Do Your Kids Have Trouble "Clicking" with Other Kids in School?

Middle school is a difficult stage for a lot of kids and it has NOTHING to do with her being an only child.

What extracurricular activities is she involved in? My daughter is 21 and an only child and I don't think we had a weekend go by with her growing up that it was just the 3 of us.

She made friends through her cheer group, martial arts, school and more.

I encouraged groups of friends and not just one bff along the way.

As a family, we had close friends who had children as well.

Most cities have a park and rec department with summer camps which are affordable.

Remember that you are not doing anything wrong, she's at a tough age. Be patient!

First, just remember that unless a person is an extreme extrovert, it's human nature to gravitate to a person you are comfortable with, whereas trying to make conversation with a new person is harder. So neither you or your daughter should take it personally when that happens and you are the new person. It's not easy, but it's also not personal. And the only way to get past it is to keep trying so that over time, you are no longer the new person.

And, it can take a little while to find a group for a kid. It will happen - for some kids it's sports, for some it's music, for others it's theatre. Camps are expensive, but the school band is free, community theatre groups are free, volunteering at the animal shelter is free, just keep looking. The bulletin board at the library might be a good place to loop for flyers for clubs and activities that your daughter might look at to see if anything is of interest.

Middle school is just tough - and that's pretty universal.
Not everyone hangs out with school friends outside of school.
She needs to keep trying new activities to find friends outside of school.
I have had plenty of friends but no one is a BFF for me - it's hard to find a kindred spirit and they are rare.
Taekwondo, swimming, any arts or crafts class, 4H, Girl Scouts, etc - there are lot's of things she can try.

Instead of trying to break into the click try befriending them one at a time. There should be one Mom in the group you like or feel more comfortable around. Invite just the one Mom and daughter over for coffee or dinner and get to know her one on one. As you develop a friendship with the one Mom hopefully she will start to include the two of you in group activities.

My dd has gone through phases like this. You might try some type of summer camp where she'll see the same people over again.

My 13-year-old son struggles too. He is kind, caring & clever. I have done all sorts of things like yourself engaging other families, hosting, taking kids elsewhere it is just rarely reciprocated. I had an incident several years ago, we had often taken this child to local pool that we had a membership too. It seems his family had finally gotten their own membership & he was there with school friends my son went to hang out with them & the boy said I only play with him because my parents make me! I can't say anything to these parents because I've tried in the past they laugh it off & the father lacks social graces as well; the apple doesn't fall far from the tree!

So I send my kid to overnight camp for part of the summer so we can meet other kids & take advantage of activities and experiences that he wouldn't be able to otherwise. This may sound bad to say but I decided that I would prefer that my son stay home and play on his iPad rather than play with some of these kids that really do not play nicely. It's so bad that even my older son commented how mean they are to each other!

And let's face it now that were adults, do we hang out with friends daily? If we work with others aren't there days we come home and feel like we just don't want to deal with anybody? Does that make us loners? No?

Have her walk/bike around the neighborhood work on her interpersonal skills let her talk at the neighbors maybe she'll chat with an older kid or a younger kid. Take her to the store with you. She can find other ways to be happy. Our kids see other kids hanging out with each other and they think that's what they want. But in reality, it can often becomes a catfight for who gets control of what they get to do.

So the host and occasional supervised hang out and invite a couple girls over for a few hours but don't feel like you have to do it every day and put your daughter in an activity that she enjoys. I'm not saying it's easy it's still hard some days.

Yesterday I agreed to let some of these kids come over last minute when they weren't allowed at this other kids house. It was almost 6 o'clock I was starved wasn't prepared to feed five other kids dinner. They were in my basement as it started raining they were still so loud (my older son often has groups of kids over and it is rarely that loud!). I had to call up one kid who I've known for years to talk to him about his language which sound like it came right off the boat from deadliest catch. When they left even my son was glad!