Feeling Blah... Need Advice on Daily Life

I know exactly how you feel. I am only 21 and since my daughter I lost all my friends. It makes me so upset. Where do you live? My daughter is only 8 months but maybe we could hang out and do something. My name is J. and I live in lake worth.

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way and you are definately not alone!

I was the first to marry, first to have children, and now my friends and I have nothing to talk about. So, you know what I did? I went out and made new friends, with people who have children, and who know what it's like to be at home all the time.

Please call me if you ever want to chat or want info on moms clubs or creating new relationships.

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J. (jackie) Patellis

i comptley feel you!!!! you need to go out and make some friend and keep callin the ones you have or the feeling will get worse go out have fun do something trust me!!!!!!!

I know exactually how you feel, when I got married all my friends dumped me too. I make sure to get out everyday for a walk, baby or no. I need the time away from the house and it helps alot.
Has anyone else felt it would be nice to have a SAHM get together or something? In Kansas City (I live in KC right now but an moving soon to Fort Myers) they have a mom get together once a month at a park or just away. Some are play date oriented but others are moms only and others still are hobby oriented. you might think about sending out a message to other moms that want to hang out. Email me if you want, but I won't be moving down until Mid Aug.

My advice...GO OUT! HAVE FUN! If the kids want to scream for you...let them do it. How can you take care of them if you aren't taking care of you? Don't go out every weekend but every few weeks or so go to a local park or lake. Take a walk in the neighborhood. Go to a yoga class. Take up a hobby. That's an excellent way to meet people. If you continue to be just mom it will get worse. If you don't take time for you it could lead to depression or even cause you to resent your children and husband. Go get your nails done once a month (it only costs around $20 at most places) or grab a book and go sit in a coffee shop and read for about an hour. If you don't want your kids to be upset while you're gone, buy a special storage box with certain games and activities they are only allowed to play with while Mom is away. That way they feel like they are getting a treat. Just make sure it is age-appropriate and change the activities out every few months.

Hi, you could meet other mom at playgroups and kid friendly activities. you could check out babyzone.com for some playgroups. You could start your own playgroup in your area by placing an ad here or on craigslist.org Try googling playgroups + your city or other variations of wording. You could go to storytime at the library, gymboree, etc. I find moms are always looking to meet and hang out with other moms. You could suggest moms night out also in your posts. I've met moms who've arranged mani/pedi appts, coffee, dinner etc just to meet and talk with other women. I hope this helps.

Hi L.. I completly understand how you feel! I'm, also a stay at home mom. I have three childern ages 5,3,and 2yrs (in 2weeks). All my friends have no children and want do the party scene that I'm just not into. And the ones that do have kids act like they don't and their parents take care of the kids for them. I do have family here (my mom actually lives one street over) but we only see them at birthdays and holidays. So I don't get much Adult time or Me time either. Have you tried joining any play groups? I have but it seems like they look down on us stay at home moms and ones for stay at home moms seem like you have to be older (I'm 25) and you have to have a ton of money. But you might have some luck,you never know. I would be interested in getting together with you sometime. If you want feel free to email me at ____@____.com or ____@____.com.

I am feeling the same way!! Its like you described MY life! Email me and we can get together. I'm in Boynton. Hang in there you are definetly not alone.

Hi L.,

Like everyone else who has responded to you, I know how you feel. My suggestion is a part time job that will cover the cost of daycare for a couple of hours a day or a couple of days a week. If not a job, then you could try finding a local home daycare for a couple of hours a week and then taking a class (computer, art, etc...). Just something so you can talk to adults and have a little something else in your life. I've done the working mom thing with my daughter and now I'm doing the stay at home thing with my son. Try a compromise in the middle. We are right in the middle of a move here, but my son has been going to someone's house twice a week for the past two years and he loves it and I have some me time. Once we are settled, I'll find him either daycare or a preschool and look into a part time job. I'm a firm believer that once our kids are safe and happy, we need to be happy too because they can tell when we are not. If it means time apart to make that happen, they will accept it. Good luck!

K., mom to Jamie (12) and Brady (2)

Play groups would probably be a good place to start. I bet other SAHM's could relate, and maybe do a girls night out with some of the other moms for fun every now and then. I've been doing Princess House parties, have you ever heard of that? I've been having fun doing it, I go out 2 nights a week, for a few hours to do the party, earn extra money, get to meet to new people and feel like I'm part of the real world! My husband gets 2 nights a week that he spends with the baby and they are bonding more since I started doing this. I come home and he tells me all the stuff they did and played, etc. Let me know if you are interested in learning more!

OMG! I am going through the exact same thing. Except my husband is out of the state working. All my friends could care less about me. Maybe we should hang out lol! I wish I did know what to tell you but I am going through it too. But if you get any really great advice please let me know!! Thank you!!

I have been there before. Took me a year or so to get newer friends I wanted to hang around and ones that would around me. I have 5 kids, and my kids go with me most places, unless I plan something in advance kind of thing. You can email me if you want. ____@____.com
E.

Hello! I know exactly how you feel! All of my friends are not married and do not have kids. So they are never around anymore either. It is SO important to have your own life and idenity too. It is good for you and your kids!

It sounds like to me that you need new friends. I suggest going to mom and kids classes such as My Gym, go to a church, etc to meet moms! I have met a couple of moms at our My Gym.

I am always up to meeting new people and making new friends. Feel free to write me back and we can get to know each other!

Hi L.,

I think that what you're feeling is quite normal and very common. Many times when someone gets married they enter a new, how do I say, "category?" concerning friendships. It is difficult to keep a relationship with your childless/single friends because your schedule (and you) changes! It's no one's fault, it just happens. What will benefit you is just "getting out there" and meeting some new friends - perhaps moms with children on a playdate. I know it's not easy... but it makes all the difference in the world to feel like you have a life!! I would love to meet with you and your little ones for lunch (chick-fil-A?) or at a park sometime. I also meet with other moms every Thurs evening from 7-8 at my house for some special, much needed "mom time." Childcare is provided so feel free to bring the kids. Us moms just chat together, have snacks, coffee/tea, build friendships, relax and have a good laugh! That's what you need! So please, take my advice and send me an email - we can get together. Check out my MySpace page to see pics of me and my little boy and learn more about my moms group. www.myspace.com URL: myspace.com/johnchapter8
I can guarantee you won't be feeling "blah" anymore!! :)
~Crytal Brunton

Hi L., we all know how it is and how you can get a little bored being a sahm with just the kids for company. There is this website called www.meetup.com that has lots of mommies groups from pretty much all over but you could do a search in your area. I belong to one called the Mommy & Me Stay at Home Moms of South Dade and another one called The Doral International Mom's Group. Not sure what area you are from but both these groups are highly recommended, they have about 50-60 women each and we have get-together every week from library story time to a day at the beach or a park play date. The women are awesome and the kids get to play - what more could you possibly ask for??! Have fun and cheer up, there is a lot to do out there!

L.:
Where do you live? Have you looked into a local Mommy group? I have 3 preschoolers and try to stay on the go by making new friends. We go to parks and we have a fabulous MOPS group that we are involved in.
We're in east Orlando and would love to meet up with you guys at a park or something.
New friends with kids your age, I promise it's what you need!
Let me know,
B.

I think most of us have been there...Our converstaions start out like: My kids just or Sammy just ____ for the first time and with the spouse, home and kids we become "MOM" "WIFE", then one day we lost our own identity...
My Advise is GET NEW FRIENDS! Join a health spa, that offers sitter service it's not that expensive and they will usally work with you...
My aunt at a baby shower once said it best "REMEMBER TO ALWAY MAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF!" This means, plan at least (2) outings a week....put it on your calendar and either go to the gym or to a club/social event. art class/paining class or some kind of something that involves other people. Then add one night out, either with a new friend you've met or call someone... Remember that the conversation should not consist of just your kids & family. Your friends have other interest as well... or if thats the conversation you wish to have then meet other mom's with the same interest by joining a mother's morning out club....

These things helped me, hope it helps you too...I enjoy my family more when I use my Aunts Advice.
Good Socalizing, Best Regards,
L. M.

Oh my gosh, I know exactly what you are feeling! You took the words right out of my mouth. I do have two sisters that live here, and I am pretty close to one of them, but she is always so busy with her kids or her own social life that there is rarely time for me. The other sister...ugh, she and I don't always get along so well. I had a best friend throughout high school and we were inseparable, but she now lives in AZ and we only talk maybe once a month. I really miss the friendship that I had with her.
I just long for adult conversation...is that what you are feeling? Too bad we don't live closer (I'm in Melbourne) so maybe we could solve the problem for each other! But if you'd like to write back and forth, send me an email!
The one thing that I can tell you that may give you a little hope is that once your oldest starts school, you will be presented with more opportunites to make friends. My son just finished kindergarten and I volunteered in his classroom a little, so that was a nice break from being just Mommy!
Good luck and I hope things start to look up for you soon!

I was in the exact same situation as you. But I met a lot of moms when I searched the internet for activities in my town for preschoolers. And when my daughter started ballet I met many moms with daughters the exact age as mine so we hit it off well. Also, Yahoo groups helped me find a local moms group and we get together once a week. I've met some great friends through that group. Being new in my town I had a really hard time making friends but this site helped me find a group of SAHM. It is still hard leaving the kids with daddy but not only do I need it but dad and the kids need time with each other to bond. The more often you do it the easier it becomes.

what I notice is that your husband is going to concerts without you. why don't you go, too?

do you & your husband have a date night? you could find a babysitter and then once a week go on a date with your husband. we try to do this once a week and I look forward to getting out of the house w/ him once a week!

can you join a book club or something to meet other women? maybe through a church in your neighborhood or something like that. is your 4yr old in preschool? can you volunteer there to meet the other mothers in something like a PTA? do you do mommy & me type activities with your 2 yr old? that's always nice to meet others, too...

sorry for all the questions, but I'm just trying to help...

editing to add: you ask who wants to go out alone? well I do once a week and it's fun & I look forward to it :) if your kids scream for you, well they'll get used to it & I think ti's good for dads to be able to put kids to bed, etc once in a while, even once a week- actually when I go out sometimes it's after I put the kids to bed, but my husband is ok at it,lol...he does things differently, but that's ok; we're different :)

I just staring working after 2.5 years being a SAHM. I felt same way you described and it wasnt till 2 months ago when i started working outside home that i felt way better. I'm so much happier now, my self steem has gone up and I'm sooo happy to see my kids when i get off work. I think your solution is to work at least part time. You wont just meet new people but you will feel more motivated to hang w/the kiddos and go shopping.... heheh. Good Luck!!! I know exactly how u feel, I felt like that for a long time and now I'm so glad I changed how it was.
Hugs, M..

My advice to you would be to get out of the house. A friend once told me that once you become a SAHM you have to continue to get up, get dressed and put on your makeup. Believe it or not it really works. Another thing I have done is join a gym that offers child care. This gets you out of the house you are doing something for yourself and your kids are getting interaction with other kids in the play area. I have also joined a moms group that I attend here in central Florida and that has allowed me to meet some really great moms who are going thru the same obsticals that I am. If you go to www.meetup.com you can decide what group best suites where you live. My group does events about 3 days a week which include parks, indoor play dates and we also do a monthly moms night out. I have really enjoyed this. You HAVE to get out of the house and start doing some things for yourself. These are all things that you can do with your kids but you are getting more of the benefit. After taking my kid to the gym and then to my meetup group he is so tired he lays right down for a nap in the evening and that is my time to cook dinner and have a glass of wine. I hope this helps. Keep your head up and stay positive..

A little about me. I am a 28 SAHM and my husband travels alot and his job consist of taking people out and wineing and dining them. I used to get jealous because he was always out eating at nice places and traveling but now I have decided that I have a life too and I need to stop wishing I was in his shoes and start living my own life. This has made me a better mom and wife.

Hi L. ,
My name is L. also and I have a 6 yr old son and we live in Weston . I know just what your feeling ! I have found Florida very hard to make true friends . Lots of phonies and fly by night people . Say their your friends but there not !

I have a husband who works a lot of hours and so my son and I are always looking to get out and meet new friends .

I am a bit older then you but as far as I am concerned age is just a number . If you feel like talking amd maybe getting together vent away girl . We understand :)

L.

send me a mail : ____@____.com

Hey L.,

Since we moved here I have lost all my friends causse they live out of state, and I to feel like I have nothing but my kids. I love hanging out with them but I also feel that if I don't get some friends outside of the family I am gonna go crazy! I have a 3 1/2 yr old and 16 month old twin boys! I would love for you to contact me so we can get some playdates(to at least get out of the house) and maybe a girls night out or 2 !!!!. I live down by the airport but will travel if need to. Write back and let me know
G.

you took the words right out of my mouth. since i got married the same thing has happened to me. we moved here to florida and i became a stay at home mom and now i am with my kids 24/7. i love it but at the same time i miss having a normal life and being able to hang out with friends. if you want you can email me at ____@____.com hope to hear from you!