Desperate for My 9 Month Old to Sleep Through the Night!!!!!

We had this issue for the past few weeks with our 20 month old and discovered that her room, despite the thermostat, gets FREEZING at night - every night. We got her a small space heater and she's slept every night since. Could he be getting cold at night even when you're not (since he's just losing heat at night you sleep with another body trading heat)?

Also, she won't sleep if she's in the same room as we are. I would HIGHLY suggest moving him to his own room, making sure he's fed (he's too old to be getting up for a bottle), warm all night, etc. and let him cry it out a few nights. At this point, his body is in the routine of waking up so even when he doesn't want to be awake he will because it's his routine. Because of that he's mad and frustrated, knows you are in the room, wants you to comfort him. Please understand the following is not a criticism, simply a statement of fact. Due to your desperation you have done whatever you had to to get him to sleep after giving a valiant effort, but eventually gave in. Because of that, he now knows you will and thus will cry as long as it takes at this point. Even for HOURS at a time. I know from experience. Also, Dawn's right - it will probably take about a week. Which is one reason why I HIGHLY recommend the following.

My advice: Leave him with a babysitter or grandparent, overnight if you can but during the day if need be and SLEEP. You HAVE to sleep. sleep deprivation is more dangerous than driving drunk and LITERALLY makes you mad - as in mad hatter. Even if you have to take a sick day from work, do it. Only after that will you be equipped to make appropriate decisions and be strong enough to stick to them in the heat of the moment - even if that's 2 am. PLEASE make sleep for you and your husband a priority before you try again. You've also said your relationship with your husband is suffering....you both need to make sleep and that a priority at this point.

I wish you were around here! LOL I would take your kids for the day so you could sleep....

{{{{{Hug}}}}} Good luck!

Hi J.,
I would put the crib in another room. Then try a MUCH earlier bedtime. When my son was this age- we started the bedtime routine around 6:30 with him in bed by 7:00 -7:30 at the latest. He slept a total of 11 hours straight at that age. The later the bedtime, the more overtired your son will be (and the more likely he will wake up throughout the night). Have you ever been so tired you couldn't sleep? Same with babies, but more so. Once the nighttime sleep straightens out, then the daytime sleep will follow.
Good luck!

Apparently I don't have anything nice to say. Good luck, no one's perfect.

I would try an EARLIER bed time rather than later. Rarely does a later bedtime = more sleep. Also, is he napping? He should be getting two naps during the day. The first will probably be in the morning for 1 to 1 1/2 hours and the afternoon nap should be around 2 hours. If he isn't sleeping during the day, he won't sleep at night. Over tired babies don't sleep well at night.

Also, you may want to consider moving him out of your room. He might be a light sleeper and disturbed by you and your husband moving around in your sleep. If one or both of you snorzes that could be waking him also. We kept our first girl in our room for only 6 weeks because she was a light sleeper. The other two we kept in our room longer because we didn't seem to be disturbing each other.

Nurse your baby or give him a bottle every time he wakes up in the middle of the night. Go to him as soon as he wakes up and get him back to sleep as quickly as you can. If you do things like changing his diaper or turning on lights or letting him cry you may be waking him up too much. They key is to get him fed and back to sleep quickly. My oldest son woke up in the middle of the night until he was 18 months old. He still wakes up some nights in the middle of the night and drinks a glass of milk or eats a sandwich. He was a hungry baby and he is still a hungry kid. He is 19 years old now and he is 6'0" and weighs 215 pounds. He is in college now and takes a tupperware container to the cafeteria to take food back to his dorm room to eat at night when he wakes up hungry. Some kids are just hungry kids and they start out as hungry babies. Feed your baby a bottle and get him back to sleep as quickly as possible. I always nursed our four babies in bed with us and then I would nudge my hubby and get him to put the baby back in the crib. Try going to bed earlier yourself to get more sleep and take naps on the weekends. Rotating who gets up with the baby in the middle of the night will also help if you can get your hubby to do it. We kept the crib in our room too because it was easier to hear the baby wake up and get him back to sleep.

It sounds like he's very overtired. I would suggest trying a much earlier bedtime - start your bath routine so that he is in his crib by 6:00pm or 6:30pm. Also, with regards to naps - babies cannot tolerate being awake for long stretches of time at this age, so try to have him down for his first nap around 2 1/2 to 3 hours after he wakes up - so if he wakes at 7:00am, try to have him in his crib by 10am and then same for the afternoon nap - whenever he wakes, try to have him down for his second nap about 3 hours after he wakes. Seems crazy, but babies at that age need a ton of sleep. He may still wake once a night for awhile to have some milk as they are growing alot at this time, but that should gradually stop as he becomes less overtired. Good luck and don't give up on the earlier bedtimes and the consistent nap times too soon. He's really overtired right now and it may take a few weeks to settle into a routine.

The Ferber method you are to leave them cry without touching them or talking to them. You can check on them to make sure they are ok but no touching or talking. I dont agree with it. Some people get it to work but I have not.

I have 4 kids. The youngest is a soon to be 4 year old boy that until recently has not slept through the night at all. Now he will a few times a week. When he does wake up he just comes to bed with me. My husband is in the army and when he is here it gets crowded because we have the 2 youngest coming to bed. I know some people dont like co-sleeping but I say some sleep is better than no sleep. I let him sleep in my bed and he does much better. I am a much nicer person when I have had sleep. He always starts out in his bed so if me and my husband (when he is home) need our time together it does not interrupt us. If we need our time in the morning I just move him to his bed. A little bit of a pain but sleep is a great thing. I would probably do just about anything to get it.

My third child was the same way and even though he is 7yo now, I still remember getting up 5-6 times a night while being a full-time wife, mother of three older children, and employee. I tried everything and in retrospect I believe that he was reacting to my being anxious about getting it all done, for instance the cooking, cleaning, laundry, bottles, lunches, etc... I do believe he had colic and would feed him during the night and learned to prop his sleeping angle to 45 degrees for easier digestion. My heart goes out to you because I understand the exhaustion, marital discord, and overall feeling that I was failing at everything. Just remember this to shall pass and get yourself some help around the house. The Mom sets the tone for the household atmosphere and if your always exhausted and unsatisfied everyone else will reflect your mood. Take some time for you because if you don't replenish yourself, you won't have anything to give to your family. Wish I could do more, A.Burnette, Hillsborough, NC

Difficult to pinpoint, but my first thought was that maybe he's getting upset tummy, due to teething and/or food he eats.
Try going back to the Stage Two, and make sure he doesn't eat late in the day, or feed him easier to digest foods. Maybe his system isn't quite ready to the Stage 3, which is not a big deal. All babies are different, and many I've know don't go to the Stage Three until they're about a year old and they do fine.
You might want to shorten his daytime napping too.
If that doesn't work, consult your pediatrician.

My youngest slept terrible in the room with us. He's a very light sleeper so he's much better shut away in his own space during sleep times. When we moved him he still woke a lot. He too could scream for 3+ hrs if I let him cry it out. We did a version of Ferber too. I put him in the crib with his sleepy music playing I pat his back 10 min. then leave. If he cried I let him cry for 10 min. then went back for 10min., and so on until he was out. At first it took forever, sometimes 2 hrs. But eventually he would fall asleep, If he didn't after 2 hrs at nap time, and showed no signs of getting ready to sleep I let him get up but about 30 mins later he'd be acting tired so we'd try again. Usually the second time didn't take long. If you're going to Ferberize you have to stick with it for it to work. Establish your rules for it (like my 10 min rotation) then don't break them. I'd give it a minimum of a week, and do it for each and every sleep time. We started at about 6 mths and at 8 mths he was finally sleeping through the night without any wakings. He got the going to sleep on his own within the first month, but the self soothing and non-waking at night took longer. He's 12 mths now and prefers that I put him in his crib turn on his music and leave quickly, he fusses if I stay in his room too long!

I agree with Whitney:

Space heater and her own room.

When we've had company and she's sleeping in the room with us, none of us get any sleep. She was sleeping fine until it got cold at night. She slept like a champ again after we got a $30 Honeywell Space heater, with all of the safety features, of course.

Have you tried gas medicine? Ask your Doctor to check for any reasons that might make him wake up so frequently in the night. It may be something in the food that causes him to have gas or he might be allergic to. Good luck! I know how you are feeling because my daughter had colic and barely slept for the first 4 months. We did finally have to do the cry it out method and found the book "Healthy sleep habits happy baby" Again Good Luck!

Hi J.,

I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. My son, who is now a year and sleeps great, was the same way. It got so bad he was sleeping in bed with us at night, and still waking up several times crying. The only thing that would sooth him was a bottle. After several months of us trying everything, out of desperation we did a modified crying it out (called the chair method). It was aweful, he cried that first night for 4 hours straight, but we stuck to it and after 10 nights he only cried for 2 minutes when I first put him down. Now, he doesn't even cry when I put him down drowsy, sleeps from 6p-6a, and if he wakes up in the middle of the night, he puts himself back to sleep. He has a terrible cold right now, and still does this on his own!!! I tell you, I feel like I have my life back - and my relationship with my husband back too.

I'm not trying to endorse anyone here, but I worked with a sleep consultant that I found - I couldn't have done it on my own. Her name is Deb - www.familysleep.com and she was amazing. We spoke on the phone for 2 hours before I started, then emailed every day, and I think we did a follow up phone call too. Having her support was invaluable. We decided to go this route b/c my son had several issues that I felt we unique and I couldn't find answers to in books (he had colic until about 6 months old, horrible reflus where he throws up when he cries, was in a hip harness b/c of hip dysplacia, etc, etc). Deb was fantastic. If you want to go that route, you won't be dissapointed. You just have to stick with it the first couple nights, they are the worst. But I stayed in the room with him when he cried and soothed him with my voice and touching him through the crib, so that made me feel better (this is all part of the "chair method".

Let me know if you have any questions, you will get through this!!!!

Best,
A.

First, I think you HAVE to get him out of your room! When he wakes up, he knows you are just right there, he can see you and maybe smell you. I would try this first to see if it works. Also know that every child is different, so what works with one child could, and probably won't work with another!!!
Good luck, I feel your pain, I have one GREAT sleeper and one that's not so good!

I feel your pain. My youngest didn't sleep through the night until she was 2 1/2 years old! At 6, she sleeps the least of any of my children. She's up until 10-10:30 every night, while the others go to bed at 8:30. When she was a baby, I ended up sleeping with her a lot, not knowing what else to do. She seems to need more cuddling and "mom time" than the rest of the kids ever did. I can't stand the cry-it-out method either, just personal preference. Have you tried a white noise machine or fan in the room? My 7-yr-old sleeps very lightly, so a fan helps her not hear small noises around the house which wake her right up. I swear a mouse could sneeze and she'd be wide awake. Good luck!

I feel like you just described my situation! Our daughter slept through at 6 weeks, my son is almost 1 yr and still wakes for food. Nothing else will do. I'll be watching the posts to see what others suggest. In the meantime, try to make a pact not to argue with each other, try to get to bed earlier, and get massages if you can.

Good luck to us both :)

Hi J.,

Are you familiar with Dr. Sears and his information on high-needs children (you can Google it easily)? This info changed our lives and helped us learn how to find a sleep solution with our high-needs son. With us, our son refused to sleep in his crib from day one. We also briefly tried crying it out and decided it was not for us when he kept going for a couple hours! I nursed my son, and he was a frequent feeder during growth spurts (I mean every 45 min sometimes!). In addition it was clear that he needed constant physical contact to feel secure enough to sleep. We started cosleeping just so we could all get more rest, and it has worked out the best for us. It helped accommodate his need to eat more often during the night until that slowed down, and it helped him stay asleep (he would reach out several times in his sleep to make sure he wasn't alone and then go right back to sleep without even opening his eyes). I know cosleeping gets a bad rap by a lot of people, but it is what our son needed and what worked best for us. Frankly I'm more interested in a good night's sleep and a secure child than doing what other people think I should do. :) They aren't there with our son crying in the middle of the night. ;) Anyway, I hope this is helpful, or at least encouraging. Check out Dr. Sears for his sleep suggestions and info on high-needs kids. Good luck!

I've recommended this book dozens of times: "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. It's available very inexpensively on amazon.com. You really need to get the book and read all of the advice and explanations, but I will offer you just one piece that stands out as something you may be doing wrong. A later bedtime never corrects sleep problems. Oddly as it seems, an EARLIER bedtime is what you need to try. "Sleep begats sleep." If a child becomes overly tired and has a chronic sleep deficit, then the brain releases chemicals to help combat the sleepiness and to help the child stay alert. These chemicals disrupt healthy sleep patterns and lead to the types of sleep problems that you are describing. I would guess that your baby has a chronic sleep deficit and needs it corrected before a healthy, regular sleep pattern can be established. Try a super-early bedtime, like 6-6:30pm. I know it sounds nuts, but it WORKS!! My daughter is 13 months old and still goes to bed between 6:15-6:45 and sleeps for 12 hours plus takes a 1-2 hour afternoon nap. Get the book if you can. It will help you so much!

Get him out of your room. If he can see you, he will want to be with you. He may be a light sleeper and any noise from you and your husband my wake him up. Get him a room with a door that you can shut. I know having him cry it out is hard and frustrating. We had the same problem with our second child, but you just may have to do it. I cried outside his door with him and it took a couple of nights. I felt like the worst mommy in the world, but if I didn't get to have some sleep, it was going to get ugly. He is three now and sleeps all night. I hope it works.

Um...good luck! My youngest was 2 before we got a decent schedule at night out of her. My oldest was sleeping thru at 3 months! All are different & respond differently. I decided co-sleeping wasn't such a bad thing...I just wanted some sleep!!!
"Cry it out" absolutely, positively did not work on baby #2. She is just as persistent today!!

Hang in there...This too shall pass!
D