Fight or Flight (Anxiety)

Although I don't have GAD, I lately have been very anxious about money, to a point where it wakes me up at night. Financial security is a huge trigger point for me and when I feel financially insecure and out of control (which happens a lot when you're a single parent) I will startle myself awake and find myself short of breath and sweating and won't be able to go back to sleep for a while, or will find that anxious thoughts creep into my day. One exercise that I have found helpful is to go through a "so what?" thought sequence. It sort of ends up being like an "If you give a mouse a cookie" book...if my ex doesn't start paying me...so what? I might not be able to pay the baby-sitter this summer...so what? I'll have to ask my parents for money or borrow from my retirement...so what? My retirement account will be lower...so what? I'll need to save more later to make up for it...so what? Maybe I'd need a second job again...so what? And on and on.

At the end of the exercise...I realize that I have options and none of them are horrifying or make the difference between life and death. Inconvenient, stressful, annoying,,,sure. But this isn't an ER and no one is going to die on the table. So it'll be OK. And with that, I can get back to sleep. Maybe something similar will help you to get resolution?

Rest. Physical rest. As much as you can. And let go of what you don't have control over. I had a really bad day this spring, when my husband and I were vacationing far away from home. I couldn't do anything but watch TV. It was the one thing I was most afraid of happening, being so incapacitated by my mental illness that plans had to be changed and I had to isolate for a while. But you know what? Self care has to be high on your priority list, or nothing else is going to work out. You can't control the future, but you can plan on how to deal with it. It's ok to need time to recharge/cope/rest. Naps are on the table, too. You have to allow yourself that time, and not feel guilty about it. My daughter has battled depression, and it's exhausting. She had to learn self care, too. Sometimes that means not doing anything for anyone but you, and enlisting the help of loved ones. Hang in there, breathe deeply :)

You're already doing a lot that you should be, including therapy and appropriate meds, and venting here on Mamapedia. I know a lot of people don't understand anxiety and they think you should just be able to talk yourself out of it or "logic" your way into calm. But it doesn't work that way, as anyone who's experienced anxiety in themselves or a family member will know.

You already know that "control" is important to you. That helps the anxiety sometimes but it (or the loss of it) can also be a trigger for anxiety. For many years, I tended to be the "over-rehearsed" type - what I'll say if A happens, what I'll do if B happens, how I'll handle it if C happens after that, and so on. It can be a type of control (which is good if it's anxiety-calming) but it can also be an anxiety producer.

What I've noticed from your posts is that you spend so much time taking care of others, advocating for them and warding off problems or being hyper vigilant in case of problems. I have worried before that you don't really take enough relaxing time for yourself - that you and your husband don't have any couple time that isn't dedicated to discussing or dealing with matters affecting the kids. I think the best gift you can give your family is to take care of their caregiving - you! That's more than just therapy though, which is great but focuses on your anxiety. I think you need to rest more, walk more, relax more (I know, I know - hard when you have anxiety!), treat yourself more, spoil yourself more.

Even those without anxiety or without a special needs family member will tell you that no one ever feels like she's completely on top of all of life's aspects and problems, never totally in control. I like JB's advice about "so what" and following that through. No matter what happens, you WILL be able to handle it.

I love Tree's suggestions, especially naps!

On some walks recently with friends, the topic of mindfulness has come up. For those of us with anxiety, a mindfulness practice can help immensely. Being able to acknowledge our feelings and emotions in the moment helps us to come to view feelings more objectively.

Also know, you aren't alone in this world. We are all connected through ....what? How do you feel connection? For some, it is in God's love, for some, it is the energy that flows through all of us and sustains life... whatever it is that helps you tether yourself to the goodness of the world, focus on that.

Some have found that guided meditation can help, especially when they are feeling stuck in that dark place. I am a rational person and I often will just write out a list of worries as a question "what if... .happens" ... and then I can go back and find reasonable answers to those possible hiccups, write them down.

It may also be that you can talk to your doctor about a little more medical help, treat yourself to a massage (because we hold a lot of that energy in our bodies, it needs to come out), take a walk in a lovely place... focus on what is living and beautiful and know that you are connected to this.

Here's a link, too...
https://www.mindful.org/meditation/mindfulness-getting-st...

First of all, you and your family will be fine.

Second, I have a tendency towards anxiety, and I have a prescription for Xanax, just in case. It tends to nip my anxiety in the B., and I don't take it very often. It's extremely helpful just to know it's there.

So I suggest you have some Xanax on hand so that you know you will have something to keep your anxiety at bay. Just knowing that it's there in case I need it is very comforting, and therefore I don't have to use it very often.

You aren't alone!! Anxiety is a horrible curse to deal with...I know!!

You might try reading Dr. Claire Weeks or Weekes books on anxiety...they really helped me.

There are exercises that help you just float along with the anxiety and not let it control you. You just accept it is there and go along with what you have to do...then because you are saying it is okay to be anxious it will start to fade.

Good luck sweetie...I think we live in a more anxious times or maybe people are talking about it more. Either way you aren't alone!!

I do the So what's like JB.

Added to that, I do the What's the worst that could happen
(actually come up with worst thing) then What's likely to happen
Just to put things into perspective.

So if we do all get sick, what's worst that could happen? You lay low in hotel room, together, watch movies, read - family time .. room service. Not the end of the world. That kind of thing.

I had to do this when I first became ill. I'd wake with worry in the night. It was to be expected and my doctor would not give me pills. Instead she said those are valid fears. Did not help me with waking and worrying though. So that's the So what's and coming up with plan for your worst scenarios. Likely will never happen.

Mindfullness (going out with friends and getting out your head, focus on how you feel around them, going for walk and paying attention to the outdoors so out of your head..), I pray - which is a bit like meditation for me. I hand over the feeling of needing control.

I was told that it's not about having control - the goal is to be ok with not having control. Getting used to it. Make list of all your worries in order of how worrying they are (most to least). Flip it and work on the least worrying first - give that job to someone else who is ok to handle it, etc.

I understand completely. What you might try is sitting down. Look at your trip. If you are in your vehicle you need to look at every single stop you can make. Every little town off to the side of the highway. Those are safe places you can stop, get out of your vehicle, and take a breath.

I travel this way when we're going on a road trip. I plan my trip by those little towns that are about every 20 miles. When the pioneers traveled west they could go about 15-20 miles per day. They'd stop and people would stay there and settle it and make it a town. Most of those little towns are still there. Some blew up and made big places and some sort of died out but they still have populations. Most of these towns have been bypassed by big highways but there are always exits for these towns.

If you're flying or in a vehicle that you can't stop you just need to make sure that your PRN meds are in your pocket. You can take one when you get on and then focus on your phone, play a game, distract yourself. Then you should be able to take another med if you seriously need it.

Please take something to help you sleep so you can heal and get rested. If you're rested you will feel better.

Call your psychiatrist and talk to them about meds.

I am sorry that you are going through this. Yes, I have had feelings similar. The useless word is anticipation and it makes our anxiety climb the more we think about our situation. Enjoy planning for your vacation and realize that no matter what happens you always have control. Sometimes its the unknown that freaks us out. I get that flooded feeling when I know that I am running low on my chronic pain medications. I can't even look in bottle and know the amount left. Its pure anxiety for me. I have 4 children (1 with emotional issues and one with developmental disabilities.) I also have husband that is unemployed, my list goes on. I hope you and your family have a great time on the vacation .

Yes, if you don't already take it, get a script from your doc for xanax for the trip!!!

I'm so sorry you are having such difficulties.
A vacation is something most people look forward to.
It's a welcome break of routine to relax and not even deal with pressures of cooking/cleaning, etc (this is why room service was invented!) - just relax, hang out at a pool, soak in a hot tub and let the hair on the back of your neck lie down instead of standing on end all the time.
If you were sick a week ago you should be recovered before your vacation starts - so that's a plus.
I guess most people have a way to allow worry to just roll off them and it just doesn't work for you.
You are working with professionals on it - and that's great!
I hope you and your family have a great time.