Discipline a 13Month Old?

she is a baby --- no she has no idea on why she is sitting in the time out chair or reflection chair... but looking out thewindow is nice..

she is whining cause she isa baby.. and babies do that she cant talk yet so she is often frustrated.. things will get better when she can talk and walk..

I would stop thetime out chair until at least 2. they really dont get it..

Both your kids are different. Treat them as such, don't compare and don't try to make one like the other. Positive re-inforcement helps, but your needy child is dependent and some kids are just like that personality wise, so disciplining at that age might not do much good. She will quite likely end up being your sensitive one.

I have 18 month old twins, and we've given them time-outs from the start. A good rule of thumb is one minute per year of age. We give them time-outs consistently when they are doing things they shouldn't be.

With the whining for no reason, I wouldn't give a time-out for that. It's not really breaking a "rule". You just need to completely ignore it. When you do this, chances are it will get worse before it gets better. Time-outs should be used when children and doing things they shouldn't be doing, not necessarily things that annoy us (and I completely understand how frustrating it is to have her like that).

I wouldn't call Bella "needy" I'd call her "motivated!" She knows what she wants and she is trying to find ways of getting it, mostly by getting your attention. Do you KNOW what she wants most of the time, but it is not an option?? If so, tell her - "You want to go outside and play. We can do that after lunch. Right now you need to play inside" And make sure she hears that you can go later. Or you can try to distract her "You want to go outside - I love going outside, too! After lunch we can. We can play in the sandbox with the toys! I LOVE the sandbox!" etc....

If you don't know what she wants, you can try teaching them sign language, which is incredibly easy to do. Kids don't have that many needs and desires, so you just need to teach them how to do a few signs and then they can "ask" for what they want. Get a book on baby signing, really it is very rewarding.

It sounds like the "reflection chair" is working because she has lots to look at outside, she would probably respond to distraction and redirection techniques. As my mom used to say "Change her mind" so she can think about something else. She is a bit young for discipline techniques. Just keep giving her new stuff to do. She sounds pretty smart and probably needs a fair amount of stimulation. As she is getting a bit more mobile, you may want to give her safe things to climb around on and use to cruise. she will be running before you know it and THEN you will have your hands full!!!

I think Mom2 is right, you have two very different children and although there may be a tendency to compare, I would really try not to. I'm sure this is difficult with twins but I think it keeps you from seeing them as individuals. The reality is that qualities that you find challenging now may benefit her in the future. She sounds very assertive and is probably very smart. "Spirited" kids are often looked at negatively because they are more difficult for us as parents to deal with but many of these kids grow up to do great things because of how they see the world differently. Whereas "easy" kids may not know how to be leaders or how to stand up for themselves. I think the point is that all personality types have their positives and their negatives. Try to see the good in both types.

I also agree that a timeout at that age is too early, she definitely will not understand why you are doing it. Whining, although annoying isn't really something that is worthy of discipline. You might talk to your pediatrician about it and hear what they have to say. It could be teething related or an ear infection that's causing some of it. All kids handle pain differently.

Each child may need different discipline styles depending on their personalities and what works for them.

The time out reflection chair isn't recommended for children this age as they don't understand it and won't learn anything from it, as it can backfire later on when she is old enough to get it.

Redirecting and positive reinforcement, anticipating the child's behavior problems and learning to confront the issue before it happens and lots of attention are the best things you can do at this point. I strongly recommend this book, it is worth it's weight in gold and it can help you out in so many ways.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0316779040/carroll...

In the meantime, here are some of his articles that can be helpful:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/t060100.asp

You have some really great advice here. The only thing I'd add, is I'd recommend reading the 5 Love Languages book(s) by Gary Chapman. It addresses different people's personalities and emotional needs. If you can recognize your daughters' personality differences at this age and address them and speak their love language (physical touch, attention, gifts, etc.), they will be happier, more secure and better adjusted.
This book was a godsend for me with my 5 kids.

I used timeouts for my son early on, but that is because he was biting. I knew it was related to teething, but I still had to make him understand that he could not bite people. I don't think I would use timeout for whining (as annoying as it is to listen to it) at this age. I do use it for my 4 year old daughter because I feel like she is old enough to be able to use her words appropriately. At 13 months, they are just trying to get your attention and don't know how to speak. Maybe you could work on some baby sign language? That would help them to communicate some with you and limit the frustration that lack of communication brings at that age. I agree with the other poster that said to ignore the whining. This is so much easier said than done, but it is effective in the long run. I wish you the best. I can't imagine having two at one time. Give her attention when she isn't whining (positive reinforcement) and try to ignore her when the whining starts. I hope this helps!

I have a 2 1/2 year old. I don't see discipline being developmentally appropriate until closer to 18 months. There where times when I wished my independent daughter where a little more needy and clingy, but that just wasn't her personality. Don't punish her for having a different personality. and no I don't think your daughter understands what the "reflection" chair is for. Best of luck. Its a curse to have to compare your daughters and wish one was more like the other. You'll be preferring the characteristics of the needy one for some aspect of her personality at some point.

Hi K.,

The answer is that you don't. A 13-month old has no idea what a reflection chair is. Rather than trying to get Isabella to "understand that she does not need to cling to you", you would be more effective trying to understand why she feels she needs to. Your daughter is trying to tell you something with her behavior. Not all kids (or all adults) have the same needs, nor do they progress as the same level. It is perfectly understandable that your daughter's have differing needs. You can best help Bella by understanding and validating her feelings. When a child's needs are met, when they feel that someone understands them, they have no reason to act out.

If I can be of any further help, feel free to contact me.
Be well,
G. B., M.A.
Child Development Specialist & Parent Educator
www.GilaBrown.com

Well, I just wrote 60 lines in response to your request, and deleted it, realizing my main hope is that you not compare your children. A child can't be less cautious or clingy because her parents want her to be. A child can ultimately learn to deny her genuine emotions and needs if a parent insists on it, but she won't be a different person. The needs will just go underground and emerge in some other way, perhaps more troubling.

And if your kids weren't so available for comparison, I'm guessing you would have less trouble making allowances for each of them. It must surely be harder to do that when you have one who's relatively easy, and one who's relatively needy.

Discipline is a whole other area. I've known dozens of families with young children, and those who practice compassionate parenting with empathetic communication and clear expectations have always ended up with great kids. The early years are a challenge, no matter what techniques you employ, because there is a long, slow learning period in which children are often frustrated by their parents' requirements and schedules. Rather than "correcting" or punishing a child so young, what usually work are distraction, redirection, anticipating problem situations and avoiding them whenever possible. All good strategies.

Hello K.,

An interesting dilema. But I am not sure just how you can change a child's personality....or neediness. A need suppressed or ignored and extinguished may become more of a problem later. (Can I trust Mom/Dad will help me? Do I bother them with my emotions? Are my feelings bad? ...can you see how it might lead to shame and confusion?) Yes, we all eventually have to learn to hold stuff in for the sake of getting along with others, but this skill comes in stages.
Also...is it possible she likes looking at the backyard? If she's calm and quiet, maybe whining is a way she gets a change of scenery? I doubt she can understand "consequence/reflection etc"

I have to also agree Peg M. I believe that most behavior problems at that age are caused by not anticipating them. You have to realize that just because Olivia isn't mobile yet, doesn't mean that Bella has to stay put and wait for her. I promise you that when Olivia starts cruising, she will act the same way. Now is the time to anticipate what they will be getting into. Get down to their level and see what they could reach that might cause a problem and fix it. Latch cupboards, give up the coffee table center piece. It's not that she's trying to get on your nerves. She's curious and excited to test out her new found skills! It seems like basic baby-proofing is all you really need, but it will be worth it in the long run.

I'd look into sensory issues with Bella. If she is calm and quiet when there is less stimulation, over stimulation may be causing her behavioral issues.. The book Out-of-Sync Child may be helpful.