I have a nine-month old boy who is still waking frequently during the night and takes up to an hour to get to bed every time. He screams and fights us until he finally falls asleep in our arms. He has now started waking in the middle of night for 1-2hours at a time. I've tried the attachment parenting approach to sleep, but it doesn't seem to work for him. I don't want to just leave him completely to cry it out and heard that the Ferber method was good. Does anyone have any suggestions or even know of a sleep coach in the East Bay?
we liked the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by dr. Marc Weissbluth - many public libraries will carry it as well as many bookstores.
http://www.babycenter.com/0_the-ferber-method-demystified...
Here is a very easy to understand, unbiased article about the ferber method. If that's what you choose to use, good luck to you! :)
That being said, I am a parent educator, mother to one and auntie to 10, and have had alot of experience dealing with sleep issues. If you are having these problems every night with your baby, it means that whatever you are doing is NOT working and you've got to do something else.
Right now you are engaged in a nightly battle of wills that no one is winning. You are frustrated, tired, and unhappy, and so is your little guy.
What is your routine like? What time does he nap? What time does he eat? What time does he take a bath? How do you get ready for bed? These all have to be considered when making a plan to change a behavior.
Not knowing specifically what you are doing or have tried, I can make a few suggestions now, but would love to hear from you to help with more specific issues, if you would like. :)
Bed time:
Bed time does not start at bed time. Children with different tempraments need different amounts of time to relax and adjust. Add another 15 to 30 minutes to your pre bed time routine. This may mean starting a little earlier or going to bed a little later, but it could help make bedtime a little calmer.
Learn about infant massage. Lavender lotion applied using infant massage can have a calming effect. Unless your child is sensory sensitive, the massage can help relax the muscles and create a comfortable feeling that allows the child to relax into sleep.
Know your child's routine. If he is sleeping past 4pm, he is not going to be ready for bedtime at 8pm. Putting him down when he isn't tired, or conversely, putting him down when he's over tired, can lead to more struggling at bedtime.
Right now you have a routine that causes your child to escalate. Developing a calming routine is going to take time, but it is possible. Don't give up! :)
Hi J..
Our son (now 3) was up and down all night long and at the crack of dawn from the day he was born until he was about 18-20 months old. To say the least, we were exhausted form the get-go. We tried everything. We tried letting him cry it out, we tried the Ferber Method, we tried one other method- can't recall the name and a noise machine... nothing worked. We put dark curtains up in his room, that stopped the 5am wake-ups. But the up & downs all night finally stopped when we put him on a regular twin size mattress. He wouldn't or couldn't sleep on the crib mattress. I don't know what kind of mattress you are using, but it's worth considering. They have crib size mattresses that are just like the twin + sizes. They're of course a little more pricey, but it may be worth a good nights sleep.
Good luck!
Hi J.,
I don't know of the Ferber method myself - but we used BabyWise with our youngest and it worked really well for us. One thing that really resonated with me (and I believe Mark Wiesbluth talks about this in the Healthy Sleep Habits book as well) is that often times, we think we should wait until our kids act sleepy before we put them to bed. In fact, often times you need to move bedtime WAY earlier - like 6:30 or 7pm, and it becomes less of a struggle. I know that sounds weird but it really does help! Additionally for me, what did the trick was putting my daughter on a firm nap schedule during the day - again, putting her down before she acted tired. Sometimes it would take her half an hour or so to fall asleep, but I'd leave her to do it. (Obviously if your child is screaming, you need to figure out what's wrong, but a little fussing never hurt anyone.)
Anyhow, take heart. My oldest was a nightmare to get to sleep. Like you, we did the attachment parenting thing first and it absolutely didn't work. I wish I'd known about BabyWise with her! They do eventually learn to sleep, and I think scheduling them is a great way to help them. I hope this helps. Good luck!
