Delayed?

Hi!
Just wanted to throw in: Don't forget, it's called a "delay" because it's quite possible that it's temporary and she will catch up.

Sensory issues are HUGE. They are not, however, autism. I believe all or most ASD children have sensory issues, but all kids with sensory issues are NOT autistic.

She's too young for a definitive diagnosis of ASD, just keep in mind that she'll always be perfect, regardless of any diagnosis! :)

I know you already got a ton of responses, but I just thought I'd throw in my 2 cents. My brother was said to be delayed, to have a speech problem, and something phycisal, but I can't remember exactly what it was. Not only was he in the hardest classes in school, and not only did he make great grades, he's now a pretty well-paid Engineer in Training, and he's waiting for the results for his Engineering test, and expecting a great score. He took it once wihtout studying, and barely missed-the second time he studied for about 3 months. I don't know what the results will be of the evaluation, but I did want to share that evaluations don't always mean the children are limited. My brother is relatively young, loves his job, and does very well at it. His social, verbal, and physical evaluations only stated where he was at one point in life.

Is it possible she's very shy? If she speaks well/often at home but not at school this might be the case. I hope they evaluate her at both places so they can get the full understanding of what is going on. Good luck.

My niece was a little like that at that age. At preschool she was quiet, shy, hardly talked (they thought she might be autistic). At home, she was/is loud, demanding, vocal, a little tyrant really, quite the brat. She's eight now, and there's never been anything wrong with her. It's like she somehow knew she could get her way at home no matter what, but at school, the same tactics would not work, so she'd save it up all day until she was back in her own kingdom. Not that your daughter is like that, but my point is there are kids who act quite differently in public than they do at home. That she can sit and color for a half hour at a time is excellent (no Attention Deficit problem there). She can dance with you, engage you in cute delay tactics, loves to have favorite books read to her, are all other good signs. Many kids simply do not read till almost the end first grade. A very few might read a bit towards the end of kindergarten, and a few others not till beginning of 2nd grade. "Normal" is a very broad range, and different kids have different learning styles. When my son was three and a half, he was potty trained, and we switched him from a daycare to a Montessori preschool. They were wonderful at finding out what type of learning style he was, and then engaging him in the style that worked best for him. We've moved since then. He's in public school now, fourth grade, and by one reading test reads at a freshman collage level. You might want to consider that your daughter has out grown her present daycare situation and might need a different preschool.

You are certainly the best monitor for your child's development, but you may be missing something. I'm glad you're having the testing done. It may be that she just needs a little speech therapy... it may be that she's fine. My step-daughter, now 21 years old, is low functioning autistic. I met her when she was about 8 years old. My husband said that when they had her tested, it was clear to them something was wrong. Things to look for: does she make eye contact with you/others... does she share experience with you, like points to an airplane and looks to you and says, "look, an airplane"... does she respond when you call her name (usually) or initiate a conversation. I'm no expert, but these are big indicators. I really looked into things when we had our children together because no one knows where autism comes from... both our boys are fine, btw. :)

Please be as relaxed as you can be so the testing is as accurate as it can be. Whatever the results, you love your child and you will give her what she needs. Be strong. I sincerely hope things work out well for you all.

Hi M.,
As parents, we know our children best. And because of that, maybe you anticipate her needs and "answer" her requests before she actually verbalizes them. I used to do that. Who am I kidding--I still do!!! lol But this could be a factor in why she acts differently at school.

I'm proud of you for allowing this test even though it sounds like you're not really for it. This means you're open to doing what's best for your daughter, which can be difficult if it's not our idea. Perhaps you should ask the county to test her at your home AND at school so they can give you insight into why she acts so differently. This would be good for you, your daughter and her teachers.

Before the evaluator comes, prepare your daughter so she welcomes them. Get her excited that someone new will come to the house and explain to her beforehand what to expect from them. Act as if this is a treat, because it truly is. Even if they say she's "delayed", you're getting this info early so you can help guide your daughter and bring her up to speed. And if they say she's fine, go ahead and insist she gets tested at school so everyone can figure out what the major difference is. Perhaps it's the school and you should know. (I'm not suggesting anything sinister here, just that maybe they could do more for the children in their care.)

Good luck and have fun with this. You never know, the evaluator may be a good friend down the road!!

D.

Don't let the eval worry you. I think it's a great idea. If there IS a problem, finding it early and tackling it now gives your daughter the best chance possible of achieving her highest potential. If there ISN'T a problem, it gives you some solid, objective evidence of that fact that you can use to back you up when talking to teachers and daycares. It's possible she's very shy with strangers and it's possible she is completely developmentally normal and just reacting to something troublesome in her environment when she's "not herself." BUT if there is a developmental issue, you need to know it so you can do what is best for her! Best of luck!

M., my son who is now 5 was evaluated by the county around the same age as your daughter and he was "delayed" in a few areas. I didn't really see it before they pointed it all out. However, for the past 2 years he received services from the co. and attended the developmentally delayed preschool in the co. He has come so far and has tested out of the "dd" category. I say this to encourage you that what the co. has to offer is good and will help your daughter. My husband and I were very worried about it, but it has been great. And the people that work directly with the children are very good.

`Hello

My son was barely speaking at two and he was evulated by his peditrician and she decided to put him in speech. Likewise from the other comments children learn at there own pace. If she seems fine at home I am not sure that I would worry too much they act different when they are not around thier parents. If you are very concerned take her to your peditrician and they will tell you what is going on the daycare is just that a daycare unless they have a
medical doctor on sight.

P.S. I also want to add that my youngest is now in kindergarten and there are kids in his class who are 5 and 6 that still don't know their abc's or numbers.

People love to give their opinion when they know not what they are talking about.
If she is growing normally and all that stuff looks ok then she will be fine.
Good luck to you,
K.

M.,

My daughter was very much the same way at her preschool/daycare. She only went to school/daycare 2 days per week. She was very shy and quiet at school, she played in close proximity to other children, but played by herself or would play with her teachers. I can tell you this much, at home she was the life of the party, singing and dancing. She had a vocabulary of over 1000 words by 18 months, she spoke in complete sentences, could form her own questions, knew all of her shapes, colors, numbers, and most letters. She is now 2 and 1/2 and is starting to read as well. She has been in her daycare for over a year now. Up until a month or so ago she still preferred to play with the teachers or by herself. She now plays with her "friends" as she calls them as well as her teachers. As her teacher puts it, "Maddie has finally come into her own". It takes a long time for children to feel secure in their surroundings. Maddie is an only child and hadn't spent a lot of time with other children. I work full time from home while tending to Maddie and my husband works outside the home. The majority of her time has been spent with only adults. I think it was a harder transition for her to get used to being around all the other children. Try not to stress out about the test, each child is different and will "come into their own" in their own time frame. Good luck and God Bless!

I wouldn't worry to much. It sounds like she will be just fine. My five year old is shy- it takes alot for him to warm up to people and sometimes he just doesn't. He reacts to situations in his own way and that is just him and he has allways been that way. I was told by people it wasn't normal behavior at time, but have learned that it is him and we work on it.

My three year old is a show stealer. he loves the spot light and will talk to anyone. However at his one year check up he dropped of the charts and they had me start coming in for weekly evaluation that really freaked me out... two years later he is just fine, smaller but just fine.

on the abc, numbers and colors- she is listening and learning she just may not be showing it. My oldest would tell me all the time when I started working with him that it was just too hard He was around two and a half- by the time he was four I felt I was at a loss and never going to succeed at the teaching process (I do home preschool). Then I came across a video "the Letter Factory" by leap frog and he learned his letters overnight literally... it just was a new way and more fun then my way I guess. I was amazed so I started trying other ways for the numbers and colors and when I made it a fun game it worked. My three year old caught on and was doing all of it before he was three- we are just working on number recognition with him...

In short all kids learn at their own speed and level. Expecially in the years between 2-5 there is so much to learn and it will happen, you just have to be patient with them and make it fun...

Good Luck
L.

Take heart in knowing. It's best just to check it out and see. Try not to worry too much and stress about it. In the long run if there is some delay it's best to catch it now so that she can get on track before kindergarten. If they determine that she isn't developmentally delayed I would seriously consider a different school. It could be the teacher or something else making her uncomfortable and you may find her flourishing in an environment better suited for her.

Hang in there!

First of all, I would not fault the daycare at all for suggesting this to you. Having your child evaluated is a free service, and will provide you with valuable information about what a typical child your child's age would be doing. In addition, in the state of Maryland, your child could qualify for a number of free services to correct any difficulties NOW, rather than waiting until she is in school and could have even more problems later. We have a lot of friends who have tiny speech difficulties who get free all all day preK and even some who get all day care even younger than that with bussing included. If you get her evaluated and she has even a tiny little problem, it could end up actually saving you a lot of money! Totally free schooling during the day by highly trained certified teachers, which most daycares do not have. Public schools are the best gigs out there for preschool teachers, they have the best pay and benefits so you know the teachers are the highest paid and educated in the area. Also, many developmental delays can be treated and resolved very quickly through early intervention programs- they are hands down the most effective special education services available. Sooo, by having her tested you could qualify for TONS of free services, any of which you can refuse. You can't lose!

I would have her evaluated at home- a good evaluator would ask you lots of questions about typical behavior anyway. And though it is scary, knowing the situation can only help your child now. There probably isn't going to be anything wrong, and it sounds like if there is, it's not going to be anything major. So try not to worry about it, but with your child being so close to age 3, anything they find, they will provide free treatment for. Do it!

I havent read the other responses but all i have to say is that trust your jugdement with her and how she acts. Sounds like to me the daycare is a little bit off but also why would they say those things if they not true but you have to make that call. The daycares and schools for that matter you have to realize that they have alot of children to deal with but your her mother and you know her best it doesnt matter that she is different at daycare. my question is that if they do the test at daycare and it does show delays at daycare how come she's not like that at home. Just because it takes longer to talk around other people and the kid is so shy does not mean something is wrong with kid.My son didnt talk right till he was about 3 and he shows no sign of anything wrong. I was a very very shy kid. It does not hurt to do the test at daycare to see what they find. They need to realize that they are also just a daycare(i worked in daycare for almost 4 years, I know a little bit about how it works...lol)and what they do does not give the right to say something is wrong with your child but you also have to make that call. GOOD LUCK AND REM TO TRUST UR OWN JUDGEMENT

I remember my daughter at this age and her school teacher telling me in a conference that she didn't know how to talk, didn't know her colors, didn't like to socialize with the other kids and would hit them if they touched her. I asked her if she had the right child because at home she doesn't stop talking, knew her colors and was very affectionate with others. She had a lot of trouble separating and when we stepped into her school room and she saw all the activity she was like a deer caught in headlights. we dumped the binky and she talked more, but she still didn't speak up for herself much. this year we tried a much smaller school and she is a much different child. She is still clingly and sometimes shy, but i think that just goes with personality. I wouldn't worry too much about the colors. my son is the same age now. he knows his colors and body parts, but the county comes to see him for speech and is all over him not knowing barnyard animals. they all have there own focus. get the eval done where you feel comfortable having it done, take the results with a grain of salt and maybe look for another school.

Hi M.. Our now 2 year old son actually sees an Occupational Therapist through the Arlington County PIE program and has been enrolled for about 9 months now. The county program ends at 3 years old, but then the local schools take over. Like you, I was also weary of our doctor's advice to get him screened (he was a little delayed on learning to walk, gross motor isues, etc), but in the end, it's been wonderful. The OT meets with our son weekly (they come to our home, but they can easily meet him at school, or wherever you like), and they've developed a very special bond. While he is only slightly delayed (I think they call it "atypical", not an actual percentage), I am very happy he is receiving a little extra boost now, so when he is in elemntary school (although, I think he may stop in a few months, he is progressing well), he has joined his peers at all levels. The evaluation doesn't mean he will need services, they just want to see where her skills are in a range. Be honest with the person doing the eval and express any and all concerns you have. Good luck!

Hello M., do you think that they would consider doing 2 evaluations? I can relate to some extent of how a child can seem one way some place else and another at home. My 2year old would act stand-offish at school, wouldn't interact w/ the kids ,but would socialize w/ he teachers.I would tell them she wasn't quiet at all once she was home, but I understand that she not new to the school so it makes me wonder myself. So just see what else you can do and don't let them lable her.
*I don't know where you live,but my aunt is a speech pathologist and maybe she could give you a little more in=sight or tell you questions to ask or what to look for. Sometime we may notpick up on something because they are our children. Her name is Sharon and her home # is ###-###-####.

Good Luck and God Bless

Hi,
My daughter had a developmental delay and language delay - we have her in Child Find through Prince William County - she is almost 3 1/2 now and has been in 'therapy' since she was about 2 (she was in PIE then - parent infant education program). She's really done well with all the extra help. I was really nervous in the beginning and confused with everything, but it has been the best thing for us. She has gotten 1-on-1 attention with her developmental skills and language issues and is now talking up a storm and has caught up in her development (for the most part). She's still behind in the language area - but not nearly as far as she was. She is in a small speech class now (4 kids) and they meet for 1 hour every week at the local elementary school.

My thoughts are that it can only benefit her - especially if she qualifies and she gets that extra attention. I didn't want my child 'labeled', but to watch how quickly she has overcome her developmental delay and to watch her language grow during the time she's been in the program has been amazing! She's had great teachers and I have been involved in everything since the beginning which has helped her and me (I have learned so much about how to work with her).

Hope this hleps - if you want, we can talk more off line - send me an email - ____@____.com

Well first off take this evaluation lightly. I don't agree with your school I believe she needs to be evaluated at home where she is at her best to show what she CAN do not what she is willing. Because she just might not like the teachers or maybe she doesn't have any friends. You would be amazed at how big of an impact that would have. You might not be as forceful as her instructors at school. Me personally if the evaluation is done and she passes with flying colors i would see about changing schools. They are either not the teachers for her or they are looking for money. Because if you child is found to be delayed they get extra money for watching her. Because from what i hear she sound completely normal. I've spent so much time with children i could tell right away. I have even help a parent who had a child who was delayed to get him up to speed. Also i want to point out that all delays doesn't mean there is something wrong with them it may very well mean they haven't be stimulated in the correct way. So don't get upset if you haven't honestly noticed a delay there prob. isn't one. The biggest indication is can you talk to her and she responds in some way. (for her age it should be verbally) Good luck

Hi,
This is a touchy situation. Anyone should know that most children are themselves at home verses other places. As your child aways been like that at the Daycare?
My daugher is 2 and 9 months. She knows her colors but not her ABC's. She knows like 2 or 3 letters. She can sing them a litle bit. Children learn at different times. I don't think her actions regarding letters and colors are abnormal.
That is just my opinion. The evaluation isn't a bad idea. If there is something that she is behind then you work with her to to catch up. I wouldn't worry to much. She also seems very shy from what you say how she acts at the daycare. Is she shy at other places? Try not to let this upset you to much. You and your family can work this out together. Just don't look at it as a bad thing just a bump in the road if there is something wrong.
Good Luck
Everything will be fine.
S.

It's normal to be worried, concerned...I'm sure everything will work out either way. I didn't speak till I was 3, and my DSD was behind in speech as well...both kids had a few social issues when they were younger, but have developed nicely and are even advanced....but even in the event that your daughter does have slower development, I know that your family will pull together and work through it - she is lucky to have a loving, caring mother that worries about her! Each child develops at their own pace and parents adapt to the situation....so no need to worry till there's actually a problem, and even then - don't be too concerned, just take the necessary steps to help her...you will be fine and she will definitely be fine with the love she is getting. :)

First I wanted to say I would not worry about the ABCs and colors. Tried to do them casually, i.e. oh you are wearing a red shirt today. Oh is that an apple, say A for apple. This is stuff we used to learn in Kindergarten, so don't worry about if she doesn't get it right away. I have not been in this situation but I am a Clinical Psychology student. I think that she should be evaluated in both situations, but as far as her being truly delayed their tests/evaluations should reveal any delays no matter where she is. I think it is important to find out why she won't do things at the daycare that you know she will do at home. Does she get prompting at home that she may not be getting at the day care. Don't worry to much about any delays she may have. She is young so this is the best time to catch it. Let her know that people will be coming to visit your house, but don't give her a full out explanation. Just try to make the whole process as stress free as possible, she does not need to know why they are doing them. Just that she should try her best. I know this can be a stressful situation, because you don't know what to expect. If they do testing at your house I would have something planned for your other daughter to do so that she does not interrupt and she has something to keep her busy. I have tried to evaluate a child when other children were around and it was difficult. Luckily it was not for real because the child did not get the score they could have without the distractions. Just remember this does not change who your daughter is, she just may need some extra help. I hope that this helps you and offers you some comfort.

M., I think you shoud read this: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/03/magazine/03wwln-lede-t.... It's about how we got to a crazy point in this country with most kindergardners been given constant tests and homework and as a result there in no time left for what kids need most to grow well i.e. play! I think you should be concerned about having someone lable your girl as 'delayed' and not her refusal to learn to read etc. I did not learn how to read until I was 7-8 yo and thank God it was long time enough for everyone (parents, teachers) to understand that there was nothing abnormal about it. Your daughter's kindergarden does not sound like much fun so I am not surprised that she might not like to participate. Sounds like you have perfectly normal 3 yo, just strong willed and possibly a bit of a 'loner' who prefers to play alone. Please do not get harrased into pushing your baby to do things she's not ready/doesn't want to do just to fit with the norm. All she needs now is plenty of love and play and possibly a new kindergarden :) Take care, J.

P.S. I've tried the link and it doesn't seem to work :( to get to it just google: The New York Times 'the way we live now: kindergarten cram' by Peggy Orenstein

M.,

I am a mother of two ages 7 & 4. My younger daugther is tested and accepted by child find with a social delay. The process was scary and trying to understand how everything worked was frustrating. She was approved and receives a special ed teacher in her private preschool. My daughter loves Ms. Matt and it is going much better then I thought it would. We also found occupational therapy helpful. We still don't have a clear diagnosis but we are working on the issues and it has improved alot.

W. B

she sure sounds to me like a perfectly 'normal' (whatever that is) almost-three year old. i admire your relaxed thoughtfulness in going along with the daycare here. i must admit i'd probably be a little pissed. it just frosts my nuggets that the majority of the country seems to be trying to jam kids into conformist age-segregated boxes without any accomodations for kids' own paces and individual learning styles.
you even feel the need to 'admit' that she doesn't yet know stuff that used to be taken for granted they'd learn in kindergarten.
she sounds to me like a happy loved smart little girl whose natural tendency is to be reticent away from home. since when is that a crime?
khairete
S.

I would say something to her doctor at her 3 year old appointment. I got my child evaluated just because of peace of mind.

I agree about not shoving kids into boxes and labeling them!! If she is happy and healthy, then life is good. I've had friends switch preschools or home school over similar issues. I'm not recommending that for your family, only you will know what's best, but don't be afraid to be firm with them! At three I wouldn't talk to my aunts or uncles, but in Jr. High and beyond I've had a great group of friends, so from a personal perspective, please don't push her to be someone she's not. I was always happy, just didn't want to be in the middle of hubbub. There is tons of research that kids absorb things even if they aren't spitting it back to us. So put fun pictures with colors on your walls, ask her does she want cereal from the blue box or white one, etc. No direct "you are learning now!" situations, just part of life and you might be surprised. Maybe not today, but in a month...she's lucky to have you for a mom. Good luck! D.

my daughter acted similarly until she had tubes put in her ears....Then over night she was the life of the party at school. Turned out not hearing very well due to fluctating fluid in her ears had an effect on her self-confidence. I would get her hearing evaluated.