Child’s mother caught the friend on monitor while nursing newborn upstairs and then asked friend about whether she shared? This was a one time thing, but felt like I had been spied on. I am very close to the child and basically treat as my own. I feel bad about it because my friend was upset at me for doing this! What should I do?
So, you are the friend? Why did you word it like that?
Some people would prefer their baby not be exposed to other people’s germs at the height of the flu season when so many small children with underdeveloped immune systems are dying from the flu. As a mom, I don’t know that I ever shared my utensils with my own child. Why would you think this is okay? I’d be miffed too.
I'm assuming you are the one who shared the spoon?
Just apologize and let it go. I get it, to an extent. I mean, yes we should be a little more careful about germs, but really ... little ones need germs in order to build their immune system. Sometimes being too careful about germs can actually cause kids to get sick more often. There are plenty of worse things that a child could put in his/her mouth!
You're not being spied upon. You nursed in what I will assume is the nursery?
You're upset over the camera. She's upset with you sharing your germs with her child. Obviously, this woman doesn't feel as close to you as you do to her and her child.
You apologize. You tell her it won't happen again. It's really simple.
sounds like drama all round, really. 'caught' on the monitor? 'spied on'?
if everyone stands down, this is a pretty minor incident.
i shared spoons with my kids all the time (still do if i walk past and one of 'em is eating something i want.) but they were my kids. i do get how someone else might be squicked out by it.
it's not science-based to consider your own kids (and yes, those of family friends) to be immune to your cooties, but it's also fairly common.
i think the mom ought to cool her jets, and you need to not feed into it. 'oh, sorry! i wasn't thinking. i promise not to do it again' ought to fix everything.
if it doesn't, then there's more going on.
khairete
S.
I'm assuming you shared the spoon, you were on a monitor and you were questioned.
With the flu going around now, I get it but honestly... I think someone is wound up a little too tightly.
Kids don't need to be wrapped in bubble wrap.. they need exposure to germs to up there immunities.
Apologize and let it go. This should not be a deal breaker and if it is... consider yourself lucky.
God only knows what other action will set this person off.
I would apologize and reassure the mom that you will never do that again.
S.
Welcome to mamapedia..
I don't get your post. You were nursing YOUR child in another room, there was a camera in that room and you were eating while nursing and the other kid came in and you shared your yogurt with her child, is that right? The child is a year and a half old?
1. You're not being spied upon. If this person is close and you see their child as your own? You would know the camera is there.
2. Did you LIE about sharing the spoon? if so, why?
3. While I personally wouldn't do it, I know there are many people that do "share" spoons and forks with young children. There are several strains of flu that are going around and killing people.
What should you do? You apologize. You tell her you were breast feeding and didn't want to get up and get a spoon for her. You now know she doesn't like that and it won't happen again.
It's hard to tell who is who in this.
Sharing a spoon isn't good especially with the flu and what ever else is going around.
It's a hygiene thing.
Sure kids put all sorts of things in their mouths and 9 times out of 10 it's not a big deal.
But I wouldn't share spoons with anyone but a family member.
You might feel embarrassed that you were caught doing something the mom didn't approve of but a mom can monitor her kids.
What should you do?
Realize the mom isn't ok about spoon sharing with her kids, apologize, and don't do it again.
Just say "Sorry, I did it without thinking about it and it won't happen again".
Additional:
The mom has a younger child whom she's nursing.
I don't think there's a single mom here who didn't go through a 'being hyper about germs' stage for awhile after giving birth - and there's nothing wrong with that.
Any germs her older child is exposed to will also be exposed to her younger child - and they might not be vaccinated against whooping cough yet or other things depending how young the baby is.
Whether anyone agrees with it or not is irrelevant.
It's her call to make - just like it was ours when our kids were little.
Just say, I'm sorry, I didn't realize it was a big deal. I won't do it again. Some people freak out about stuff like this. Some people don't care. She obviously is someone who is grossed out by spoon sharing and you didn't know. Now you know.
I'm not sure you were spied on - it's not like she put a monitor next to you with the intent to spy on you. I know when I was nursing, I didn't always have something to look at, so she probably just noticed you feeding her child and caught what you did.
However, it is odd I will say that there was a monitor in the kitchen/dining room? Isn't it? Usually it's the other way around. So that part I don't get. Are you insinuating she was purposefully spying on you? If so, that's different. Then that's a whole other issue altogether and YES very weird.
As for sharing a spoon - my mom always did this. I used to find it a bit odd, because you just don't see it done nowadays. But back then, when they wanted to clean your face, they'd spit into a tissue and wipe your mouth.
I guess it would also depend on your friend's tone. Was she lighthearted about it? Use humor? Or was she accusatory and weird? I dunno. Some moms are germaphobes.
What can you do? I would apologize and say sorry for the spoon part. Don't do it again. Be mindful. As for the spying part -- that would depend if she was purposefully not trusting you with her child. Not sure I'd feel comfortable hanging with someone who didn't trust me.
She probably wasn't staring at the monitor intending to 'spy' on you; she was probably just looking at it as something to do while the baby nursed and she happened to see you sharing the spoon with the child. Just say 'Oh, I didn't think about what I was doing and I'm sorry it upset you. I will remember not to do that again.' Hopefully that's the end of the incident and bad feelings. If not, as Suz said, there's a bigger problem brewing.
A 19 month old doesn't have a good immune system so I can see why the mom was upset over spoon sharing. I watch my 2 younger granddaughters 20+ hrs a week and I will not share drinks or silverware with them especially during the winter due to germs.
If you are truly a friend you would have sincerely told the mom that you were sorry and it would never happen again.
Sorry, I’m gonna go against the group... that’s nasty and I’d be pissed too. Only in a RARE instance do I even share a drink with my own kids/spouse(an example might be a $10 bottle of water at an amusement park when we each just need a sip). I don’t think I’ve ever shared a utensil with anyone. There’s too many communicable diseases/viruses - I’m gonna guess there were other spoons and containers of yogurt in the kitchen - use them next time.
I would let it go, but if you don't feel comfortable with being spied on just say no next time this particular mom asks you to babysit.
i am grossed out by sharing a spoon with my own child!!! so i side with the childs mom. maybe apologize, let her know that it will not happen again and move on from this
What you should do is not share a spoon with the 19 month old.
Look, the mom has a newborn. Her hormones are all over the place. Anything can upset a new mother. So honor her wishes on this. She doesn't want someone's saliva going into her toddler's mouth.
Now, about the monitor. Did you know that where you were sitting there was a monitor watching? If you didn't, that would be quite a shock. Now you know that when you come to her house, you might be monitored. Act accordingly.
When the baby is older and your friend can go out more, especially in warmer weather, meet her other places instead of going to her home. If she asks why, tell her it kind of creeps you out that you are on a monitor. If she gets upset, it tells you a lot about your friend...
Updated
What you should do is not share a spoon with the 19 month old.
Look, the mom has a newborn. Her hormones are all over the place. Anything can upset a new mother. So honor her wishes on this. She doesn't want someone's saliva going into her toddler's mouth.
Now, about the monitor. Did you know that where you were sitting there was a monitor watching? If you didn't, that would be quite a shock. Now you know that when you come to her house, you might be monitored. Act accordingly.
When the baby is older and your friend can go out more, especially in warmer weather, meet her other places instead of going to her home. If she asks why, tell her it kind of creeps you out that you are on a monitor. If she gets upset, it tells you a lot about your friend...
Being close to a friend's child, and treating that child as if she were your own, has nothing to do with sharing utensils while eating. Treating a child as if she were your own implies that you are very familiar with the child (her likes/dislikes), that you take extra good care of her and are watchful over her if you take her for a walk, that you know what toys and books she likes, etc.
None of that excuses the potential sharing of germs. Would you not wash your hands before preparing a snack for the child and say "well, this kid is like my own kid!"? Of course not. Sharing a spoon is not a sanitary practice.
Don't feel badly, just make sure that this doesn't happen again. Hygiene and food safety are important! And don't go crying in tears to your friend. Simply say something like "hey, thanks for the reminder about food safety. I'll be much more attentive next time I feed your baby and I won't share my spoon or hers again!" Then let it go.
