Don't Know Where to Turn??? Husband Doesn't See That We Have a Financial Problem

You should read Dave Ramsey's "Total Money Makeover". My husband is a full commission loan officer. We have always had enough money for all our bills until more recently.

We have cut back and changed lots of things. No more netfliks,eating out, we are selling our jeep (will cut down car insurance), changed insurance companies, cashed in one whole life insurance policy. We stopped our World Vision contribution temporarly. We stopped our dental insurance until more is paid off. Cut back on energy usage (getting a budget billing for electric helped).

We will be cutting off our Direct TV when our contract is up and will be changing our cell phones once our contract is up (have found a better deal).

We just got one credit card paid off and another one close to being paid off. When the jeep is sold we will have 3 total paid off. Plus a little extra in savings.

Start with the smallest amount of debit. Pay it off first. It makes you feel like you have reached a huge step in getting out of debit. Plus it also cuts back the bills a little. With our life insurance gone (we have 2 others) and the one card paid off that is an extra $200 we are not paying out. When we have a good month we take that extra $200 and pay it to the next smaller bill until they will be all gone and all we have left is our mortgage.

We no longer use our credit cards unless it is and emergency like a car breaking down or a doctor visit. We have cut up all but one.

Keep looking where you can make changes. I am also a SAHM, and I will be watching a friends little one for extra cash. I am cheaper than preschool and I can pick up her older kids from school if she needs.

Gods blessings.

1 mom found this helpful

Def. take what the mom said about insurance and your home if you are considering in-home child care....

I also like the pay in cash idea - but paying online and tracking with a spreadsheet might be nice too! I agree that if your husband can see the income and expenses he might be more understanding....

Some great suggestions by moms!! Here are a "few" of mine.

Sorry so lengthy - once I started typing I got interrupted a few times and thought of things while I was away from keyboard!

Another option for you might be selling items via craigslist that you find at thrift stores, yard sales, ebay, or even other craigslist posts (also fyi - there is a "for free" section on craigslist too).

I have a friend that does the thrift store/craigslist gig - makes a couple hundred a week (& has a regular p/t job) ... and another who makes things and sells via ebay, craigslist, etc. (sahm of 6 - does this to make ends meet with her hubby's check.)

It may or may not be tons of money - but if done smart you could possibly make ends meet better. *note - when I sell/buy stuff on craig's - I try to meet at a public place - such as a Starbucks (as there always seem to be people outside) and NEVER give my home address.

Are you a great writer? Perhaps you could offer resume writing services via Craigslist.

Something else to consider:
Perhaps you could get together with another mom - a friend - check into temp/staffing agencies. maybe you could switch days working/watching the kiddos.

A friend of mine started working p/t at a grocery store when her daughter was 2. She goes in at about 2-3 am - and gets off before he hubby leaves for work. He works weekends so has two days off during the week - so they still get to do things together. Perhaps splitting the childcare duties would help?

When I went back to college (as a new and newly divorced mom) I did tons of odd jobs to get by....stocked tortillas at a grocery store, did bookkeeping/accounting for a friend's company, even cleaned some of my working moms friend's houses. Ask around your friends... I tended to find these jobs via networking.

As far as "assistance" goes - as another mom mentioned, there are many different help programs out there. Look up "community resource and referral" - lots of things on there. If you have a kiddo in school - you might qualify for free or reduced lunches... check the school's website. Also, if your kiddo(s) are pre-school age - look into "Head Start" - you might qualify for reduced pre-school which might help you work while he/she/they are in school?

Look up "9 to 2" - it is a staffing company I saw on the news for SAHM's wanting to work part-time while their children are in school....may not be option right away - but when they are in pre-school or higher.

I did debt counseling for years - without knowing your financial specifics...some of these things might not apply, but here some of the things I suggested to clients:

- try to refinance home, car, student loans, personal loans, etc. try to consolidate debt to a lower interest rate and a lower monthly payment.
- if you pay on a car - you might qualify for an extension - this is only a temp. help often times you will not qualify if your debt to income ratio is too high.
- if you are paying on student loans - see if you can qualify for a deferment or forbearance
- even if your "debt is not high enough for bankruptcy" - you might want to try a credit counseling agency (look up "cccs phoenix") - often times they can negotiate with your bank for a lower interest rate/monthly payment if you are not successful on your own.
- talk to your utility company - often times people qualify for a lower rate due to current circumstances
- can you take on a tenant? perhaps a college student you know and trust to be around your kiddos and house? maybe you only have 3 bedrooms - can you bunk the kids to make room for a tenant? *maybe even trade off sitting 1-2 days a week for lower rent so you can do a temp gig?
- maybe cancel your home phone and have a lower cost family mobile plan
- talk to your insurance agent about lowering rates - or shop around!
- lower your cable/internet to the bare min. I think cox is about 39.99 for basic high speed and minimal cable TV (if you must have)
- shop grocery store ads - buy in bulk, if it makes sense. Produce is better quality/price at sprout's IMO =)
- if you have two car payments - see if you can reduce that to one - or trade down to lower your monthly payment.
- take a look at your husband's tax withholdings - you might want to opt for less tax for a short period of time (but be careful - you don't want to end up owing in April!) - talk to someone you trust who is well versed in taxes if you have difficulty figuring it out on your own.

Good luck!!

1 mom found this helpful

Along the same theme, if you don't want to be home doing daycare because of the wear and tear on your house, you can go to area gyms and you should be able to work in their daycare and bring your kids with you. This was the perfect solution when my kids were young to be able to make a little money and be with them. You will definitely be building up there immunity too being around many other kids. Just don't let them take items like hair brushes or hats due to the fact that they could get lice. I did this work for almost five years and my kids did get lice, but only once due to someone else using my daughters brush that she'd left on a shelf.

You sound like you are really doing most of what you can do. My thoughts and prayers are with you, I know financial struggles are hard.

Take care,
K.

1 mom found this helpful

He there T J
First of all I'm no expert especially because we just filed bankrupcy. However i completlly understand when you were talkting about trying to get your husband to see what's going on. I had the same problem and after talking to one of my friends her husband is doing the same thing. One thing we did that really helped is dealing with cash, not even a debit card or a checkbook. I know it seems harsh but when it's in your hand and you see it going so quick it puts a new perspective on it. I also started making him go to the grocery store to get moneyorders for our bills (because I stoped writing checks). They only cost like $.50 but when I had to send him to get one for SRP, the city, car, house, insurance etc he started REALLY seeing how many bills and how little money we had. I know it's got to be hard when they work all day and feel they still can't provide for their families. You and I know it's not anything they are doing wrong it's just how things are right now. I keep reminding my husband about this and he seems grateful that I understand what he's going through. I don't want to scare you but money seems to be one of the biggest killers in a marriage. So keep the conversations open and calm =) Although I'll say again I'm not an expert. It seems we are in simlar situations as are alot of other couples. My husband also makes just a couple hundred over although because we pay for insurance though his work we are not even getting what they consider take home pay ahhhhh!
Good luck and just remember you are not alone. My motto in life latley is "This too shall pass" it sounds corny but it helps sometimes.

1 mom found this helpful

We had planned for me to stay home full-time when we had our daughter (6.4 months old now) but we just couldn't cut it financially. We found a happy medium of me working 18 hours a week. Although most daycare CENTERS won't provide rates for part-time care, most in-home providers will. We have a wonderful woman who watches our daughter and 3 other kids in her home and we pay per day. Also, if your husband is reliably home in the evenings, you could get a part-time job then and he could be home therefore- no sitter needed! My husband is a pilot in the AF so not at all reliable as far as schedule goes so we had to go with a sitter during the day. There are a lot of options, it will just take some figuring out. I got stuck with debt from a direct selling attempt, too, so I know how you feel! Best of luck and feel grateful you were able to stay home as long as you were!

1 mom found this helpful

I was in a similar situation. I was the one working and my husband the one home. He went back to work but we are still digging ourselves out of our debt. Since you are a stay at home mom maybe you can babysit a few hours for someone else or dog sit or something of that nature. there are always parents in need of babysitting or after school babysitting. Depending on the area you are in being down to one vehicle is really hard. We currently have one vehicle and luckily my husband has a job that provides transportation so that helps. We do shop yard sales and clip coupons but we also have an extended family that helps out a lot. If it wasn't for them I don't know how worse off we would be. (We have 6 kids at home 5-19)I am sure there is something that will fit your situation. Going back to work is good, maybe look for a part time job and most daycares run on a sliding fee scale and we too were just over the income level for assistance by a couple hundred dollars. Keep praying and something will come your way.

my sister does child care out of her home. She takes on 4-5 kids, gets to stay home with her children and makes good money. Worth looking into!

Check out my web site and if it looks like something that may interest you, complete the form. If will contact you. Moms can make a big income from home with our company. We have the BBB Torch Award!

S. Fatovich
www.CareerMomsatHome.biz

Hi TJ
I too am a stay at home mom of 3. I also Homeschool. I have been working from home now for 1 1/2 years and am brining in a great income. I work everyday for about 3-4 hours. I have also saved over $5000 in the last year!! WOOHOO
I would be happy to share more info with you.
See my website at
www.BeHomeNow.biz

I would love to share more with you!
HUGS
Taffy

I agree with the PPs, perhaps if you did inhome daycare, or even a day camp a couple times a week. I used to send my oldest (now 6) to a day camp once a week from 8-12. She charged $15 a week/day, had playtime, reading, a craft and she fed the kids lunch (she had 5 kids in the camp) Maybe if you did this 2-3 times a week, you could have the kids camp in the morning and it would still keep your afternoons open to run errands and such.

I know you mentioned it and that it didn't work for you, but I do direct selling for extra money. Direct selling isn't something that works out for everyone, but it does for me.

Hi TJ, I'm an insurance agent and would NOT suggest starting a daycare in your home. Most insurance companies will not even insure a home that has a daycare. The liability risk is high and not worth it. Don't think that someone won't sue you over something small and if a child gets hurt on your property, you could lose everything! That being said, have you shopped around your home/auto insurance rates? I have been able to save most people at least $100 per month so it may be worth checking into. Good luck getting hubby on board...you guys both need to be aware of what's going on and both be doing something about it. Good luck!

When I was in your situation (with little ones at home) that is what I did run a daycare from my home. Especially if you love children and do not want to leave yours it is a great option.

HI TJ, We have been in the same situation. I hear you loud and clear. I had to put it down on paper and show it to my husband in black and white. Before you go back, keep a notebook, both of you to see where the money goes. You buy ANYTHING write it down, that helps because you see where your money is going for sure. Then if that is still showing you need to go back to work then look. I did have to go back to work and the way we do it is we work opposite schedules. It is hard for our family, but it is short term and we are digging out. We have two little ones as well. Good Luck

What are your talents???? or hobbies?
I started my own business out of the house, and you can pretty much do anything out of the house.
Set up a website, to get the word out. Make some flyers. you can keep it pretty inexpensive to start.
I did little by little to get the word out, but start with ppl you know, family, church, can put flyers or cards up at the grocery stores (they always have a board).
You can get websites that you design yourself (pretty easy). Yahoo.com/smallbusiness is $9.95 a month for the first yr. then goes to $13.95 after that. Vistaprint.com has websites, you get the first month free then it is $4.99 month. Through vistaprint you can get cards and stuff to match your site so everything stays in sinc with your biz.
Good Luck!!

You've gotten a lot of good advice, and I just wanted to add my two cents - since I was in your position! I was a SAHM and we weren't making it at all... we were in the hole every month, it was sad. I had some options, just like you do... and I actually experienced all of them.

One: I worked at a preschool that offered a worth-while employee discount, most of them do offer up to 50-75% off and the pay is okay min-wage (I started at $7.75 and went to $9.50), and it was great to have my kids nearby when they were little.

Two: Then after about 4 years of preschool, once the kids were in school till 2pm, I worked the night shift 9pm-6am (slept in till 1pm) Sun-Thurs at Wal-Mart since they don't change your schedule from week-to-week (like Fry's, a union), and they actually pay okay for the night shift (I started at $10.60 for cashier, more $$ for stocking) it is an incredibly easy job. I'd recommend it to anyone as it was Very Easy Work for a great paycheck and benefits - especially because there's no cost from paying childcare!

Three: Now that my kids are older and they and my hubby missed me being home at night... I care for 2 babies at home during the day. Both at $135 per week = $540 bi weekly (I have experience in preschool teaching curriculum - NOT just watching tv/playing games all day! And because I watch them from 7:00-5:30) Mon-Fri.. that's 10+ hour days of raising someone else's child, being the best you can be to both them and your own). You Do Not have to watch a lot of children to make enough money to get out of the hole! Please don't, in fact, because then it is not good quality for them or you and your family.

Good luck - you know there's a solution!

I'm not sure if when you talk about assistance you mean just from the government. There are organizations that help people who may be above the cut off but still struggling. St. Vincent de Paul is one of them. http://www.stvincentdepaul.net/

You could also try looking for a job that provides childcare. I know it's not easy right now, but larger companies often help with or provide free childcare. I know it's not ideal, but it doesn't have to be permanent.

One of the things I'm doing now is working in trade. So instead of paying someone in cash, I do an odd job for them. I've collated papers, my husband has fixed fences. That sort of thing. It's not much, but every little bit helps. And it makes me feel like I'm helping.
Good luck!

I fully understand, and I'm sorry! This is a tough time for everybody. I'm about to deliver our second son and can't justify paying childcare for 2 on my salary, so I will be on "maternity leave" this school year until my oldest son can got to the preschool where I teach for free. What I will be doing this year is opening an in-home childcare center for extra income. I'm not 100% sure how this will work seeing as how I don't know the need of other families now. I'm not sure where you live, but in Prescott Valley, AZ, childcare runs about $25 a day. Good luck!

Hi TJ

Sorry to hear about your situation too. We are barely making it ourselves, we have like $200 in our checking account for the whole week! I have starting making my husbands lunches, and making meals stretch.

I also started a work at home business 4 years ago but they are just starting to make money, it takes alot of work to start a home business. It's not just a get rich way of making some extra money, you really gotta put in tons of work!

Good luck!
K.

When my second was born we calculated that my entire paycheck would go to daycare and gas. I might have had $100 left. To us it wasn't worth it. The only options were to start work late afternoon to night, early morning (5am) to noon or work weekends. Those shifts would reduce daycare from full time to part time and would leave enough income left to justify having a job.

Now that my kids are in school, I can work without paying $200 a week in childcare.

Can you watch kids at your own home? Licensed or not. That way you would not have to put your own child in daycare. Just an idea. Times are tough.

If you are interested I know of companpies that hire part-time help and a lot of time they let you set your own schedule. I am lukcy where I work outside the home two-days a week and on those days hubby is home to watch our child. Please email me at ____@____.com and I will give you the website. These are jobs, not work at home stuff where you have to pay to work.

Your husband is at the top of your subject line, but you haven't mentioned anything about WHY he doesn't seem to know of your financial problem. Are you in charge of your finances? Does he charge the credit card uncontrollably? Does he eat out 5 times a week? I heard a lot of great solutions on how to make extra money but that is not going to make any difference if you don't have a husband on board with your problem. Make sure you have a computer program that downloads your expenses from your checking/cc/mortgage (we have quicken) and make sure everything is categorized, and show it to him. Show him every 2 weeks until you both know what you can do.

Truthfully, if it's that bad, someone needs to work more...him or you. Unless you are making minimum wage, you will get extra income after day care. It's ok. They are young and safe. It will be a lot worse with a forclosure and a credit disaster. Good luck!

Who pays the bills at home ? Maybe you could sit down together to pay the bills and make a budget together and show him how the numbers aren't working in your favor. Keep track of how everything is spent, every receipt to see where the money is going and show him how and were the money is being spent. Also, look into the azcentral.com or your local library to see if any free financial workshops are available. Sometimes the local school districts offer community programs on topics such as personal finances. The more you know, the better off you'll be in the long run.

Sounds like you are trying to do everything right! How about refinancing your mortgage? Consolidate any debt into one bill/low interest rate? Watch carefully on your electric/gas bill...turn off lights, open curtains, laundry at night...etc.
Hope it turns out well...

I know what you mean. Currently my husband is looking for a second job because frankly he makes more money than I ever would. I sew some of my kids clothes and go to the Goodwill Weigh and Pay. I buy bulk on a lot of my food items if it is cheaper. We don't buy name brands anymore and get darn ticked off if a shirt rips where I cannot mend it.

Some options, quite a few people suggested the Day Care option, but you can also do something like a Date night. Getting together some parents who would like some alone time and watch their kids for the night. This way you may have many more clients while keeping a steader income while others are trying to cut corners as well.

You mentioned putting on a few yard sales. How about managing some. I know a few people who have lots of stuff to sell, but no time or inclination. See if they will let you put on a sale for them for a percentage of the profits.

Yard work, painting, etc. Something you can do with the kiddos around or while hubby is home.

Have you thought about babysitting other children while you have your own at home?