Cry It Out Method

C.,

I see you have so many responses. I'm not sure I will add much, but I do want to encourage you. You're the mommy, and even when it seems that you don't have all the answers, you certainly have more than your baby. Whatever method you decide on to get him to sleep, be confident, and stick by it consistently. I think babies need our consistency more than they need any particular pattern. It seems to calm babies down when they feel their world is predictable.

I agree with moms who've mentioned that your baby may be teething. However, I will say, my daughter had several episodes like this in her first year and didn't get any teeth until 15 months old.

I used the crying it out method very early on, but I always tempered it with my assessment of the situation. The point is not "cry it out for crying sake." The point is to teach your baby that he is "okay" even if you are not at his beckon call. Is he hungry? Is he cold/hot? Does his diaper need changing, or is he in pain? If not, then he'll be okay. That's sort of the process I went through with my daughter... I thought to myself, "I've done everything I can to meet her needs--aside from holding her every moment, now what?" When I knew I had met her physical needs and we both needed sleep, I chose not to set a pattern I didn't want to repeat for months to come: rocking her to sleep, sleeping with her, patting her at every whimper, etc. I always asked myself the question: "Do I want to create a pattern of doing this every time?"
I always checked on my daughter's cries, I just had to assess each one and ask, "Why is she crying?" Sometimes it's a bit of a guessing game or experiment, but nevertheless, as the mom you get really astute at figuring it all out.

Blessings to you as you continue to discover motherhood with your precious son.

S. J.

P.S. I forgot to mention that "crying it out in a baby's own bed" worked for me and 3 other friends who tried the same method. My little girl slept through the night at 4 weeks, my friends at 2 weeks (she had a 10 pound baby already), and my other two friends at 2 months and 3 months. Every once in a while, we still had these nights when our babies would cry out in the night, but that's when we'd just assess the situation and respond accordingly. I had another friend who did things differently. Her baby was just as happy, but took months longer to sleep through the night. I hope this helps!

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I wouldn't suggest the CIO method for waking up in the middle of the night. He might be going through a growth spurt, causing hunger. If he is going to bed okay on his own, but is waking up...it just sounds like he needs something and making him cry himself back to sleep in the middle of the night when he may really need something, even if it's a little snuggeling, might make it harder for you to get him into his own crib.

He's for sure old enough to be in his own crib, that is if your long term goal is to actually have him in his own room. If you plan to share your room for a very long time, then don't worry about it. If you really do want him in his own crib, then I wouldn't wait any longer for that to happen.

Establish a really solid routine that, no matter what (grandma, dad, babysitter), it will be the same. At the same time every night, we did bath, book, bottle, song, and then bed. I wouldn't expect to switch him to a new room/bed and think he'll fall asleep easily. You may have a month or so of walking around or rocking so you can get him to fall asleep. Then he can get used to waking up in his own crib. And if he wakes up in the middle of the night, he may need a little soothing to get him back to bed. I know, it's hard to go from sleeping all night to going back to getting up, but it's not uncommon.

After a few months of this, he will be used to his own room and his own bed. He'll most likely be sleeping through the night again. At that point, if you are still having a hard time getting him to fall asleep in the beginning of the night by himself, then a CIO method may work.

At 6 months he is still pretty little for that method. We used it for the first time when our daughter was 9 months old and only to get her to initially fall asleep. If she woke in the middle of the night I'd always go in and pick her up and make sure she was okay. Sometimes a growth spurt can make them hungry or, at that age, teething, maybe a leaker of a diaper, etc. I never expected our kids to not wake up in the middle of the night and if they did they didn't have to put themselves to sleep. However, when I knew they were old enough to be falling asleep on their own in the beginning of the night I did let them cry. Fortunately, it didn't take very long and now they are both wonderful sleepers that know I will be there in a heartbeat if they need something.

Good luck!

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Hi C....

There is one thing you should keep in the front of your mind (and heart) when considering what's best for your baby: Before you realize where the time went, he'll be asking for the car keys!

We have 3 girls (the youngest is 9 1/2 now), and I used different approaches for all 3 of them. They were each so very different from day one! I did use the "cry it out" method with our youngest (probably because I was also so exhausted!), but I set the timer and if she cried longer than 5 minutes, I went in and got her. Anything longer than that for a baby younger than 12 months can lead to unnecessary stress. Babies need reassurance and they need to know that you'll always be there when they need you. (Of course, you already know that!)

I think before you let them cry it out, you need to create a safe & familiar play area (if you haven't already) and let them play where they cannot see you during the daytime - when they're happy (just fed, just woke up, etc.). Once your little guy learns to play happily for 5-10 minutes in a playpen confidently, he may accept being in his crib at bedtime without you being right there easier.

Our middle daughter had extreme separation anxiety, so it took her longer to accept being laid in her bed to sleep while awake.

Everyone has a different "gut feeling" about this, but I gave in too soon almost every time. I'm now very glad that I did. Our middle daughter was still crawling into our bed at age 5 - but we didn't find it a nuisance because our oldest daughter was already a teenager and we knew how fast time had flown! We simply waited until she was asleep and secure, and carried her back to her bed.

I now miss those times when my little ones tucked their sweet heads into my neck and never wanted to be put down. It's so overwhelming when you're there... and sometimes you feel like you're always going to have a little one to haul around without a break to pee!

But when they get to the teenage years, you'll realize that those times you so tirelessly cuddled them for a few minutes more also developed the trust between you - and you'll cherish the times your son comes to you with questions and secrets that he won't even share with his closest friends!

No matter what you decide, know that the love you have for your baby boy will overpower any imperfections you have as a mom... and as long as you are consistent and provide healthy and loving boundaries - he will grow into a wonderful young man.

Go with your heart - you can't go wrong by trusting your instincts!

Blessings,

M.

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Oh C....
Judging from these responses you are probably more confused than ever. Let me just say that this worked with my first child but not the second. My two girls had very different personalities from the start and its just up to you to find what works for you. I'd say if you tried this and after 3 nights it didn't work, try something else. At six months he probably still needs a night time feeding. Don't worry, this is not forever, you will sleep again :)

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hi C.,
congrats on trying to figure it out.... you are obviously a wonderful mom!
i did the cry it out method with my first one for about a week, however i just had my second child and am now sooooooo much more educated by all of the research i have done. The cry it out method is NOT the way to go. In your baby's first year, he is learning who he can trust..... allowing him to scream and not be comforted especially while falling asleep could really damage his trust in you. I know you may be tired as i was too, however, being a parent is really the apitamy of sucking it up and putting your best game face on. Cuddle him, love him as much as you can because when he hits about a year old you will wish he still wanted to cuddle you :) Please love it while you can it goes away SO fast. I'am actually shocked that people look at putting their children to sleep as some kind of chore rather than a wonderful gift that has been handed to us.
hope this helps
good luck in whatever decision you choose :)

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Hi C.!
I commend you for creative thinking, as for making the switch of beds at this point. I do believe in crying it out. I have 3 kids aged 11 years, 4 years, and 8 months. With my first I rocked her to sleep at night, she then became reliant on me to get to sleep - at 18 months old, I was STILL rocking her to sleep! I do NOT reccomend this! With the next two they learned to go to sleep on their own - and thank God for that! It does take some work on your part - not picking them up and let them go to sleep on their own. The first few times, it may take a while because he is holding out for someone to come.

One thing I wanted to mention about him waking up twice in the night now all of a sudden....is he teething? My 8 month old is teething and did that on me a few times during teething. I think it's okay to pick them up and comfort them, but don't feed him or change his diaper (unless its necessary).

I hope this was helpful to you. Good luck!

R.

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he could be teething and waking because he is uncomfortable. Kids are so unpredictable you will see that. As soon as you think you got it figured out it will change. :-) If he is teething then you can give him something otherwise if you want to try another method to assist in sleeping we used the pick up put down method. When the childs starts to cry you pick him up breifly to assure him you are there then place him back down and when he gets up again repeat. Yes this can take awhile but it works. The book I got this from is the baby whisperer, tracy hogg. The cry it out method is just one way. I hope you find something that works for all of you.

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Having a child is such a wonderful and fascinating learning experience for all of you. Please know that you are the ultimate source of what to do. Follow your heart.

If you do not like the sound of his crying, it is because he is doing all he can to tell you he needs you and that he is scared. People who push the "cry it out" method do so because it makes things easier for *them*. It is never better for the child to think that he can not trust his mommy or daddy to be there if he needs them.

Read Erikson on Child Development and it may help you to understand.

When a little one is so very young, their experiences and their ability to communicate are very limited, and thus creates a frustrating situation.

Imagine that you are completely unsure of what is going on, you wake up in a place that you are not very familiar with, and you are alone. You have no way of taking care of yourself an no way of commuicating "I am scared" "I am tired" or even "I am alone and don't like it" except by crying.

If you cry and someone comes to get you or checks in on you, you then learn that no matter what there is a person in your life you can count on, that you can trust. Once you have built that trust in your relationship, you will find that your child will grow up to be a confident, resilient, compassionate person who knows he is loved and will be kept safe and happy by those who care for him. Of course he is going to cry to test you, he is learning, but once he figures out that he can trust that you will always be there for him, believe me he will stop.

I know this sounds a little harsh, but as a parent and an Early Childhood Education Teacher, I can only tell you that too often *our* parents raised us in traditional methods that made lives easier for the parent at the expense of the child. It wasn't because they were bad, or parents who do use the cry it out method are bad. They are doing what they have been told or taught is the way to raise a child. It is nobody's fault, it is just a matter of just learning a way that honors the child.

If he sleeps in the family bed, lie down with him until he falls asleep and if he wakes go back to him and comfort him until he goes back to sleep. Trust me, there has NEVER been a child who went to college and needed his mommy to go to sleep with him, he will let you know when he is a big boy and ready to go to bed on his own. Mine did at 2 1/2, but only after he had learned to trust that we would always be there.

If he sleeps in a crib, sit with him, hold his hand or rub his back until he falls asleep and if he wakes sit with him and give him all the comfort he needs. It isn't spoiling him, it is teaching him that as his mommy you are there to keep him safe and happy.

Sounds a little too labor intensive? Please keep in mind that as a 6 month old, he still hasn't made the cognative jump into realizing that he isn't part of you and that you are not part of him. Babies do not yet understand that they are not a connected part of the mother. So, of course he is going to be scared if he wakes up alone. If you woke up and half of your body was missing and you didn't know why wouldn't you be afraid too?

You are obviously a wonderful, caring parent who is already giving her son so much love...just keep doing what you are already doing well and you will have a happy, healthy child.

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I think 6 months is a little young for letting him cry it out. He may be teething and that is what is waking him up. Babies will have teething pain when the teeth are still below the surface of the gums. Try giving him some Tylenol if he wakes up and see if that helps.

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