i was talking to my grandmother the other day and she told me that one day while she was taking a walk a little boy came up to her and asked her if she was a stranger and i recall one time when i was at a garage sale the little girl there tried to get in my car so she could come home and play with me. i know alot of people get a piece of cheese for their child when they are at the deli counter or a cookie from the bakery. i know most of you talk to the deli clerk or cashier maybe even a fellow shopper our children watch us do everything so next time they see the person we were talking they assume that its ok to talk to them its terrible of me to think this way but you never know who the cashier is in real life or the deli clerk for that matter your child percieves that person as the nice lady/man that gave me the cheese my mommy was talking to him/her so its ok. my daughter is only 4 mts but with so much going on these days i dont know where to begin i dont want her to ignore everyone but i dont want her talking to every "nice" person mommy talks to. what is your take on the subject? any suggestions?
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A "safeword" is always a good idea when she is old enough to understand. Let her know that anyone who is not mommy or daddy is a stranger (be it an uncle, neighbor, etc.).
Also when she is old enough, act out the possible scenarios and how to react in those situations.
Just wait till your kids get older. I remember my daughter asking "if I tell them my name is Katie then they won't be strangers will they?" Scary stuff. We developed a safe word for our kids. They know what it is and they know if the adult doesn't know the word they should not go with them. But now my daughters are old enough to sleep over at friends houses. At 11 she thought a 5 min conversation on the phone with a friends mom was enough of a background check to allow her to spend the night. Fourtunately the other mom and I were on the same page with friends sleeping over.
I was molested by a family friend who was invited into our home on a very regular basis. It happened with my parents in the house. I just startd babysitting for a 4 year old who was being molested by her stepgrandfather.
What do we do to protect our children with out making them anti social or paranoid? We watch them carefully and raise there self esteem so the can say no in a way that people believe them. And God Forbid if something does happen they will tell and keep telling until someone believes them and makes it stop. My mom didn't believe me and I didn't have the confidence to tell another adult. I do everything I can to let all my children son included, to let them know I am in their corner and they can tell me or their dad anything. Also we have told our daughters who are 11 & 9 if they have friends who tell them something like that, it is save to tell us and we will help get help. I did tell girl friends they didn't tell their moms.
I have a hard time with this too. Even with people that we consider are nice, they may not be. A nice person is usually needed to lure a child into a car. When anyone that I don't know, no matter how nice or sincere they seem, come up and say hi, or just totally ignore me and talk to my daughter....I walk away or say loudly to my daughter that "we don't talk to strangers". I know this may sound rude, but truthfully when it comes to my daughter's safety I don't care how it sounds to other people. If you only let her talk to people you know she will eventually get the hang of it, or at least my daughter is.
A "safe word" is a wonderful thing to teach your children when they get older. I've heard of strangers trying to abduct children by telling them "Your mommy was in an accident and she's in the hospital. She told me to come get you." This would be a situation where the "safe word" would be excellent - the child needs to ask the stranger what the "safe word" is and if they don't know it, then they need to get away from them and tell a teacher, police officer, yell for help, etc. Even kids as young as 2 or 3 can understand this if you practice it with them.
My son is the most friendly person you will ever know. He will talk to anyone, but he also knows that people are strangers and some are bad and might take him away from Mommy and Daddy, and that scared him. He's still a little young though...so we're trying a little harder on that.
I don't care if my kids do not respond when some one asks them their name or how old they are. I feel that by them chosing not to respond, they are showing their inpendence in a manner that they don't like something about that particular person.
I would rather have a child who acts shy or even a little rude around people they don't know than have a child go missing because they were polite and chatty with the local kid napping store clerk.
I never let my kids leave my sight, even when we are at home, they are to only play in the fenced in backyard, if I am busy in the house.
I have a 13m old girl. I feel your concerns. When we are in public people come up to us ALL the time to talk to her , to touch her ect... It does iratate me also. People have asked to hold her and I have said NO.(politly) I always tell everyone her name who asks and I always tell her to say Hello, Bye, or Thank You. I do these things simply because I want her to learn to be nice and open. I've heard that helps. That if you teach them not to be shy to talk back ect.. It will make them less of a target. I know this sounds crazy. I used to be a waitress and I had this family where the mom MADE her 4yr old girl give me her order. Then later she explanined this to me. I Belive its important to teach them not to talk to any adult they don't know if mommy or daddy are not around. Really would you leave you child under the age of 4yrs old out of your site??????? By this age you could clearly explain things to them. Till then I would worry so much you'll just drive yourself crazy. I don't know any first time mom (especially me lol) would lets their little one out of their site. You can't they grow up so fast!!!
Good Luck
W.,
I am sure you know this, wait until she is 2 or 3 to really start trying to teach her about strangers. Any sooner will only scare and confuse her. As she develops she will naturally develop a "fear" of strangers or people she's not exposed to on a regualr basis, then she'll get brave, and then regress again. Preschool helps children with this subject a lot. The library may be of use for reference materials on the subject. When your little girl is older, just talk to her and say what you want to say.....tell her it is not okay to talk to someone she doesn't know, unless you allow it. Just don't squash her if she is outgoing.......that can make her clam up and be totally shy and affraid. It is a balance. I know you're feeling a lot of concerns being first time mommy, I was there too.....but 2 boys 7 and 2 later and I know they learn a lot themselves, and talking to them about it is the best.
Good luck with your new baby!
Well, when I lived in Brook Park every child preparing to enroll in kindergarten is also enrolled in a summer program called Safety Town. I went through this myself and so when it came time I enrolled my daughter.....what was great is that it is taught by a policeman and local middle schoolers. Research your local community so when she's older, you can take advantage of something like it. It taught not only "strangersafety" , but also traffic safety and such. There are also coloring books and things like it that are available that talk about not talking to strangers. Most of all, arrange with her, when she's old enough,people she's allowed to leave with when you're not around...let her know that no one else is to pick her up or give her anything if you're not around. If you're concerned about it, then most likely she'll be a child well schooled in it. Parents that don't talk with their kids are more likely to have kids that will just go with anyone. Good Luck!
I HAVE TWIN GIRLS WHO ARE 6. THEY TALK TO JUST ABOUT EVERYONE THEY SEE. I FEAR THE SAME AS YOU. BECAUSE SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED IN THE WORLD. YOU CANT TRUST ANYONE. BUT THERE ARE TIMES I WANT THEM TO BE FRIENDLY TO PEOPLE I KNOW OR THIER TEACHERS AND THEY WILL NOT. I GUESS IT IS VERY HARD TO ANSWER THAT BECAUSE THEY SHOULD BE FRIENDLY (LIKE AS TO GREET OR SPEAK TO A PERSON)I GUESS WHAT I AM SAYING IS THAT WHEN THE TIME COMES AND SHE IS A LITTLE OLDER AND CAN SEE WHAT THE WORLD IS REALLY LIKE SHE WILL KNOW AND YOU WILL FIND THE ANSWER
I understand you completely. I worry about the same thing. I have a 22 month old son who is very friendly and outgoing. He talks to anyone and everyone and I have the same fears. But as you said, I don't want him to be rude either and not talk to anyone. I hope you get some good answers on this topic!
My kids are all grown now, but what we did when they were small is that we didn't usually let them go out around the neighborhood alone, and we told them not to talk to adults they didn't know unless we were with them and told them it was okay. We also played a lot of what if games with them...."what if someone at the park asked you to help them find their puppy?," and that sort of thing....teach them the response you want them to have, and practice it. Above all, don't let them see that you are afraid for them....it will make them afraid to ever venture away from the safety of Mommy and go out into the world on their own. There has to be that happy medium, where you feel they are safe, but they can become independent.
