Anxiety After Having Kids

Updated on January 05, 2012
M.S. asks from Palo Alto, CA
10 answers

My kids are 3 and 6. I have always been kind of an anxious person. However, after having my girls I feel like I am constantly worrying and afraid all the time. My health is a big one. I just want to make sure I am around for them to adulthood and all that stuff in-between. I have always wanted to be a mother, but no one told me (or maybe I didn't listen) about all the worry that goes
along with it. I worry that they will be ok throughout the day while in school and in daycare. I worry about their health also.

Other than me feeling like a nutjob all the time everyone is healthy. I have great life. What is wrong with me?

Also, I had this pain that I freaked out about thinking it was a tumor. Turned out to be nothing. I just want to live my life and enjoy my family and stop with these mini-panic attacks and feelings of anxiety all the time. My parents are getting older,they are in their 70's and I worry that they won't be around forever and how would I deal when it's their time. I mean it's the circle of life, but I feel like I am going crazy. Anyone else feel like this. I just want to relax.

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R.M.

answers from San Francisco on

When my kids were little I went through a bout with panic attacks and anxiety. It was the stress and never getting a break. Recognize it for what it is - anxiety - you won't die, and neither will they -- and go exercise (best remedy for anxiety).

For me, my anxiety went away when they got older and I wasn't overwhelmed all the time.

3 moms found this helpful

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S.W.

answers from Minneapolis on

Exercise is one great treatment for anxiety. One half hour of vigorous exercise per day has been shown to be as effective as commonly prescribed anti-anxiety medication. Read "Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain" by John J. Ratey for more information. Another treatment, of course, is counseling by a psychologist specializing in anxiety.

Also, if more facts about true risks to your children would help, read "Free-range Kids". It is full of facts about how safe our children really are these days and it is entertaining to read.

6 moms found this helpful
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A.W.

answers from Seattle on

After I had my daughter, I became this way too. I would have mini panic attacks just driving to the store. I could never pinpoint what I was anxious about, it just seemed like everything and anything. Definitely I felt like I was going crazy. And I just got to the point I couldn't take it anymore, so
I talked to my DR about it and she ended up prescribing me Zanax (sp) which I took ocassionally to stop those feelings. And I did go to therapy too. It was well worth going and I really made a difference. Most health insurances cover "mental" health. I would look into it if I was you.

I am no longer taking the meds and I have learned techniques to help curb my anxiety when I have it. I still have bouts of anxiety, but being able to help control it makes a huge difference.

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N.R.

answers from Chicago on

If your anxiety is getting in the way of you enjoying your life, I would definitely talk to someone about how to manage that. I know some people balk at the idea of a therapist or counselor, but if you find the right one, it's awesome. Like that wise, insightful grandparent/mentor that can help you find perspective, guide you along, give good advice. Highly recommend that. And you'll feel less anxious just having someone trusted to blow off steam with. Some anxiety is really normal, though. I don't think we can be thoughtful parents without worrying to some degree about all the things you mention. Having children makes us realize how very precious life is - and how very vulnerable we are! Being inundated with news stories of horrible, random things happening just scares us that much more. So, your worries are normal. But if they get in the way of your life too much, I would certainly seek out ways to relieve them a bit. Good luck!

3 moms found this helpful

E.A.

answers from Erie on

I took meds and did cognitive therapy. Both helped tremendously. Remember, worry is like a rocking chair, you can rock and rock and rock, but you won't go anywhere but through the floor where you wore a hole.

2 moms found this helpful

C.O.

answers from Washington DC on

Marie:

This is a normal part of parenting. Unfortunately, I think you are worrying about the things you cannot control and the minutia. I would talk to a doctor about getting on some anxiety meds or a therapist to help you compartmentalize your anxiety.

If you use the internet to diagnose yourself, you are only going to make yourself CRAZY!!! Stop thinking you are sick or have something and do NOT use the internet to try and find out what you THINK you have.

The only way to relax and stop is to learn how to compartmentalize your feelings, rationalize what you are feeling and stop freaking over things you cannot control - you cannot control when your parents die...you cannot control things that happen in school...please seek a counselor to help you get your feelings in order

GOOD LUCK!!

2 moms found this helpful
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M.Q.

answers from Los Angeles on

I am experiencing the same feelings right now. I always worry that something will happen to my kids, that i will crash, that my husband will die (he drives alot) that an earthquake will hit and i won't be able to help my kids and that the walls of the lake nearby will break and cause a tsunami, that my kids will have cancer, that maybe i have cancer and dont know it, that my parents will die and the list goes on and on and on..................i don't know if maybe this is depression or anxiety or phsychiatric problems but ofcourse i never make time to go see a doc. It's really affecting my life, im curious to see what other have replied, just wanted you to know that you're not alone feeling this way.

2 moms found this helpful
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A.R.

answers from Madison on

I'm the exact same way. I have been in therapy on & off for cpl years to address my anxiety. For the last year I have seen the same therapist on a regular basis. I actually also just started medication after much recommendation from my therapist. Like the typical anxious person I was very hesitant to be on my meds. In fact I held the prescription in my wallet for months before filling it. I finally did 2 months ago and I feel so much better!!! I'm taking zoloft. I hope things get better for you, anxiety is a horrible feeling!! Mine is just like your, all focused on health worries!!!

1 mom found this helpful
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A.R.

answers from Boston on

Wow… I felt like I was reading my own words. I have also always been a semi anxious person, but after having my daughter I too worry all the time. It controls most of my day. I should say I started having panic attacks after my daughter was born really bad ones. I started taking paxil and it helped me so much. The fog was lifted. But last year was the worst year of my life. I lost my grandmother who not only was my first loss but she and I were so close. She was very active till the end and we did a lot together. But I accepted it as the circle of life and tried to be happy. Then 5 mos later my aunt her daughter died suddenly from a rare complication to a minor surgery. That has thrown me for a leap. I wake up everyday worried something is going to happen. I worry about my daughter too. Is she okay at school ect... all I do is think about omg what will I do when my parents die. Am I going to die its awful. I completely understand what you are going through. Why am I wasting my days with this. I actually do not think the paxil works anymore. I am on a very low dose and really do not want to increase it. I think what happens too is when we have our children we know prior we are going to love them but when you do have them you realize holy moly I love this person more than words could ever explain. It is scary because we want to control everything and we can't. Hang in there, you are not alone. Talk to your dr about seeing someone to talk to. I did that also and it worked for a while but with my last yr I am right back where I was if not worse. Oh and my father was diagnosed with prostate cancer a month ago. God I wish I was one of those relaxed people. Good luck and trust me when I say you are not crazy you are human!!

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K.D.

answers from Provo on

Look up cognitive behavior techniques for anxiety. Consider some short-term solution focused therapy. Having anxiety all the time lowers your own quality of life and those around you, while also affecting your health. There is a circle of life, and things do happen, but if you spend all of your good life worrying about the "what ifs" then you will have missed out on all of life.
My hubby suffers from severe anxiety and I have watched as it robs him of some of the best times of our life. Learning to cope with it, to have mechanisms to snap out of it or re-focus it, has made the life of our family better.
Good luck to you!!

1 mom found this helpful
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