Easily Frustrated 4-Year-old

I am right there with you on this one!! Our 4 year old is doing the same thing and has been since she turned 4. Now that we have a new baby in the house it has only gotten worse.
I really can't give you any advice on it except to tell you to hold your ground. I found that when I loosen up she got worse because it was almost as if she was seeking someone to have that structure for her. I did offer more choices to her and at times that helped, sadly other times it did not.
Good luck!!
From one mom fighting 4 year old battles to another...

Is he getting enough sleep?? My 4 almost 5 year old rarely takes naps at daycare and can be a total animal....a couple nights a week we get her to bed about 30-45 minutes earlier and it helps. we also make her take naps on the weekends and she wakes up totally sweet and can more easily handle the torments of her little sister.

also i have noticed a little peer influence on what she says or does...we nip that in the bud quickly by saying we dont do that/say that in our house....so maybe he is acting out because he sees other friends doing it??

Betti had good advice about giving him options. Kids do like to have some control over their lives-but keep options limited so that he doesn't get too overwhelmed. Continue being consistent in how you respond to the tantrum and help him find ways to communicate his frustrations without the bad behavior. Also, does he seem to get set on a particular routine? Does he usually get dressed before breakfast? Are his daily activities predictable? It might be helpful to talk him through the morning and make a plan- "first we'll get dressed, then have breakfast. After breakfast we need to get on shoes, and get ready to leave..." etc. If he knows what is coming next, he might be less likely to have a meltdown.

Regardless- you really should talk with a pediatrician for advice-if that doesn't seem to help, a child psychologist would be a good option. There are a number of things that could be affecting his functioning. A doctor should be able to give you more information if you give them lots of detail about his mood and the kinds of things that cause him to have a meltdown.

Good luck! Just keep remembering all those smiling times.

have you ever had him checked for bipolar. I pray that I am wrong, but he sounds just like my dauther and she was diagnosed with bipolar. Go to your pediatrition and have a consultation it might be he just is trying to establish himself and see how far he can push you also. hope all gets well for you take care.

If you notice that the behavior continues, I would recommend the book "The Explosive Child" by Ross W. Greene. We have a 9 year old boy that has quite an explosive personality when things don't go his way. The book really, really helped us understand what was going on. We felt the same way- how is this behavior happening since we are calm, loving parents? It's not you, it is the child & how they deal with things. The book was wonderful. Good luck!

It sounds to me like he may want more control over his life. I would suggest giving him a lot of choices within boundaries that you set up. The more freedom he has the less he has to rail against you about. You could for instance ask him, "Do you want to get dressed before or after breakfast?" "Which shoes do you want to wear, the sandals or tennis shoes?" You can also set limits. "We're leaving in 10 minutes no matter what." At the time to leave if he doesn't cooperate, pick him up and put him in the car. If he's in his pajamas without shoes and hasn't eaten breakfast he'll have to deal with that embarrassment at daycare. You might want to warn your daycare provider if this is something you are planning to do. You could leave some clothes there the day before or something, or if they agree he can just go the day in his pajamas. You have to do all this with neutral emotions. This is the most important thing, because if he knows how to push your buttons and get you upset, he won't stop. Being able to control your moods is a lot of power for a 4 year old. What you need to do is model self-control for him so that he can learn self-control. If he acts out agressively you have to calmly and consistently punish him and if he escalates you need to escalate the punishment. Time-outs and losing privileges does work if done right and consistently. When he gets to a point where he has lost more than he is willing to give up and he knows that you are serious and he won't win like he does now by wearing you down, he will obey you. Good luck I know it's really hard work, but be assured you can always outwit a 4 year old. Oh, I forgot, you will have to ignore tantrums with very loud screaming. He'll give that up really quickly after you've stepped over him a few times and not become engaged in his nonsense.