding factor...really a combination of everything. I'm VERY ful-filled in my life and VERY happy with the choices I've made. My daughter is very well-adjusted and social. She gets along with all kinds of people and the time we spend as a family is amazing. I'm tired when I get home, but I want to be near her and don't need a 'break' from her after a hard days work. It's hard to be a SAHM. I have been there and it's the hardest job on Earth. It's also hard to be a SAHM mom and perhaps feel like there isn't a 50/50 balance in your family because hubby works and you're at home with the kids. I want my hubby to be just an involved as I am with the duties of children and by staying home, I felt it was more aimed at me and me alone because he was the breadwinner and I was the mom. He never said that it was "my place" or anything like that, and maybe we as women/moms put that label on ourselves...but it was my internal feeling (or my guilt?) That didn't sit well with me and I'm all for "this is your child too and I don't give a rat's behind if you've worked all day <I did TOO>, you NEED to change this freakin diaper!". I find few SAHM can demand that and get it, which is wrong, they should be and they are only showing their kids it's OK for one parent to dominate the other based on their 'roles' in the family. I think parenting should be 50/50, regardless of whose income is paying the bills. JUST MY OPINION. June Cleaver was never me and will never be...now Martha Stewart maybe! ;)

I could carry-on, but there is too much to write here! Take care and know that you're not going to be a horrible mom if you go back to work. Whatever you decide will be the best for your family and only you can make the decision. Write me if you need more support from a "been-there, done-that" working mom!! Also, if you want my opinion on center vs. in-home care, just ask!! I can give you an ear full on that too! LOL

One thing I must say, I DESPISE it when I hear that by sending your child to daycare it's like letting someone else 'raise' your child. I SOOOO disagree. My daughter has learned trust, respect, honesty, values, faith, empathy etc etc...from her family...not from some daycare worker who happens to be with her for 8 hrs a day. If that was true, why send your child to public school for thirteen years??? Did those moms stop raising them when they hit Kindergarten? I didn't think so.

I'm in the process of starting up my own business because it's a dream I've always wanted to fulfil. My husband supports me 100%. I also felt when I was a full time SAHM I wasn't living up to my potential. I put myself through 4 years of college and I have a Bachelor of Science degree. I also worked in a corporation for 6 years and went up the ladder while I was there. I got such rave reviews on all my corporate performance reviews. It felt SO great to be highly rated, needed and respected. It sure does change once you're a SAHM. No one is giving you any praise for anything. And the demands just keep coming. This was a big adjustment for me. It was pretty lonely at times.
What I love about what I'm doing right now is that I have the balance I was searching for - my kid's go to daycare 2x a week for the summer and they'll go to preschool 2x per week in the fall. I do my business while they are at daycare and the rest of the time I spend with them. They have really grown and matured since joining the daycare. They also get very bored themselves when we're here at home, so they love going to the daycare and playing with other kids. It's been perfect for us to do it this way.
My Mom is definitely a person that believes a Mom should stay at home with their kids all the time. She's even looking down on me for the kid's going to a daycare 2 days a week. I couldn't deal with them being in daycare for 5 days a week b/c I would miss them way to much, so the 2 days works perfect for me. And while I respect my Mom's opinion - I guess we just have to agree to disagree. And it's easy for her to say what I should do when she's not the one actually doing it. But that's how it is when anyone gives advice I guess. 'Easier said than done.' :)
A.

Hi T.,

My name is Krissy and I'm a former SAHM. I married my husband almost 5 years ago. He came with 2 kids, so I was a mom instantly. Right before we got married I quit working to prepare for the wedding as well as be with the kids when they came in town to visit. (My dh travels for a living) (step-kids lived out of town...one is now living with us). So for the first 3-4 years of our marriage I did not work. I may have had little nothing jobs here and there, but nothing major. I would quit once summer time came. My dh and I got pregnant summer of 2005 still not working, had my son in January of 2006. I always wanted to stay home when I had my own. I was priveleged enough to do that. We didn't always have extra money and it did get tight at times, but we did it and I enjoyed it....
Around AUgust (my son being 8 mos at this point) I started getting a little restles. I was spending quality time with him. I was so bored at home. He was starting to become more mobile, crawling, etc... I had some friends who didn't work so I wasn't completely alone. But I would start to resent others who actually got out into the world and accomplished more than just changing diapers througout the day. Don't get me wrong I absolutely love every waking moment with my son, and my step-kids. However I am first and foremost Krissy (an individual), I needed to get out in the world and be around adults. It was a tough decision, because I felt guilty for leaving him at a daycare, then the money thing; is it really worth it. After all is said and I done I did end up finding a job after a couple of months of searching. My son is now in a wonderful preschool/daycare. I'm much happier. Life is more stressful than it was. But I do know that my "free" time with and with out my kids and husband is so much more precious.
It's a tough decision, and there are some out there who will criticize and say going back to work if you don't have to is taking from your kids. I strongly disagree with that. I feel like my decision has been wonderful for my son as well. IT is getting him around others and away from me all day long.
Good luck with your decision. Go with your heart and what is right for you and you only.

Hi T.,

I am one of those moms. As a matter of fact I worked for about 2 months in the last 5 years, only because I wanted to. I definately do not have to work but I enjoy the time I get to spend with my family once we get home from work. Our weekends seem to always stay busy, but with stuff we can all do. I used to run around all week long & then be so tired when I got home that I just wanted to rest & we would eat out more than not & now I enjoy coming home & cooking for my family & watching our chows at night together & playing games on the weekend together. I have an 11 yr old & I did not go to work till he was 3 & could walk & talk & tell me everything that happened. Now, with my 2 yr old, I went back just before he turned 2 & love the fact that when I come home, he stops whatever he is doing & runs to me & wraps his little arms around my legs for dear life. That means so much to me, having my boys run & love on me when I get home from work. Not sure if this is going to help your decision but here you go. Good Luck!