Feedback on Having Unplanned Baby Late in Life.

my brother was 15 years younger than me. As long as you don't dump the responsibility off on them but you include them in raising him/her. I enjoyed helping my mom with my brother and now he baby sits for me when I need help and I help him with things like mommy problems instead of him running away he comes to my house or one of us. He is the youngest of five 35, 33, 32, 30, 17 and we all work together and get along very well. We got mad because my mom knew she was pregnant and didn't tell us.

Hi T., I am not an older mom but my children are 12 years apart. My DS is 14 and my DD is 2. They get along just fine. At first while I was preggo my DS wasn't all that thrilled even though he had been asking for a sibling for a while. He was even disappointed when I told him it was a girl. But when she got here it was a whole different story! He is crazy about her and she is crazy about him too. There are times when they truly act like siblings and I have to remind him that he is 14 and she is 2 but i think that is to be expected. I don't think you have anything to worry about, everything will be just fine.

T., My son and his wife have a 6 month old daughter, a 10 yr old son and a 13 yr old daughter. The older children were delighted about the baby!

Hi T.,
I had 4 children ages 17, 14, 10 and 7 when we had little number 5 come along. I was 41 at the time. The only one less than thrilled was the 17 year old mostly because it was embarrasing to admit that his parents were having a baby to his friends. Now our little one is 17 months and they are all wonderful with her especially the 18 year old. He takes her everywhere like she is his baby. All of the kids are very nurturing with her and take great care of her. The youngest one is sometimes jealous but a little one-on-one time with him is all that is needed. Best wishes to you and your entire family! I am sure they will be ecstatic!

I know you're looking for advice from other moms in the same situation, but I thought I could offer some insight into the other side of the story. My sister was 12, and I had just turned 14 when my little brother was born.

From the time my mom told us she was pregnant, we were thrilled. We had spent years asking Santa for a baby brother, and finally, we got one.

And for the most part, things were great. We loved to help take care of him and play with him, which helped my parents a lot, and now, we're the cool older sisters he gets to hang out with.
There are a couple things I would suggest you keep in mind, that made a difference to my sister and I.

1. Make sure you spend extra time with each of your older kids. It doesn't even have to be both parents, but just something to remind them that they haven't been forgotten in the chaos with the new baby. We would get to go to a movie with dad, or lunch with mom once in awhile, without my brother.

2. Don't use the term "built in babysitter". The terminology bugged me. What did work, though, was there was a difference some of the babysitting we did. If it was necessary, chore stuff, we were expected to help out and watch him. Fore example, if dad had to work on a saturday, and mom needed to go grocery shopping, it was expected that we help out and watch him. On the other hand, if my parents wanted to go to a movie, we were asked if we wanted to babysit, and they would pay us (as if we weren't there, they'd still have to get a sitter). Worked out alright, though we did resent it at times. Just teenage stuff, looking back. I mean, we didn want to do the dishes, either.

3. Talk to them about dealing with stupid, nosy people. I cannot tell you how many times people came up to me to tell me how cute "my son" was. It seemed more likely to people that I had a child at 14, than that my mom had an age gap between children. My sister and I got my brother tshirts with variations of "I'm the little brother" on them, but he couldn't always wear them.

I would just be open and honest with them, about what you expect, what you don't expect (for example, poopy diapers weren't something my parents generally considered in our job description). They were the parents, and while we helped, it was a point that it wasn't our responsibility all the time.

If you want to talk more, just email me--i can let you know more about what that situation meant for me.

Overall though, its been wonderful!

T.,

I did not have an unplanned pregnancy, but I did have a late one. After 3 years and 2 miscarriages we had all but given up. I have a 14 yr old from a previous relationship and my husband and I now have a 21 month old boy. They absolutely love each other! They get along great and the older boy helps out a lot. I think it helps when they're older because they don't have the jealousy of the baby's attention. I think you'll be surprised if you tell them and enjoy a new baby!

Good luck,
S.

ps I think it also has a way of being a "safe sex" education on the older kids. When they see that it's not an easy thing to raise a child, they are more likely to wait and not jump into having kids young.

My children are not that far apart. However, I am 10-1/2 years older than my sister, and my hubby is 11 years older than his brother. In both families the last child was an unplanned surprise. When my sister was born, I was thrilled! I was always begging to help with the baby. She and I are still close today. My husband said he wasn't really interested in the baby at his house back then. (He was an 11 year old boy.) He wasn't jealous, and he wasn't thrilled. He just didn't really have an interest in the baby. As his brother got older, however, they became closer. They both liked playing video games and watching Nascar on t.v. They are also still close. (Incidentally, hubby's brother married my sister!)

You know your kids and their personalities better than I do. But if they are "typical" (or stereotypical?) kids, your daughter will probably be excited and helpful. Your son may show less interest, at least at first. A coworker of mine just went through a situation similar to yours. Her teenage son did make a comment about how gross it was that his parents were obviously having sex, and didn't they use protection. LOL. I guess you may have that with your son as well. But again you know your kids better than I do.

T.,

My two children are 11years apart. My son is 15yrs old and my daughter is 4yrs old. My son was thrilled and loves having a little sister. He helps by watching her(no I don't pay him) but we also make sure he doesn't miss out on doing his teenage stuff. My daughter has been dragged to baseball, basketball and football games, the thing I made sure of is I was always the Mom that went to every game or event my son was involved in and after having the baby I did not let that change(although it to me longer to get out the door.LOL)

I am a Mum of two who are only 2 years apart but I am 12 years older than my youngest sister and my other sister is 9 years older than her. I was thrilled when my Mum told me she was having another baby. My other sister wasn't so happy but she got used to the idea. She was just upset she wasn't going to be the baby any more. My Mum really involved us in the pregnancy (maybe easier with girls) and also let us help pick a name.

We are now 32,29 and 20 respectively and get on really well and you'd never know there was such a large age gap. I think you have to be mindful of not using your older children too much as unpaid babysitters. My Mum was great if I ever babysat she would always give me pocket money so I didn't feel I was being taking advantage of. My friends also thought it was cool I had a baby sister and always wanted to hang out with her too especially once she became an amusing toddler.

Good luck with your 3rd child. My parents now say they loved the fact that they had a 3rd as it kept them young.

S.

My stepdaughter (she lived with us her whole life) was 11 when we had our first son and she was happy. I included her in my appointments whenever possible. She and I were the first ones to here his heartbeat together. She was also present for his birth. They have a great relationship. We had another one after that 3 years later and it is all good.

This should be an interesting period for you. Depending on your teens' personality they may or may not be excited about this. However, the adjustments for you and them should be a good learning experience for the emotional growth of all of you. I have a 2-set family myself. My first at 18-years-old, a daughter and 13-years later at 31,another son, and at 33, 2-years later another daughter. The younger ones really admire their big sister and she adores them as well. I enjoy a tremendous range of exploring their generational differences and love it.

I can tell you from the older child prospective. I was 12 when my little sister was born, and I was a 2nd mommy to her, in fact we are still very close, I'm 27 and she's 15. Your daughter will probably do great and be that extra set of hands you need, just be careful not to expect it from her all the time, still allow her time to be a kid. Your son might be indifferent to the situation, depending on how close you are to him and how dependent he is on you for things. Congratulations and good luck!!!

Congratulations on your pregnancy! I had a 16 year old daughter when my second girl was born and then 18 months later I had a son. My teenager was excited about the babies but not enough to distract her from wanting to continue to be the center of the universe if you know what I mean. The hardest part I've found is that the babies idolize their big sister and she can take them or leave them. We just try not to have any expectations of help from the older one because she very easily feels used when it comes to chipping in with the kiddos. We've heard many times "It's not my baby." from her. So we've taken the position of not allowing her to be in charge of the babies (because she's not responsible enough)and she finds a way to be offended by that too. Be prepared to deal with a certain amount of jealousy from the older children. If you're lucky, they will be loving and helpful but I wouldn't depend on that. You will still have to parent them through some difficult teenage years all the while mustering up energy for a toddler. The bottom line is that it won't be easy but that being said...You won't be able to imagine your life without that sweet little one in it too. They fill a void in your heart you didn't even realize you had.

Blessings

My children are 11 (twins) and I am due to give birth in 8 weeks... they are excited about it.. I'm sure a lot has to do that we are also excited about it, and I have them involved in helping with the baby's room-- (the room is sailboats and I had them paint sailboats for his room) and they have had several months to get used to the whole idea.. Now how everything will be once this baby is born?? Who knows... I'm a little worried myself.. But I'm sure all will be ok with a little adjusting. Good luck with your pregnancy and congratulations.

Hi there, well I am only 29 however, my mother was 42 when she got pregnant agian with TWINS..lol...
So when I saw your message I decided to write you a message just to reassure you that I really think, your kids will be delighted. I know that when my mother found out she was very torn about what to tell me and my younger sister who was 16 at the time. However, when she did, much to her surprise we were thrilled. It was crazy thinking about the fact that my mom was having another baby, actually two at that, but it was a good crazy. It was really cool to go through a pregnancy with my mother. Most children don't really get to experience with a good memory the birth of a sibling. I love every memory that I have shared with my mother and her pregnancy. My mothers twins, my sisters are now 5 years old and they are the best part of all of our lives. So I really do think that even if there first reaction is one of shoke, they really will be excited when they find out. I hope that all goes well for you, just wanted to let you know my feelings as a child of a woman who also got pregnant in her 40's. Good luck. and best wishes to you and your family.
S.

If you are wanting someone to talk with that will be open-minded and supportive in making all the decisions you want to and need to make for your family, I suggest going to the website www.thesourceforwomen.org and if interested, call them. If the father of this baby is in the picture (you didn't say), they also address relationship issues with pregnancies as well.

I would consider this child a heavenly gift from God. Trust Him, He will provide all you need to walk this journey out. Especially peace!

May He richly bless you and your family in ALL the days to come.

G. G.

Hello and congratulations! I am 40 and have a two sons one is 13 and the other is 12 and we have a beautiful baby girl who just turned one July 18th. My boys are wonderful with her. She absolutely adores them. I tried promising them that their lives would not change with a baby coming into it. Of course, everybodies changed once the little princess got here, but they don't seem to mind, most of the time. I don't know if all kids would be like my boys. They have grown up around babies. My mother is a baby sitter and they stayed with her when they were little and after school when the were older so they have always been around babies. As a matter of fact my oldest was the only one who could get my baby to burb when she was first born. He's a natural, going to make a great daddy some day. I am very fortunate it has been extremely smooth, so far. My husband and I constantly praised the boys after she was born. Trying not to have any hurt feelings after she was born. My youngest son, I think was a little jeoulous. But he is adjusting. He was "the baby" for 11 years. To try to help we gave him a huge birthday party this year he missed out last year his birthday is a week before the babies.
As far as age... it is completely different doing this at 40 compared to 25. I will say, I am a lot wiser this time around, just a little slower. I had a lot of swelling that I did not have with my two boys. My first son was a C sect because he was breech, my second was a VBAC, but they made me have a C this time. Worked out great though she had trouble breathing at birth don't know if she would have made it through the rest of my labor.
Best wishes! Sorry didn't mean to write a book. It is a wonderful experience and I hope you and your family enjoy it. Treasure the baby for what he/she is... a blessing and gift from God. Added bonus... both of my boys now know what a responsibility a baby is. Especially my 13 year old heading through puberty! : )

T.,
I was in the same boat a few years ago. I think they will love the idea of a little sister or brother...with my experience, they adjusted easier bacause there was such a large age gap. I never did put to much pressure on them to "watch" her for me so they valued their time with her more. My kids are now 14, 11 and 5. The 2 older ones adore the little one and vice versa...She looks up to them in every way. Sometimes the older ones get a little overwhelmed with the large amount of energy the 5 year old has. She is up in their business when they have friends over but it helps that all their friends love "the little sister"
Good luck

CONGRATULATIONS! Don't feel bad. My mom had me when she was 39 and two weeks later, she turned 40. I have 2 half brothers. One was born in 1945 and the other one was born in 1954. There was a big gap in age between us. They both loved me very much and were very excited when I came home from the hospital back in 1966.

I had my first baby at 36. I have a friend of mine who had her last child at 45!

Take care and good luck.

R.

Hey, if it helps, in my situation, my stepdaughter was a teenager when I had her brothers, and she is now in her early 20's and has NO desire to have children at an early age like many of her friends and cousins. She has seen the reality of what it is like to take care of a baby and she wants no part of it (yet).

Congratulations!!

Our youngest child was 12 when we had our last child and he took it very well. We did not have the energy we had when we were younger, but everything worked out very good and we even had one more 3 yrs after that. Note: we never asked our older child to baby sit, we paid someone to do that because that was not his responsible, I learned that from a friend that said they had to be just like the mom to her younger sisters and brothers and would not do that to her own children. I took her advice and stayed with it.

Ah, I have been in your shoes. My children were 14, 16,and 18 when I found out at the age of 40 that I was having a surprise baby. Our oldest was very upset, thinking the financial burden would prevent him from going to college. But I saw his heart melt the moment he first held his little brother. Our other two children were still at home and were wonderful. We were especially sensitive to only let them be siblings and not built-in babysitters. If we did need one of them to babysit, they were scheduled and paid just as any other babysitter would be. Our little guy just finished Kindergarten and has been a great source of joy for all of our family--even keeping the grandparents young!

I can give you some perspective from the older kids viewpoint. My mom was nearly 40 when my youngest sister was born. I was 18 and my other sister was 10! It certainly took some getting used to, but it worked out fine. The only regret was that I never really got to spend much time with my youngest sister, as I was off to college right after she was born. However, she and my other sister are best friends today, despite being 10 years apart. Added benefit, it was certainly a great learning experience for me. I really got to understand just what it's like to take care of a baby and I was in no hurry to have one of my own. Plus, I was well prepared for when I had my daughter 12 years later.

I'm not a mom in your situation, but my brother and sister-in-law were. I have three neices, ages 18, 16, and 4. When the baby came, the girls were thrilled. Sure, she has interfered somewhat in their teenage lives, but they can't imagine their family without her. She has certainly thrived. They all joke about how she has always had three mommies looking out for her along with daddy ;-). Don't worry; your little one will be adored.

My sister had the same thing happen at your same age! As far as I know, they adjusted fine and love having a baby brother. Her oldest just left home this summer and her youngest will be entering 1st grade. Wow!

First and last, this one is not a surprise.

It will be a bonus, and I expect they will be delighted.

Been there, done that...but it was a long time ago. Mine are all grown up now and are great friends. My oldest was 14 and the youngest was 9 when we learned about the new one. The 14 year old, a boy, was embarrassed for his friends to know that his parents still "did it". I'm one of those who gets really big towards the end and he said it wouldn't be so bad if it could be spread out so that some was in the back and some in the front, then it wouldn't be so obvious. The 9 year old was intrigued by the whole process. He found my pregnancy book and found the page with the development pictures. He studies those pics so much that when the book was opened it fell open at that page. When the baby came, he was mesmerized by her. As she grew, all the friends of the older boy catered to her and would acknowledge her before me when we met out somewhere. She was at all of their ball games so all the kids knew her. As I said, they are all best friends.

Hello T., don't worrry. I'm a mother of two girls 15 and 9 year old and a beautiful baby son 6 month and a half. I was 39 when I found out that I was pregnant. Everyone in my family got so excited. I was very nervous during my pregnancy because I got a miscarriage in 2006. Being over 35 and pregnant is kind of too much care for doctors here in USA. You go through a lot of test that you didn't got to do when you were younger and pregnant. If you take care of yourself the same way that you did before nothing will happen. And believe, this baby will steal your heart right away. So, don't worry and enjoy your pregnancy. Bye, M..

One of my SIL is 32 and has 13 y/o boy and 8 month old girl. The 13 y/o loves being a big brother. He kind of acts like she is HIS baby. I have another SIL that is 36 and has 12y/o girl, 10 y/o boy and 6 month old girl. The two oldest childeren don't get along very well with each other but they both LOVE the baby. They also think of her as their baby. By the way, both of the babies were unexpected surprises. I think all will work out fine. Congrats!!

First off congrats. Second of all I am not the mom of a late in life baby I am a sibling of one. There is 14 years between my baby brother and I (32&18 now). I can only let you in on how I felt. At first I was mad, but dont loose hope I quickly got over it and all is well. With such an age difference he became "mine" when I got my drivers license I took him everywhere. To this day he calls me for advise, talks to me about things he's not sure how or if he should tell mom and so on. So I leave with my experience and hope you have a happy healthy baby, Good luck and Best Wishes.
S. P.

I am not in that situation myself, but my mom was. I am the oldest of 6 kids. At the time I was 12, I was the oldest of 4 and the youngest was 7. I remember perfectly when my parents sat us down and told us that mom was pregnant again. She has been sick for a couple of months. I was so excited to be having another sister or brother. It was so much fun having another baby in the house. Even though my little sister is much younger then me and the rest we all adjusted fine because we were old enough to understand sharing mom and stuff and mom says we were a lot of help to her. Even though my brother was the youngest and the only son, he enjoyed the roll of big brother. We then had the fun again when we adopted child #6 by then the youngest was 7.

T. congratulations!!! I am 39 w/ a 22, 17 and almost 2 year old. My 22 month old has been such a wonderful blessing in our lives. My 17 yr old had a really hard time after she found out but now adores her little sister. I had a really rough time emotionally myself during my pregnancy but once she was born all the apprehension that I had melted away. Our family loves her so much and she has brough so much fun into our lives. Your kids may or may not be happy about it at first but as long as you do the best you can to spend alone time with each one now and after the baby is born they should adjust just fine because they will know and feel the love that you have for each of them.

Good Luck!!!

I'm 35 and have an 8 month old, 12 year old and 16 year old...my oldest child has been thrilled from the get-go. My middle child is still working to adjust, although now that my youngest is mobile, babbling more and interacting its gotten easier as I'm sure it will continue to do with time. Kids adjust, try not to worry.

Good luck!

My husband was 11 years old when his brother was born. And it was harder on him because he was a only child, but today they are the best of friends. My husband is 29 and his brother is 18 and my husband would be the first to say that he wouldn't change it in any way.
But his parents, his mom was 40 and his dad 39 when his brother was born and they are now in there late 50's counting the days down, for him to go off to college. They are very ready for retirement and to enjoy there lifes together!!
I would be more concerned about yourself then your kids, his mom had a hard pregancy with his brother and the doctors say that it was because of her age. She was a very active, healthy lady and she was put on bed rest in the last trimester.

T.,
In February we welcomed our 3rd baby too. She was also a surprise. I have 2 boys, 12 & 10. I really worried about how we would all adjust considering our lives were so busy revolving around their lives and activities. But rest assured, that it will be okay. They are now the best big brothers ever. They WANT to play with her, feed her, change her, bath her. It is wonderful to see them around a baby. It has also helped them see how much we did for them and how much we love(d)them. I think they have a new respect for my husband and I. Good luck, and don't worry, God won't give you what more than you can handle.
J.

Twenty six years ago my youngest daughter was born. Her older sisters were 14, 12 and 5. My husband had just went into business for himself and we didn't have health insurance coverage when I was shocked to find myself pregnant.

That little girl is now 26 years old, she is the family favorite. She has the best disposition and a ton of friends and loves being the "baby" of the family. She basically grew up hanging out with her oldest sister. The older one took her everywhere with her once she turned about two or three years old.

I told her older siblings that we were going to have another baby while we were seated in church so that they couldn't scream. The oldest one was always afraid that strangers would think that she was the mother and would make a point of saying "Go to your mommy" if we were out in public.

Someone told me that those "surprise" late in life babies always turn out to be a real gift...she certainly has been a lot of fun and definitely the one that is closest to me. She was indeed a real blessing!

Best Wishes!
P.

I had my five year old twins at 38. I have two older step sons that live with us-they are now 18 and 14. At first, the adjustment seem to go very smoothly. They loved having a baby brother and baby sister. However, I will say that as time went by, my middle son did experience some jealousy because he was no longer the baby and my older son resented having to "help" with the twins. This may have just been because there were two of them and it was a lot of work and my time was so devoted to the two of them that the older boys really had to rely on themselves a lot and do a lot of things for themselves. Now, for the most part, they all get along well. The 18 year old even takes them places from time to time. They still bicker and argue, just like any siblings will, but they love their brother and sister very much and wouldn't trade them for anything. They were also very excited that we were having twins when I was pregnant. Good luck and I hope it all works out for you!

I just had to write because my mom was 40 when she had me, and she already had 4 boys. My youngest brother is 14 years older than me. I must admit, my entire family has always said I was a SURPRISE blessing! I think your children will be so excited. I know my brothers have always WATCHED over me...it was kind of like having 4 extra dads :) Just know that GOD has a plan and that your child will be a true blessing to your family! Best wishes and God bless

First and foremost...CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! I have 2 boys that are 18 years apart - they are now 19 and 1 year old. I was 36 when I had my most recent bundle of joy (the docs had told me I'd probably never be able to conceive again!) I was so afraid to tell Michael I was pregnant (he was a senior in high school.) When I did, he was so excited- he'd always wanted to be a big brother! Your children may not be thrilled at first, but as other posters have said, once they get their hands on the baby, their hearts will melt! I wish you the best of luck and am sending many prayers your way.

Congratulations to the whole family! I was 43 when I was surprised by a pregnancy that gave us our now 18 month boy. My daughter was 20 and my son was 17. After the shock wore off they were excited. Your older kids will definitely adjust. You will find that this baby is such a blessing. My kids come home from college on the weekends just to see their baby brother. I don't use them as free babysitters. When they are available to babysit, which is rare since they are in college during the school year or working during the summer, I pay them even though I believe that they would do it for free. It will take adjusting on your part as well, but that's why we carry them for 9 months. Best wishes for an easy pregnancy and delivery. You all are so very blessed.

I am the fourth child in my family and my mother had the 5th when I was nine and she was 45. It was the best thing that happened in my whole childhood! Your kids may not be thrilled at first, but really, who can resist a baby?

Hi T.,

I had a late one, too. We had a 10 year old son and an 8 year old son when our last son was born. He is now 3 years old. When we told the boys, we asked them what they thought of us having a baby. They were jumping for joy! I was glad someone was happy about it, because I had just gotten a call from the doctor and we were in shock. I was 43 when Paul arrived. I'm sure they'll be thrilled. And by the way, the fact that they're old enough to help out with te baby is a double bonus. You can get some relief and they will understand the responsibilities of abstinence:) It is a good thing at the ages your children are. Congrats and good luck!

Peace,
C.

I have a surprise baby who's now 6. My oldest daughter is 21, then there's a 16-year-old, 14-year-old, and a 10-year-old. It's a little different than your situation because there's a kid in the middle so it's not such a striking gap, but the oldest was very against the whole idea of a baby. I wasn't thrilled, either, but now I couldn't imagine life without the youngest one. They all came around once the baby was born. I wouldn't tell them until you're a few months along and past most danger of miscarriage. That's plenty of time to get adjusted, anyway. Don't burden the older ones with too much baby care. You can start to have them assume more household chores already, though, such as helping with laundry.

Hi T., I am also having a baby late in life, but this is my first child, which is due on my 40th birthday! Although I don't have older children at home, I bet you they will be thrilled to have a baby, especially your daughter, and just think, you will have two built-in babysitters! How far along are you? I'm nearly 9 weeks and am having a pretty tough time. I keep telling myself, "you should have done this when you were younger!" I'm struggling through the morning sickness, nausea (all day) and exhaustion. I would be curious if this pregnancy is any different for you than your younger pregnancies. Is it really harder as we age, or am I just a baby? :-) Good luck with your pregnancy! The good news with being "AMA" (advanced maternal age) is you get lots of special care from your doctor.

I had my first at 27 and my second at 40, 3rd at 42. My older daughter was thrilled with the first one, and when I told her I was pregnant with the second her response was "my babysitting rates are going up". She was great with them, and they thought of her as fairy godsister, still do. They're now 35, 20, and 19. The younger ones still look up to their big sister, who is available for advice that sounds better from her than the old folks. They should love being big brother and sister after the initial shock. Have a great time. You'll be more tired, but you'll be more patient too.

It sounds like you're getting wonderful advice and feedback. I too want to assure you, life will be good for you and your family. I was also born late in my mom's life(she was 43). My oldest brother was 16 years older...and the youngest was 5 years older. The youngest and I have always had a close relationship...and the older siblings became closer as we got older. They also loved having a 'baby' sister who was a blessing, accident....another member of the family.
You have been blessed! Now you'll another child to care for you in your later years:) I also felt I helped keep my parents very young....and active. Just think about...so many parents feel so sad when they have the empty nest. You will have a nest for a long time. You also have siblings who will be there for your child and help out.

T.,

Although I am 34 I have a 14 year old, 9 year old and a 2 year old child. When I told my other two children they were going to be a big sister/brother my 9yo son made sure everyone knew that he wanted a baby brother. My daughter really wanted a sister but said that she didn't care. They got a baby sister and now my 9yo will not leaver her alone and my 14yo is old enough to help with the diaper changes and bathing or anything else she can think of. I thought it was going to be tough for my oldest seeing as where we only have a 3 bed room house and that meant she had to share a room but, she has adjusted and just LOVES her baby sister. Not only do I have children that have 12 years between them BUT I myself have a sister that is 12 1/2 yrs younger and a brother that would have been 14 1/2 yrs younger (he passed at 11mo), I was upset at first but as soon as they came home I fell right into groove of having little siblings that I could help take care of and took advantage of it. Don't worry, after the initial shock I am sure your children will love the new addition to the family!! GOOD LUCK & BEST WISHES!!