Cranky, Clingy Unpleasant Baby:(

I'm not going to repeat all the other mamas in telling you she had a traumatic expierence, and needs extra bonding moments etc. I just wanted to suggest you put her in a sling or Ergo. This should calm her, let her be against you, and help her feel safe and comforted while allowing you to be hands free. I would respond to her need to be held as part of her recovery. Stay strong, sounds like you both have been through a lot.

I too think that she still needs comfort, love and patience maybe you need some help from family or friends so you the parents can get some sleep to then be patient with her until she goes back to her normal self. as a first time parent you just embark the boat of learning to be patient. good luck dear

try wearing her in a baby sling or baby bjorn when you are home. that way you can get things done & she gets to be close to you. babies want to know their people are there, especially after something so traumatic.

Hi, I have experienced stages of this with my now two year old. I always found out after it passes that it is times when she has been sick that she is the the most needy and whiny. It will pass! Your little baby just had surgery, give her time to adjust, comfort her, she is too little to understand why she is feeling the way she is. She needs you more right now. I know its frustrating but she can't vocalize whats bothering her so she cries, something is hurting or not feeling right and she is looking for your love and affection to help her feel better. Please be patient, she will grow so fast and you will miss it when she no longer wants to be held or needs you so much anymore.

K.,
It sounds like the surgery is what caused the shift. She may be dealing with the anxiety of all of it. Have you considered using a sling or wrap to keep her near you throughout the day? I actually sell them on my baby website (www.balterbaby.com). With a sling, you can keep her close to you while shopping or doing other things. This may be a solution for her to adjust to all the trauma of the surgery. Here is a link to an article on Babywearing for you to consider: http://www.balterbaby.com/a-articles/babywearing.htm

I hope this helps.
K.
www.balterbaby.com

1st I'll start by saying "bless your heart". Just remember that we have no idea what kind of discomfort she may be feeling also remember that pressure from holding her head down or all the way back could be causing additional discomfort so try sitting her up so that she can see you move about. Also try putting on some sofr soothing music so that even if it doesnt calm her it can keep you calm and soothed so that there no build up of frustrated energy for her to feel. You'd be supprised. I was pretty sick when I brought my daughter home so we didnt get to bond (it was almost like she disliked me - she was very unpleasant). She and i didnt bond until she was about 12mos. something in her (or me)just switched on during my last bout of illness and she's been mommas girl every since.

Just remember that you are the mom, you are in charge (dont feel terrorized and become reactive) and you are doing a great job because little people dont come with manuals and we're just creating the best scenarios for our children that we can:)

HI K.

I'm wondering if its possible that your daughter is "cutting teeth" (new teeth coming in). For her to cry this way must mean that she is uncomfortable in some way shape or form. The fact that she has had cleft surgery may be impacting her new growth (teeth). I would definitely follow up with your specialist until you get a clear cut answer as to why she may be crying so often. Have you tried motrin? If you have, does she seem to stay calm for at least a short period of time? If it does-this may be your answer to her questionable discomfort.
I work with a program called Babies Can't Wait-its an early intervention program for children with special needs, most of the babies in our program with cleft recieve occupational therapy and this would also be an excellent resource for your family concerns for your baby- especially if it turns out that this is stemming from her cleft palate/lip.
Hope this helps.
M. D

Hi K..

This sounds like separation anxiety. Most babies go through a phase like this...to varying degrees. My daughter was ok but my son was very difficult in this phase. The only thing I can suggest is trying to keep her near you with things to keep her occupied. Put her in the highchair while you are in the kitchen and give her some tupperware...or stack some on the floor so she can play next to you.

I know it's hard to hear 'this will pass'...because it seems like it will last forever. As she gets older, it will get better.

Hope this helps.
C., Mommy to:
Allison Skye 11/13/2003
Ryan Chase 7/5/2005

K.,
Sorry to hear that your little one had to have such major surgery. Glad to hear that she seems to be reoovering well :)

I don't know if this will help, but I experienced (and read) that children around 6 months and 1 year go through seperation anxiety - where they are needier and clingier than usual. I'm sure it didn't help that your child had major surgery and had to be restrained for a while :( Talk to your ped about it, despite how hard it is to do try to give her more hugs and kisses than before the surgery. Play with her in the floor - not holding her but sitting very close to her- sometimes this will help ease the transition when you get up to make dinner, answer the phone, go to the bathroom, etc.

Godd luck :)

This happened to me with my second child.....he was on formula and cried all the time. One night I broke his last bottle and had to give him whole milk. He slept all night and from then on slept all night....as it turned out he was hungry and could not tell me anyother way. Since the baby can not eat anything solid...put food in a blender and feed that way and make sure they do not have much sugar.....that changes the mood of children. The less sugar and white bread, drinks (especially sugary juices) the better. A baby has to be hungry or hurting some way to cry that much, unless they are quiet while you hold them....then they may be spoiled and just have to cry it out sometime. I know how you feel and still remember it 43 years later. Pray a lot and ask the Lord what to do. D.

have you tried talking to her about her experience with her surgery- just the kind of phrases like, i am sorry honey- i know your surgery hurt and it scared you- it scared me and dad too- i know it hurt- and i know you don't understand why it happened. we love you- we want to help you feel good again- we want to protect you.

think about what she has gone thru- the pain- the hospital experience- the tied down arms- the pain- the fear- the separation- she is having some post traumatic issues that need to be resolved with lots of holding- touching- comforting- it will take time- but she needs your love more than ever.

Kristin,

Being a first time mom can be one of the toughest jobs there is. We've all been there.

In a "Normal" situation, I would say that you are probably doing everything correctly. Sometimes babies just cry, and no matter how hard we try to calm and soote them, we just have to set them in the crib, or playpen and take a breather. There's nothing wroing with that.

What I'm curious about is the fact that this started after her surgery. IS she still on any medication for pain, or anitbiotics, or anything? SOmetimes babies and small children (And even adults) react oddly when they're on medication. Also, I know you said you don't think she's in any pain, but she may be extremely uncomfortable. After a sergery on a cleft pallet, she's probably getting used to a whole new sensation around her mouth and nose?

I don't know much about your situation, but it couldn't hurt to have her checked out by the pediatrician, ot a surgical follow up...

I am sure others will respond with other answers regarding this age group but I'll give you a little info from others I've observed after surgery. I used to work with the elderly. After a surgery many times the resident definitely had personality changes due to the anesthesia. I even saw it in my mother last summer when she had surgery and changed to someone I didn't recognize (and didn't like, even friends commented about the change). The good news is, it wore off and they all returned to their normal selves. It took longer for some than for others but they did all come around. All this said, have you checked with her doctor about all of this just to rule out an underlying problem? Also, she may just be scared because of everything she has been through. My son was ill for several months starting at age 13 months. Due to all of the needles, being restrained for x-rays, etc. he became very needy. Once all of the pocking and prodding stopped and he was well he was fine. Maybe, once she gets the stitches out, which are a reminder of all she has been through, she will be able to calm down.
I've given you a multiple of things to consider, all of which end with her being able to go back to being a secure young girl. Again though, I'd check with the doctor to be sure.
I pray everything will turn out well. Take care.

Kristin,

I knew a mom in Tucker who had several children with cleft pallette. Some or all were adopted. I wish I could remember her name to give you.

What I'm getting at is, I think you should call your doctor and see if there's a good support group he/she can recommend, or another patient family who is willing to be contacted without breaking any doctor/patient confidentiality rules. I think it's so helpful to talk to someone who has been where you are or is going through what you're going through. Your daughters issues may be unrelated to her surgery, but it might be nice to meet some people in the same boat as you.

Other than that, see if you and your spouse can find ways to help one another get the respite you need. You can't fulfill the needs of your child until your cup is full.

S.

K.,

They never talk about THIS part of motherhood, do they? Well, you are not alone in feeling that your child is unpleasant. There could be several reasons why but first I just really want to let you know that motherhood is not always wonderful.

First, I recommend you speak with your daughter's doctor. Tell her/him exactly what you told us on your request. She/he might have some insight for you.

Second, I recommend you read (library should have it) Dr. Sears' books on babies and/or John Rosemond. I don't agree with EVERYTHING these men talk about but for me they're usually right on target.

Third, I want to share that I believe that needy children have needs that are not being met. I also believe that everyone has a limit! So, here' s my advice: Give your daughter your undivided attention for five minutes every hour. My experience is that when I've done that with my kids, they've left me alone. Just giving five minutes every hour for a while will net you some freedom! BUT IT HAS TO BE 100% ATTENTION ON HER FOR THAT FIVE MINUTES. Babies are smart and they know if we're looking at the computer or tv instead of them.

Good luck!

S.

I went through the same thing not to long ago, my daugter is now 13 months and it is getting a little better. I asked my doctor about this and asked if she was sick or in pain of any kind and she said something that scared me!!! She said that around 6 months kids tend to develop a clingy behavior and it can last some times until they are two!!! I thought there is no way I can handle this all the time holding her and staying right by her side. But now she is getting a little better with it so hang in there it is a just a phase...unfortunatly it may last a little longer than we would like it to.

Well, calm down. She has been through some trauma and the only way babies get what they want is by crying for it. She needs extra love and comfort! She will be fine and she will grow into a healthy child...she is a healthy child, she is just like all of us in the world. When we are blue or in pain we need a little more of whatever makes us feel better. In her case loving and holding does.
You should call the nurse at your Drs office and explain this. She may have a bit of pain they coud help her manage. Also, she has lost weight, then she is hugry. Ask the Dr if you can make her smoothies and she can eat with a spoon or straw. Less painful than some foods and really yummy.
good luck!

SHE'S PROBABLY REEAAALLLY HUNGRY!!! Make sure that she is getting enough to eat. Maybe soft foods that she can also eat herself, because I assume she has been able to eat foods like that before and feed herself. What about very filling food like cereal and the cereal that we all put in their bottles when they start to get a little older...
That, and she most likely had extra attention after her surgery, and reverted back to like she was when she was a baby... kind of like forgetting her independance. Remember when you brought her home and she was little and had to learn that you wouldn't be picking her up every time she cried a little? Just do the same thing again... And EVERYONE puts their baby to bed and allows them to cry. A mom knows the difference between the 'i need you right now for a reason' cry and the 'i am now in bed' or the 'i know you will pick me up' cry. Respond to her more when she comes to you when she is not crying, and when she cries, just tell her that when she calms down, you will get her. I know it sounds a little grown up, but kids know what we mean. She definately sees a reaction from you, and aparantly she likes to get what she wants like most kids
Just make sure when you take her to the doctor (and if you havn't lately, I certainly would make an apt) that you tell them about it, and make sure that she is not in any pain and that something is not wrong.
I imagine that having your arms tied down is pretty traumatic, and that must have sucked for her very much. But when she cried when her poor little arms were tied, you most likely responded immediately and almost all of the time. Kids remember that stuff. I cry... I get what I want. It may take her a bit of time to remember whose the boss and when it is and is not ok to cry her little heart out. Just turn your ears to ignore mode unless you hear one of the 'special' cries. If you do not have ignore mode on your ears yet, you'd better find it soon! Especially for when she's older, and DEFINATELY when she becomes a 'bitching teenager!!!'

Well, for one thing, any time there's a major milestone happening with a baby, they're probably going to be a little "needier" than usual, and this is with milestones you can't see (in the brain) as well as those you can. I think it's pretty common for babies around this age to go through a similar phase.

HOWEVER! Your daughter has just been through a traumatic event, with the surgery and the changes in her world afterwards (arms restrained, etc). This is a BIG deal for a little person, and she's probably unsure as to whether her world is going to get rocked again. Babies have no life experience, so change can be unsettling for them, because they have no basis to know whether things are going to change again.

If it were my baby, I'd go ahead and give her extra lovies during this time, reassure her that everything's ok, and be patient with her growing out of it.

No advice. I just wanted to tell you to keep your chin up and let you know that crankiness in all babies is normal. It may or may not have anything to do with her surgery. My son is fine for a few months, then gets clingy again, then wants nothing to do with me, then is independent little man again. Who knows, but all we can do is try to practice a little patience with them, show them love and tolerance, and give her more when she needs more sometimes.

Good luck to you and your daughter.

Hello K., I can easily feel your frustration by reading your note; hang in there, this phase will come and pass like it never happened. The most important think to remember is that your beautiful daughter is not intentionally trying to frustrate you.

She might be hungry, you mentioned she is on a liquid diet, is she getting a wholesome balanced meal and enough of it?

I will be more than happy to do a nutritional analysis for you if you send me a list of what you feed her in a day.

I strongly believe she might be hungry and is using the only communicating method she has to tell you, the more frustrated you get the more agitated your baby gets, so try and stay calm.
I prayed a lot when my son was younger and always asked God to give me the Grace and sanity to be excessively patient with him
Cheers
www.yummyspoonfuls.com

Hi K.,

Yes, I absolutely know that the effects are from the surgery! Anesthesia always affects anyone, especially the small and the elderly. There can be long term effects but usually not if you get her on a good diet (no perservatives, i.e. chemicals) and a good vitamin regimine to help her build her immune system to fight everything off. (I personally would go farther and get all the chemicals out of the house) Think of how cranky you get from just a little discomfort once a month. Imagine not being able to reason it thru. I know you're tired, believe me I KNOW, but hold her as much as possible. I have seen a lot of effects from anesthesia as I was a kid that was "doctored" almost to death. My sister and my mother had recognizable reactions to anesthesia also and doctors tend to forget to tell you about that before the surgery. Google it for verification but know that as my dear mama always said, "This too shall pass!"

I hope all gets better soon and I'll be praying for your little one....and you!

M.