Do You Invite the Whole Class to a Birthday Party?

I have always invited the whole class. I do not want other kids to feel left out if other other kids in class are talking about the party that they were not invited to. I they decide not to come then that is a different story. One year I gave my son a choice of inviting the whole class or his cubscout den. Hope this helps.

My experience is to do a class party at school with cupcakes, juice, snacks and party bags and have family and close friends to a home or outside party.

All my kids' birthdays fall during the school year, so when they were younger, my tradition was to bake cupcakes for the whole class. One year I made flower cupcakes for the girls and gummi worm cupcakes for the boys.

I have also had followup parties on the weekend for the neighborhood friends, and they are how you describe--games at the neighborhood playground, a pizza and ice cream cake. At any age, being excluded is no fun, so I always include siblings to the home parties and have special activities for the younger ones (wagon rides, coloring cards, etc.) I also invite the parents to stay for awhile, to enjoy the coffee and dessert--make it a family affair.

I continued to invite the whole class until my kids got old enough to prefer certain children over others...when my kids started saying "I don't want so-and-so at my party, " it was time to just invite their closest friends! The kids will tell you when it's time.

M., the experience which I had is that someone started with sending cake at school with party bags. This way if your child's teacher alows this will save you the time and worry concerning who to invite and who not to invite. Your child classmates will celebrate the birthday with them and the child will have had a celebration. I also find this much easier and convenient.

Bring the party to the class.

Ask the teacher what the policy is on cupcakes or pizza parties. You bring the food, but you don't have to clean up, and no one in the class is left out!

Hope this helps!

J.
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I think it all depends on how big of a party you want and also what the child wants. If the child only wants a few friends over then do it that way. I like the idea of not doing favors for a huge party, they can get quite costly!

This may be determined for you by what the other kids in the class do before you get to your child's birthday.

As for your question - there are a lot of traditions here in South Florida. Do whatever you feel comfortable doing. There will always be someone who agrees and someone who thinks what you are doing is wrong. At that point though - it isn't about them it is about celebrating the life of your child the best way you can for your family's traditions.

In our family we try to invite the same number of kids as the kid's age, but we include families now that the kids are younger and then will concentrate more on inviting mostly just kids as the kids get older and more kids are invited.

We went to a great party for a 5 year old where there were a ton of kids. There were lots of activities for them to do but they were not structured so that the kids had to wait long for a turn. (Sounds something like what you are used to) All of the kids ran around for hours and had a blast because they could do what they wanted to do.

So many birthday parties are over the top now and more about the parents showing off. Birthday parties need to be about what the kid will enjoy. For my family that means a small number of friends and family that they feel that they can really enjoy playing with. By including the families - the kid still feels like the party is more special than a regular play date but is not overwhelmed by what to do with all the other kids and no kid at the party feels left out.

It is rare that kids enjoy all of the other kids in their class. I feel that they should always be kind to others but that doesn't mean they are be required to have people to their party that they do not feel comfortable with. What you don't want to have happen is that one child is singled out as not being invited or that the invitations to the party are used as a way to make others feel bad about not being invited. If you are really close to inviting the whole class, then do it. If instead your child has a couple of close friends and you can do something extra fun with them because it is a smaller group , then do that.

I say if you can afford it, invite the whole class. My daughter was a new student. A classmate was going on and on about her party to my daughter, I assumed we were invited. I said oh my daughter is looking forward to your daughters party to the mother. She replied oh my daughter only picked a few classmates and you daughter wasnt one, maybe cause shes new and the children havent bonded yet. Of course i didnt say a word to my daughter about it she forgot. but i still keep thinking how she would feel if her daughter was new and not invited. We had a party i invited the whole class even the girl i really didnt want to invite. To this day i still dont like that mom. kids talk.

I think a lot of teachers request that if you aren't going to invite the entire class, you either do just the girls if you have a daughter, or just the boys if you have a son. That way, no ones feelings can get hurt. I'm not sure if they still do that. I can remember when my younger brothers were in the lower grades, the teachers doing that. My teachers never did while I was growing up though.

M.,

I would say that depends on the child and how they feel about their classmates. For my 5 year I generally don't end up inviting any of my sons classmates only because his birthday is a couple days after school starts. As for my 2 (3 yr old this month) I don't really do the class thing because he really doesn't get it at this young of an age. As for my oldest son who is 13 I didn't start the class thing until he started asking for it. I generally just do family and a couple of very close friends. I find that it is too much for the kids and that it isn't to overstimulating on them.

Good luck.

S.
35 y/o SAHM of 3 boys 13, 5 and 2 (3 this month)

My daughter will be 7 in a few months and I still invite the whole class. Because I have a son too and my daughter has a friends that are boys, I do not allow all girl parties either. Last year my daughter was on the non invited side to two parties from the class. In the first case she was verbally invited, by the parent when I was with her, but she never received the invitation. When I called the mom up since she was the one who did the verbal invitation. The mom lied to me and told me the party was cancelled. My daughter was heartbroken when she found out that most of the girls in the class were invited (she was 1 of 3 that weren't). A month later another girl had a party and once again the same 3 girls weren't invited. Kids at this age talk about their parties and it is extremely hurtful when you selectively exclude a fairly small number. Class sizes are so small (the total size of my daughter's class is 19) that not everyone is going to come if they are all invited. If cost is an issue then no one says to have a party at the most expensive place. Because my daughter is a summer baby, we now have her party at a local water park. Last year her whole class and siblings were invited. The total cost of the party including admission to the water park, pizza, cake, snacks, and goodie bags was approximately $300, cheaper than what most people fork over for a laser tag or make up party. And the best part of it was that everyone had a great time and are looking forward to attending again this year.

I invite the entire class and make sure to let the parents know that all siblings are welcome... Kids can be cruel, they may tease another child that was not invited. That hurts a young child.....my husband works hard and we are blessed in having the ability to invite so many children. Never break your pocket...do what you feel is right in your heart and just have fun...

Dear M.,

I was a teacher for 13 years and this is what I requested parents should do. It is quite expensive and overwhelming to invite so many children to a party so, I would ask them not to pass out invitations at school, do it privately. It is really h*** o* children to see some get an invitation when they do not get one. If they are to be handed out at school the entire class had to be invited so as not to hurt anyone's feelings. If some of my parents did not have all of the children's addresses or so forth, I would discretely put the invitation in the childrens backpacks at the end of the day.
R. M.

We found that birthday parties for my 8 year old were becoming difficult over time. Too many people, too much to do, and he really has only ever had one or 2 friends that he wanted to play with. So we started a new tradition about 2 years ago that has worked well for all of them. They can invite one or two close friends, or it can be just family. They pick whatever restaurant or homemade dinner they would like to have, including dessert. My oldest especially loves this because he gets to pick whatever he wants off the menu. Last year he chose a nice restaurant, had shrimp and a huge piece of fudge cake for dessert. He loved it. My other son opted for homemade chicken nuggets and a pirate ship cake this year. Being in charge makes them feel really special and I don't have to plan a big party.

From kindergarten on, feel free to invite just your child's close friends. That is customary these days.

Speaking as a teacher, PLEASE, PLEASE, do not send invitations with your child to school if you are NOT inviting the whole class. There are lots of tears and hurt feelings whenever this happens. Even if the birthday child is trying to hand them out discreetly, the children who are invited always say something because they are excited, and the other children then realize they have been left out.

Call, email, or snail mail the invitations.

M., is your child friends with everyone in the class? And when I mean friends, I mean, is the child involved with every single child beyond the classroom? And you must ask yourself these very important questions: How much will it cost to host a party for a few close friends as opposed to an entire class? My daugther was just invited to a party last weekend, which we all attended as a family of 5.

I'm not sure what "tradition" is because everyone is different and hosts a party for different reasons. I do know that in today's world, it is expected to get a party favor, which is something I never understood. When I was little, my mom invited my best friend over for cake, a drink, ice cream, and that was my birthday party. I never would have thought to invite my whole class since I didn't like everybody in my class anyway. I have 3 children and with my 2 older daughters, they are allowed to invite 1 or 2 special friends. Of course, with these special friends comes the parents and any siblings too. You must consider the fact that many parents may want to tag along with their child and any siblings they have, you can expect them to come along too. To me, this is a wasted expense. After all, who is the birthday celebration for anyway, right? To me, I've always seen a birthday party as an event more for the parents than for the children. After it's all said and done, you are left with the bill and the mess to clean up. Keep the party simple, for you and your child. Who is the child's closest friend and invite that child, and his/her parents, if they wish to come. And when I invite my daughters bestest friend, the only "party favor" they leave with is any extra balloons that haven't totally deflated by then.