I have a 3yr. son who has been in daycare since he was 11 wks old. The first daycare bounced him from room to room depending on teacher availability. When he was a year old he was bitten several times by another older child and then he in turn starting biting, which led to them asking me to leave the daycare. He has not been at his current daycare for almost a year. After becoming very comfortable with his teacher, she is now going on maternity leave, they have put new teachers in his room on a weekly basis. He is now starting to act out and he is not behaving very well, basically just being really defiant and having tantrums. They keep telling me they are concerned because he does not listen. I keep telling them there is no structure in his day with all the new teachers and he is acting out and also he just turned 3. I have offered stickers, treats, toys whatever to get him to listen. Does anyone have thoughts on this. I think they are overreacting. He needs some consistency in his day and he needs to know who will be there on a daily basis. Am I wrong?
So I thought I would give an update and I want to thank the moms who understood what I was saying and that I was not expecting my child to be an angel but that when a daycare has a very high teacher turnover it effects the child as well. I had a meeting with his new teacher and she understands he is acting out because of the new teacher set up and he is actually getting better the past few days and his best friend was moved up and they did not think about that one. But, the meeting went great and I feel better and they said that NO he was not the only one who was not listening and they understand that he is only 3, she is trying to get structure in the room now and wants to help with his behavior of "not listening" so that it will help with kindergarden. Thank you all for your support and for the moms who might think that I am not aware of my son's behavior and it might have been him, I am sorry you feel like that, but he has taken 2 yrs of getting biten, hit and pushed and I have been very patient and this is a learned behavior and we are trying to teach all of them how not to do this.
That is so sad to hear. Can I ask where you are located?? I just got my license to do in home daycare/I am in Albion NY
What about looking into at home daycares? They have smaller numbers of kids - obviously the smae teacher ;) - and since the provider is almost always a mother they have a good routine for the kiddos. I bet there are even moms on this list who have affordable daycares in there home that you can contact. :)
Dear G.,
My name is L. Jackson and I am speaking from experience as a former daycare owner. Your child does need consistency. Children should and do consider daycare as safe and comfortable as home. Children spend more time at daycare than home in most cases. I do not believe that this is necessarily a bad thing I do believe that a daycare and the daycare teacher should always be a constant. If changes with the teacher must be made then the daycare should choose one specific substitute and intergrate them slowly. The children should get used to the teacher before such a change is made. This is because children all react differently to change. The daycare center should know this and handle the situation differently. I co- directed a small group family daycare for several years-as well as worked in the daycare profession almost my whole adult life. I then worked at the local high school with special ed children as an aid when we closed the daycare due to personal situations- not job related situations. I am actually thinking of re- starting a daycare in my new home once I get it together. Please look into a small family daycare check with the department of social services- or cornell cooperative extension - they can give a list for free. I hope this helps . bye
L. Jackson
from Ballston Spa new york
You deffantly are right he does need consistency in his day and his daycare should know this for all children not just yours and if they really dont care i wouldnt let my child to continue goin their but that is my personal opinion I am interviewing daycares now and my child can be difficult but they seem to bring out the calm child by having consistency and in turn he is better here.
I totally know where you are coming from. When my son was two I decided to put him in daycare and found out his kness were bruised all of the time because other kids kept pushing him down the stairs and noone ever called me to let me know. At one point I had to bring him to the emergancy room because his knees were so banged up. I finally took him out of the daycare and now hes got issues. For example he will not go down the stairs before anyone anymore and walks really slow down them and hes almost 8 years old. Now I have a two year old and been procrastinating about sticking him in a daycare but thankfully I dont have to now, my aunt is going to watch him and I will just pay her what I would pay a daycare, shes really good with him. All kids need structure in there life and I dont find that changing things all of the time such as teachers make it any easier for the child. Your not wrong at all. Let us know how everything goes.
I was just discussing this last night, because we are less than fully satisfied with our daycare.
I think it is the same all over, with the exception being costly private day care, which would be great, but not affordable for everyone.
I did realize that all the things I had to say about my daycare center, I have heard countless times from all mothers, in all programs.
Ya know, have you ever heard a mom raving about how great her day care is? Probably not.
Well, the good news is that your son won't suffer alot of separation anxiety, of go crazy about changing to pre-school possibly because of his diversified atmosphere of present.
Just do what you can to keep an eye on them and stick with it.
Make sure you point out every little thing you think is a hazard, physically or emotionally to the director, (like I do) and they will all red flag you, as the mom not to mess with. (like I am) Maybe they hate me, but no one ever bites MY son. God forbid I sue them.
Devil’s advocate here…
Your son being bitten is something that unfortunately can (and should) be expected in a toddler room. I’m not quite sure why your child was asked to leave, unless they have a “strike three” policy. What did they tell you exactly? Typically, only when teachers have tried everything with no success, do they ask someone to leave for biting. Someone else here says that nobody would dare bite her son, but, I hate to break it to her, toddlers bite. They get frustrated, don’t yet have language and biting gets their point across! Sure, she can sue a daycare for biting, but only her lawyer would win (his fee). The fact that one child bites another does not mean there is negligence.
Of course, the daycare have no control over teachers leaving on maternity leave, but it IS odd that he has had a new teacher every week. When does the director tell you he’ll have a permanent teacher?
Even though he’s had some teacher turnover, that doesn’t necessarily mean that this is the cause of his acting out, he IS a terrible two, after all. All the children in his class are in the same situation. Are all the children acting out so much that the parents are being told by the staff that they’re concerned? I don’t think they are overreacting, since they have no doubt tried everything possible to get your child to comply so they would NOT be forced to call you about this, don’t you think?
Since he has now had “issues” at two daycares, maybe instead of blaming others, you might want to look hard at your son and your discipline “techniques.”
I’m not sure why you say there is NO structure in his day, since he’s going to daycare.
Instead of bribing him to be “good” with treats, toys, etc. maybe you could take some effective parenting classes or try amazon.com for some great “how to deal with the strong-willed child” type books.
Daycare centers are notorious about teacher turnover, since most pay so terribly. I agree with the other poster about seeking out quality registered family daycare. If possible, try to find one that is NAFCC accredited.
First let me say G., that I am so very sorry that you and your little angel had to go through all of that.
I went through similar experiences and did a lot of research and comparisons and decided to use my degree in Early Childhood Education and Child Psychology background to open my own daycare. But I opted for a Licensed Family Daycare Home. I interview each and every prospective family while the child is present. I make observations and evaluations and determine if this is the right fit for all of us. I never have more than 6 children and I never accept more than one infant. We are together from start to finish. "NO" staff turnover. This is vitally important to your child's development. Bonding with the caregiver and then teacher (of which I am both), is important even to the youngest of children. In a small, loving, attentive, educational environment children grow to be well adjusted and not fearful or agressive. In 11 years I have never had a biting incident or major injury.
I truly believe that your son would do better, (and so would you), with a licensed, good quality Family Daycare Home. But don't accept anything on word value. Ask to see the license and insurance policy and the teacher's credentials. They will have a copy of their criminal background check too.
Remember the highest quality childcare is not expensive, it is PRICELESS!
Hugs,
Miss D.
I feel for you .... The daycare should have struture and a daily routine......If someone new comes into the classroom they should also keep this routine.... This is a change for the child and they need to work on why he is now acting out...in the past i had a child in my classroom that acted out after i left and that was because more was going on after i was gone. Sneak in every now and then without letting them know you are coming. Watch what is going on....but dont give up on him there might be more to this.
hey G.,
Ok here it goes, please know right off that I am very firm in saying that I WENT THROUGH THE SAME EXACT THING. No lies. Consistancy is the key. However, you may want to take a look at sensory intergration. Just a thought.I am not a Dr and I have no right to diagnose, but I am talking from experience. I have been bounced from teaching day care to home day care and the last one claimed that my husband and I were bad disiplinaries, and that we were raising a brat, when in fact my son had a ligitimate problem. "A Sensory Processing Disorder". Please take a look at some information on line. If per chance you would like more info please contact me!! Good Luck
D.
