Dinner Time Stresses Me Out!!!

Oh B., I feel your pain honey! I have the exact same experience...My Mother is the 'Mother' of all mothers! She would cook, clean, iron during the day, have dinner on the table for us all at 4:30pm, then go to work at 5:30pm and work until midnight. In the morning, she would get up and do it all again...all the while NEVER losing her cool...HOW!?! I still have NO idea...she is my role model, and I felt like a schmuck not living up to her standards! HA I've since gotten over it (my first advice to you!) and started looking for ways to make life a little easier on myself!

I few months ago (June?) I discovered Dream Dinners...SAVED my friggin' life girl! You order what you want online, make an appt at the location you want, go in for 1.5-2hrs for ONE day, and make all your meals...FRESH ingredients!! You take them all home (as many as you wanted to make) put them in your freezer...and RELAX! ;-) On Sunday, you pull out 3 of them, and for 3 days in the week you have a stress free meal...all you have to do is cook the darn thing!! The meals are a TINY bit more than if you bought all the ingredients at the store, and did it yourself, however the TIME SAVINGS is WAY more than this extra expense! I no longer have to try and cook/plan/etc. these meals while trying to keep my sons from strangling each other, changing diapers in the middle of everything, and wondering what my spouse will think of the meal! As I said, on Sunday, I take three meals out of the freezer, then give my spouse the choice of which of the 3 he wants me to make that night! SO EASY!
I still feed my children first (cheese, crackers, meat, grapes, green beans, pudding) and then have my dinner after that...just easier for me! We've tried the 'sit together for a meal' several times and we are SO not there...it just becomes WAY too frustrating for everyone...I figure we'll get there, just not today!
For the other times in the week (non-Dream Dinner days) I either fix something in the crockpot, a hearty soup or frozen pizza on Fridays! I keep it SUPER simple on the 'off' days, knowing that for at least 3 days a week we will have a really good, put-together meal! The Dream Dinners I go to is on Sunnyside Rd, in Clackamas...they are GREAT, I'm telling you!
Hope this helps in some way, and gives you some additional coping ideas!
I totally understand where you are coming from...and just try to breath and take it one dinner at a time!! Hang Tough!!

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B., I don't have any practical advice, but your post made me want to write you anyway. You made me laugh out loud because all that you said is so honest and so much like how I feel some nights. Honestly, isn't half the annoyance that you are magically expected to come up with an idea for dinner every night, without end? The answer I dread most of all is "I don't know. Anything you want to make sounds good to me." Okay, tacos it is.

Don't let your mom's example set a standard that makes you unhappy. She may never admit it, but I bet there were days when she wanted to lose it.

Actually, I do have some practical advice. My fallback easy dinner is a roast chicken from the grocery store plus a salad. I always follow the rule a friend gave me for salad: throw in something red, something sweet and something fatty (cheese, avocado). I add nuts and beans whenever possible. It is amazing how many different combinations you can come up with for a salad with that formula. Here's to you and here's to cheese!!!

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Hah! I know how you feel sometimes. And btw my niece has the same ureter thing--strange. Here's what me and my husband do: We make pretty much the same meals every week and they have to be eeee-zeee; unless I feel really ambitious, I wait until my husband gets home before I start to cook so he can watch the kids (and they've missed him while he was gone). It's still pretty chaotic--I don't know if there's any getting around it--but we're done by about 6:30 when we move on from dinner to the bath, books and bed routine. So even after a rough dinner time I know it's going to be sleepytime soon and my hubby and I will get a little quiet-time. Hang in there...

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Ok, if it helps at all, I feel your pain. My hubby and I both work full time, and I have a 7 yo with Celiac Disease (no wheat, rye, barley or gluten), a 9 yo picky eater who "hates" everything and a 17 yo who does not eat red meat, fish or pork.

Things that help me not beat them with a wooden kitchen spoon are:

* crockpot meals of chicken and rice, served with a salad and fruit.

*"cold plate" meals - just put out everything you have in the house in cute plates (sliced meats, vegies, fruit, olives, crackers, jello, peanuts, whatever .. people snack their way through the meal. Sometimes I make fruit/yogurt smoothies with this meal for a little extra nutrition.

* personalized pizzas - I get some frozen pizzas, then set out olives, mushrooms, sliced tomatoes & pineapple. People decorate their own slices.

Two tips - Don't try to get people to sit down to dinner on your timetable. They'll play, go to the bathroom, wander about, ignore. Get dinner on the table when they are ready to eat. It's much more pleasant than trying to get them to the table when you are ready to serve.

Our rule if something is too spicy, "yucky" ,or you just don't want it: Get a bowl of cereal with milk and sit down with us and chat.
Cereal can be healthy and is fortified, whole milk has lots of nutrients and calories, and it is a perfectly fine food with no arguing about the dinner that has already been made.

Remember - it's not about home cooked gourmet meals, it's about family fun and bonding time. Hang in there!

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First things first - come to peace with the fact that you and your mother are separate people. Ironically enough, most of our mothers didn't teach us the skills in the kitchen like they were - mostly because of women's liberation and modern conveniences like pre-made meals by Costco.

You are not a failure. You are perfect just as you are. So now that your fear is dealt with, try working within your own skill set and desires. I once read that if one person is soley responsible for the care and feeding of the family, it begins to feel like slavery and, in essence, your feelings of resentment begin. I understand that you are a SAHM, but that doens't mean your partner can't be part of the process.

Have you tried going to Dinner's Ready or Dream Dinners? It's a life saver and was founded on just about every single principle you wrote up above.

I wish you luck and a solution that works for you.

A.

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I have to say your post brought a smile to my face, not because I was laughing at you but because I can totally relate. I work full time outside the home but we try to have a sit at the table dinner every night so I have to plan like crazy to make that happen.

Each weekend I make a menu so I know how to plan groceries and prep for each day. Also when I plan for a casserole or another dish that freezes easily, I make 2 or 3 of the same dish and freeze them in the cheap aluminum casserole pans. I have found it is just as easy to make 1 casserole as it is to make 3. So when I have a late day I can use one of my frozen meals instead of cooking something from scratch. I also sometimes plan for a day where I cook all day. My husband takes our son for the day and I cook and prepare food to freeze for easy meals. It is a lot of work for one day but makes the rest of the month easy.

Since both my husband and I work outside the home we usually follow the rule - one cooks, one cleans. The same can apply with your situation because you work all day too! You have a 24 hour a day job, your husband only has and 8 hr job. He should help you the minute he comes in, take the kids or cook the meal or clean up, anything is better than nothing. He can get his down time when the kids are in bed.

Oh, one other thing. We expect our son to eat what we eat. I only allow for other things if what I am making is too spicy. If you set that expectation your children will learn to eat what is given to them.

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We have gotten several meals from Dream Dinners and have found that they are easy to cook and usually require very little clean-up. I don't have a kid eating regular food (yet) but the dinners seem to be pretty kid-friendly. I really like that I do not have to think about what to make, or waste the extra food that I would have bought to prepare each dinner. Some of the Dream Dinner meals include dairy, but since you select the meals from their menu and prepare them yourself, you could always choose ones that are dairy free, or just skip the dairy on some that may just have a little. It just takes 2 hours to make 24 dinners.

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I feel your pain!! I totally hate dinner time too! And I am super impressed that you even make casseroles and things ahead of time. I never get that far... My 4yr old is a good eater, but my 2 yr old is super selective too and she will only eat certain things and if you try something new, she won't eat it. So we do a lot of pasta wheels and red sauce (no cheese needed!) I just cook the pasta and drain then throw in canned spag sauce- stir, you're done. Super easy. Frzn peas, canned green beans, or steamed broccoli are typical. My 2yr old amazingly loves Rice-a roni, pizza, chicken nuggets and ravioli- all easy things. Don't feel guilty about not cooking home cooked 4 course meals! It's not worth the effort! Oh, and if you find a private cook, let me know- I would so love one too!! I hope some of this helps!
K.

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Honey.... Relax! You have 2 very small children, nothing is ever going to go as planned. If you stop trying to imagine how dinner will go, you won't be disappointed. Make easy meals, like baked chicken, salad and rice, or crock-pot meals. Also, don't make you daughter separate meals, it's not necessary. Kids will eat almost anything that adults will, it's all a matter of what you expect.

Also, it sounds like you could use some help. Invite a female friend or relative over a couple of days a week. One person can watch the children while the other cooks. It's so much more pleasant, you get to chat and make a nice meal. My best friend has a 5 month old, I have a 4 year old and we make our meals together 2-4 times a week. It's a 2 person job to have an infant and a toddler.

Good luck!

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B.,

I am a personal Chef! Here are some hints that I used before I went to culinary school and actually use them now that I cook for a living.

I made a menu for a week or 10 days - shopped for everything, leaving some of the perishables for a different trip to the store when I needed milk or something. Then I would post it on the fridge and when my boys were napping I would get everything together, casserole, main dish, salad, side dish etc. Then because my husband had/has a job where he doesn't always come home at the same time. I'd call around 4 to get his ETA - with everything ready and the kitchen cleaned early in the day, all I had to do was pop the main dish in the oven, bbq it, or pull it out of the crock pot.

I don't know where you live, I'm in Hazel Dell in Vancouver but if you want help planning menus and figuring this out email me off line and I would be totally willing to help. I'd even cook for you for a fee! I have a ton of easy to use cook books and recipes..

J. Muck ____@____.com

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Amen to eating out! I would eat out every night if it were not so expensive. A personal chef would definitly be nice. However I just have myself and a low budget. And all I have to say is Four Course Meals??!! Let's be happy we served a veggie with our hot dogs! When my husband gets home from work he takes a bit to relax and then he plays with the kids while I make dinner. Then he cleans the dishes while I get the kids ready for bed. Kind of a tag team effort but it sure takes some of the pressure off me and gets dad involved. I wish you the best and yeah for cheese!

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B. -

Don't worry we all experience this...my suggestion is cook healthy things all of you like. I know that it is us wives that set the atmosphere around the house. Make it purposeful to decide what kind of enviroment you want and try to be more relaxed about the things that aren't in your plans! I know I was like that but have learned to not be so stringent!

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Have you ever heard of Demarle. They have great recipies to go with their french silicone with interwoven glass bakeware that you can make everything in and no mess. Just rinse in hot soapy water, shake and put away. It's wonderful. Easy gourmet meals without the fuss. Simple recipies. I love it and their goal is to bring families back together and having fun in the kitchen making meals.
And, when your children get older, they can help you. You'd be surprised what a 3 year old can do to help. I teach 2-6 year olds at church and they love helping. At that age she can get you things for the meal, help set table, clear and put away things. And, will be a great start towards when she can REALLY help. Sometimes you have to go behind, when they aren't looking, and fix things, but they are learning.

Where do you live? I'd like to get together and share sometime. I understand the fussy eaters... my grandson.
The more we go along with fixing other foods just for them, the more they expect it. Yes, make sure there is something he likes so he is eating something nutricious, but try not making a fuss of what he doesn't eat and not a big issue about it if you do have to fix something extra for him... make it like part of the meal. If he gets hungry inbetween give him some nutricious snack and no big deal about it but the next meal is... whatever time. Baby is a different story, but usually babies aren't a problem. His brother learned to eat foods at school and now eats everything. But, the more issue is made of something special for them... they expect it. I hope this helps. Interesting. I go to Crossroads church in Vancouver. Demarle is easy to sell and share and earn at big discount for yourself and share with others and make extra money you talk about working to have extra money. You can contact me at ____@____.com

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Oh honey! You need some good ol-fashioned me time! no kids no husband maybe you in a warm bubble bath away from it all like the old calgon commercials! My secret to success is to cook up alot of starters or several freezer meals on a sunday.
Some ideas:
1.Cook up a broth and freeze it in small containers enough to start off a soup. throw in some potatoes, carrots and a few chicken breasts cut into chunks and a few handfulls of pasta and voila delicious chicken soup!
2. Make meals 1/2 from scratch and half from the store. An example is baked chicken with canned or frozen veggies and a pasta.
3. Get yourself some appliances that cook all day and you don't have to like a crockpot. I also love my rice cooker/veggie steamer. I just make the rice and veggie together at same time and only have to worry about the protein source.
4. Get some help!!!! Maybe cleaning help 1-2x week if you can afford or 1-2x a month if you are more strapped for cash. Get a sitter once in a while and for goodness sakes order food in once in a while!
5. Try one pot meals when you are having a hard day.
6. Have a failsafe food for your toddler(or a few) for those days when you have just had it. Like for my son its potatoes, hot dogs, and fried eggs.

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Sorry to respond so late, but I really feel for you. I'm still nursing my 2-year-old and gave up all dairy (it aggravates her badly) when she was just a month old. I would just about shoot somebody for a glass of chocolate milk and a wedge of cheddar.

A lot of people here have suggested Dream Dinners. We did it once, a few meals on a 1/2 price special, and it was alright. I couldn't afford it, though, unless I did it a lot--the cash savings is better when you do more.

I have 1 actual suggestion and a couple of extra thoughts:

1) don't try to time dinner for when he walks in the door. It's a nice idea, but it would be better if he could simply watch the kids while you do the cooking. Give him a hug and a snack, and turn them over to him. Then you could make dinner in 30 minutes without a struggle.

2) It won't be this way forever. I know, I know, I know, it feels that way, but at some point things will work differently.

3) My girlfriend (who married a guy with 5 boys aged 8-15) straightened me out quick by saying, "You need an attitude adjustment. Days like this aren't an exception to the norm. They are the norm, and the sooner you accept that and move on, the less you'll resent it and be able to function.

4) Dr. Sears always says: If you resent it, CHANGE it!!!!! Something's gotta give.

Best wishes and blessings.

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Please don't feel bad that you can't make a 3 course meal that everyone likes. Not many people can really pull that off. Give yourself a little grace and remember that you have a 5 week old! A few tricks I do are making double recipes and freezing half of it. next time we have that meal, just take it out of the freezer and pop it into the oven. Voila! dinner is served! Another thing I do is to prep the meal in the morning or during nap time (casserole, enchiladas, spaghetti sauce or whatever) and pull it out and stick it in the oven about 1/2 hour before we want to have dinner. Then most of the clean up is done before dinner time. I've never done Dinners to Go, but my sister gave me a few of theirs when we had our 3rd and they were really good and easy to throw together and cook. And I always store up a few frozen or refrigerated meals from Costco for days when I just can't and don't have the time to do my own meal. Fortuantely my husband is very flexible with meals which makes it easy (he just likes to have a salad whenever possible) to make whatever. We just make our kids eat what we're eating (like you do, unless it's spicy or steak) and nothing special for anyone but the 1 year old. My advice to you would be to do what is easiest for you for now. You have a newborn with needs and you are tired. This time will pass and with some mroe time, you'll be able to start to make meals again the way you want to.

Maybe you could try Dream dinners or a premade entree with a homemade side-dish for awhile and then gradually work up to a simple homemade meal. You could also wait to prepare the bulk of the meal until your husband gets home. He can play with the kids for 20-30 minutes while you have some peace to get dinner done. We did this in our house and it works well. Dinner is a little later but my state of mind is so much improved and it translates to a more relaxing meal. Although my husband balked at having to be "on" as soon as he walked in the door at first, he gradually got used to it and now enjoys his time with his daughter. She looks forward to it too. Also, don't forget that you have just had a baby and are still recovering physically from the birth of your child. The first several months with a newborn is so challenging and although you remember your Mom being a superwoman, you can't remember what it was like when she was only 5 weeks post-pardum. What you feel is very normal, so please don't feel like a failure in anyway. If anything, you sound like a wonderful Mom who focuses her energy on her kids and not on mundane household details. Cheers!

I cannot imagine getting dinner on the table with two young children so....I DON'T! This is a job that belongs completely to my husband. He arrives home at 6, takes our 3yo by his side and they put dinner together. We don't eat until 7, and he is bed by 8 but the slightly later schedule is well worth it. My son, as a result, loves to cook with his daddy and constantly amazes me with his cooking knowledge (he explained how to make mayonnaise the other day), my husband who likes to cook gets to spend this bonding time with the kiddos winding down from the day, and because he does all the cooking he plans and completes the grocery shopping. Our toddler is also, as a result, much more invested in the meal and excited to try most things we prepare.

As you mamas well know, I'm not sitting on the couch eating chocolates the whole time..I'm plenty busy with the rest of the house and our infant daughter.

So I would recommend, if your schedule allows and your partner is willing, to re-evaluate who is responsible for dinner and have, at least, a 50/50 split. For our lives, it is a source of sanity.

p.s. my hubby also does the dishes. I feel as you do that I spend so much time walking around picking up bits of this and that around the house that the idea of doing the dishes is overwhelming. I do everything else in the house (laundry, floors, etc, etc.) but the kitchen is his domain.

Hi B.. I'm not sure where you are located, but the Dinners Done Right - TONIGHT location in Tigard is great! I feel the same way you do about dinner and a bigger issue is making it to the grocery store. Dinners Done Right TONIGHT is a place where you can get the same benefit at Dinners Done Right, only you don't have to go pack them up. You just get online, select from the menu and then drive over and pick up your food. If you order 10 or more entrees, you get a discount and while it is a bit more expensive than grocery shopping, the time savings is huge. They use healthy, natural, fresh ingredients. This has been such a life-saver for me. I just buy some bags of frozen veggies or a bag salad or bread to go with it. (they also have salads, veggies, breadstick and other sides available for purchase) I hope this helps. It sure helped me. I'm just not creative in the Kitchen...especially when I'm busy with little ones all day.

I totally understand where you are coming from. I have a 5-week old daughter that nurses alot as well. I have a tough time taking a shower each day - much less making dinner. I also have a 17 month old, a 2 year old and a 4 year old. I have given up on trying to make everyone happy at dinner. They might complain at first but eventually they eat it. I used Dream Dinners before and when I was having one of those days I'd just pop it in the oven. Just an idea! But take it easy and don't let them stress you out. Good luck!

Okay B. now you need to realize that you can't do it all. Even if you don't work you still need help. When you are in the kitchen when your husband comes home, make it clear that this is his bonding time and he needs to take the kids so you can get dinner on the table. If he needs a break before coming in then tell him to sit in the car until he is ready, but you need him as soon as he hits the door. Next, you have had the kids all day and you need a break to clean up after dinner. Dad can help the kids prepare for bed. (They don't need to go to bed after dinner, but they can prepare). Sure you husband worked all day, but so did you and things cannot get done with a child or children hanging on you all day. He should get that by now. Times have changed and maybe Dad and child have dinner together and you get your alone time with the youngest without stress. Start making things easier on yourself. If your husband doesn't understand, ask him to watch the children all weekend once and see what it is like to try and cook/clean AND take care of 2 children plus have a nice home for him to come home too. He will realize it is not a piece of cake. I hope this helps and I'm sorry things are crazy, but if you don't get help you may get blood pressure issues and when you have to go to the hospital because of stress related issues, will Dad handle the kids by himself? Ask him if he is ready for that. Good luck.