Crazy Ex-Boyfriend!

Dear G.,

Bless you for being quick to catch on to what may be going on with your Ex. Go with your gut, if you think for any reason that he might harm your child you have to protect him. A mother is the best and most important advocate for her child. Chances are that if he hit you then he would be capable of hitting or shaking your baby. The disorientation and unusual behavior sounds like your baby my have been a victim of shaking.

This is very serious and you are going to have to stick to your guns and go fight to protect your son. I think in this situation if the visits are court mandated then you need to be sure they are court supervised at the very least until the sherif's investigation is complete. If the sherif proves that he is abusive I personally feel his visits should be terminated. A 5 month old has no way of protecting himself from an abusive parent.

For more help I suggest you contact CAPA:

Child Abuse Prevention Association - CAPA
503 E. 23rd Street
Independence, M0 64055
###-###-####
Fax: ###-###-####

As for "not being able to handle much more" I'm afraid that you have to step up and just do it. Being a single mother at 18 is not for the faint of heart. Not only are your still evolving into the young woman you will be you are having an crash course in parenting at the same time. I imagine this occasionally feels like a trial by fire for you. You have to remember the best steel is forged in fire. It makes is stronger, able to with stand incredible force and pressure. So, be strong for your son and proud of yourself.

God Bless,

J. N.

I think you need to ask for supervised visits with your baby's dad, not unsupervised.

This is a good example for women to see. I say women because we tend to be more gullable. People are the way they are, and a wedding or baby won't change a thing. You obviously found something in him you liked or you wouldn't have dated him for a year and a half, or maybe you just thought you could "fix" him. You're going to have to deal w/ him for 18 more years(unless you give your baby up for adoption which may be best for the baby), so I would be cautious on how you are handling this. Have you talked to him to see what happened? I don't understand why things would get worse if you told your friends and family. If he really is as bad as you say, then why would you not want the support of friends and family and why would they not support you?

my grandsons dad kidnapped him from his mom, she was young and trusting, when I got him back for her finally, (you cant hold back, do what you have to), the dad never got him back. When he had visitation he came home after each visit acting like a maniac, I dont know what they were doing, feeding junk and candy, it took days to get him back to normal. Anyway, I am raising my grandson and the dad has no parental rights, I had to fight him but it was worth it. I cant give you any advice except go with your instinct and protect that precious baby. Make sure you keep your mom involved and informed, she'll be a good resource and support for you

I can't imagine what you must be going through but I want you to know that you are amazing! Your son is going to grow up knowing that his mom worked hard to finish high school while working and taking care of him. Your example will speak volumnes to him and others. Good luck to you, your mom and your son!!!!!

Do you happen to have a good relationship with your ex's mom? I wonder if you could talk to her about your concerns, especially if he is not used to being around a baby. It's very frustrating to have a baby and some people can't handle the hard time, thus they shake the baby. It's very scary.

I found this website: http://shakenbaby.org/prevention/docs/sbbrochurebw.pdf

You might just print it off, tell your ex about some of your frustrations with caring for a crying baby, and tell him you found it helpful. That way it won't come across that you're blaming him for anything. Sometimes we women just have to go around the problem to solve the problem, know what I mean? You're a very young woman, so if you don't, you will learn! :) Also, do some more research - I'm sure there are several different websites or books about it. You might also check about renting or buying "Happiest Baby on the Block" for him to watch. It helps parents deal with crying babies.

I am very proud of you for doing what you did and going to the ER and calling the Sheriff's dept. Good going and NEVER be afraid to call the police (my hubby is a police detective and anything involving children really grabs their attention as cops). You really can't overreact when it comes to your little one.

I would also recommend talking to your mom, especially since the Sheriff's dept could pop in to come talk to you, so make sure she's aware of the situation. You need her support now more than ever. It sounds like she's an amazing woman, so I'm sure she only has your best interest at heart. Good luck with the ex and good luck with school! Hang in there.