Daugters Attitude Was Fine at Preschool but Now That She Has Changed Classes Som

Updated on October 16, 2006
S.G. asks from Daphne, AL
25 answers

my daughter is at a local curch preschool and was in the 2 year class but got moved up with 2 of her friends. one of the boys is bullying her and now she cries and hates school. today she slipped an fell in the boys urine and the teacher didnt change her because she said i didnt pack a shirt but i did. i dont know what to do and am wondering if i should take her out. the boy is another teachers son. she is normally a very happy child but now she is insecure and angry. please help

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So What Happened?

so far i have talked to the director of the preschool and tlaked about how upset and mortified learning that my daughter was left in urine. she said his parents are well aware of the problem and are extrememly upset. as for a change in the little boy bullying her they said they were going to try posititve reenforcement since the little boy is reward driven they are going to do the stop light where if there clothes pin stays in the green they get a treat. to me it is a joke but told myself i would give it one more go to see if something is resolved. my gut feeling is that it is the teacher and that she has no control over the class but we will see. i will put my daughter first and be her voice i just hope things work out preschools are so ard to find here let alone an opening. plus i dont know if another big change would help or hurt her. either way this will never happen again. the director said that next time if the teacher cant find any clothes then she needs to use the paint t- shirts. i will keep yall posted on the result for my daughter and thanks for your advice and support

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K.H.

answers from Richmond on

I would have to say that you should change preschools. This should be a place that she enjoys, not a place that she is afraid of.

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K.G.

answers from Norfolk on

Honestly, I would try to find another daycare. That behavior is not acceptable. It's normal for little boys to test their limits (I have one, I should know), but everytime my son does something to another child I am told about it. I even have to sign a form acknowledging what happened. And, they should have called you if they didn't think she had a change of clothes. Based on what you've told me, I would not want my child at that preschool.

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J.B.

answers from Columbia on

Hi S. I would talk to the teacher and tell her how you feel. Regardless of the fact the little boy is another teachers kid it still is not right. Also, where was this urine that your daughter fell in. My guess is not the bathroom where it should be. I know kids have accidents but then it is the teachers job to keep other kids away from it until it gets cleaned up....and not changing your daugther when you did have an extra shirt is very wrong and just gross.....If there was not shirt or they did not see it they should have called you to bring her one.If the teacher is unwilling to listen or help go to her higher up and well if that does not work or you just do not want to deal with that find her a new preschool. If you go to a new school make sure to tell them your previous experiance and concerns. Don't worry about the going back to school, your daugthers personality change may have something to do with it but it is for the good of your family and she will adjust :)

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E.B.

answers from Richmond on

WOW... sounds rough, from all you said you know you need to take her out, there is obviously some special treatment or no treatment at all going on, If my daughter had fell they would damn well find her another shirt to use and not make her wear the same one. Im sure shes upset about being there, wouldnt you be??

E.

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Y.A.

answers from Mobile on

Hi S.,
You know your children only go through this phase of their life once. Unfortunatley it affects them dramatically. My neighbors son used to come home in the "school sweats" 4-5 times a year because other boys had peed on him. This was in an elementary that had just moved into #1 in the nation for reading (I lived in Utah at the time). He was also in 3rd grade...so you know this problem doesn't go away. I chose to homeschool my children just from watching all the problems that the other kids were having. It's not always easy, but I never have these kinds of problems. There are a lot of great support groups and programs in the Columbia area, if your interested in more info, let me know and I'll e-mail you links.
Good luck and at the very least, look into other schools.
Y.

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S.O.

answers from Charlotte on

some children, my son is one, are very sensitive to change. Her being moved out of the class she was familiar with and you going back to school can be really h*** o* sensitive children. On top of that she's being picked on, and she probably feels like no one is in her corner, if her teachers are doing nothing about it and allowing her to walk around in urine soaked clothes, and not even her urine. She needs to feel safe, and she doesn't here. She is miserable, as anyone would be in a situation like that. Like everyone said, I'd call a meeting with the teacher and whoever runs the preschool. They should be more than willing to work with you, and help you help your daughter. My son had a very hard time adjusting to school when he first started, but the teachers were so good with him. He still acts out when he first gets there, but his teachers walk him right in the classroom and sit with him and help calm him down. I can imagaine how frustrating it can be dealing with 16 4 year olds, but that is their job, their passion, and a good teacher will not take it out on the child and will do anything she/he can to help that child feel secure.
Talk to them and/or take your child out but let them know how disgusted you are with how she's being treated

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A.H.

answers from Charlotte on

S., I had the same problem with my daughter but it was another little girl that was picking on her. The only thing I could do was talk to the director. They do want your business and that teacher is probably not paying for her son to be there. If you make it known that you want that little boy kept away from your daughter, they have a small enough ratio were they should be able to do that. My daughter and this other little girl was constantly kept apart. Now my daughter loves school again. I hope this helps, also if they have an open door policy, make it known that you will be in to check on your child frequently. A.

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R.W.

answers from Charlotte on

S., FIRST AND FOREMOST, YOU NEED TO HAVE A CONFRENCE WITH YOUR DAUGHTERS TEACHER, THE PRINCIPAL AND THE PARENT OF THE BOY. THERE NOT WATCHEING YOUR DAUGHTER FOR FREE YOUR PAYING FOR A SERVICE AND YOU NEED TO BE ON POINT. MAKE IT VERY CLEAR THAT HAVING YOUR DAUGHTER IN URINE IS BEYOND UNACCEPTABLE NOT TO MENTION UNSANITARY. BEING THE NICE GUY WORKS SOME OF THE TIMES NOT ALL THE TIMES, THATS WHEN YOU NEED TO LET IT BE KNOWN THAT YOUR NOT GOING TO ACCEPT THIS. IF AFTER THE CONFRENCE THIS DOESN'T WORK THAN PULL YOUR DAUGHTER OUT. I HAD THE SAME SITUATION. MY DAUGHTER WENT TO A LITTLE CORNER CHURCH SCHOOL AND THE BULLY OF MY DAUGHTERS CLASS WAS HER TEACHERS DAUGHTER. THE FIRST TIME MY DAUGHTER CAME HOME CRYING I TALKED TO THE TEACHER DIRECTLY, SHE WAS NOT ABOUT TO DO ANYTHING. THEN I WEN TO THE PRINCIPAL, WHO BY THE WAY WAS VERY GOOD FRIENDS WITH THAT TEACHER SO I DID THE NEXT BEST THING, I APPROACHED THE GIRL WHO WAS 9 AT THE TIME AND TOLD HER TO STAY AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER. IT WORKED THEN THE PRINCIPAL REALIZED THAT I WAS NOT PLAYING THEN MOVED MY DAUGHTER TO ANOTHER CLASS, WHICH YOU ALWAYS HAVE THE OPTION OF REQUESTING. DO SOMETHING QUICK, DON'T LET YOUR DAUGHTER BE MISERABLE. ONCE SOMETHING CHANGES YOU'LL SEE SHE BE A MUCH HAPPIER LIITLE ONE. HOP EVERYTHING WORKS OUT FOR YOU BOTH.

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A.R.

answers from Richmond on

Take her out of that preschool asap!!!! I went through the same thing because of bullies. That is just nasty to let your child walk around with urine on her clothes. Listen to your child she hates going there this has nothing to do with you starting school. Even if you didnt pack a shirt I would have put someother childs shirt on her you know .... take care and godbless -A.- :)

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E.D.

answers from Asheville on

Talk to the school's director immediately! I worked in preschool and daycare, and this kind of situation happens, it's hard with so many little kids, and some have serious issues. But it is the job of the teacher to protect your child and help her feel secure. If you feel the teacher is not resolving issues, go to the director. They will usually bend over backwards to please parents. If this doesn't work, go somewhere else.

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C.S.

answers from Norfolk on

S.!

GET YOUR DAUGHTER OUT OF THERE IMMEDIATLY!!!!! The fact they let her stay in the pee clothes is SHOCKING! That is something you could bring up in a law suit against the school! It's a heath code HAZARD! God forbid this would happen but some children are born to parents who have AIDS and what if that child carried the desiese and your daughter had a cut on her close to where the urine was???? I shutter to think of the possibilities! Or hepatitis? Hopefully nothing like that comes out of this but OBIVIOUSLY that teacher, and school had no cause of concern for your daughter and if they don't do you really want to keep her there?!! Think hard, if you have ANY doubts that your child's welfare isn't being met by the people who are supposed to be responsible for her, should she really be there? What's most important to you? Hopefully your answer is your daughter. And not just the one teacher should be held responsible, I'm sure there were MANY other teachers and staff that saw her and probabily smelled her like that all day. And why was that urine on the ground? What kind of schools are these people?!!!! right?! I hope you make the right decision, keep us posted!
Good luck, C.

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E.G.

answers from Wilmington on

You should SO change day care providers. Here is why:
1. There never should have been a puddle of urine for your child to slip in
2. schools usually have extra clothes. And you packed a shirt. Or they should have called you. It is absolutely unacceptable that a child be left in urine soaked clothes. Its disgusting and unsanitary.
3. That teacher should not be playing favorites. She really should stop her son from bullying your daughter.
4. Your daughter's personality change could indicate real problems with her situation (other than the previously mentioned ones) Perhaps she is not treated well by the teacher.
You need to move her and do so immediately. It sounds like her health is in danger. You should also talk to the director of the program and let him/her know why you are leaving. No other child should have to go through what your child has.

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L.M.

answers from Birmingham on

You need to go directly to the daycare director to complain on not only the child, but the teacher as well. I would have been livid if my child had to stay in a urine soaked shirt all day.

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S.M.

answers from Roanoke on

Sounds like the teacher was covering for her son. That is a conflict of interest. First of all a good daycare always keeps backup clothes or as a last resort they borrow another childs. I have never heard of letting a child stay in dirty clothes. Your daughter may not be ready for the other class if she is still adjusting. Sometimes daycares will push because they want to fill their slots and they will say that is for the benefit of the child. I am not sure where your daughter goes or where you live but Life church (formerly Glad Tidings is a great daycare)on deer branch rd off peters creek in Roanoke cty. I checked many daycares out before I found this one. I would look into putting your daughter in a different class. Speak directly with the director for discretion if there is an issue with the bully child. I have had to deal with these issues- I give the teacher the benefit of the doubt in most situations, also realize that our kids can sometimes exagerate or not clearly explain an incident. We can rush a judgement out of sympathy and our protective instinct. Get all the facts then make your decision. Good luck, Sandy M

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B.B.

answers from Charlotte on

Hey I'm 24 and I have a 1 year old. I recent;y worked at the daycare I put my son in and that lasted 4 days. I could go on and on about all the terrible things that happened between the times the parent dropped them off and picked them up. My son was sad and miserable and he is the happiest child I've ever met. Had I not been working there behind the scenes I would have just chalked it up to " he isn't used to being away form me, he'll adjust". No. Also I worked in a childcare facility in WV (where I'm from) and there was a granmother, aunt, mother and the 2 lil girls in the daycare together. The favortism was ridiculous. I hate to tell you this to scare you but you have no idea what happens at daycares. They will lie to you face because they may be lazy or just don't care that much for your child. There is no reason to let a child wear andother childs urine all day long. Even if she took another childs shirt. I think that other parent would understand. I know this msg makes me sound crazy and bitter but I'm just sharing my experience.:)

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K.O.

answers from Norfolk on

My son is in a daycare for much of the day all week and I had recently gone through a similar problem. He loves his teachers and his friends but recently when moved from the toddler's room to the Two's room he became incresingly insecure. I spoke with the administrator and his teachers and we decided to put him back in his old class for a while. A few weeks later he was ready to try again, and now he loves it. when i drop him off he says "bye mommy" like he cant wait for me to leave. I think you should deffinately mention the other child and the teacher issue to the director, you have to nip favortism quickly.

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A.D.

answers from Birmingham on

Hi S., I'm a mother of a 4 yr. old I had a similar problem last year when I put Austin in school for the first time. I think that the fact that they let your child stay in urine soaked clothes is appaling. I would definitley switch schools. If someone did that to me I doubt I'd want to go back either. I had a problem w/ other kids biting. The teacher never saw the child do it to Austin even though it happened almost daily. I don't know where you live but I changed Austin to Kingwood Christian School. It's located in Alabaster. They are fantastic! They have a great learning ciriculam as well. They're phone # is ###-###-####. If you want you can tell them A. Distefano referred you. Good luck! A..

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D.R.

answers from Asheville on

I deffinately would first of all start with talking to the director personally and make a formal complaint. If the director doesn't know what is going on completely then they can't fix the problem. I use to work for a couple of daycares and believe me there are a lot of problems with everyone of them. From kids bitting to physical problems with the children. A lot of times the class rooms are too crowded for the age, even though they are within the legal number of kids. Even if it is a child of an other teacher shouldn't matter on the actions that take place. I have heard one director tell the parent who was a teacher that if she did not aid in helping in improving her child's behavior then her child would have to go to another daycare but she was welcome to stay. Sometimes it does take more than just the teachers to deal with behavioral problems. They need to be dealt with in the home more often, I feel. Next Every daycare has a stash of clean, dry clothes that have been left from other kids that are no longer attending the school or even that have been donated or bought, this even includes underwear. I mean there are times when the child goes thru all the spare changes the parents provide and they still need another for one reason or an other. I feel if my child is being completely torchered then they need to be removed. I first would try and talk with the director especially with how hard it is to find openings available with most daycares there are waiting lists a mile long. Good Luck.

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H.B.

answers from Norfolk on

Well I can tell you that kids are mean. And what the teacher did was very wrong. Even if you didn't pack an extra shirt, the is really unsanatery. And she should have called you to have you bring her a new one. Or at least let her go home for the rest of the day. I wonder how she sliped in it to begin with. Was she in the boys bathroom? This doesn't sound like she is the problem. It seems the her school doesn't want to help her out. What I would do is tell her boss, and if that doesn't help, them I would go bigger. I'm very upset for you. I had this happen to one of my children at a day care, and made sure this person was taken care of. No child should have to walk around all day in someone elses urine. It kind of makes you wonder what this wourld is comeing to when our children aren't beeing taking care of. After all, we pay them to take care of them. Well I hope everything turns out okay. And don't let this person get away with this. It is VERY wrong of her and she should be repremanded for it.

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M.C.

answers from Asheville on

Going back to school is an adjustment for both of you. It will take time and a lot of reassurance to help your daughter not feel threatened by not being with you during the day.(A lot of kids experience seperation anxiety starting around this age, too.)

As for the problems at the preschool, if talking to the teachers is not getting things resolved--go to the head of the preschool. If that doesn't work, you might consider finding a nother preschool for your daughter. No child should be bullied. It does happen in life but at 2 years old the adults "in charge" of the classroom should have more control over the children. If a child is continually being a problem, that child should be disciplined, regardless of the fact his mom works there. If seperating the children into different classes doesn't stop the behavior--the bully should be expelled--that's what happens at most preschools. Either way you have to look out for the best interests of your child.

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R.V.

answers from Norfolk on

I say yes change schools. Take her out of there. It may be a church butt hey seem very neglectful to me. I mean come on she fell in pee and she had to sit in it all day. That is wrong. She could have gotten very sick or a rash. Urine has acid in it. Why do you think babies get rashes? From pee being on their skin too long. Plus the teacher is allowing the boy to do these things because he belongs to another teacher. Not right? My main question I have for you is why was the little boys urine on the floor to begin with? S. that school really doesnt sound good.

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K.H.

answers from Spartanburg on

S.,

I kinda had the same problem with one of my son's pre-school teachers. His attitude totally changed when he moved up to another classroom with a different teacher. It may take a while, but with your loving assurance that your child is going to have fun and love her teacher, her insecurities may go away. If something that your child's teacher has done or said bothered you in some way, confront her about it. Make sure she is aware that your child is being bullied and you want her to separated them and you want her to confront the other childs parent, even if she works there. Your child is your main concern and her safety and well-being is something that cannot be compromised, ever. If her behavior doesn't change back to normal, then I would consider pulling her out. I hope everything works out.

K.

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D.C.

answers from Birmingham on

I have a three year old daughter, I can honestly say that I would not tolerate my daughter spending the day in urine soaked clothes. Bullying can have a profound emotional effects on children. It's one thing to have to take that kind of thing from your peers, but when the adults(teachers)are contributing to the problem as opposed to making you feel safe. the teachers are there to stop that kind of thing. Your daughter can't stand up for herself. As a person who had to endure bullying in school I would not sit idly by and let him or the teachers get away with that.

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C.W.

answers from Lynchburg on

Hi S.,
I am sorry to hear about you daughter having a bad time at her school. Preschool is supose to be a great experience for little ones to get them prepared for kindergarden. First, I would like to say how awful that your daughter had to walk around in urine. That makes me very angry and can't imagin how that makes you feel.

My first suggestion is to go to the school today and demand you speak with the highest person running the school. They could have at least called you about the wet clothes and have you bring her one to change into. Then you need to also talk to them about the bully that your daughter is having to deal with. It doesn't matter if he is a teacher child or not, he needs to be respectful just like the other children are expected to be. Don't let them do this to your baby girl. Sometimes you have to speak up and let them know you are not going to allow this. I would also request she be moved to another class room to see if that will help any.

Well good luck, I hope things will work out. If they don't then I would definently take her out of that school.

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R.D.

answers from Decatur on

Hey, I would say that my child would be out of there. First of all, she should not have been around the boys urine at all, second it doesn't matter who he belongs to if she is not comforatble around him they should keep him away. She is just as important as he or his Mom. Also my child has had accidents at school before and did not have anything to put on, BUT they borrowed someones for her to come home in so they could get her clean. You don't leave urine espically someone else's on a child for any length of time. What if the boy was sick? Take her out. I would really l;ike to know where this was because I have a 3 year old that I am going to start sending somewhere after Christmas and I don't want her to go there. I live in Hartselle. ____@____.com

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