Finish Your Plate! Do You?

Updated on October 22, 2011
J.F. asks from Bloomington, IN
30 answers

My almost 4 year old said the other day, "My tummy says I'm full." I was pleased that she was satisfied and am 100% ok with leaving food on a plate. But then I started evaluating myself. I finish everything on my plate even when I'm stuffed to the gills. I've been conditioned to do so for so long, I'm actually having trouble pushing the plate away when there is food on it. I'm ok with doing that out at a restaurant if I know I can take it home, but other times I struggle. I actually felt bad that there were scraps of food on my plate at my nephew's party. I thought others would judge me for being wasteful.

My husband and I have talked about this, and he says he is starting to be conscious of it and that it's hard for him, too. We are both overweight, and I think this is part of our problem (I also have PCOS - so no metabolism at all!).

What are your thoughts? Were you conditioned as a kid to clean your plate? Do you do that with your kids?

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So What Happened?

We also use the "salad" plate size for dinner and put much smaller portions on our plates (than we ever used to). I grew up with 6 in our family and I have 3 brothers. We made a mountain of food and served large portions growing up. I'm the only one in the family with weight issues (also because of PCOS - I have to remind myself). Now for our little family of four, I make dinners for 2 adults and we almost have a little left over. The problem is if the food is good, I keep eating to clean the plate. Totally programmed to do so. I'm listening and watching my daughter to remind me to ask myself, "Am I full?" It's like the mechanism to tell me to stop is broken after all these years.

Was just curious of now many others of you were programmed like this and if you are repeating it with your kids. I see I'm not the only one who sees the issue with this. :) Thanks!

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J.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

No I don't clean my plate although I remember my mom telling me to eat more off my plate.
I may clean my plate though if my eating would alleviate someone elses hunger:) I never got that argument that there are hungry people in the world and you are wasting food by not eating it.

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R.R.

answers from Dallas on

I rarely ever clean my plate. I get bored with my food very fast, and get tired of eating. I'm rarely full when I eat, just satisfied. I've never made any of my kids clean their plates either, and none are very big eaters.

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J.T.

answers from Chicago on

I was conditioned as a kid to clean my plate--even the stuff I couldn't stand. Mean Mom!!! lol! It took a LONG time to break the habit!

I do not make my son clean his plate, but the leftovers do not get thrown away immediately. If he asks for dessert later, he must finish the meal he was too full to finish before he can have a treat.

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I.G.

answers from Seattle on

Yep, I have that problem too. Hubby will actually encourage DD to clear her plate and I get SOOO upset about it, because portion control and listening to my body for fullness is the #1 reason I struggle with my weight.
He, just as I, is so conditioned to it, he just forgets ... so I remind him and my DD all the time that it's ok to stop eating when full.

4 moms found this helpful
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C.M.

answers from Dallas on

I don't remember ever hearing my parents say to finish my plate. But...both my sister and I LOVE to eat and we've never been shy to get seconds, so we finish our plate. I have been working on not finishing, though, when I feel full. I tell myself it's okay to throw it away when I'm done. I'm so proud of my daughter (five years) because she will say "I'm full" and stop eating. She will even do it with things like cake and ice cream and I am so proud of her and use her as a model for me to not eat it all when I'm full. Now my son (3 yrs) is a different story! But if he eats a ton for one meal he tends to skip the next so I guess he balances it out.

I do have a friend that makes her daughter clean her plate and we have sat at the table waiting for an hour for her to finish her food. It is super painful to watch.

3 moms found this helpful

J.S.

answers from Jacksonville on

Nope and nope. If I am full I stop, as long as my daughter finishes what I deem to be an acceptable amount, then I am happy. I do try and make sure to keep out portions down to ones I know that we can complete, so not to be wasteful.

2 moms found this helpful

B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

Yes - that's what I grew up with.
I so hated 'finish your plate' but I still tend to do it.
The secret is to have very small portions, eat slowly, chew thoroughly, and only if you finish and still feel a bit hungry to have a very small second helping.
Do NOT pile a plate up to begin with, and use smaller plates when you can.
I never insisted our son finish his plate, and never piled the food on, but now that's he's almost a teenager (and growing like a weed) he gulps down everything in sight.
I have to remind him he can't have seconds till everyone else has had firsts.

2 moms found this helpful

L.M.

answers from New York on

I was not forced to finish my plate as a kid but my dad's side of the family all has weight issues and I'm a little fat myself. Sorry if the word fat offends people, I am being honest about myself. I do tend to eat everything on my plate at home. Not so much at restaurants where the portions are gigantic.

I never force my kids to eat all their food on their plate. I try and serve a reasonable portion to them, and I only ever ask that they eat enough so they are not hungry. Sometimes they pig out, sometimes they hardly eat. It's ok. They are great eaters and I think it's awful to force kids to eat everything. People will still starve in third world countries even if we gorge ourselves so the whole "people are starving..." is nonsense as a reason to eat everything.

2 moms found this helpful

T.K.

answers from Dallas on

I was told the "starving kids in Africa" thing growing up. I do not do that to my kids. I make sure they eat enough healthy food, but I don't ask them to clean thier plate or guilt them into eating.
I have trouble pushing the plate away now, but not because of guilt or programming. It's because the food tastes good! I like to eat. That's why at home, I do the saucer method. I make my portions ridiculously small and put them on a salad plate or saucer to ensure I don't give myself heaping helpings.

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C.M.

answers from St. Louis on

I was not raised in the clean your plate club and our kids are not raised that way either. They have to try everything on their plate and if they do not like something, that is okay. My son usually eats everything and my daughter usually picks at her food unless it's something she loves (salad, chicken nuggets, mac and cheese, broccoli) so we try to have 2 of the 3 items on her plate be something she really likes!

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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

Try smaller plates. People won't judge you for leaving a bit on your plate. You recognize that you struggle with this, so maybe give yourselves a goal you can meet - finish your plate, but put less on it the first time, so you don't feel the need to eat one more bite.

Sometimes we are so busy beating ourselves up we don't realize we aren't doing anything unusual. I bet you'd notice more plates with food if you'd looked in the trash during a party. If it makes you feel better, toss the party plate upside down. If you didn't notice, then no one would have noticed yours, either.

I don't finish everything when we are out. I get it to go. Our family does leftovers and packed lunches. We also encourage the kids to take less the first time and then take seconds if they are still hungry. I try to do the same. Then any leftovers can be anyone's leftovers vs having to be packaged differently because SD half ate it.

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K.M.

answers from Chicago on

I make my kids finish, only because I know the portion size is appropriate for them.

1 mom found this helpful
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M.R.

answers from Dallas on

Yes I do that... I was conditioned to clean my plate as well. I am overweight too.

I DO NOT do this to my kids (or did not should I say)

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S.W.

answers from Minneapolis on

I was not force-fed as a child. I was told that I always had a good appetite, so it wasn't an issue. Now, I stop eating when I'm full, whether my plate is still half full or there are two bites left (this used to drive my now obese ex-husband crazy). It's what I'm teaching my daughter, too.

I have never been overweight (well once briefly in college from all the late night pizza and beer). If we all ate when we were hungry and didn't eat when we weren't, we would have fewer overweight people. We can lose the ability to tell when we are truly hungry. I sometimes watch my overweight friends keep eating while complaining of being "stuffed"...it makes me cringe...

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C.N.

answers from Baton Rouge on

I was never made to eat everything on my plate, but if I didn't finish my plate, I wasn't allowed to have anything else until the next meal.

As an adult, I stop eating when I start feeling full. I don't throw out what's left - I cover the plate, put it in the fridge, and have the rest when I get hungry later.

When she was growing up, when my daughter said she was full, she was allowed to stop eating and go play. If she got hungry later, she was given food.

1 mom found this helpful

L.A.

answers from Austin on

Good for your daughter!

And no I do not always eat every thing on my plate. . My mom says I have always left food on my plate.

For our daughter, I used to serve her just a little bit of any food. If she ate it, I would give her a little more.

We still seem to serve ourselves small servings and continue to add little by little.

Of course at a restaurant, we always seem to leave with doggy bags.

1 mom found this helpful

F.H.

answers from Phoenix on

I am overweight too and was always told to "clean my plate", which I do. I don't tend to load it up to begin with but I will eat everything on there. I don't make my kids clean their plate tho because I know what it did to me and I don't want them to be like that. But again, I try to teach them not to take so much, they can always have more if they are still hungry. That seems to be working for all of us.

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S.S.

answers from Cincinnati on

Kid know when they are full, and generally get enough if the parents don't hover. I don't make my son clean his plate. If he is full, he is full. Now if he doesn't even try something and tells me he is to full and I know he hasn't eaten in hours that is a different story. I want him to at least try things. My parents never had a clean your plate rule, but they did have a "you have to eat at least one tablespoon of the veggies rule" I also don't force my kid to eat certain foods which I see alot of parents doing (especially to toddlers and young kids) My son (he is 2) doesn't like green beans. He used to love them but I think he got burned out on them. I don't think this is a big deal. If he doesn't like them he doesn't have to eat them. If we are having green beans I will make some lima beans or peas or brocolli for him. there are veggies I don't like (like lima beans...which are his favorite) so why should it be different just because my toddler is younger. I also should add that there are no leftovers in our house. When I cook I meassure out enough portions for a 2 adult servings and a toddler.

1 mom found this helpful

ღ..

answers from Detroit on

I dont know if I was taught this as a kid, but I ALWAYS clean my plate. I am not overweight. When your plate is full of healthy food, its ok to eat all. Its ok to eat bad too, sometimes, in moderation.
If the majority of the time you are eating healthy and get exercise, you will be just fine.

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K.M.

answers from Oklahoma City on

Yep I'm a plate-cleaner too, and wish I wasn't. Good for your little girl.

Something I've noticed my husband doing lately: I think he purposely doesn't eat the last bite or two of his food. He will say out loud (and I think it's important to say it out loud): "I'm stuffed. I can't eat any more." I think he's trying to break himself of the plate cleaning habit. I'm going to try it too.

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P.R.

answers from Cleveland on

The only thing I was ever made to finish was my vegetables. I was a big eater though so not sure it was necessary to tell me to finish my mother's delicious cooking otherwise. But my husband is in the finish your plate camp and I argue with him about it often for our kids. I make them eat protein and vegetables but I don't care if they don't eat rice or noodles... They're not underweight at all so I'm not going to stuff them with carbs. For myself, I can judge how much I need to put on my plate the first time so do finish my plate. Of course, now I do save some for our spoiled dog. :) I'd just be really careful how much you put on your plate as I'd have a hard time too just throwing away food from my plate. If it's still in the pots etc, then it gets saved.

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☆.A.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I was raised as part of the "Clean Plate Club" and I usually finish my plate (but I'm the O. putting my portions on the plate now so I *think* it is more just that I take the amount I want) but I have never made my child "clean his plate" just eat until he's "full."
Kids are born with that handy-dandy, automatic, shut off valve that makes them stop eating when they're full, then the adults in their lives de-activate it by forcing them to clean your plate!

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⊱.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

No, when our daughter says she is full, we do not urge her to keep eating. We focus on acknowledging the full feeling and stop eating when your body says so. I think this is important concept to learn to regulate one's weight. I was taught as a child to clean my plate, but realized that is pretty cruddy advice when I was an adult. So I also stop eating when I'm full. Many times, however, our daughter will come back an hour or two later and say that she is hungry again. This is ok with us because eating smaller, more frequent meals IS better for our body so we always allow her to have a healthy snack if she needs one.

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H.M.

answers from Denver on

I always try to leave something on my plate but it's a weight loss/maintenance thing. I just feel piggy finishing it all...

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M.C.

answers from Washington DC on

No. It drives me crazy when kids leave half the food on their plates. It drives me INSANE when they are sick and I have to just trash it instead of eating it myself.
I am also trying hard not to over do it. The one key thing that has helped me is to serve myself smaller portions. If I know that I usually eat 3 scoops of a dish, I start with 2. Then when that is finished, IF I still feel hungry, I go back and get another 1/2 scoop. That way all of the food is finished and I've saved half a helping.

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L.R.

answers from Washington DC on

We weren't conditioned to clean our plates though we probably did all the time anyway. I do know my mom and grandmother were willing to put away leftovers off dinner plates and didn't badger us to finish. I love to eat so alas, I do tend to clean up because I like it, but my tiny mother, who always had issues with food and filled up quickly, never pushed us to finish. (We had different food problems, like a live-in granny who loved to bake just in time for us grandkids to have cake after school! Oh my!)

I think the "Clean your plate!" upbringing is responsible for a lot of bad eating habits and weight issues in those of us who are now adults. I tell my daughter, when you feel full -- not stuffed, but sufficiently full -- stop eating. While parents might say "They need to clean their plates at home because I give them the right portions," telling them that must surely spur them to do the same in restaurants where the portions are ridiculous, even on many kids' menu items. Even school lunches sometimes have huge portions, I think -- I've see kids sit down with spaghetti AND a huge soft pretzel and they're actually within the school dietary guidelines. But that's both a portion and a food choice problem.

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J.D.

answers from Cincinnati on

I was taught to clean my plate. I got judged once for being wasteful but this person criticizes a lot so I ignored her.
Why don't you take what you can't finish and have it for lunch the next day. You could pile up your plate and then eat just half and save the rest for the next day. If he mood strikes you, leftovers for breakfast might be an option. My husband eats leftover dinner for breakfast so he can have lunch out with his co-workers. I actually prefer leftovers instead of eating out.
My son usually cleans his plate but he will eat whats left the next day.

C.T.

answers from Santa Fe on

Yes, I was also conditioned to eat everything on my plate. As an adult I have tried to retrain myself to take small portions because if I put on giant portions I will end up eating it! Anyway, I do not make my kids clean their plates...I just have them eat some of each thing that is served (even if it is only one bite). They have to eat a fair amount but we don't care about the plate being clean. Anyway...it's hard to retrain yourself to take small portions. My husband is great at doing this but I'm trying to get better at it.

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J.R.

answers from Toledo on

It is not a healthy thing to force a kid (or anyone!) to finish their plate. If my kids aren't hungry, I save their plate for their bedtime snack. This way, there are no battles and I never short order cook for anyone.

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K.C.

answers from Cleveland on

I'm pregnant, so I clean my plate every day. If I wasn't pregnant, i only eat until I was full. When I was a kid, we had to eat least 3/4 of the plate. I let my daughter eat until she's full. She has a sensitive stomach (it runs in the family), so I don't want her to have a sick stomach.

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