Do I Just Leave It Alone, or What Do I Do?

I have been on BOTH sides of this.... my son (now 7) was the one that GOT bit at daycare when he was younger and now my second son (age 2) has started biting. I've just been told NOT to make a big deal out of it but to tell him what he can bite -- b/c if he's doing it for attention... giving him lots of it (even negative) will feed that.

I taught my son to stick up for himself... (the older one)... he kinda took matters into his own hand. When he was little he actually bit me once ... and I bit him back.. .he never bit me again. My little one, however, is'nt of that mentality.. that'd never work on him -- he'd just bite me back harder...LOL...

The only mantra you really can use for any comfort is knowing "this too shall pass"

Question though....why aren't the children being supervised? It seems pretty scary to me that your child is being bitten on a regular basis there. What do the teachers say about that?

M.

As a former day care worker, I would say that it's a phase and will pass. Now as a parent, I would be mad as @#^&$!!!! Tell his teachers that they need to get control of this. Someone needs to shadow that child (the biter) all day long to make sure it doesn't happen. I think biting is the worse because it just hurts so much. You are the advocate for your son, and you need to speak up for him. Show them how mad you are. It will get their attention.

M.,

I have been in your shoes before and really there is not much you can do. My son used to get bit all the time - seriously, I would get a call almost daily that he got bit for two weeks. I have also talked to my pediatrician about it as well, and she suggested telling them what they CAN bite. I know your child isn't the biter, just be proactive. Also, you could ask your son's teacher to shadow the biter. I know it's even harder when you know the child's parents. That's got to be tough.

I would be emotinal about this to,but this kind of thing happens in daycare. It is just not possible with 1 or 2 teachers and so many children for a lot of one on one attention. To ask the teacher to follow this child all day is not a possibility. She has diapers,meals,activities...we are talking one year olds. There is no way she could make sure this does not happen again.

If you want something done about it I would be very honest with the mother, she is an adult and can take it.

Hi M.!

Girl, I have been there!! Just remember you aren't the only one!! My son had that problem for a while and I think when he finally got bitten, is when he finally realized that it did hurt. He did it a few times at home and we didn't exactly know what to do but tell him no, and to try show him to express his feelings was ok, but not by biting. However, it is tough at this age for them to do that. He did get bit by us a few times, but it wasn't getting through, so we ended up spanking him a few times before he finally got it. Nothing else seemed to work. I really think it takes time and hopefully your school is helping the boy that is doing the biting because my son's school did by distracting him when he was getting upset and tried to help him express his feelings some other way.

It is just so funny how some kids never have that problem and others do. It is bad and yes, I actually tried to find out whose child he bit, but they never told me, so I just apologized to every mother and most of them understood. My son got bit and they called me and gave me an incident report too, but I just chalked it up to, well it his turn now. He has bitten, so he has to learn what it feels like to be bit now!

Good Luck to you.

Just wait it out and try and teach your son that this is unacceptable behavior and the teacher may need to do something else with the other little boy.

Thanks for allowing me to share.

G. B.

Hi M.!!!
I am sorry that this is happening to your son. I have been working in childcare for 3 year and currently work in management. Like you have already stated at their age this is a way for them to communicate because they are unable to verbalize all their needs. In childcare you are going to find: biting, hitting, pushing, kicking, etc.... just as much as it is happening to your child it happens to others and the teachers, BUT the situation can be controlled. There is a myth floating around 3 times a child bites they have to leave... nope.. Licensing does not say that. You might want to suggest to the teachers about shadowing..... IF the teachers have any training or knowledge of toddlers they KNOW they can Contain the situation. When diapers are being changed then the child should be sat in a chair with a belt or high chair or in the diaper changing area with the teachers. When playing they should be right at their side.
Toddlers bite for 3 reason: Teething *usually the excuse a parent gives* frustration *cant verbalize* or that they are getting picked or stuff taken away.
YOu can mysterious make the child stop but the teacher can contain it, if they dont know how then they either need to be trained or the director needs to step in a help give ideas.
E.

I would NOT bring it up to the other mom. However, I would talk with your child's teacher to work on ways to prevent it from happening again.

Hello...You do realize that MANY things can be spread by getting bit?????? Things that one can not get rid of. That is your child and you need to put a stop to it! I also taught school and that SHOULD NOT happen!!! My husbands brother bit while in school and got sent home. They told his mother he could come back when he stopped! Good Luck!!

Since you are friendly with the mom of the biter, I would speak to her. (I would let her know that I found out by being nosy rather than the school so she doesn't get mad at the school). I would speak to her from a friend angle because most schools will not continue to put up with the biting. Usually if it isn't something that is corrected quickly they could expell him from the school which would probably be a bigger problem for her. Also, biting is a very nasty habit especially if the child is breaking the skin. Our mouths are full of germs. The parent may not even realize how severe of a problem she has and appreciate you coming to her.

Hi M. -

This is a tough one. When my son was younger he was bitten first and it hurt so bad to see those teeth marks on his body. Then guess what? He became a biter. I felt even worse when it was my son who was biting. In my case my director suggested using the "phrase no biting, biting hurts our friends". I am just so thankful that my director worked with us to help us get past this. In our case I think my son was acting out. It was at a time where his daddy and I were first separated. I would just continue to be in communication with your director it's touchy though because in my case the tables turned on me.
The way I look at it be firm but also be understanding because the time may come where you and your son may need some extra understanding. These kids never cease to surprise us!

Hang in there! Keep us posted as to what is happening with this.

Biting is a tough deal! I used to work at a daycare center and the ages that they go through biting (1-2) are very tough, they are simply hard ages to teach, it is so hard for the parent of the biter, and of course the "bitee" you can't just have the attitude that you want it stopped, that is unreasonable. There is simply no way to follow that child around and watch every move he makes, kids are very sneaky when they bite, it can happen right under your nose. I wouldn't say anything to your friend, because you shouldn't know anyway. Good luck, it will stop!

It is the teachers that should make sure this does not happen again. I would have a talk with them about this immediately.

I hope he doesn't get bitten again!! Liz