Dad's in Nursing Home

I would simply ask your MIL to add you to the list so that you can take your FIL out without having to bother her for permission. It is a logical request and I don't know why she would object. It sounds to me like there is a lot of animosity between your MIL and your husband...and I am sorry that is the case. As one of the other people said ...I see nothing wrong with her asking her husband to make sure she was on the title to the house before he went in for very serious surgery. In fact it could have even been HIS idea!!! As to her keeping him "drugged up"...she may have been so overwhelmed that it seemed like the only way she could deal with it. All of us make the decisions that we feel like we have to make when we are in a situation like that, and I know it is hard not to judge when we are not actually living in the situation.
You might be able to take a lot of stress out of the situation if you could somehow repair the relationship between the two "sides" it would only make life more pleasant for everyone...including your FIL

She should be able to add him to the list, or he may be able to be added without her, as family who is allowed to take him out. As for the house and all that, it is normal for everything to go to the wife, unless something has been set aside specifically in a will, and than it would only be given after the death of the person. Wouldn't you want to know your name was on your home with your husband, and that you had his medical power of attorney? You make it sound like this woman did something shady, but a husband making sure his wife is secure is normal.

Is there a way that you and your husband can be put on a list of people that are permitted to pick his dad and take him out to dinner and not have to call the stepmom each and everytime? I think that is what I would want to inquire about the next to I visited the facility.

As for the property issues, only an attorney can answer this one for you but she is his wife and it seems to me that pretty much trumps children's rights to any property that their parent might have unless there is some kind of living trust that had been set up by him before brain surgery that specifically states which children should get what if her were to be deemed incapable of handling his affairs. If you are concerned about this, then I would definitely recommend consulting with an attorney.

Im sorry to hear that. I more sorry to hear that theres people actually out there that do this S**T and gave us good ladies a bad name!!!! Each state has different laws but is there anyway that your husbands father can speak for himself. My mothers boyfriend just passed aways a few weeks ago but before he worsen he ordered my mother and his daughter to be the health proxy. And the staff will only gave info to those 2, so if anyone else called they wouldn't tell them anything. The hospital said that it was easier for them to do that. But in your case maybe schedule a family meeting with dr, social workers or etc to be able to recieve 100% rights like taking him out or etc and getting his status on his medical issues. And maybe finding a lawyer because maybe that is freud never know!!!! Good Luck....

Oh, man, this sucks. I'm thinkin ya'll might be stuck, but I don't know. I would definitely get a lawyer.
Good luck, I hope you can enjoy your Dad (in-law)!

Get a lawyer now, before it is too late. Petition for rights. Good luck.

if you can afford it, consult with an elder law attorney.to get help determining whether he was competent when those legal changes were made and if your husband has any rights. Is it possible for your husband to discuss these issues with his father and determine if he wants things to remain the same or wants things to be different.I experienced a similar situation with a terminally ill aunt. My sister used undo influence, fear and threats to have her sign everything over to her and changed her will 3 days before she died while heavily medicated with morphine,

in all honesty there isn't much your husband can do unless he can show cause that his step-mother is doing something illegal or terribly wrong. the law sees his wife as next of kin and usuaally they will always give the person's spouse power of attorney and everything else unless she doesn't want the responsiblity. just as if something were to happen with your husband( god forbid). so he may have to suck this one up. sorry
p.s i also agree with kansasmom.

The first thing he should do is speak to the charge nurse, usually the RN on duty. Ask about the facility's policies on that and ask what he has to do to check his father out for visits, going out, etc. Usually places have lists of who can check out residents, so he needs to ask the charge nurse if he is on the list, and how he can get on it. If the RN is C., ask to speak with the DON (director of nursing). Or just call up there and ask to speak to the DON and schedule a sit down. Also a word of advice-get on the nursing staff's good side. Be nice to the nurses, be nice to the CNA's-because if the staff feels that a family member is difficult, it could really screw your husband in getting things done. I worked in healthcare all of my adult life, prior to having kids, and you wouldn't believe how much this happens, so whatever happens, it is important that he does not lose his temper, but he is his father's son, and has every right to be in his dad's life, as long as his father says so.