Fear of Dying and Not Seeing My Children Grow Up

You are not alone. I have the same anxiety. My daughter is almost 9 months old. I almost wonder if this is some sort of postpartum depression. She is my only child, so this is all new to me. I think I am afraid of wearing out my Doctor's patience. My husband and father both lost their mothers early. The thought of it makes me scared beyond belief. I don't have any advice to offer. I just wanted to let you know you are not alone. Hang in their it has to get better. That's what I keep telling myself.

Only men have prostates. I think you are probably suffering from post-partum depression or a mental condition, not something that is physical. You are taking small symptoms and creating huge problems. I would advise to have a couple of therapy sessions.

B.,

My suggestion would be to watch movie "The Secret". It is a very powerful documentary that I think will help you to stop your fears. I just watched this movie and I am very impressed with it. The website is www.thesecret.tv. You can watch a trailer their and either watch on the Internet for $4.95 (or something like that) or buy a dvd for $29.95.

Good luck!

T.

B.,
i have read all of your post since joining, about 2 months now. You seem to have so much guilt. Your guilty about working and leaving the girls in daycare,about dividing your time with them, spending time with your husband. I really think you should talk to your ob/gyn. I think he can help you or send you to someone who can. You don't seem to be enjoying life at all. I know things get overwhelming. I worry about my girls to . What if something happened to me or my husband? But you can't let it take away you joy with them now. I hope you talk to someone soon. I really want a happy life for you and your family. Prayer and reliance on god is very important too when going through trials and tribulation. You have to start looking at the positive in your situation. We all have doubts and worries but we can't let it consume our lives. What will be left for us and our family? Your girls deserve a happy mom who can make them happy. The best to you.

You mentioned praying to God, so I am going to assume you believe in Him. That is a wonderful start! Your prayer to Him needs to change though, and change how often you pray it! God is the Great Physician, He can heal all things, even bring you back from kissing death! Pray that He will heal you rather than just let you hang around on Earth for a few more years. I have seen him take a dying child with a disease that has a less than 10% mortality rate and completely heal him. This boy contracted something back in March while on a cruise. When he returned, he became ill to the point that his parents felt they need to take him into the ER where he was given top priority and immediately started on antibiotics, even before the doctor saw him. He steadily got worse and was transferred to Wolfson's, where he was placed in ICU and was just going down hill. Our entire church was praying for him as well as our missions scattered all over the world. God hears prayer, B., even when se think what we ask is impossible. That little boy has now made almost a complete recovery, he is still healing, but he gave his life to the Lord and was baptized this past Sunday.

I know I will never doubt the power of prayer again! God is so good and He wishes to bless each and every day!

Please email me if you do not have a church home, I would love to invite you to mine.

May God bless you!
S. @>--->-----

Wow. I was googling this same topic. My issue is I am a male and have the same problem. I eat a pack of tums a day worrying that I will not see my 3 yr old son grow up. I spend every night praying that I can see him grow. I have chest pains, panic attacks, and more. My abdomen hurts on a daily basis, my chest gets these pains I think is a heart attack, and I go to the bathroom 5+ times a day. All because I dont want to die and not see my son grow. I do trust his mom, but not like I trust myself with him. She is not a compassionate person. She gets that from her mother. I cuddle my son every night. I want to be with him 24/7. My issue is I drink a lot and I smoke. I drink to cope with the fact that I wont be around forever. But I know the more I drink, the less amount of time I will have with my son. What do I do?

B.,

You sound overwhelmed by your fears. Please call your OBGYN's office. You know yourself well, and when you say it could be the result of having 2 children 19 months apart...it is worth looking into treatment for Post Partum Depression. Your hormones could certainly be out of whack, and Post Partum Depression is very real, and very treatable.

Good luck, and enjoy your beautiful children.

Reading your words almost descibes my life! You have alot of good advice here. I have two girls, a 28 month old and a 8 month old, both are healthy and happy (unlike me). My husband is the same way as yours, little patience with the girls and would rather go do his own thing (like ride his motorcycle). He works a second job so he won't have to take care of the girls while I work. We tried daycare before, but it's just too much hastle with getting them in and keeping them there. I'd have to leave work for one reason or another and pick them up because they couln't stay and I'd still have to pay for the days/weeks they weren't there.

I didn't have problems with my first, but my second was another story. It wasn't until the last month, but she decided to turn breach within the last week. I had to be monitored, but she did turn back, and I avoided a section. Also, I was borderline gestational diabetic and put on a diet. I had to prick my finger 3 times a day until induction. I went into labor the night before and avoided that fun too.

Over the next few months I got a periodic stabbing pain in my back. It would only last a few hours, so I thought nothing of it at first. Then, I had a week where in went into the ER four times in a row. Each time the pain was worse and a different diagnosis. Finally, on the last night, I was doubled over in pain and nothing was helping so, they scheduled me for an ultrasound. They found out I had a really sick gall bladder and, since I hadn't had anything to eat, prepped me for surgery. I was scared, didn't know what to expect, and I hadn't seen my girls since the night before. I've had a few side effects from the removal, but they're slowly working themselves out. I even joined a health club!

Your stomach and chest pains may be a form of acid reflux from not having your gall bladder. The excessive urinating my be an overactive bladder type problem but, as others have said, not your prostate because you're a woman. If you're seen at Eglin, maybe you need to change doctors or your group. I used to be family health, but I changed over to family medicine. They seem to be a little more informed and actually listen to what I say.

It also sounds like you need a break, at least once a day for at least an hour. I get mine when I work out! :) Also, check in with the family support groups on base. Just having someone to talk to at least once a week, like I do, can help out alot. It gives you the chance to gets things/worries off your chest and get some one on one advice in return. They love seeing the little ones too!
You may also want to look into getting a will done in case of an accidental death. You can specify who you want your children to go to and it'll ease your mind. I'm not real fond of my in-laws either, but neither one of my parents have the time or the room.
Most of all, keep praying and cherish every moment you have with your little ones! God Bless!

B.,

I really hope you can find out what your ailments are from, hopefully since your Dr isn't too concerned it shouldn't be anything major. You can rest assured though that it's not prostate cancer, since you don't have a prostate (only males do)! I am sure having your babies so close together could be causing some of your issues, I have heard it takes a woman's body 2 plus years to recover from pregnancy and since you got pregnant again prior to that your body may be having a harder time recouping. All I can say is that you should focus on every moment you have with your children, we never know what may happen and dwelling on it keeps us from living every moment!

~ C.

You should really tell your doctor ALL of those concerns. Every single one of them. Good luck!

I agree with Kimberly..we all do have those fears and you do need to take care of your self. I don't know much about all of your possible aliments, but your chest pains could be a sign of anxiety attacks. You should definately check out all the resources Kimberly mentioned and your hormones are still going. I had alot of problems after my second, they really through you for a loop. I started seeing a therapist and got put on zolof by my docotor. It has helped alot. I didn't want to do it, but it helped and made me a better mother. Good luck with your search and I will pray for your health.

have your kidneys checked!!! i sympathize with you.i have been sick on and off since my kids were babies.they are 19 and 17 now.i was on kidney dialysis when they were 2 and 4 and after 3 years of that,my brother gave me a kidney and it lasted for 10 yrs.i am currently on dialysis again.just started in dec.06.i used to get lower back pain and it was caused from UTI's (urinary tract infections) and kidney infections.try drinking cranberry juice or they have cranberry juice pills called AZO and see if that helps.even though my kids are teens now i still worry i will die at a young age and not see them graduate high schol or get married and have kids.when your sick alot its all you can think about.but definitely have some blood work done or go to your dr.good luck.

B.,
Quit focusing on dying! Talk to God and thank him for healing your body! Think of the many blessings in your life! Speak out loud the positive!! I have a neighbor who found out he has pancreatic cancer a few months ago. The doctors gave him no hope and said he would die by July! I and my church have been praying for him. I have given him several scriptures on healing and I have given him a positive speaking book, When ye pray book and When ye fast book! I don't know if he read them but I have prayed for him just about everyday. I had such a burden for him and then I went to our Ladies Conference and went through a prayer line of many,many women who were healed of cancer and muscular distrophy! The LORD said he is healed. The doctors found positive results in his test and he will be around for Christmas!! I believe God is healing his body everyday. Get on your knees and speak out Loud and Say I command this fear of dying to leave me in the name of Jesus!! The name of Jesus is the most powerful name in earth, in heaven and under the earth! I have seen healings in my life and I know that God does and will answer your prayer. For God did not give us the spirit of fear but of power and of love and of a sound mind. I pray this scripture all the time because I also deal with fear at times! God is an awesome God and he does heal today!! You will be around for your children but you must quit speaking the negative and thank God for a long life and you will see your children grow. Let his will be done in your life. I will be praying for you!
God Bless you and your family
L. Jacobs

B.,
I think that all you pains and such is from your constant worrying! Maybe part of it can be post-partum depression! I have read all of you posts on here since I have been a member, which is about a year now. You do EVERYTHING! I think you need to relax, enjoy life! Take time w/ your husband, and on a Saturday on Sunday morning, take time for you! I am not saying going out, take a bath, read a book, or just outside by yourself for an hour. Being a mother, wife, cook, house cleaner, driver, etc. Takes a lot on you! I love my children, but I enjoy my time w/o them. I work about 30 hours a week, but then that is the time my husband has w/ them. If you are that concerned about your health and dying, do something about it! Go to the doctor, go see a therapist! You can't be doing it all if you aren't in the right mindset! You need to take care of you first in this situation, the girls will appreciate it that their mommy wants to feel better! And your husband will just have to step up to the plate if you have appts. or whatever! Why don't you get along w/ his family? Let me be the first to say, I don't care much for my mother-in-law, but she adores my kids, and I am not going to mess that up. And yes it is a scary thought that we won't be around for our kids, but it is a part of life. Plese do something about this situation, I feel it is only going to get worse for you, if you feel that strong about it. Sorry if I was rude, but I feel that if you have the time to ask us girls about your feelings, you have the time to chat with a doctor! M., mom of 3

Dear B.,
I am sorry for the physical opportunities you are having. After reading about the fear you have, I couldn't help but think about the great healing and deliverance that is available from God. We don't hear enough in our culture of the power of believing the promises from God's Word. Fear is an enemy more than sickness. And believing is a law - what you believe in the depth of your heart, will come to pass - this works for both positive and negative believing. Why not try the positive method of believing? I have listed some verses for you to read and confess every time that fear creeps up. As you do, watch the negative believing drop off and the positive believing become a reality. God's Word is POWERFUL and when spoken on the lips of believing will absolutely produce dynamic positive results (remember Moses parting the red sea or Jesus healing the blind - those records are not stories, they really happened and it is the same God today!) God delights to deliver His people.
Here's some great scriptures:
2 Timothy 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind
Proverbs 29:25 The fear of man bringeth a snare: but whoso putteth his trust in the LORD shall be safe.
3 John 1:2 Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth.
I will keep you in my prayers and am available to speak with if you are interested!
God bless you,
M.
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I feel the same way. After I got pregnant I have been terrified of car wrecks and I would rather sit in traffic than go 80 on the interstate. My husband just left on deployment to Africa so I am in an apartment by myself with the baby for another 2 weeks and all I think about before I go to sleep is what my escape route would be if there were a fire in the building. I am so glad to hear that someone has the same thoughts and fears as me! I did have a cousin on my step mothers side that was scared of her husband dying in a car wreck on his way to work and things like that. She ended up going to a therapist and it helped her a lot. Thanks for sharing that! It helps me to not feel so crazy. I think part of it is that we love our kids so much we want to see every minute of their lives. Just imagine what it will be like if they go away to college!!

B.,

I am sorry about your worries and fears. It is normal to have a certain level of fear in life... that is what keeps us safe from danger, helps motivate us or steer us in a right direction, but I believe you are right. You have an unhealthy and unreasonable amount of fear that is controlling and ruining your life. There are no guarantees in life. Sure, sometimes tragedy or challenges face us, but it sounds like you are waiting for it to happen and you are frozen with fear.

I believe mental and physical health are connected. It could be that you are experiencing depression coupled with exhaustion from having two little ones. I bet your mindset is contributing to your physical aches and pains (not that I don't believe you have a legitimate concern with your physical health... I'm sure after birthing two children, taking care of them, etc., your body is not the same). BUT, how you deal with it mentally is key.

I am not an expert on this, but I would seek professional help... a doctor who could help give you tips on dealing with stress and anxiety in your life and maybe see a doctor who could give you a second opinion about your physical concerns. I believe talking with a professional will help ease your mind.

You have two healthy children, a husband, and a roof over your head. That is alot to be thankful for. Please don't let your fears strip you of everyday joy! When you are so consumed with fear and worry, you can't be truly enjoying the moment. Take action now... go get some help and take care of yourself. You are worth it! I hope you feel better soon.
P.S. Keep up your faith as well...that will hopefully give you strength and positive thoughts.

Sincerely,
Becky

Hi B.:
First, B., you have had several things go wrong medically which makes all moms anxious. Then what I hear you say is that you have little back up support in case something did happen to you and that you feel alone in terms of raising the children.

I too, had a fear of dying when my children were small. I toughed it out, but I still remember the great stress it caused me. I think you have 3 routes to go. You can continue to carry the fear and keep telling yourself the real odds of your dying before the children are somewhat independent are slim. You can seek help, and as a retired mental health professional, I would suggest you do that. There are medicines that help anxiety. It would be worth a try. You could also try group therapy. I think what I was impressed with is the amount of suffering I remember so well from having the same fear, and how lmuch I wish I would've admitted it and gotten some medicine. Now that my kids are grown, I still give thanks to the Lord that I was able to raise them. They are adopted and I kept thinking what a bum rap it would've been if they had lost their biological mother, and then lose their adoptive mother....It wasn't realistic thinking really, but fear seldom is.

God bless
B.

first of all...women cant have prostate cancer so you dont have to worry about that.. Women dont have a prostate. Has your doctor ran any tests on you to check further into your symptoms. I had two csections which leave me with constant back pain...maybe you should check into having your doctor run some tests to ease your mind.

After having children your back tends to be tender alot of times sometimes it has to do with being hydrated drink lots of water. Aolt of parents have those fears. Me personally when my kids do things that could hurt them i can picture the worst litteraly in my mind. Its ok fears are a part of life we couldnt get by without them just hold the babies everynight and tell them you love them. 25 year old mother of 4 I have had a scare of cervical cancer so sister girl ive been their just pray to God and thank him for every wonderful person and thing in your life.God loves you. REMEMBER THAT

Hi B.,

I also had the same fears. While I was pregnant with my second child, my beautiful 2 year old daughter, I was diagnosed with a rare and potentially fatal immunity disorder, pemphigus vulgaris. I was so anxious that I would die before I could see my son throw a football, then only 2 years old, or see my daughter get married. I couldn't sleep, it was all I thought about. What would happen if I died...who would take care of my kids...not my husband...he's not worthy..not patient enough...all these thoughts went through my head. But STOP!!! Trust me. First and foremost, find out if there is anything to worry about...go to a doctor and get tests done. Secondly, always have a plan for your children. They are our most precious assets! Even if you were not sick...you could get hit by a car tomorrow, or trip and fall the wrong way. You never know what tomorrow brings. I recommend you write up a living will. My only advise for whom to leave your most precious assets with is this.......Who is like you??? The only person who can raise your children like you is someone who shares the same values. Don't just leave your children with someone just because you feel obligated. I sat down and ponder over this for months. My most likely choice was the worst choice. You need to look at the people in your life who would raise your children as you would. And trust me once you have this done and know there is a plan for your children most of your worries will dissipate. Then you can start to enjoy all the time you have now with them. God forbid, you were to leave this planet with your children only remembering an anxious mommy...spend time with them, love them....those are the memories they need and crave! Hope this helps!

I think you might have some anxiety issues. I have them really bad and that's kinda how I feel a lot.

How is your nutrition? Are you taking good supplements? You totally might want to look into this product: Peter Gillham's Natural Calm www.petergillham.com

Also take a good B, I recommend Solaray's B100 You can get both of these products at Native Sun or the Vitamin Shoppe.

Other than that I would recommend seeing a mental health counselor along with going to your primary care provider and having them run blood and urine and check you out. That's what I had to do. I am really healthy and hopefully you will be too and it will give you peace of mind! And you don't have a prostate (unless you produce seminal fluid :)....so that's one less thing for you to worry about.

Take care and stop worrying...do some yoga and relax. You have a lot on your plate and your babies need you to be healthy and strong!!!!

B.,
My heart goes out to you. I know fear can have a crippling effect. I think you know the answer because you stated you pray to God for help. I will be praying for your health & that God will take this fear away from you. The Bible says God does not give us a spirit of fear(2 Timothy 1:7). It's not always easy to turn something over to God. My suggestion is to continue to pray for God's healing touch & removal of the fear in your life. Rebuke the fear. Say to yourself (I'm not going to be scared, I am going to enjoy today w/ my beautiful girls). One day you'll wake up without fear. God Bless You!
-S.

First, know that we ALL have those fears... I don't know one mom out there who hasn't had all the same thoughts you have! Especially when you're dealing with the stress of two kiddos under 19 mths! Besides, you are definitely still hormonal from your last child, especially if you're nursing. But you can't let that fear run your life. Second, you have to take good care of yourself, because you are their mom and want to live a long, healthy life! That means seeing doctors about the issues you're having, seeing chiropractors or massage therapists for your back and making sure that you have your annual physical/blood tests/gynecologists appts. so that you have the advantage of finding something early if it does happen. It also means seeing a counselor or therapist if you think you really need help with post-partem depression or the other fears and issues you have. There is nothing wrong with getting the help you need! You'll feel so much better when you do!
Good luck,
K.