Feeding Wars

Discipline her? No, she's only 9-months old and doing what every other 9-month old does at feeding time. Part of her learning experience is playing with her food. She's learning lessons about taste, texture, smell, gravity, velocity and the like. I think your expectations of her maybe a bit too high and not age appropriate. My children were definitely not feeding themselves with a spoon by the time they were 9-months old -- they depended on mom and dad to feed them or they fed themselves with their fingers. We would give them a spoon on occassion but it was more of a prop than anything and we always knew that there would be food all over them, the furniture and the floor by the time they were done.

To get a better idea what you can reasonably expect your child to be doing at 9-months, 12-months and so on, I would suggest you check out the following websites for information:

www.ivillage.com
www.parents.com

I didn't start disciplining my children until they were about 2-1/2 years old and only then it was for issues like like hitting or biting other children, not for control issues like they weren't feeding themselves properly. There are certain lessons in life you can't rush. For now, just relax and enjoy your baby. Feed her yourself with a spoon when you want her to eat or when you don't have a lot of time to clean up the mess, and allow her certain times during the day to play through exploration. The two of you will be better off for it.

Wishing you and your daughter all the best.

Hmmm.
What she did was because you fed it to her against her will?

You don't need to discipline your daughter, you just need to take her away from the table and the food everytime she throws it and she gets nothing else. Until later.
Playing with her food, mashing it up, squishing it....that's all exploration.
But throwing it and not eating......
It will take maybe 3 times of just removing her. Don't worry that she will starve.
She's 9 months old. And she's gonna be messy. But she is also old enough to learn not to physically throw her food.
Some kids start doing that because they think it's funny and don't mean anything else by it, but they can learn that it's not funny.
Put her in a hair chair, give her a bib, put a drop cloth under her and let her have at it herself.
I know it seems young, but my kids were eating at this age. Just be sure she's getting formula or breast milk as well. And don't freak out when she squishes things. It's all part of learning.

A child will eat when they are hungry. Stop the feeding if she plays. try again later. I would not discipline more than that at this point. They do however have to get used to the different textures. You can also get bowls that suction to the tray (and plates) that way she can not toss it down. At 9 months, my son would not eat anything from a spoon it was all finger foods bite size for him.

Good luck and keep trying

She's testing boundaries. Stand firm. YOU feed her, don't let her do it herself (if you intend on her eating anything). I'm talking about both finger foods and spoon. Sit down next to the high chair and actively work with her as you transition to allowing her to feed herself.

I didn't let my daughter feed herself with a spoon until she was much older (maybe 15 months) and could control the spoon and focus on eating. I let her do finger foods on her own when she would actually eat it. I didn't allow throwing of food. I used age appropriate discipline when she did throw things. I didn't let her play with utensils because I wanted her to associate them with EATING not PLAYING.

As for what to feed your child. Focus on fruits and vegetables, and of course the majority of her nutrition should be from either breast milk or formula until the child is 12 months old. Until they're a year old you want to give them lots of opportunity to try new tastes and textures. Force feeding is something that I do. Kids often balk when eating something new, but once they try it often the love it. But even when they don't, its important to have them eat it. Don't get into a rut of making something special for your kid to eat, they should learn to eat whats given them. This is why many children are overweight, their parents gave them chicken nuggets, pizza and burgers all the time since that's all they WANTED to eat.

Best wishes, it isn't always easy, but this training for your child will pay off in the end!

Hi Mama---You've gotten a variety of responses and it does seem like your questions were interpreted in many different ways. I think many have valid points, depending on what your exact concerns are.

When I help moms with wellness education, I often refer them to Dr. Bill and Jim (ABC The Doctors) Sears website, www.askDrSears.com. Dr. Bill and his son Dr. Jim are both pediatricians, and Dr. Bill's wife/Dr. Jim's mom, have written MANY books about pregnancy, babies, care and feeding of children, etc. At their website and in their books they address questions such as these, both developmental and feeding questions, and also how to feed a picky eater, if that is a concern. I think there is a forum where you can even ask your question and they will answer.

I have the honor of working with both Dr. Sears in my wellness education business and just spent last weekend with them at a conference. I have LOTS of great info and I would be happy to share.

One thing that I do know, eating solid foods requires a whole new set of skills and your baby has to learn how to use her tongue differently. I would also be sure that your baby learns that meal time is for eating. If she learns that entertainment is required at meal time, she may always need entertainment to eat.

It would seem she is not ready or interested in feeding herself yet and most likely, she would do that with her fingers when she does feed herself. So, I would take away all distractions from her right now, keeping the high chair tray clear, and then every week introduce some small pieces of food that she might be able to pick up herself and then actually feed herself. As she becomes better and more coordinated in picking up food, then introduce a spoon that she might feed herself with. Use foods such as mashed potatoes, hot cereals, things that will stick to the spoon. I don't advise yogurt or any milk products as dairy is highly allergenic to humans. But this is a topic in itself. Go to www.strongbones.org to learn more and feel free to contact me to explore this advice.

Good luck, keep trying and then continue to build on each little developmental success. In health, D.

PS. If you are concerned about her getting adequate nutrition, I have some great suggestions for that as well. It would be my honor to help.

Don't start making food such an "issue" or you will find yourself dealing with other emotional issues tied to food as she grows older. I agree that 9 months is too early to expect her to feed hersef with a spoon. She just simply doesn't have the coordination that is need to hold the spoon properly, fill it with food and then transfer that to her mouth. That is a LOT to expect of a 9 month old. They have a "baby safe feeder" at Babies R Us which is sort of a mesh net on a little handle that a baby can use a lot like a pacifier...and you can put soft food in it for the baby to suck out of the mesh. I have not used it but it looks like it might be something that could help you.
The biggest point I want to make is dont make this a battle of wills because you WILL lose!!! You really shouldn't ever "punish" a 9 month old...they look to you for comfort,security, love and safety...don't make them fear you because you punish them. She won't starve ....be sure she continues to get formula and let her eat what she wants...she will learn to eat that food soon!!!

ok some kids don't like the texture of mashed food. Most can't stnad mashed potaotes. SO what I would do as long as she has teeth I would give her soft chewy food like puffs, cherrios, corn, beens, carrots, etc.... let her chew it. I would do that she probably would like that better. You can give her pork and beans or a bean borrito have you tried a cheese roll. Alot of peds are worried about allergies but you can try this and see if she gets a reaction than don't give her no more but you can do a pb&J and break it up with your fingers for little bit size pieces. The pbj is good fro them. or could do similar to fruit cut it up let her eat it. Just have to watch her and at first she may chock do a finger swip but after a coupls of tries she will get it. Thats why you start with soft first. than go inot harder as she gets more teeth or dissolvable stuff like puffs and cherrios fishes animal crackers. She won't starve and shes getting her nutritian through formula

OMG! She is ONLY 9 months old. She is a baby. Alot of babies don't even start any solid food til ONE YEAR. Have some patience. It is a messy idea to give a 9 month old a spoon and a bowl of food. Keep offering finger food, you might put the finger food on her tray as you spoon in whatever she will eat from a spoon. Truely eating solid food is an acquired art and skill that is sometimes NOT mastered for another few months. Feed her cereal, baby veggies, baby fruit from a spoon that YOU are in charge of. Then you might even try a scrambled egg on her tray. It's already squishy, it's good for her if she manages to get any to her mouth and not too much of a mess to clean up if she throws it on the floor...isn't that what the dog is for? No worries, she will get it eventually but she is STILL a baby, be patient.

You cannot really discipline as such , by all means say no so that she learns but she is learning and this is why they throw. When my kids went through the stage of picking up the bowl and swinging it around I just put the food straight onto the tray of the highchair , I made sure they were never sat on or close by to carpet and I used a messy mat. This stage will pass soon , and I guarantee she ate more than you think she did!!....also force feeding will never work , will make things worse in the long run , if she chooses not to eat then let her go without , she won't starve if she misses a meal or two.

Keep feeding her the same things you are! She is learning. All of this is new to her and she is learning through touch and cause and effect. I would tell her that you eat the food, not throw it and show her. It takes a lot of repetition before babies catch on. She isn't being bad, she doing what comes naturally. Remember, at this point most of her needs come from formula or breastmilk and the solids that make it into her belly are supplementing that. Let her learn. She'll catch on eventually. It will just be messy for you for a while!

whatever you do, don't make feeding time a battle - it only stresses you and her. she will eat when she's hungry. might be that she's teething, or just going through a phase.
If it helps to know - I give my 8 month old a toy to play with, that distracts him from putting his hands into the spoon that's coming to his mouth. He's still eating pureed foods, we just started introducing puffs / broken up cheerios (and both got the same reaction of gagging, coughing, and a disgusted look of the texture, ha, ha!) He's also still getting a bottle or nursing 3-5 times a day.
ask her doctor if you continue to be concerned.

try giving her her own spoon with nothing on it and feeding her yourself at the same time. Try to make it fun. If you are getting stressed out then stop and try again tomorrow. No matter what they are going to make a huge mess, that's half the fun.

"Discipline" makes no sense for a child this young. I think you were on the right track with finger foods. She is starting to become a wee bit more independent and wanting to control some things. She is trying everything out and textures and tastes and learning about gravity are some of those things. I'd keep it light and cheery. Make sure she gets her nutrition with breast or bottle milk for the most part. Work with her a little day by day, both with the spoon and with fingers. I usually gave my kids banana and messy stuff like that just before their bath. You might want to put a plastic tablecloth or something under the highchair at this point so you can salvage some of the stuff she throws down and try again. This too shall pass! She won't be doing this on dates - don't worry! the world is just opening up to her but she is still very dependent on you to patiently love her through these stages. Your relationship with her, her safety and getting basic nutrition are the top priorities. Hang in there, Mama!