Disrespectful Behavior

I read an article about nagging and stopping the habit of nagging your kids to do stuff that suggested that you give the kids the control of when they do the chore. So, in the clean your room example, you tell the kid: your room needs be cleaned by dinner time. Then you don't say anything else about it- let him watxch TV or play or whatever, then at dinnertime, you go check to see if it is done. If not, he has to do it before he can eat. Then you hold your ground hard: no food until the room is clean; ignore any tears or tantrums and calmly remind him the deal was to clean your room before dinner time. I am not sure I can be this hands off about it and maintain my cool, but thought I would throw it out there as an idea. Maybe instead of a warnning and timeout system, you could move to a deadline and consequence system. This is from the Love and Logic ideas. It is unfortunate that your little ones are mimicing. That makes it all so much more stressful! I have the hardest time with the Love and Logic stuff because I always end up sounding like I am giving a threat instead of stating a logical consequence.

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Just some commiseration... my ds7 is SO right there. In a lot of ways we're revisiting the terrible 3's all over again. 1st verse! Same as the first! ALL our rules we're having to reground.

A friend of mine tagged the "Stupid Sixes", which was a relief... the same way the terrible twos (or three's in our case) was a relief. Okay, exhausting but developmentally normal/necessary/& on track. I'm 1/2 way to nicknaming the 7's either the bipolar 7's, or the defiant 7's. Lightswitch Sevens just made it into the running!

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I have a 7 year old who I swear LOVES getting into trouble. But he is a very sweet boy 98% of the time. My trick is I ask him once.....if he doesn't do it I let him know that he will lose the TV for the remainer of the day/night. Ask a second time.....if he doesn't do it I ask him to hand me his Wii controls and his games. Ask a third time and he still doesn't do it.....he writes for me 50 times AND all of the above for 1 day.

Perfect sentences, spelling, penmanship etc.
"I will listen when I am asked to do something" or whatever you choose.

For not cleaning his room I hand him trashbags and say "Bag it up!" and he will have to do extra things to earn a bag back.

He HATES writing and will often bend after the second attempt. I also punish with book reports on a book I choose, extra homework etc. I don't take much away as I know it doesn't phase him much. BUT I do mention a show he loves to watch and instead of saying no TV...I let him watch TV until his program comes on then say "your grounded from it per your punishment" Let's them know your serious and hitting them where it hurts. It won't hurt until they really want it.

I also treat him how he treats me. If he wines when I ask him for something, I get in my "whiney kid mode" and I do the same thing when HE wants something of me. Reminding him that he doesn't like it, so why should I. It works when they want a snack, to use the computer, to stay up late etc. It teaches him the old saying "treat others how you want to be treated"

A switch does turn on about 8 years of age where they are feeling there own person so to speak. They are very emotional, get frustrated more easily at times and some kids handle it better than others. I would try to speak with him and make sure nothing is happening at school. My favorite line is its hard for me to communicate with you when you are acting this way. Usually going to their room to calm down or actually some hard work or cleaning canhelp them work it out.

I agree with the other mom about "Love and Logic." Most school districts offer these parenting classes developed by Dr. Foster Cline. One example of a technique you will learn is: Allowing natural consequences to occur. What is a natural consequence of not cleaning your room?? You don't have to nag or tell him to do it. Let it get messy. A natural consequence may be that he can't have a friend over to spend the night because the room is embarrassing to you. Or he may not have any clean clothes or a clean karate uniform because they were not in his hamper when you came in his room to get the laundry. Or he can't find his baseball glove when it is time to go to practice and coach makes him run laps for being late. Take the class. You will learn the "tools" much better than I can explain here. "LOVE AND LOGIC"

If it's any consolation, my 7 1/2 daughter is doing the same thing as well. If I'm remembering correctly, my now 10 year-old was very trying during this time as well. I guess it's just an age where they start testing the boundaries again. I know a lot is expected of them at school and they probably just have a hard time keeping up with high expectations all day long. Stick to your guns and hang in there mama!

It is time to talk to his teacher to get a handle on his outside influences. I am not saying that is his only problem but it will help you know if the new friend is a problem. Be consistant. Have a talk with him before he does anything distructive or disrespectful when things are calm about being a family and his part in it. What if everyone else wanted to experience "bad"?
Remember sometimes he is just venting, its not really you. He can vent in his room, not where his sisters can hear him.