Does This Bother Anyone Else???

Before you had your own child, did you ever go up to someone else's baby and give their hand a little squeeze or gently rub the peach fuzz on their head or their soft cute little fat cheek with the back of your finger? I bet if you're honest with yourself, the answer would be yes. I find that since I've become a mother, I don't do that to other babies anymore. I never know if the mom is concerned about that kind of contact so I opt to not do it at all just to be safe, but that's been since I was a mom. Before that, it never even occurred to me to be concerned about germs. Stranger still, I sometimes wonder if some moms are hurt when I don't lavish more attention on their babies by touching or wanting to hold them sometimes. I mean there's only so much oooing and ahing over a baby you can do to prove you think they are cute. Some parents like the attention they get from having a cute baby, so you just can't win with moms nowadays.

In the case that you describe at Target, and given your concerns, I would have probably smiled and nodded and gently taken the doll away from the stranger and put it in the diaper bag discreetly and moved on thru the line. If the stranger persisted to touch the baby, I would have smiled, nodded and covered the baby with a blanket where her hands weren't so easily accessible. And, as a last resort, I would have been honest and said "I don't mean to be rude. And I know you will probably think I'm worrying for nothing, but I get really anxious when people I don't know come into close contact with her because I don't want her to get sick. I hope you can understand. It's not personal. I feel the same way about anyone not in our immediate family. It's just a thing I have." and then just go on about your business. You will probably have hurt that person's feelings, but maybe they will think next time before they start touching a stranger's baby in the future.

To ease your mind a little, I will say that as many times as my children were touched by strangers, I cannot ever once say they came down sick as a result of that "stranger" contact. I'm not saying it's impossible, I'm just saying it's improbable. Not at 7 months anyway, not unless they have an immune system issue of course. I CAN give you examples of times my kids got sick from coming into contact with close friends and family though, and that's pretty much at any age.

Kids bring so much joy to others just by being lovable. They are young and cute and cuddly for such a short time. A gentle touch on the hand or the cheek was ok with me when my kids were young and they made it thru infanthood ok, germs and all. :-)

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I'm right there with you! I think people in this day and age should respect that you do not want people touching your baby. I don't want anyone that doesn't know me to touch my little girl! It took a lot to get her into this world and I don't want anything happening to her. As for their feelings, I could care less.

This is my child, and her health and my sanity are more important than their feelings. You never know what diseases people have and there have been tons of strange flus and colds going around this season. Also, you never know if people wash their hands. These are my phobias, but this is to protect my home and family.

I never touch anyone else's baby and I would hope they would have the same respect for me.

J.

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J.,
I think you have to get used to it to a certain degree. Be thrilled that people notice your adorable baby. This is helping her socialize! The protection instinct is strong, but you need to realzie you might be too extreme. I wouldn't let someone I don't know hold my baby (too easy for them to run away), but playing with your baby is great.

Being concerned means you're a great mom, but don't isolate others. Be kind.

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J.,
Like it or not babies are adorable and people are drawn to them, older children too. I used to get upset when people or older children wanted to touch my baby's hands or talk to her but after she grew out of her "babyness" I feel silly that I let that to bother me.
I understand if the person looks creepy or dirty etc. but usually, it's other mothers or older children who want to see the baby. it comes with the territory, just enjoy your baby and be thankful that people want to be friendly to you, they are not weirdos for that as someone else said.

Well the easiest thing you could do is limit the time that you take her out in public, babies are cute and people want to admire. what did you do prior to having your own kids when u saw babies out in public. I kind of understand how you feel, but there isnt really away to approach these people without coming off as rude. Tell them sure they can look but please dont touch her, if your okay with that.

It bothered me too a lot. I grew up with my father who had Leukemia and any minor cold could put him on his deathbed, so he HAD to avoid shaking hands with people and so on. It's amazing how many people who even knew this, would still cough all over him.

With babies, their immune systems aren't as built up as ours, and no matter how cute and cuddly they are, it's rude for people to touch them or their toys (now that's just weird to grab the babies' toy) without permission. Babies cuteness isn't when people should abandon their self control!! If I see a woman who has silky hair, or a furry coat... I don't go and paw on it.

Anyways, it drives me nuts too... some people are filthy... even if they look clean. And not all perverts and kidnappers are shady or creepy looking people.

I just backed away from them or simply said nicely, "Please don't touch my baby, he gets sick easily." And then I left it at that.

It bothered me a lot, too! I would back away from the person or move the stroller. You don't know what germs other people have, so you just have to protect your baby. You could always move away & then say, "Oh sorry. He/she has been sick, & I don't want to give you their flu." hee hee Put it back on you & then they might not get offended.

Very well said, Nicole. I agree with you completely. I personally don't touch other people's kids, because I'm a mom and I know better. But I must say that I love it when strangers comment on my children - I mean, who doesn't? If they get too feely or close I generally just try to divert their attention or do something to distract them. I don't think it's necessary to be rude to someone who is trying to be kind. You can always wipe the baby's hands or face with a wipe as soon as the person walks away.

Oh, and Crystal, please don't use the word "retarded" in that context. My daughter is mentally disabled and I care much more about people misusing that word than I do about them patting her head or squeezing her feet.

It bothers me as well. You never know what someone else has touched or IF they even wash their hands after going to the bathroom. We can't avoid germs from touching certain things like doorknobs and products on the shelf in stores, but we CAN avoid having strangers touch us! I guess my thinking is that if we don't go around and want people to touch our own faces, hair, and hands, then why would our babies enjoy that? No sane adult would want a stranger to stroke their head! I think making a comment or admiring a baby is one thing ... touching the baby is another story! It's rude and it's not polite in any way. I think before entering into someone else's personal space (especially a babies!) you need to ask first. I don't understand why just because they are a baby it's supposed to be okay and adults don't think they need to ask the mom first. And we have to be the babies advocate and make sure someone with germs doesn't come and impose themselves on our babies. I struggle with knowing what to say ... I always think of it after the fact. I usually just pick her up out of the cart or just smile and keep pushing. But there was one time when I called a restaraunt's manager and let them know that I did not appreciate our waitress coming and touching my baby while we were eating! And he was awesome about it and said that he didn't think it was appropriate either. I think you just have to deal with each situation separately ... and it's awkward, strangers put you in an awkard situation of having to say, please don't touch! Bottom line is, it's okay to want to touch their cheeks or hands, but just ask the mom first!

Hi ladies :)

I guess I am on the other end of things.. My son ever since he was just tiny has loved people.. he reaches out to them, he would coo, smile & grab anyone's finger, and now that he is older he coyly smiles at the pretty ladies and is constantly being talked too, touched, etc. I have strangers at the store ask if he could have a candy (at 4 months, so no lol), tickle his feet, all kinds of things. I once had a blind Indian woman ask her granddaughter to bring her over & she put her hands on his face and said she could feel our love for each other all the way in the other line. None of this has ever bothered me. Of course I have never visited places where someone skeptical would be - so I am sure if a drunk with a cigar and poo breath came up to him I wouldn't allow it, but the everyday shopper, waitress, steward, retail attendant etc. I think its great that he interacts so well and gets the attention for his blond little ringlets lol

I think that its ok if your personality is one where you are not as comfortable around strangers etc. However please be nice about it & not obvious (like the suggestions for simply moving in front while smiling etc.) unless they are obviously a bad character (such as the above drunk example).

I remmember a lady in line in front of me once (a sweet grandma type), I didn't have my baby with me but the lady in line in front of the grandma did.. the grandma character was saying what a sweet angel type of thing & tickled the probably 5 month olds feet. The lady said something about please don't touch her and get back in line etc. It was said in a properly polite voice but came across as very demeaning. The grandma was visibly embarrased and actually left the line as the lady was swooshing over the baby like a leper had touched her.

I personally think that it's rude to be rude to people who want to see your baby. People love babies and they are cute and they are only little for a little while and it just does something to people when they see a cute little one sitting there in the grocery cart/stroller. I think it is sweet that they are "complementing" you and your beautiful baby by acknowledging her. I do however find it strange that they played with her babydoll-I would just go home and wash it if it's germs that bother you.
As for little children touching her-how are you going to feel one day when your daughter is totally into babies and she goes over to sweetly talk to someones little baby and the mother is rude to your 3yr. old because they are afraid someones going to breathe on their new baby. Just something to think about...

I believe that it is so nice that people can be so open and affectionate with children. It is very human for people to love babies. Feel happy that people are not cold and indifferent. That would be much worse for our world if children were not important to others.

Ugh, one of my pet peeves. I hate when people do this. I understand they are trying to be sweet but really, they are just spreading germs to your baby. Just be blunt without being rude and it should work out. Always did for me. If they act weird I just explain in detail that their hands are covered in germs and my baby puts her/his hands in their mouth all day long... ohh and feet too, etc. Good luck!

I have the same problem. My daughter is 9 1/2 months old and strangers are always getting in her face. Usually, if she doesn't get freaked out and start screaming, I just tell the weirdo that my daughter really doesn't like strangers getting in her face. I'm kind of a little rude about it just because I think that people should know better, but you don't have to be rude. :)

I have twins and EVERYONE wants to stop and see them. I have to tell people not to get to close. Some might see it as rude, but in the end you are doing what is right and protecting your family! I also try to go at a time when they are sleeping so I can put the canopy over them and not feel like I am shuting them out or ignoring them.

I know exactly how you feel. It really bothered me when people thought they could just come up and touch my son. My husband and I found a trick that worked pretty well -- I'd hold onto my son's hands with my free hand and slightly turn my shoulder so that my son was shielded by my body when I saw someone approaching who looked like a "toucher." Another trick was to immediately say, "Please don't touch. He/she has a cold." even if your little one is perfectly healthy.