First Time Mom Needing Reassurance

Updated on January 22, 2008
S.C. asks from Clarks Summit, PA
29 answers

I'm a first time mom to a 10 1/2 month old boy. I'm in need of some reassurance that all children develop at different times and have very different personalities. Here are some things that I am concerned about.
1. his smile is brillant, but he doesn't smile all the time. My sisters 8 month old smiles ALL THE TIME. It seems as though my son is not happy compared to him.
2. He is not interested in sitting on my lap and cuddling. He always wants to get off and do something else.
3. He doesn't point to things. I've read that he should be pointing to his nose when asked, or to mine. He only claps every now and again, but not all the time.
4. He doesn't play peek a boo.
5. I also know that they need time to themselves playing on their own....but how long should I be on the floor playing with him?
6. He says some words....dada, bye bye, has said mama in the past, but doesn't now. He only talks every now and then, not all the time. Even babbling only every now and again.

I know that children develop at different rates....but I feel as though I should have spent more time cuddling when he was a newborn, or holding him more instead of putting him down...or letting him co-sleep with us....maybe I should have played more one and one on the floor with him.

Let me also say that I am a Mom who is freaked out about Autism...and is worried to death that he will have it. BTW...his physician was not worried about his development at his 9 month checkup. But I would like to hear from other moms.

I feel like a bad mom....any kind words would be great!!

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So What Happened?

Thank you from the bottom of my heart!!! I love this boy with all my heart and I so want to do the right thing...but I know that all this little boy realizes is that he is being loved and that is all that matters. Thank you for your responses....it helps to hear it from other moms.

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M.P.

answers from Philadelphia on

Hi S.,

It's good you are aware of his behaviors, but he is still pretty young so I think he is okay:)

Sincerely,

M. (mom of 3)

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L.N.

answers from Pittsburgh on

First of all.....BREEEEEAAAATHE. I HAD MY FOURTH 4 MOS. AGO, THEY ALL DEVELOP DIF. , TRUST ME. IF UR DOC WAS HAPPY AT HIS DEVELOPMENT, UR DOING FINE. U CAN WORK WITH UR CHILD MORE IF YA WANT, BUT HONESTLY, JUST LOVE THEM WITH ALL YOU HAVE AND IT WILL ALL FALL INTO PLACE. MY OLDEST IS GRADUATING THIS YEAR, SO TRY TO RELAX AND ENJOY, THEY ARE ALL GROWN UP IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE.

GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS

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A.G.

answers from Philadelphia on

Hello S.,

I too am a first time Mom, and also terribly worried about Autism. You are right, in that all kids develop differently -I worry constantly that my son (who is 13 months) is not doing what he is supposed to do, and it is because I agreed to allow him to have the MMR vaccine at 12 months.
It sounds as if your son is doing most of the things mine is doing, so not to worry. The signs I heard you need to watch for in terms of Autism are complete lack of eye contact, no ability to connect or be social with other people, almost as if they are exisitng in their own world. I would think if your child is able to connect on some level, and is smiling and reacting to people, he is fine.
There is a great website, www.autismspeaks.com - it should ease your mind (I have referred to it many times!)

Please don't beat yourself up about the amount of time you spent cuddling and holding your newborn - as first time moms we were struggling with figuring everything out, and I know for me it was sometimes difficult to find the time to just relax and snuggle without worrying that I should be cleaning the house or doing the laundry, etc.
They always say it is the quality, not the quantity of the time that you spend with your child that matters. Children instintivley love their moms unconditionally - always remember that. There should always be a healthy balance of allowing them to be on their own, and being there with them - without time on their own, they won't learn how to self-soothe and become happy and content with their own company.
Sounds to me like you are having the same worries and concerns that all new moms do - if you want to read a great (and very funny) book on this topic get a copy of "I was a Great Mom - Until I Had Kids" - it will make you feel better.

Hope this helps.

A. G

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J.W.

answers from Lancaster on

Oh S.---I've been in ur shoes.....YES every child develops at different rates, some kids dont talk until they are 3 yrs. old. As for smiling my son smiled all the time and my daughter doesnt:( DONT feel like a bad mom....you sound like you are doing everything for your son. All moms go through feeling like we could of done/do more than we did/do.....and that we suck at being a mom.....but WE DONT!!! Autism is scary and if you feel strongly that there is something more goin on with your son than definetly push your doctor....Mothers know best! Keep up the GREAT job ur doing!!! And dont let yourself get to down....I always heard if your baby says da-da it means they are happy:) Hope this is encoyraging for you....Take care

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C.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

All first time moms go through this, I still do it and I just had my second. If your doctor feels there is nothing wrong with him there probably isn't. If you feel that unsure get a second opinion. There is nothing wrong with that. Trust me my doctor must have heard from me with my daughter a couple times a week the first 6 months maybe a little longer. All babies do develop differently. I wouldn't worry. What always worked for me with playing with my daughter was I would give her some time to herself and then play with her and I would alternate through the day like that. As she got older I started including her on my daily activities like laundry and doing the dishes and picking up. Also I didn't talk to her like she was a child and she has a very large vocabulary especially for her being almost 3 and I think that helped it along. I explained everything that I was doing at least as much as I could too. I especially do that now because I have a second little on but there is a lot of times that she wants to know that I am around but not play with me. Since you have access to a computer do some research on autism. There are plenty of websites and books that you could look into. My nephew has autism as well as ADHD and I wanted to have all the information I could to better help him and my sister in law. I think that everything is probably fine just new mom jitters. Although I think that many moms do that with all of their kids. Hope this helps and hope I didn't ramble too much.

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N.R.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Hi S., I'm a parent of an autistic 4 yr old child. I will tell you as a mom who had a "hunch" to talk to you baby's doctor and express concerns. Kids vary in ability at diffrent ages........so relax.
Being aware is GOOD cause mommy instincts want to help the child.
IF there is a delay, early intervention is key.
Relax, talk to your doctor and let the child progress and take mental notes.

Good Luck to you.

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E.S.

answers from Philadelphia on

S.,

It's clear to me that you are a conscientious and loving Mom. Your son is lucky to have you as a Mom. You are thinking about him, noticing his behavior, being available for him, and reaching out to others.

You are coming across a parenting issue that will be a life-long struggle: recognizing missed opportunities. We will all be able to look back (even right away) and see our errors and omissions. We have to realize that we are doing the best we can. Let go of yesterday. Focus on today. Kids are resilient.

I don't know if what your child is demonstrating is within "normal" range or not. I suggest you get him evaluated for autism for your own peace of mind. The Dept. of Edu. provide for very young children to be evaluated so that they can get early intervention treatment long before they have to cope with school. Below are a couple of links to help you get started with the evaluation process.

http://www.pattan.k12.pa.us/files/EI/EarlyInt-guide-OUT.pdf
http://www.zerotothree.org/site/PageServer?pagename=key_s...

You can also get some books from your library about early childhood development.

I am experiencing a similar issue with my 5-year old daughter. I have been wondering for a long time whether or not her behaviors are normal. Her pre-school teachers say she is fine. But I believe that something is not right. I am having her evaluated. In fact, the early intervention agency found only a minor problem, so I requested an independent comprehensive evaluation. I dread the outcome. But I would rather deal with her issues now than wait until she is struggling in school later.

I wish you much success in your mothering. If you ever need advice on the special ed system, please contact me. I would be happy to help another Mom navigate.

E.

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L.G.

answers from Philadelphia on

S.,

Gosh ...give him a chance. My son didn't start progressing until 13 months and he now is a blabber mouth and healthy as a horse. I too was worried about Autism...how can we not be...because it seems like alot of kids are developing this...I strongly feel it's the shot that contains the mercury...your son hasn't gotten that shot yet...I think its at 12 months but see if you can ask for the alternative shot. well good luck and give him a chance ...he'll be fine.

take care!

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R.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

As most moms & doctors will tell you all kids develop at different rates and behave differently. But there is one piece of advise that I had heard that may help. Think of all the things your child is learning. That is alot of information to process, so while they learn some things, the other things are put on hold for a little bit. It doesn't mean they have forgotten completely, but they are just concentrating on the new stuff.

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N.R.

answers from Pittsburgh on

S.,
Your son sounds perfectly normal (and much like my son was at 10 months!) It seems like you simply have an active, independent child! My son is now 16 mo and never sits still! He became interested in books about 12 mo and will now sit in my lap for a few minutes to read, but mostly runs around the house and plays with trains, cars, blocks, animals, etc. He is very social, just not cuddly. Your son sounds much the same. The really good news is you're probably not suffering with separation anxiety either!

As for talking and pointing, you're right; kids develop at their own rate. My son is a huge talker now, but was very quiet before he turned 1 (enjoy it now, you'll miss the quiet!) Development also seems to happen in leaps. On day your son will not be able to point, and the next day you'll be talking about something and he'll show you by pointing. Again, I think I began seeing this around 1 year. For peek-a-boo, my doctor told me that by "playing" they mean does he find it funny when you hide or cover his face, not that he should innitiate the game.

Finally, I am a firm believer that children are able to play and explore more on their own than with direct adult interaction. I can't tell you how much time you should spend on the floor playing, but all of your interactions with him "count" (reading books, talking while you do household activities and errands, encouraging him to try to walk/crawl somewhere new...) As a teacher I've seen too many kids who have no idea how to play on thier own. I really think you're teaching your son a wonderful skill.

Most of all, please do not worry that you are a bad mom! We all have "good mom" and "bad mom" days, but it seems like you're doing a great job!

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H.F.

answers from Pittsburgh on

First of all, take a deep breath. Each and every child develops differently. Just because your son doesn't smile all of the time does not mean he isn't happy. It sounds like you have a very curious independent child on your hand. Please put the worries about autism away for at least another year and a half. If at that time, he is not doing developmentally appropriate activities, then start to worry. Honestly, my children have all developed similarly to each other in some respects and different in others. (Mine are 8 yrs, 3 yrs and 4 1/2 months). My nephew (9 1/2 months) is able to say some words but only says them when he wants to. He used to smile a little more a few months ago than he does now. BUT now he is too curious and too busy exploring his world to worry about what Mom, Dad or Aunt H. are doing. My 3 year old is a very happy child. That doesn't mean he smiles all the time. He is content and shows it but is also very busy and curious. My sister didn't really start to talk until she was over a year old. It wasn't that she couldn't. She was (and is even now at 28 years old) a perfectionist. She waited til she could say what she wanted before using words.

If you are concerned that he is not developmentally where he should be, first, borrow a book or two from the library. Like "what to expect the first year" or "your baby's first year: week by week". They will give you a few lists for each month/week. There is the list of things they should be able to do, a list of things they may be able to do, and a list of things it is possible they could do. They may word it a little differently. The first is the basics for their age. If they are able to do most of these you are on track. Don't worry about if he is able to do the extras but look at them. You may find he is doing some things that are ahead of the curve. If you are still concerned, call your doctor.

Most of all, try to enjoy your time with your son. Each stage is precious and only lasts a short time.

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J.Y.

answers from Philadelphia on

Hi S.,
I totally understand how you feel, worrying if your child is developing at a "normal" pace. I went through the same fears with my first daughter (now 2 1/2), and didn't truly understand how they all really do develop at their own pace. I would constantly compare her to my friends babies who seemed to smile more, talk earlier, climb & walk first, etc...
My first daughter rarely smiled at that age, but now is a happy, funny toddler who laughs a lot. She HATED pat-a-cake and didn't play peek-a-boo at that age, but now loves to play them with her 5 month old sister. She also said only a few words at 10 months, and would often "drop" them for weeks/months, as if she forgot them. I later understood she was just sort of "storing" them in the background while she worked on other things or words. Your son will say dada & byebye again!
As far as alone floor-time. I just tried to balance out my needs with intervals of playtime with my daughter. For example, I'd pull out some of her favorite toys and let her play in the family room while I did a load of laundry. Then, maybe I'd play with her for a few minutes, and then do some bills at the table, etc. I think as long as he's getting some alone playtime while he's happy, and some mommy & baby time, it's all good. Remember that every time you change him, dress him, do errands with him, etc. is all time that he's interacting and bonding with you too!
I can't speak to your autism fears, but I think you should trust that your physician in not worried about your sons development!
Try to give yourself a break. We all worry about the same things, and feel like we are "bad" moms sometimes! Just do your best, and love your son!

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D.S.

answers from State College on

I'm also a first time mom with an 11 month old boy, and I think yours sounds just fine! I joke that I actually look forward to when he isnt feeling well, because thats the only time he'll let me hold him anymore :) Also, mine doesnt point or play peekaboo either, but his 10 1/2 month old friend does. Just try not to sweat it... as long he is loved he will be fine :)

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L.

answers from Philadelphia on

Relax, they're all different. So, he might be a quiet, focused doer, not a snuggler, so what? He just sounds like a very independant boy. It's easy to compare with other kids, but they develop so differently and have their own personalities that play into their actions from a very young age. Many 10 mos olds don't talk, most don't walk. If your pediatrician is not worried, then I wouldn't either. My 10 yr. old son has learning challenges that include the autism spectrum, and I am hear to tell you, that whether your kid has autism, or learning issues, or anything like that, it is not because you have done something (or not done something) to bring it on. It's all inside them. In fact, its healthy not to hold your kid all the time, let them learn to self-entertain or you'll be in charge of entertaining them for the rest of your life. Let yourself off the hook!

L. (Mother of 10 yr old son and 6 yr old daughter)

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S.P.

answers from Scranton on

It sounds like he is pretty independent. That could be a good thing. Don't worry so much. All kids have their own personalities. Maybe he just doesn't like patty cake and peekaboo. You wouldn't want anyone to say your not normal because you are different than another woman, would you? lol Relax and enjoy him being a toddler, it won't last long. You may give him a complex if you don't.

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F.V.

answers from Lancaster on

Hi S.,
OK, take a deep breath and relax! I too am a first time Mom, my son will be 11mo's soon so I can relate. Just know that every child develops differently and not to worry! I too was freaked out by Autism but have learned to calm myself or I will worry myself to an early grave and my baby needs his Mommy! I was worried too and just until recently (like a week) he started pointing to "where is the light? where is mommys nose? where is mommys hair? where are the kitties? where is Cody's nose?" he still has not mastered his own body parts but took awhile to clap hands and I got so frustrated over that until one day WHAM he started clapping on his own! Just because he does not cuddle does not mean he is Autistic. I thought the same thing! He is on the move! He wants to explore! When he wants to cuddle believe me you will know. Cody is just getting over a 24 hr stomach virus and all he wanted was to be held and loved and I did so without any argument, even thru the puking all over me! Give it some time and you will be amazed how much they know but will do on their own schedule. Your 1 year check up is right around the corner so try not to worry and enjoy this time because if you spend it worrying you will miss the other special things he is doing! Good luck S. and you are in my prayers! :)
Christina

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K.R.

answers from Scranton on

Hi S.. I'm 38 and also a first time mother of a 6 month old. Be assured that all children develop differently. He may not want to sit on your lap because he wants to explore the world around him. He's at the age where he will be walking very shortly and you'll have to grab a hug and a kiss when you can. I had a cousin who's baby didn't speak at all until she was 2 and then all of a sudden was talking in sentences. Some children do and some observe. I'm sure he's just taking in everything around him and processing it all. If your doctor isn't concerned I wouldn't worry. If you are obsessing about it, then perhaps make an appointment with a specialist to check his development just for peace of mind.

B.K.

answers from Pittsburgh on

S.....GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK!!!! If you feel this guilty for nothing now what on earth are you going to do to yourself later???

First of all YES all babies do develop differently. There are "guidelines" but they are not set in stone and if your doctor is happy with the progress your son is making STOP guilting yourself and second guessing everything you have done. This will only hurt you and your son in the long run.

2. Not all children are cuddle bunnies. Of my three I had one that was (and still is at almost 11 yrs old) and one that wasn't, and one that was in the middle (she still hugs me before she leaves for school & bed but don't tell her friends!)

3. I babysit a 10mo old and she is just figuring out how to clap and play patty-cake. Peek-a-boo is a really new thing that she is just figuring out...these are supposed to be fun games, not contests.

4. Let him play alone as long as he is happy to. If he wants you he will let you know. Some kids are really quite content to "do their own thing" and you should be happy that he is already his own person and has the ability to amuse himself...that is just as important as playing with Mom & Dad.

5. He will talk when he is ready too. Some babies talk early and like crazy (my middle one was speaking at 9 mo and she's 13 yrs old and doesn't know when to shutup). My youngest didn't really speak until she was 3...then she started with full sentences! We think she was just saving up to do it perfact right away...or she just couldn't get a word in edgewise between her two older sisters LOL!! As he gets older as long as he can follow two-step (or more) directions and can make his needs known he's okay and the speech thing will come in his time line.

Children are so special and such mircles...and yes, as a parent you worry about every little decision you make, but you have to temper your fears with a good dose of COMMON SENSE and not let your fears go nuts... if you don't you will be doing more harm than good. Never compare your child to someone else's. As long as he's happy and healthy that's all that matters. And as far as being afraid of Autism and ADHD...well, I feel that "they" have been labeling children far too quickly for whatever reason. Don't borrow trouble!!
Good luck and Congrats on a wonderful baby.

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A.H.

answers from Pittsburgh on

You were right to ask other mom's for reassurance. And here's some. Your little boy sounds like he is doing fine. He's devolping at his own rate and that is perfectly normal. Every child devolps a little differently, some talk sooner some walk sooner and they are all different. THose markers for what a child "should" be doing are just things to reference. Don't worry about how he's devolping versus another child, no two children will ever be the same. As long as the docs say he's on course for where he should be and he's a happy healthy baby there is nothing to worry about. It might help if you get involved in a Mom's Club(I'm in the Monroeville Mom's Club and it's great) or get you and your son into a mommy and me class. Either of these things get you around many other mothers and you can see your child's strengths and weaknesses compared to other children his age. It would give you a chance to talk to other moms and give you an idea of what we are all going through. It helps to know that other moms have the same worries and fears. Good Luck!

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J.M.

answers from Pittsburgh on

S.,

Your son sounds completely normal to me. I wouldn't be worried. Every child develops at different rates. I remember my sister was worried about her son not playing peek-a-boo - but she never taught him how - so if you don't tell them how to do some of the "milestones" they won't reach them. Also - you child sounds very interested in his surroundings - which is GREAT - he will learn a lot by exploring his environment. If you want a good thing to do with him that will help you achieve some developmental milestones, try joining the Gymboree Play & Music Classes. They have them in Wexford and the Galleria. Here is a link to their website where you can look up class times. The offer a free trial class so you can try it out:

http://www.gymboreeclasses.com/b2c/customer/home.jsp

J.
A Mother's Boutique
breastfeeding clothing, nursing bras, breastpumps, slings and accessories
MamaSource Members will receive 10% off of their first order - just mention promo code "MamaSource"
http://www.mothersboutique.com

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M.M.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Dear S.,
I am a mom to 3 great although VERY different boys.
When my oldest was a baby he was alot like your son, very independant and never wanted to cuddle much. My middle son was so attached to me that I could not be out of his sight until he was 2 without him going completly nuts he would scream and cry, he would do the same if ANYONE else tried to hold him. While my youngest was the perfect baby always smiling always happy. I used to joke that I was going to have to pay for that later. (I was right he is a real handful now) Yes all kids are different.

I would just enjoy him now as he is and not worry about what might be. If there is autism or a form there of there is nothing that will change that. Either way he will grow up way too fast and you will long for these days don't waste them being afraid of what you have no control over save that for when he comes home covered with tatoos and dressed in leather.

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S.R.

answers from Pittsburgh on

My sister and I had our first children 1 month and 4 days apart. I would always compare my daughter to hers. Her daughter hit all her milestones first. I was devistated! I thought that something was wrong with my daughter. Six years later she is a healthy and happy Kindergartener.

I never completely understood how children could have such different personalities, until I had my second daughter. My first daughter was a cuddler, she was so pleasant and such a good baby (smiling all the time). Then my second daughter came along and she did not want anyone to touch her and from the start she had a strong, independent personality. She was a hand full (still is). My daughters developed at different rates and both are happy and healthy now.

Don't worry, you are doing a great job!

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C.S.

answers from Peoria on

S.,

Hey there. I'm sorry you are so worried! I know that you already know that children develop at different rates. This was very much apparent to me when I was watching my nieces. One is about six months older than my daughter, and the other about six months younger than my daughter. For a while I was just like you. Everything that the others did before my daughter worried me. All three of the girls now are thriving and healthy. They did all develop differently and they still all have different things they are good at and struggle with. As long as you are doing the best job that you know how to do with the information you have at the time, that's the best you can do! You sound like you are doing very well.

Good luck to you!

C.
www.EnhanceYourWayOfLife.com

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L.C.

answers from Sharon on

S.,

First of all, you should not feel like a bad mom. As long as you are showing love and caring for your baby you are doing what is best for him.

I have four children (two girls and two boys) and all four of them developed differently. Randy smiled ALL OF THE TIME, and still smiles more than most kids his age (11). Emily never smiled at all and rarely wanted us to hold her - she wouldn't interact with us unless it was on her terms. We actually were concerned that she was autistic and had her evaluated last month. It turns out she is fine and just needs to develop her vocabulary more (she's 3). Actually she is interacting more with us now because we are requiring it I guess you could say. We will show her things more than we did and ask her to say things more. There is no way she could have done that until the past six months because she wasn't ready for it. Breonna (12) didn't smile a lot and still really doesn't, but she is happy and secure. Joey (5) didn't smile a ton and smiles a lot now, but no more than what I would say is average for his age.

So, that's what I have to offer. I find myself comparing my kids to other kids too - it's hard not to. I just make sure that I am doing everything I can for my babies so that they are taken care of, and I pray almost every night that I am raising my babies to be happy and healthy people. That's the best I can do.

As far as autism goes, I think that is a great fear for a lot of people now because so many kids are being diagnosed. I have to wonder if more kids are meeting the criteria or if the criteria is changing to meet more kids. I do have some experience with it, as two of my nieces are autistic. They are both five years old. One of them is extreme, as she does not talk, is not potty trained, and spins around in circles alot. She is in need of 24 hour care so that she may be kept safe, as she doesn't understand danger. She did however learn a little bit of sign language but will only use it for her mother. My other niece is mildly autistic. She attends a regular school which provides special services to her. Her main issue is that she repeats things alot and does not engage in eye contact - but she is improving. I believe that my nieces are truly autistic, but I do think that there are several kids diagnosed who may not need to be.

Good Luck.

L.

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N.T.

answers from Santa Fe on

Hi S.,

Before I give any advice, I want you to understand that it is difficult without taking an extensive consultation examination to know anything for sure.

As a pediatric chiropractor I can only tell you that children do develop differently. Boys usually are better with gross motor skills and girls better with verbal skills. With that said, it doesn't mean that everything is OK.

Has your child had any vaccinations? If so, has he had any multiples? If yes to either question, did he have any reaction, even mild (an elevation in body temp, prolonged crying - more than a 1/2 hour following a shot, change in behavior following a shot)?

Did your child have a fall, even minor?

If yes to any of those, than you have to consider that your child MIGHT have been affected by a vaccination that MIGHT be affecting his personality. Or, a fall could also affect your child's neurological system.

So, you might want to consider talking to a local pediatric chiropractor. You can find one at www.icpa4kids.com. You can also learn more about how chiropractic can help newborns and also learn about how safe and gentle it is. I would recommend that you go to a pediatric chiropractor's office and watch an adjustment of a newborn. Until you see it, you just can't realize how gentle it truly is.

And, I would recommend you go to a pediatric chiropractor only, unless you can find an "old-timer" who has adjusted thousands of kids. A pediatric chiropractor has taken lots of post graduate classes specializing in a variety of very gentle techniques.

Good luck. N.

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T.Y.

answers from Philadelphia on

There is no exact answer for every mom/child. Each child and relationship are different. As far as development goes you cannot really compare other children because they all develop differently. My son talked earlier but walked later. They are all different. As long as you are giving your son love and affection he will be fine. There is no right answer for how much time to play and how much independent time, each child is different here too. Some children will become needy if given too much attention, others will be come needy if not given enough attention. Your child does need some independent time. Some moms would give their left arm to have a child who is happy to play on his/her own instead of needing constant attention from them all the time. Remember your ultimate job is to get your baby ready to be in the world on his own someday. Don't beat yourself up, just keep being observant and keep an eye out for major delays in development.

That being said, make sure that you have eyes and hearing checked early too. I didn't find out that my son needed glasses until he was 4 years old. I felt so guilty but my doctor never told me to take him and get his eyes checked. Problems with hearing and/or sight can affect development too. I hope this helps.

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K.C.

answers from Denver on

Hi, S.! You've gotten some good advice already. It's absolutely true that children develop at different rates and for most parents, there's no need for concern. That being said, if you truly have concerns about your son possibly having Autism, have him tested for it. When my son was 3yrs old, his doctor said "Don't worry, he's just a very active little guy!". My instincts told me otherwise. I pushed my doctor for a referral to a specialist and guess what, my son was diagnosed with ADHD. Since then he's also been diagnosed with High-functioning Autism and Sensory Integration Disorder. He's an awesome kid and is mainstreamed in his 4th grade class. I just want you to know that an Autism diagnosis isn't the end of the world, they're just wired differently and with early intervention, they can be very successful. The key is early intervention. We didn't get his autism diagnosis until he was 5yrs old...how I wish I'd been even more proactive when my gut first told me something wasn't right when he was 2. There's nothing to lose with having your son tested: if he doesn't have autism, great!! if he does, you've caught it really early and you'll have a fantastic head start to helping him. And don't feel like you're a bad mom...do you love your child? Are you concerned with his well-being and happiness? Of course, because you're a good mom! Whatever happens, you'll do just fine!

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L.W.

answers from Scranton on

Ok all babies do develop at different rates it ok. As per your concerns,

1 He may just not want to smile all the time. He is a person and not everyone is always happy thats just his personality shining through.
2 he is interested in the world he will come cuddle when he is sick or tired but right now he wants to explore the world he is just getting to know.
3 He may not have gotten the jist of pointing yet its ok and as far as clapping goes same thing personality.
4 He may not be ready for peek a boo or if he has played before he may not feel like it my son refused to play it at that age for like 6 months.
5 As long as you feel comfortable doing so if you want to play for 6 hours do it if you want to play for 30 minutes thats ok too.
6 He may not be ready for words yet my son didn;t say anything with consistancy until he was 15 months.

As far as autism goes if he does have it (and i doubt he does) it would be at worst Asperbergers and I don't want to down play autism at all but my sister has Aspergers and its not that bad she has meds she takes everyday and is a normal healthy teenager now.

You are doing a good job don't let what other kids are doing get you down he will do it in his own time.

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R.B.

answers from El Paso on

I agree with the other mom's that if it is a big worry for you then ask your doctor at his next checkup. When my son was that age, he wanted nothing to do with us. He is 18 months now and is just getting to the point where he will ask to be held and that is only to get what he wants. Usually a lolli-pop or a juice box.

I wouldn't worry too much about the pointing thing, Patrick (my little man) is 18 months and he can just Identify most of his body parts. He was walking at 10 months though. He hit weird milestones at weird times. My 6 month old isn't rolling over yet, but we aren't worried to much. She is sitting and pulling up, so we know it is just a matter of time.

No matter what just remember only a good mom cares that her child is hitting milestones and only a great mom notices all the small accomplishments. If you weren't a great mom you would never have posted here.

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