Didn't Invite My Brother-in-law and Mother-inlaw Is Upset with Me.

Well, on a holiday, for my husband, I would have sucked it up and invited them. Then avoided her while she was there. It's not ideal, but I would have done it for the hubby to keep the wedge between them from getting any wider.

I have the same problem with my sister n law but I would invite them anyway because the feelings probably mutual and she probably wouldn't come and even if they do they will blend in with the other guests.

I'm with you on this one. There's nothing worse than having to HAVE to invite someone you wouldn't NORMALLY invite over to your house. JUST because they are "family" doesn't mean they are good for you.

My mom and aunt fight so we see my aunt the day after Thanksgiving. My mom is very toxic and I don't BLAME my aunt for not getting along with her. Sad that I have to almost take sides but I know EXACTLY how my aunt feels.

Being told to suck it up just discounts YOUR feelings. I know because I've been doing it for at least 20 years with my mother. Some visits are okay others end in tears. My sister's and I say "it's NOT a holiday until one of us is crying in a bedroom."

I need to understand what "things always go wrong means". I'm in a similar boat in that there are members of DH's family that are not allowed in our house or near our kids because they are dangerous drug addicted people who start fights and steal if allowed in your home.

Other than that you suck it up. If they're annoying and arrogant and hypocritical or boring and stupid you suck it up. You can sometimes use them as "teaching opportunities". Invite them for Christmas unless they're what we call "police relatives" as in every time you see them police are involved... It's OK to skip those.

Was this a family party? if not; having friends over does not automatically mean you have to have your BIL over. It was not on Thanksgiving day it was a weekend dinner. Maybe do another dinner in a month or so and see how it goes. Have another couple there so you will atleast have good conversation, if the SIL starts up ask her politely to refrain from her comments as this is a gathering of friends, and you dont want the evening marred by negitivity.

Your MIL needs to mind her own darn business. Your dinner party is YOURS to plan, not hers. If the couples you invited were not related to you, then there is not reason for hurt feelings on anyone's part. Sounds like MIL is trying to force you together, and like you said, if you don't really get along, forcing it isn't going to help. Tell your husband to tell his mommy to plan her own dinner party and guest list and keep her nose out of yours.

Just because your MIL wants a great relationship between her sons doesn't mean that's what she's going to get. Instead of subjecting the other couples to your SIL's personality, you did the right thing.

Your husband ought to endeavor to have a relationship with his brother on his own time, without putting the couples together. If you are all at his mom's house with family, that is different and you can spend as much time milling around the other family members as you can, fixing food, washing dishes, walking outside with others, that kind of thing. But outside of family is another thing entirely. I'd be upset if I were in the middle of two SIL's who didn't care for each other, or one who made everyone uncomfortable.

Tell your husband to do stuff with his brother separately. And ignore your MIL. It is your husband's job to handle her, not yours, so when she brings it up, punt the subject back to your husband. (Warn him that you'll be doing it first, though.)

Good luck,
Dawn

I am going to be unpopular. No you don't have to suck it up because they are family. Being family isn't an excuse to treat someone bad. I don't see certain members of my mothers family. I would not tolerate non family treating me and others the way they do-we sure don't have to tolerate it due to genetics. I agree with the other mom that posted your mil can have her own thing for the brothers. Especially if "things go wrong" when your sil is there. She was probably happy to do their own thing.

I don't think it's a big deal.
They may have had plans with the SIL side of family.
If your husband and brother want to do things together they have 365 days a year to do it.
IF they want to - they may not - some/many/a-lot-of siblings grow apart.
Relationships take effort, namely theirs - the brothers - and it's not your job to keep them together, nor is it your MIL's.
Her suggestion was late (you think about these things weeks in advance, not the day before when people have made their own plans), her delivery was good (quiet conversations with your husband) and it's still up to him to either take the advice/suggestion or reject it.
Your husband might not be all that fond of his SIL (or brother) either.
MIL's decision to be upset is self inflicted and misplaced.
It's easier to be irked at you than at her own sons.
Don't accept any guilt trips over it.
MIL is free to have Thanksgiving at her house next year and she can invite anyone she wants.

I agree with Jennie S. just because you're stuck with someone as family doesn't mean you have to be held hostage in your own home! If it was at your MILs then yeah, you'd have to suck it up because it's her house, she invites who she wants.. YOUR house, YOUR rules. Don't feel bad at all!

You are free to invite anyone you want over for a dinner party. It's not like you were having a family dinner and didn't invite them. Your husband should have told his mom "Mom, if we were having family and/or wanted to invite Jimmy, we would have. We are having friends over this Saturday."

Family is family. Family members can have their quirks.....you don't have to see "eye-to-eye" on stuff.
I do think it was a bit rude NOT to invite them, especially if it's his only sibling or only "nearby" sibling.....
This was on Saturday....did you get together with them at all over Thanksgiving? On Thursday? If so--I can more see the friends-only dinner on Saturday, but if this was "it" why wouldn't you have had his mom, brother & SIL? Maybe I'm not getting the situation...

I guess it would depend on the specifics. Like, what do you mean by "things always go wrong?"
Do they fight? Yell? what??

There are people in my family that are not allowed around me and my kids.
I know it's family, but, in my case, these people are dangerous. Not just annoying.
If your Brother-in-law is just annoying, I'd say deal with it. If his wife, just annoys you, Deal with it.
Unless either of them have done something that is worth not having around, Deal with it.
Or are a danger to your family, Deal with it.

In the case of my family, I have my Mother-in-law, who, honestly DRIVES ME MAD, but I deal with it because she is a good person.
You aren't always going to get a long with everyone. That's life.

I thnk if it was a family holiday gathering, they shouldn't have been excluded just because you and your SIL aren't close, don't see eye to eye, etc. Unless there is a whole lot more to the story about what goes on with her at get togethers, you may have valid reasons for not inviting them. If your party was a friends party or additional dinner party and not your only Thanksgiving gathering with DH's family, MIL definitely has no business telling DH who you should have invited. If MIL wants to be upset over it I'd ignore it, and let it be her issue.

With family you suck it up! Think about your kids grown up, don't you think you would hope one more family outing and she will come around? Think about when your kids fight, you don't tell your kids to go to their rooms and never interact, you force them to make peace.

I assure you this habit will not end just because they became adults and married.

You can either fight her on this or put your heads together to find a solution. Even if you don't find a solution her knowing your reasons and seeing that you want a good outcome will turn her attention to the other child.

Well, I don't really have enough details to go on here. I don't get along with half of my husbands family. I think most of them are arrogant, two faced phonies. But, I still see them at Christmas. Now, if they start fights and yell, are completely disrespectful to you, are mean to your children, or dangerous people then I can see you not inviting them.

Otherwise, I say suck it up. Your marriage isn't only about you. Sometimes you have to take the bad with the good.

"How would you handle the situation?" I would have invited the BIL. It's only for one day.

I would invite them anyway, and avoid her while she's there (in a polite way).

If this was a family get together, where hubby's side of the family would be celebrating the holiday, then I'd say that you should invite him. If this is an event for you and your friends, then no, just because they are another couple your age with kids does not mean you need to invite them if they are not a part of your circle of friends. If that's the situation, then I think it's inappropriate of your MIL to even comment on it, quite honestly. Your social life with friends is not her concern and not for her to get involved in.

Hi Gigis,
I'm in a similar situation. Not crazy about my BIL, but can tolerate him, and can't stand my SIL. We don't even speak. However, what I typically do is throw it to my husband or simply say I'm inviting X Y and Z, is there anyone else you want to invite. If he says no, so be it. If he says let's invite my brother I typically tell him to do it. If he forgets, not my problem. I don't want to be the cause of their disconnect, and don't think I am, but I feel better when I let him deal with his family and I remove myself. Easier that way.